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Author
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Topic: Having a really bad day
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HappyLoewe
Knowflake Posts: 75
From:
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted July 28, 2014 08:36 AM
  
I dated someone for 7 years and we broke for good approx. 15 months ago. We both went on and did other things, etc. However, I still check his twitter and instagram accounts to see what he is doing. We don't talk or communicate at all. Earlier in the month, I started following him on instagram overnight and he just totally ignored it and started following another girl so I stopped following him. He is now following a gorgeous girl (a model and I got her DOB from Google) and I am really upset because their moons are in the same sign. I don't know why this particular point has sent me over the edge but it has. I move on and tell myself that I've moved on and then I feel dragged back into it again. I've got no power over this situation. I meet other guys but I just can't quite get anything off the ground. How can I break this obsessive habit? Any tips/insights gratefully received. Thanks HLIP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 14276
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted July 28, 2014 08:49 AM
First of I am sorry to hear you suffer that much.
However, if you really want to move on, you have to stop following him or reading his twitter/facebook etc.
You are apparently not ready to read it in a neutral way, where it does not affect you emotionally so much.
I know though that this is probably very difficult and hard to do, to break this habit.
But I fear until you can do that, you have not really moved on. You have broken up, and as it seems there is no reconciliation on the horizon, so he eventually will get into another relationship. And probably the best you can do is detach yourself from the situation and getting too much information about his life nowadays, when you are not really part of it anymore. On the other hand I fully understand how hard this must be, and maybe you dont´feel it is possible to do right now. But Ido believe it is the only way for you to move on with YOUR life as well. Cause he apparently has.  IP: Logged |
HappyLoewe
Knowflake Posts: 75
From:
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted July 28, 2014 09:00 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
First of I am sorry to hear you suffer that much.
However, if you really want to move on, you have to stop following him or reading his twitter/facebook etc.
You are apparently not ready to read it in a neutral way, where it does not affect you emotionally so much.
I know though that this is probably very difficult and hard to do, to break this habit.
But I fear until you can do that, you have not really moved on. You have broken up, and as it seems there is no reconciliation on the horizon, so he eventually will get into another relationship. And probably the best you can do is detach yourself from the situation and getting too much information about his life nowadays, when you are not really part of it anymore. On the other hand I fully understand how hard this must be, and maybe you dont´feel it is possible to do right now. But Ido believe it is the only way for you to move on with YOUR life as well. Cause he apparently has.
Thanks Ceridwen. Yes, I agree. I need to stop checking his social media to see what he is doing and wanting to be part of his life again. Deep down I know that we didn't work and it would probably be the same thing again. I need to control my jealousy and ease on down the road doing stuff that makes me happy. All the effort I put into keeping tabs on him, I should redirect into meeting new people and making my life interesting. I knew the day would come when he fell in love with someone else and I am just gonna have to swallow it. Its time to grow up and stop spitting out my dummy  IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 14276
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted July 28, 2014 09:03 AM
You are great, you know that?
Yes, that is exactly it. Funny how easy for the mind to know and for the heart to follow this advice, isn`t it?  IP: Logged |
HappyLoewe
Knowflake Posts: 75
From:
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted July 28, 2014 09:07 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
You are great, you know that?
Yes, that is exactly it. Funny how easy for the mind to know and for the heart to follow this advice, isn`t it?
Thank you, you are very kind I will kick the habit but just needed a bit of hand-holding to deal with it all. I will pull myself up and go forth and start enjoying life again IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 14276
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted July 28, 2014 09:16 AM
That is great  IP: Logged |
Selenite
Knowflake Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted July 28, 2014 04:17 PM
Yes, you'll get through it!
I have gone through the same things. We break up and stay 'connected' and the smallest detail sends you down a spiral. In my case, I've had to cut them out completely, even if we were on good terms. It's too painful. I don't even have social media anymore. One day I realized the people I had done the heartbreaking with were reaching for crumbs, just like I was.
And so it's better for everyone to drop off the face of the Earth. So much happier now - out of sight out of mind. And you'll cut contact with fond memories of the other instead of off-putting ones. IP: Logged |
fireopal09
Knowflake Posts: 449
From: Dallas,TX, Us
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted July 28, 2014 08:04 PM
15 months is not that far out after 7 years. When my now ex husband dumped me, I was shell shocked for quite a while afterwards. You are not ready to be friends yet. This flies in the face of conventional wisdom, but I think about the bad parts of the relationship after it ends. Crush those rose tinted spectacles. This speeds up the healing & opens you to YOUR possibilities. Still, there are going to bad days. It really is a grieving process. <3------------------
Claire
"When going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
-HST IP: Logged |
HappyLoewe
Knowflake Posts: 75
From:
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted July 28, 2014 08:12 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Selenite:
Yes, you'll get through it!
I have gone through the same things. We break up and stay 'connected' and the smallest detail sends you down a spiral. In my case, I've had to cut them out completely, even if we were on good terms. It's too painful. I don't even have social media anymore. One day I realized the people I had done the heartbreaking with were reaching for crumbs, just like I was.
And so it's better for everyone to drop off the face of the Earth. So much happier now - out of sight out of mind. And you'll cut contact with fond memories of the other instead of off-putting ones.
Thanks. It's seeing the evidence that they have moved on and are meeting amazing people that they have potential with. I don't wish him anything but good but I know that I got away with alot in that relationship and I feel guilty about the way I behaved. I've suddenly realised I can't control or manipulate him anymore and it's hit me hard. I will HAVE to cut him out completely, like you did, and get my act together, which I will, and make space for someone new. IP: Logged |
HappyLoewe
Knowflake Posts: 75
From:
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted July 28, 2014 08:19 PM
quote:
Originally posted by fireopal09:
15 months is not that far out after 7 years. When my now ex husband dumped me, I was shell shocked for quite a while afterwards. You are not ready to be friends yet. This flies in the face of conventional wisdom, but I think about the bad parts of the relationship after it ends. Crush those rose tinted spectacles. This speeds up the healing & opens you to YOUR possibilities. Still, there are going to bad days. It really is a grieving process. <3
I think I do have to crush my rose-tinted specs and remember all the things which went wrong, and there were quite a few. It's a bad day because I've realised quite a few things which have woken me up to what we did and did not have. He is not the be all and end all and, in reality, never was. I think I am a control freak and like to pick things up and drop them off when I want. I will heal and make myself a good future
IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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