posted August 18, 2014 07:12 AM            

For the record AKA a disclaimer: I'll occasionally mention my husband, or more frequently, my costar/partner, or my Twin; I've always explored nonmonogamy, (I'd say I'm circumstantially monogamish) but it wasn't until my marriage that I really took the plunge into this alternative lifestyle. My husband has always been submissive, and I am technically his dominant.

It's my own dominant, however, that's helping me to become the truly secure, confident, and best version of myself I can be.

If that's not what your power dynamics relationship is doing for you, it's probably abusive.

Don't accept the popular hype, or anything at face-value.

As a sex therapist and creative professional, I was asked on to a talk show at the height of the '50 Shades' hubbub to discuss real lifestyle BDSM relationships and compare the book's 'reality' to actual reality. (Spoiler alert: it fails in every category.) But, at the time, I was fully entrenched in my dominant persona; feeling my SUN-PLUTO-BML to the hilt. I've never been submissive. Ever. Any time a man attempted to exert any level of force or control over me, I'd retaliate like a wild animal -- just with words and explanations that I was leaving, because that was not the way I roll.

Also, for a sex therapist, I've ironically had very little personal interest in actual, physical sex. (Serious kudos to libran_dream for nailing that about me per my own basic astrological rundown.) It's just not interesting enough to hold my attention, and men are so simple in this regard, it was both burdensome and banal.

Unsurprisingly, my interest never really pushed beyond the 18-month mark. And, by that point, they wanted attachment AND sex. I REALLY just wanted the whole sex thing to be in the background -- if not nonexistent. I've had some perfectly technically satisfying sexual experiences, too. But nothing really stuck with me. I was always balancing my checkbook, and they were undoubtedly fantasising about something that wasn't happening. Hurrah for intimacy. (Not.)

This combination of factors has made me a very quirky, contradictory sort of person: a sexpert with practically no interest in actual physical sex, with too much of an independent spirit and intellectual orientation to be vulnerable. I was just coming to accept this; my natural place in the hierarchy. Even if something, on some deep level, was definitely missing. I just figured -- I'm different.

Then I met this man.

It really is embarrassingly that simple and cliched. While nothing bowled me over at first sight, he was certainly taken with me that quickly. And for him, that just does not happen. It took awhile for me, but into the third month of working with him, I knew there was a problem. (He later acknowledged it was affecting our work.)

It's definitely been what I'd consider a sexual awakening arising from the core of my being. And rather than the faerie-tale abuse peddled by that ridiculous yarn, this is what legitimate BDSM relationships possess: trust, honesty (often brutal honesty), devotion, and some VERY complex power dynamics that are always requiring you to improvise. But without real love and trust, intimacy can never develop, meaning vulnerability (on both sides) isn't even an option. That's what's missing from erotica: the pale representation of reality. This is one in which I happen to have some real experience.

Since this is to seriously examine the astrological dynamics which have been compiling in my head over time, I'll go ahead and get to the charts and discuss some highlights that jumped out at me. Please feel free to add in whatever you're seeing which I've missed. There's always a LOT.

First, his natal:

(All yours, libran_dream, if you want it. Your insight absolutely floored me, and I've come to accept some things about him that I always knew, just couldn't quite realise -- if that makes sense.)

There are a few things, synastry aside, which are in his natal alone: that powder-keg T-Square involving his 8H MERC, 5H MOON and 11H MARS. I'm also learning how a 7H NESSUS operates. (The 'rumours' are all true.)

And the first synastry (with my ASC rising)

And vice versa:

Before we go further -- here's where it gets interesting.

My Draco:

Notice how my drDEJANIRA lands right in the midst of his natal Geo 7H stellium with NESSUS? While I already knew my NESSUS conjunct his DEJANIRA was karmic, this provides insight into why, and how it's operating now.

Okay, the basics.

PLUTO conjunct VENUS (9º) (even though it's incredibly wide, I feel that one; powerfully)
VENUS sextile PLUTO (2º)
MARS conjunct PLUTO (0º)
LILITH conjunct PLUTO (0º)
BML conjunct PRIAPUS (0º)
VERTEX conjunct NYMPHE-NESSUS
EROS conjunct PRIAPUS

His SATURN in my 8H
His MOON in my 8H
My MARS in his 12H
His MARS in my 2H
His BML in my 8H

And, surprisingly:

His SUN in my 10H

The true 'lock' for me is the synastric 5H/8H overlay. Attempting to conduct any sort of association platonically, given the intense chemistry and powerful psychological and relational dynamics has just been an exercise in futility. I think this overlay is to be blamed for that.

And, for the hell of it, here's the Draco synastry, as it has some intriguing connexions:

A solar 8H link? With DEJANIRA conjunct? And SUN-PLUTO and BML? That's pretty telling. It even overlays 2H, which, in terms of power-dynamics, becomes an essential component.