posted August 12, 2014 03:33 PM            

In my adolescence, I was stalked in repetition by a restless, angry individual later determined to be a soul-fragment: a warped, dangerous, Shadow version of myself which I'd excised during a period of great personal tragedy.

At the time, I was much younger and embarking upon my scientific journey; a long, winding path of self-revelation and discovery awaited me. I couldn't endure the 'weight'. I cast off the darkness as an act of necessity. Nothing more.

I never learnt why she was so filled with rage, and literally attacking me at every turn. I eventually grew tired of the constant barrage -- the toll it took upon my waking hours, the consequences of the continuous onslaught -- and took matters into my own hands.

I was fourteen when I first felt the sensation of driving a knife through one's skull. I'll never forget it, either, as long as I live. It was traumatic. Haunted me.

But she was gone.

Now, she's back. Older. Wiser. Worse. Rage has turned to pure diabolism, and her mask is plastered on tight. She's able to transform herself into whatever guise, shade, or mirage is desired.

Except for me. She's never been able to hide herself from me. Conversely, she has the uncanny ability of forcing me into a position I desperately try to avoid: one that exposes who and what I am. Which makes me play the hand I feel I'm not ready to play. Which now, I HAVE to, because otherwise, she'll win.

My mother described her first psychic battle, with an old Native American medicine man who had betrayed his tribe and was haunting one of her clients, as 'hours and hours of circling and taunting'. I never quite understood it until now.

We've yet to meet, here, on Earth, but her influence has been pervasive and clear. While I refuse to give her the satisfaction, honesty is what's most crucial here. I've been feeling crazy -- delusional -- since late evening, when it started. REALLY started.

I feel stuck, and torn. Then, it didn't matter. Then, it was about morality; not wanting to be someone capable of such violence -- even if it was the ONLY option I had. Now, it's about doing harm to someone I love, who's a part of my cosmic DNA -- even if it's about stopping an addiction. But it feels as much of a part of his destiny as it feels that he's merely a pawn in the larger game. I don't even know what's what anymore. And THAT's what she wants.

However, she truly has underestimated who she's dealing with. It's been nearly two decades since we last 'met'. I've learnt more about myself than I could begin to articulate. She's just a vestigial lost soul from a time when I lacked self-definition. I'd have pity, if I didn't also lack such respect for her, given the actions she's taken.

I just don't know what my next move is. Until then -- Grimshaw.

SYNASTRY:

posted August 12, 2014 05:13 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
I don't understand, is this a person or a spirit and who is the ppl or is it time periods represented in the charts?

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Lol I was wondering the same.

posted August 12, 2014 05:17 PM            

Gabby, she's making me feel a little crazy. Having a soul 'with a mind of its own', I've been acquainted with the many temporal paths an essence can take.

My presumption is that she's a walk-in of some form. I don't have enough data and I limit my contact. Since she's set her sights upon one for whom my soul screams, 'that's my brother!', I've felt crazy. She presents herself to him as the dark negative of me -- my Shadow. What he didn't know is that she's a (tin inpunded) dead ringer for the teenage dark energy which pursued me in the astral / dreamstate on several occasions. I thought she was a Jungian archetype or quantum emanation -- until I saw her photo.

Her 'new passion' is all-things-astral. But it feels like 'old times' to me. I also had a sudden, spontaneous and VERY intense experience I can only liken to a recall. It was clear: he died of an overdose after returning to their addictive, self-destructive relationship. I was his actual biological sister, and was too wrapped up in my job to keep fighting against his insistence to be with her.

My last words to him were over the phone: 'fine, if you want to f*ck up your life, go. Just GO. I'm tired of having to be responsible for you. All you are is a liability to me. Go! Throw away your life! Whatever! I don't care anymore! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!'

I hear it echoing in my head like it just happened. It felt either late '60s or early '70s. They were hard drugs. She was a lost soul and had him absolutely hooked. Irony is, his death (and her subsequent disappearance) sent me into such a tailspin, I became the liability. Hunting her down became my sole aspiration -- my obsession. I was primed for vengeance and became so reckless -- I missed vital, crucial elements -- and lost everything.

On a soul level, I see her as the chaotic force that toppled the whole line of dominoes. She was the initial impetus.

I've been sketchy about karma. I can always convince myself out of it; but this? This overwhelmed me. This had me bursting into tears and questioning if I've finally lost it.

posted August 12, 2014 05:19 PM              

I know someone with mercury conjunct neptune, and they are the same.

If it is the case indigo, then can you please elaborate a bit more? I know it's boring to just tell the point. I understand as a fellow pisces ascendant.

But I can't understand the point of the story.

But I enjoyed reading it.

Btw, you can write a good novel. You can be a good author.

posted August 12, 2014 05:26 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Yeah, I hate that, too. The aspect lines. It'll auto-draw them, so let me take care of that. Mea culpa.

Gabby, she's making me feel a little crazy. Having a soul 'with a mind of its own', I've been acquainted with the many temporal paths an essence can take.

My presumption is that she's a walk-in of some form. I don't have enough data and I limit my contact. Since she's set her sights upon one for whom my soul screams, 'that's my brother!', I've felt crazy. She presents herself to him as the dark negative of me -- my Shadow. What he didn't know is that she's a (tin inpunded) dead ringer for the teenage dark energy which pursued me in the astral / dreamstate on several occasions. I thought she was a Jungian archetype or quantum emanation -- until I saw her photo.

Her 'new passion' is all-things-astral. But it feels like 'old times' to me. I also had a sudden, spontaneous and VERY intense experience I can only liken to a recall. It was clear: he died of an overdose after returning to their addictive, self-destructive relationship. I was his actual biological sister, and was too wrapped up in my job to keep fighting against his insistence to be with her.

My last words to him were over the phone: 'fine, if you want to f*ck up your life, go. Just GO. I'm tired of having to be responsible for you. All you are is a liability to me. Go! Throw away your life! Whatever! I don't care anymore! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!'

I hear it echoing in my head like it just happened. It felt either late '60s or early '70s. They were hard drugs. She was a lost soul and had him absolutely hooked. Irony is, his death (and her subsequent disappearance) sent me into such a tailspin, I became the liability. Hunting her down became my sole aspiration -- my obsession. I was primed for vengeance and became so reckless -- I missed vital, crucial elements -- and lost everything.

On a soul level, I see her as the chaotic force that toppled the whole line of dominoes. She was the initial impetus.

I've been sketchy about karma. I can always convince myself out of it; but this? This overwhelmed me. This had me bursting into tears and questioning if I've finally lost it.

I'll post the new aspect-lines-free chart.

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Okay, let's try to decode the pisces way of explanation:

I still don't understand if she's a real person or not. Is she a real person? And does the fact that she represents your shadow self means that, she has the revenge and anger in her that you're trying to suppress? Do you feel guilty about something and you believe that she's trying to make you pay for your debts? x

posted August 12, 2014 05:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MiaPluto:
I see why you talk in riddles, Indigo. If you're the pisces one. They tend to have a good imagination and very good at story telling. They talk in riddles and they don't tell things straight-forwardly. They like to create suspense.

I know someone with mercury conjunct neptune, and they are the same.

If it is the case indigo, then can you please elaborate a bit more? I know it's boring to just tell the point. I understand as a fellow pisces ascendant.

But I can't understand the point of the story.

But I enjoyed reading it.

Btw, you can write a good novel. You can be a good author.

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posted August 12, 2014 05:40 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I have to be vague, Mia. Also, I'm the Libran. One of my trades is creative professional. So, I do write for a living, too. In this case, I'm trying to be ... discreet.

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posted August 12, 2014 05:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MiaPluto:
Do you feel guilty about something and you believe that she's trying to make you pay for your debts? x

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She's keying into a particular karmic debt which I DO feel is essential to clear or understand. Even if it's troubling to see how many have betrayed you at one time or another.

But I don't sacrifice family for job. I DO, however, keep a safe distance from my emotions, and I'm seeing a repetitive theme amongst the soulmates I have in my present incarnation. I see how some have gotten stuck in a single role, playing it in many forms, and why this has obsessed me creatively since my latter teens. I also see how some have been more 'recurring' characters to play pivotal parts and then exit the stage.

My initial apprehension and violent response to her likely stems from the outstanding karma. But she feels older to me than the one incarnation I'm currently 'aware' we've shared. She feels like a 'literal' fragment I had to discard. Which plays havoc with my present cosmology; I've never contemplated whether soulmates can absorb into one another -- or, conversely, break apart from.

Instead, she may just be angry. Just an angry, rage-filled individual who hated me on sight because of the karma. Who mirrors the Shadow side of myself by coincidence rather than design. She may have attacked me because she lost him. She may not have realised I lost him, too.

Who knows anything? After awhile, it all becomes a confusing jumble of symbols, archetypes and metaphors.

posted August 12, 2014 06:18 PM              

Also her mercury conjunct your south node means you may have been sisters/neighbours in past life. Her thoughts about you are not nice. She has bad intentions.

Even though she's a pisces, her mars is conjunct her sun. And people wil mars/sun conjunction need a reason to fight, take a challenge. It's in her nature to fight.

With her lilith conjunct your karma, it seems like she's meant to be heartless towards you. She won't think before doing something bad with you.

The mars and uranus conjunction looks dangerous. She can do unexpected harm to you. I would be extremely cautious and lock all my doors if she was in the same city/town.

Summarizing everything, I think that you don't need her in life. Whatever karma you think it is, I don't believe that there are any debts you have to pay for, even if you feel guilty because south node means something you need to let go, and with her nemesis with your moira and south node, I think that she doesn't need to be in your life with her enmity and revenge anymore.

Looking at the composite chart, I see that all the planets are north.

This means it's something private between you two.

Vertex and nemesis are conjunct. It just confirms the same thing.

Sun conjunct neptune - You both need to open your eyes and stop looking at the past. The old memories that haunt you both. You need to move on. Neptune here is a challenge. You both may be delusional and believe in something that isn't true.

I think you believe that she is your karma and that you need to pay the debts. But I think you're wrong.

South node conjunct descendant/north node conjunct ascendant: You guys need to stop seeing each other and just focus with your own life and self. You both may tend to come back again, but it's not the right thing to do.

I would personally stay away from this person and shoo her away from my life.

There was once a wise person who said:

"He's climbin' in yo windows, he's snatchin' yo people up, tryin' to rape 'em. So y'all need to hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband."

- Antoine Dodson.

posted August 12, 2014 06:25 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Heh. Ohhhh, Mia; if that's an example of your fiction at this age, you're going to have a very interesting life, indeed. Just be cautious. Sometimes the best thing you can do is let the craziness come to you.

Consider it advice from one who's been dragged through the Underworld and now contemplates her queenship.

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Indigo, I still don't get what you mean.

But okay, I'll try to take it as an advice...

*Re-reads and tries to understand again*

Wait, do you mean I should wait for something to happen in my life to inspire me to write? Like something bad?

posted August 12, 2014 06:37 PM            

In regards to my advice, specifically to you, it's more a sense of 'Vienna waits for you, kiddo. Don't go chasing after it.'

posted August 12, 2014 07:11 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
VERY well done, in regards to your general read. That's essentially all that I'm feeling / perceiving. Completely.

In regards to my advice, specifically to you, it's more a sense of 'Vienna waits for you, kiddo. Don't go chasing after it.'

Have you ever heard that? 'Vienna' by Billy Joel? I'd recommend a listen. I feel you're so ambitious and well positioned to do much good in the world. Don't follow too many dark alleys, and 'always check your blind spot'. It'll all come to you. Don't burn out too soon, and don't feel you have to go hunting for it. Believe me -- it finds you.

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I'm glad you liked my reading!

Now I understand what you mean. I think you mean that if we have potential in something, we should wait for life itself to find our talents, instead of rushing forward.

Thank you

posted August 12, 2014 07:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MiaPluto:
I'm glad you liked my reading!

Now I understand what you mean. I think you mean that if we have potential in something, we should wait for life itself to find our talents, instead of rushing forward.

Thank you

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Yes! Exactly. I feel I would've saved myself some headache (and my parents much premature greying) had I been a little less eager to dive in. I didn't know it then, but it would come to me. I just had to work on developing myself. Plus, by the time it DID reach me, I was READY for it.

Such as now. Didn't do a damned thing. She just appeared on the periphery of my life. Now I get to determine how best to do damage control with minimal upheaval.

posted August 12, 2014 07:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MiaPluto:
Btw, Indigo, could you add aspect lines in the chart and is it the synastry between her and your brother? x

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posted August 13, 2014 02:01 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Blind writer:
You know it isn't my favorite thing, but if you're going to stir that pot, just know I've got my MARS posited right on that MOON, backed up by my own SATURN-JUPITER heavy-hitter team in the eaves. With MOON in fall, that's no contest. It was the very first thing I noted when I plugged in the info and saw the chart.

I feel this depends on what shaky grounds you'll be stepping into, though. Do not be confused, and keep your eyes of gentle reason open.

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