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Author Topic:   Compulsive Sexual Relationship // Synastry Analysis
IndigoDirae
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Posts: 3314
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted July 14, 2014 05:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So, I'm seeking some colleague assistance here. I've been debating on posting this for a few months now, as I'm pretty baffled. (I tossed in a handful of skyrocks I knew were configured, and a few which would seem to have relevance.)

For the past several months (closing on a year) I've had what's very likely the most dynamically bizarre sexual relationship -- in my life.

Karma plays a huge role -- of that, I'm convinced. We're close friends and colleagues, with a sexual rapport which I can only think to describe as compulsive. It's as if we feel a need to maintain an outlet for fear of the consequences of failing to do so.

We've been friends for the last four years, starting out working together. When the mutual tension began to impede our performance, we made the bold move to handle it like calm, mature individuals. It led to a casual exploration of a physical relationship with a duration of approximately six months. I was firm in my disinclination that it should involve sexual relations, and he was in perfect compliance.

I didn't realise it then, but I swear that's what prompted me to reconsider the terms of our arrangement -- two years later. A year ago, I'd suddenly come to decide that I was ready to undertake such a daunting prospect; I wanted to explore the multifaceted things which terrified me -- in spite of the fear. I think it's due to his respectful, exemplary handling of my wishes. After all, we've maintained a close friendship throughout and have a genuinely caring, affectionate and deep rapport. We love each other, truly -- but aren't in love with one another. (Which is perfectly fine with me! I don't suspect it's any less ideal for him.)

But it has hardly been a rose-strewn path.

The actual physics, shall we say, of the relationship are ... strange. Ironically, we've managed a deeper intimacy than I think either of us ever thought we could manage -- because of it. We're honest about it -- our mutual inability to let go of ourselves long enough to even approach whatever this 'the moment' business is of which others speak; highly, too.

Maybe that's why we keep trying. But there are times, like now, it's very tempting to just ... give up.

The man is quite the train wreck, emotionally and psychologically speaking. But I guess that's 'just my type'; you'd think so from my actions, decisions, and choices.

I wonder if there's something in our synastry which shows this strange compulsion to be intimate -- and, the only way we seem to truly manage it, is through sex. Anything else is, as my husband says, 'too rational'. We both need something that's the sheer antithesis of reason and control. Something purely illogical. THAT's where we find ourselves tested. I can't say we've been all that successful with it, though.

What do you guys think? What's this compulsion between us?

Do we even have enough to stick it out and make real progress -- or will the fear get the better of us both?

I should add that this is the only sexual relationship he's had, in his lifetime; prior to that, a college fling and a single encounter. Until now, it had been over a decade -- nearly two.

This is the first I've had (involving actual sex) since 2010. (Ohhh, there are reasons -- but it's a bit much to get into just now.)

Thanks for having a look -- if you do.

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Astro keen
Knowflake

Posts: 2120
From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012

posted July 14, 2014 06:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Indigo,

I'm confused. What impact does this have or has had on your marriage? Or relationship with your TF?

Is your marriage an open one - which could have many interpretations.

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IndigoDirae
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Posts: 3314
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted July 14, 2014 06:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just had a thought. My NESSUS is 24° CAN, which is on his DEJANIRA, 24° CAN as well. This is in his 8H. His 7H NESSUS squares my ASC, 0°, my VENUS 2°, conjunct my MC 1°. My DEJA is opposite his EROS, 2° -- (5H) also conjunct his SNODE, 3°.

That may be playing a role.

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IndigoDirae
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Posts: 3314
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted July 14, 2014 06:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Astro keen:
Indigo,

I'm confused. What impact does this have or has had on your marriage? Or relationship with your TF?

Is your marriage an open one - which could have many interpretations.


No impact, to be honest. If anything, he's helped me rebuild myself after my Twin slaughtered what was left of my self-esteem.

The dynamics I have with my husband are very different. We are open, but also in an alternative lifestyle where I'm the one to call the shots, romantically and in sexual matters. He's submissively oriented. Conversely, my friend is not. His dominance is understated, but very present in our relational dynamics. It's something which frightened me -- at first. Over time, I've come to allow myself to explore some level of vulnerability -- differently from my husband.

He (my husband) has a lot of rage we've had to work through. For years, I felt very unsafe and unable to give myself over to him in an intimate capacity. We've worked very hard to improve our communication and intimacy.

Honestly, what he wishes most is that my friend would stop feeling so ashamed of anything remotely having to do with sex, and consider being open to sharing experiences. My husband is very comfortable with sex. We're not. It's a strange dynamic in that regard.

He helps us both to not be quite so hung up, but it's a journey. One we're both apparently stumbling on.

We once contemplated how it'd be if he were seeing his ex-girlfriend again -- one with whom I'm good friends. We realised we'd all have an amusing time talking about how it went with them. She's very open and communicative in that respect, too.

But my friend? Oh, no. He's horrified. No matter what you do, he has a deep-seated shame, stemming from his early childhood and dysfunctional family dynamics. Like many of his parents' generation, sex was simply not something you acknowledged -- and, if it was had, it was treated with religious reverence or total disdain.

He's contending with a lot there. Then you toss my own issues (past abuse and the like) onto the pyre, and you've got quite the conflagration.

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Astro keen
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Posts: 2120
From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012

posted July 14, 2014 07:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for explaining. It's not entirely clear given the complexity, but less confusing now.

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starmoon
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Posts: 1262
From:
Registered: Sep 2011

posted July 14, 2014 02:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for starmoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i would just attribute it all to house overlays. that stellium hitting the 12th and the moon falling into the 8th are both indicative of what you're explaining the relationship to be. you don't really need to analyze this one too much to see the connection. looks more like an eventual friendship than great love though...

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arcturiann
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From: Titan
Registered: Jun 2013

posted July 14, 2014 08:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for arcturiann     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
mars conjunct lilith/pluto/sun in libra! that spells out compulsive sexual relationship to me

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Wild Horses
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Posts: 241
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Registered: Jul 2012

posted July 14, 2014 08:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Wild Horses     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by arcturiann:
mars conjunct lilith/pluto/sun in libra! that spells out compulsive sexual relationship to me

Yeah, I think His Mars-Lilith sitting right on your Pluto is a huge part of it.

Also, his AC is EXACTLY on your Lust! That's a biggie.

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Wild Horses
Knowflake

Posts: 241
From:
Registered: Jul 2012

posted July 14, 2014 08:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Wild Horses     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There's some beautiful stuff going on in this synastry.

That grand trine with your Neptune, his Moon falling in your 8th, and his Venus falling in your 12th. That sounds dreamy.

Your Moon and Mercury conj. his Neptune in his 12th. With your Uranus involved, too, that can be very telepathic and empathic. The fact that it's in Scorpio only deepens it. On top of that, it's trining his Mercury.

There's just a lot of beautiful looking stuff in this synastry, as well as the super hot stuff.


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IndigoDirae
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Posts: 3314
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted July 15, 2014 06:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, everyone, for your insightful responses. It's been a rather hectic month; I apologise for the delays. This is something that's weighed periodically heavily on my mind.

I concur that the LILITH-MARS / SUN-BML-PLUTO can be a very compulsive combination. Add into it, opposition from MOON-BML-NYMPHE-EROS -- you've certainly got something that just might tip the scales.

And, like you stated, Wild Horses -- there's some truly lovely energy here. Most definitely telepathic and very aethereal. I noticed that immediately.

Have I mentioned we're both on the asexuality spectrum?

He was 17 years celibate; I was going on 4. This is the real root of why I classified it as a compulsion. It's as if we're not driven by the typical motivations to interact on a sexual level. And it was frankly a VERY complex, inconsistent thing spanning about six months -- and starting with a dare.

Yes. A dare. On Thanksgiving, no less, when he joined my husband and I at my husband's ex-girlfriend's family's home, as we've all remained good friends. Really, it was a casual conversation between she and the hostess (her mother) after the three of us left following the lovely occasion.

The determination was: both he and I are utterly hopeless (especially him) and actualising a sexual relationship is beyond our capabilities. We're too proper, too staid, too tightly wound and over-controlled. (We oddly bring out Saturnine / Venusian qualities in each other.)

The assumption was, we'll likely maintain being affectionate and flirt with the notion of sexual relations -- never quite getting there, for the reasons above; neither of us would ever be so bold or forthright enough to actually propose them.

However, of what she was not privy was that something HAD happened, approximately one month prior, just before Hallowe'en. Our usual time spent together took a sudden and dramatic turn.

He'd concluded I was the one for whom he'd been searching, and, despite the crazy circumstances, we wanted to let things unfold. (My husband was fully aware of it -- just surprised. Like his ex, he was equally convinced it'd stay the nature it was: affectionate, but not sexual.

I can safely say it was the first time in which we both gave into the moment, and lost ourselves within it. The first time (and oddly last) we experienced a rush of passion -- were engaging entirely new dimensions of our personalities with each other. I was absolutely floored. He was really taken aback, too.

Here's that Event:

A few things are immediately of note:

• SUN exactly on DSC and conjunct KARMA and NNODE-LUST

• SNODE conjunct AMOR rising

• 8R (JUPITER) on IC

• PRIAPUS conjunct VENUS (chartruler) in 8H square 5H EROS-VESTA

• Packed 7H: SUN, KARMA, NNODE, LUST, SATURN, MERC

• JUNO squares the 7H stellium from 10H (We weren't yet sure how this would impact our professional relationship.)

• MOON conjunct NYMPHE on 5C from 4H

• VALENTINE trine VERTEX

• SUN-KARMA-NNODE trine NEP-CHIRON

• Intercepted 12H

These are interesting connexions, and, I have to say, in hindsight, synonymous with what he'd said it was: the resumption of our previous relationship from 2010.

I'm not sure what to make of the intercepted 12H -- outside of MARS being the 12R, and in the 5H. It was important that we treated it as on a 'need-to-know' basis; most didn't. Those who should, do. Otherwise, we're very private about it.

Now, it had been a month since our first (and, then, only) encounter of its kind. While we intended to continue moving forward very slowly and cautiously, monitoring the situation and how our relationship was impacting my marriage, (overall beneficially, bringing a much greater intimacy, we would learn) the whole thing got thrown a sense of weird urgency with the 'challenging' mentality.

He's a lunar Aries, after all -- with EROS and NYMPHE there. That all opposes my natal SUN-PLUTO-BML, which is conjunct his MARS-LILITH.

It would just take the right transits. I'll share those next.

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Blind writer
Knowflake

Posts: 137
From: Texas, USA
Registered: May 2012

posted July 15, 2014 06:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Blind writer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think I've mentioned this before, but his 2R is SATURN, and with his 8H SUN, he's naturally inclined to reticence and conservatism on the subject of morality, particularly in respect to himself and personal issues (SATURN + CHIRON in 4H), despite a need to shine in 8H matters. Your SUN "ignites" his MARS/MOON opp. Remember, that Arian MOON is his 8R.

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IndigoDirae
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Posts: 3314
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted July 18, 2014 12:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Blind writer:
I think I've mentioned this before, but his 2R is SATURN, and with his 8H SUN, he's naturally inclined to reticence and conservatism on the subject of morality, particularly in respect to himself and personal issues (SATURN + CHIRON in 4H), despite a need to shine in 8H matters. Your SUN "ignites" his MARS/MOON opp. Remember, that Arian MOON is his 8R.

... aaaand his 2R (SATURN) is the one that's hanging out with his ATROPOS. In my 8H.

Ohhhh, boy.

I KNEW it was all connected -- I could just feel it. Thank you for showing me how!

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