posted September 02, 2014 09:36 AM            

Synastry, I'm inside.

posted September 02, 2014 08:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
I will write you a little analysis

---

posted September 02, 2014 08:36 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
GAH.

His BML is right on your PRIAPUS, isn't it? Ohhhh, lord. No wonder.

---

posted September 02, 2014 09:37 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Yes, now you see why... *~~~~~*
I dont like Priapus at all.

---

Yeah, unless you're really ready for that level of soul-shaking sexuality, it can be hard as hell to deal with.

I remember both literally sobbing and completely refusing to have a sexual relationship. Of course, not at the same time. It was more that I'd initially refused the relationship (not entirely -- just a sexual one) and later, very suddenly, in the middle of the night, following his ending it, a particular song first played in my mind as I was hypnagogic, THEN began to play on the radio.

It was like it was reverberating through my head. Certain phrases just ripped through me. I ended up rising from bed and going to the sofa in the living room and just bawling. I couldn't stop crying -- wracking sobs.

I remember loathing myself for it. How utterly distasteful that I was crying over the loss of -- not only something that never was -- but a sexual relationship! I was horrified and embarrassed. I told no one ... heh, until now.

Our soul doesn't live in the present, though; it exists in all dimensions. Oh, I knew what I was losing -- a part of me did. I just couldn't process it then.

I had to ditch the sexual self-hatred, too. Refusing to see myself as a healthy, functional sexual human being. Accept that my abhorrence was not normal, and never was.

That it was okay to cry -- over something so base and so primal and so visceral. Even if I hadn't experienced it yet -- according to my conscious mind. What had was positively weeping.

posted September 02, 2014 10:38 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
So ... what're you looking for, if you already know? Or, more specifically, why aren't you referring to him as your Twin?

---

I don't feel comfortable with that word because of how overrated it has become. It seems these days everyone wants a twin, or wants their romantic encouter/potential love interest to be theirs... Idk. I just dont like all the silly hype thats attached to this label and how its been manipulated/twisted.

posted September 03, 2014 01:38 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
As for your question from the other thread:

I don't feel comfortable with that word because of how overrated it has become. It seems these days everyone wants a twin, or wants their romantic encouter/potential love interest to be theirs... Idk. I just dont like all the silly hype thats attached to this label and how its been manipulated/twisted.

Don't get me wrong though, I know and feel he is my... um twin, without a doubt. But I'd rather just keep that to myself.
What I am wanting to know as of now is if a future meeting/collaboration or such is possible. Its enough pain as it
is to feel so much and not be able to see/interract with them in the physical. And here I was thinking the longing will dissipate and things will be good, but it just seems to be getting harder and harder... Thats why I wanna know if anything will happen or not.

---

Well, you've got to break out of the limerent pattern if you want to obtain true love. Ideally, you want to find that the connexion exists on the physical plane, too. It may not. Look at my Twin and I. Sometimes, there's too much karma, immaturity, or diverging paths. The longer you wait, too, the less likely it is to make a smooth transition.

I think the complex relationship he and I have has really served to drive home the 'free-will' principle. We were totally supposed to get it together and be happily attached and living a powerfully creative relationship that inspires others.

And, as you can imagine, it HURT giving that up. (We've got dual BML-PRIAPUS conjunctions, so, don't get me started there!) But we did. In our way. Both of us have decided, for whatever reason, it's not happening. I think it's many things. During the time in which he SHOULD have fought for me, he didn't. He was to terrified to make it a legitimate relationship and, when he NEEDED to tell me to wait for him -- he didn't.

I hadn't moved on in 2012. Now I have. I'm happy. I'm fulfilled. I feel great about my life and its direction. I have all I could want.

Yeah, it hurts if I reflect too deeply on it. My soul still does the 'longing' thing sometimes, but so long as we're in each other's lives in some non-contentious capacity -- I'm good.

And I could not fathom a sexual relationship with him. He'd rip me to shreds. I'm not that strong. If I'm to ever heal the massive issues I have in that area, it can't be with someone who's not only as broken as I am, but given to lashing out and doing REAL damage.

So my point is, I believe in soul connexions. Hell, I totally buy that he's my Twin -- I've experienced WAY too much to doubt THAT again. But the destiny thing is very malleable. We can make ONE choice that's counter to the path that would allow us to HAVE that destiny open to us -- and find ourselves on a completely different trajectory.

But here's what 'they' DON'T tell you.

You CAN be totally happy, fulfilled, and having the best possible version of your life without your Twin. It's not quite as hopelessly fatalistic in my experience.

In some cases, I think our Guardians step into the role our Twins cannot fulfill because they opted against having a Twin Flame connexion. We'll Reunite anyway. Period. Just not necessarily here.

As iQ put it, mine seems of the opinion that we're already in a sacred marriage, so what's the big deal we express it on the physical plane? In April, he advised that I give him the ultimatum that if we can't have a sexual relationship, I need to cut him from my life completely. Given the way we're oriented towards each other, it's all or nothing. Can't do 'all', so ....

You're in a whole other boat, though.

posted September 03, 2014 01:43 AM            

Then, one day, if all goes well, you can admit what you knew all along, and how you were just trying to find the right time to meet -- how to make the connexion.

I bet he'd find it undeniably romantic. But you'd have to definitely wait until it's all super established.

I kinda let my Twin know the truth. In a way. He could read between the lines. I also included the whole 'but I chose not to hold back my life for him when I could be loved the way I need to be.'

posted September 03, 2014 02:12 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:

But here's what 'they' DON'T tell you.

You CAN be totally happy, fulfilled, and having the best possible version of your life without your Twin. It's not quite as hopelessly fatalistic in my experience.

---

I totally agree with that. But easier said than done lol.
I've been trying, trust me, I have. But eventually the longing and the dang energy pull gets to me. It never goes away, it keeps getting stronger. I suppressed it, denyed it, and found excuses for it to be just my silly imagination and hormones raging LOL, even though I'm passed my teen years now. But sooner or later it hits me back that much harder.
I don't what it is that I'm doing wrong here.
I never asked for this or for him.

posted September 03, 2014 02:30 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
BTW, if you haven't, meet through collaboration. THAT seems a given.

Then, one day, if all goes well, you can admit what you knew all along, and how you were just trying to find the right time to meet -- how to make the connexion.

I bet he'd find it undeniably romantic. But you'd have to definitely wait until it's all super established.

I kinda let my Twin know the truth. In a way. He could read between the lines. I also included the whole 'but I chose not to hold back my life for him when I could be loved the way I need to be.'

Must've hurt. But then the first Saturn Return is an ultimate reckoning.

---

Yes, that's the plan lol. Meeting through collaboration.

I haven't yet thought about how I'll tell him, but the way you suggested seems to be a good way to go about it.
We'll see when the time comes lol.

I'm just curious though if our astrology supports our future meeting/collaboration as well. Maybe its my Venus trine his NN that could be an indicator. And my MC trine his Sun/Asc/Saturn/Neptune.

posted September 05, 2014 02:19 AM            

I wanted to know if a future collaboration was maybe in the cards. Like working together on an artistic/creative project of some sort. But it looks like you answered my question. Also I think our composite NN in 5th could point to it too.

posted September 05, 2014 07:39 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Good lord Indigo!
That sounds extremely intense... Actually I completely get what you may have been experiencing there emotionally/spiritually.
I have times where I feel it too, energetically, when that soulmerge thing is happening, and just that alone leaves me breathless, shaking and completely knocked out of this world. Its like you enter into another realm. So I can't even imagine how the real thing must be like... O_O I dont want to think about that right now.

---

It's something for which you've got to be prepared for, without question.

posted September 05, 2014 07:46 AM            

I've gotta say, I love SUN conjunct JUPITER in composite. I've got it 2° with both my Twin (1H) and my Guardian (10H) along with VENUS as part of the stellium (4° with the former, 1°, the latter).

At the end of the day, it's a really supportive influence. It helps you cut through so much negativity, or obstacles. It's as if you've got a core of love at the heart of it that just can never quit for too long -- no matter the problems or conflicts.