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Author Topic:   Sudden Sex Sans Commitment Issues? // Natal, Synastric, Dynamic?
Aubyanne
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Posts: 59
From: The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014

posted September 04, 2014 04:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aubyanne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So, I've got a lot of Scorpio; typically, it behaves itself and allows the Libra SUN-PLUTO and Virgo rising to take over. But there's something to be said for the MOON, MERC, EROS, and LILITH in a natal.

Speaking of natally, I'm an EROS/MOON=LILITH, and my MOON is 1° conjunct URA. All 3H. My 8R is even conjunct (7°) and parallel. While I'm not legitimately polyamorous, I am certainly liberal in my approach to relating.

... Except lately.

Perhaps it's because I've now had a complex sexual relationship for the past 10 months, and certain aspects of my personality have been reactivated. I'm not quite sure. I do know, however, that I feel as if I'm discovering that I can't quite express myself as fully or comfortably sans some form of commitment; even if it's as simple as my partner not conducting another relationship without my knowledge.

Or we may just be outgrowing the 'friends with benefits' or 'lacking any label' dynamic that we've had. Further, good friends have reminded (as well as my husband) that he's the last person on Earth I should fear being abandoned by. Still, I do. As it all started surfacing during a huge karmic configuration of transits, I suspect it may actually be karmic in nature. I'm petrified of his sudden abandonment -- and inexplicably so.

But, despite my terror, I'm also most inclined to do and say nothing. I'm not sure why; it's as if my own Uranian independence opts to begin the 'disentanglement and detachment' process -- without any warranted cause. Just the fear alone.

Have you guys any experience if tSATURN crossing a nURANUS can suddenly make one often so cool-headed and non-possessive fear things like abandonment and need reassurance? I can't truly feel that I need a commitment from him, or I'd ask him. Surely. Instead of ... simply not doing so. Every time.

We have something of a VENUS/URA DW as well: I barely count his URA conjunct my VENUS, as it's 12°, but the fact my URA is 0° square his VENUS inclines me to at least acknowledge it.

We have such lovely progressed aspects at present, too: his nVENUS conjunct his pSUN, and my pVENUS conjunct my nSUN; both 0°. Also, my pVENUS is conjunct his nMARS, 2° and applying.

Things are good. They're very good. My husband and I are happy, and enjoying the fact that so much is changing for the better. That I'm finally healing; we all are.

So WHY am I SO scared? WHY can't I just do as I always have, and sit back and not worry?

Synastrically, his nVESTA is exactly conjunct my nLILITH. This is a very good thing. Curiously, my nVESTA is also conjunct his nVENUS, 3°, and his nKARMA, 1°. My NNODE is right in the midst of it all, too.

I trust him. It doesn't make sense that he'd suddenly discount everything we've become to find 'a real relationship', abandoning all that we have. Even if my original thought was that it'd all be temporary, and that once we had healed our mutual wounds in this area ... that would be it.

It's SO not 'it'. As iQ had said, this is a lifetime relationship. So I want to treat it as such.

Any inter-aspects you guys know of which could be activated by transits and suddenly make one very fearful of abandonment and loss?

We have a fair bit of PLUTO, too; his on my VENUS, mine sextile his VENUS; his MOON opposite my PLUTO (and SUN). We have a nice Grand Fire Trine, too -- his VENUS (11R) and MOON (8R) with my NEPTUNE (7R), all within 1° of each other. And, if you count his AMOR (4H, in my 7H), MERC (7R) and my MOON (11R), a 2° Grand Water Trine as well.

That SHOULD soothe me. It typically does.

For some reason, as things start going more 8H and less 5H ... suddenly, I'm concerned and fearful. Very uncharacteristic of me!

I'll happily post some charts if that would help. I'm just spitballing to see if any specific synastric aspects and transits might be the culprit here.

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Keela
Knowflake

Posts: 583
From:
Registered: Oct 2012

posted September 04, 2014 05:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Keela     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aubyanne:
... While I'm not legitimately polyamorous, I am certainly liberal in my approach to relating.

... Except lately.

I do know, however, that I feel as if I'm discovering that I can't quite express myself as fully or comfortably sans some form of commitment; even if it's as simple as my partner not conducting another relationship without my knowledge.

Or we may just be outgrowing the 'friends with benefits' or 'lacking any label' dynamic that we've had. As it all started surfacing during a huge karmic configuration of transits, I suspect it may actually be karmic in nature. I'm petrified of his sudden abandonment -- and inexplicably so.

Have you guys any experience if tSATURN crossing a nURANUS can suddenly make one often so cool-headed and non-possessive fear things like abandonment and need reassurance?

So WHY am I SO scared? WHY can't I just do as I always have, and sit back and not worry?


As noted in my Saturn in 12th synastry questions post http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/000911.html and Skipped Steps, (while I'm not in the same position as you sex-wise) there were whatever abandonment issues or not taking the thought of losing him well. Before anything had actually even started. Turns out that once I got the direct, forthright, absolute honesty or "This is what I have to declare" approach out of him about what was going on with possible other women in his open marriage, I could relax and chill completely. Well, there was still some quindecile obsessing flaring up 2-3 days later again, but to have a break from daily "fretting" was new. And in this case, entirely because I got the honesty required of him, it then no longer being "necessary" to obsess IF could trust that he'd tell me whatever I'd need to know, IF going to get involved with him in any way. Only I don't know if I'm "teal dear" or a general pariah as ever with nobody saying anything about the confusion, lack of clarity or honesty issues with 12th house and Neptune aspects, but anyway.

Point being that "not conducting another relationship without my knowledge". Wouldn't know if I'm more possessive than most, but definitely not geared toward polyamory, so while there has been some jealousy, my slight shrug of a reaction about his possibly seeing other women has been interesting. I'm also not sure how much the jealousy was over his trying to be vague about things and how much the "natural" sort. I get that if he has a Scorpio Sun woman on his IC, she doesn't want to hear anything about anybody else and pretend otherwise, but I can't deal with crap like that if I'm ever to get involved with any situation like his. I require full disclosure to be able to decide what I do, when and how. If he's talked to someone who wanted to know as little as possible maybe that's why he was reticent about giving me the information that would have cleared the air from my end from the start, but I still need the info in any case if he wants me involved.

The point of all that was supposed to be that I have no experience of detachment as you describe it to be Saturn-influenced, although my DC is in Aquarius. Also Uranus antiscia Moon, Uranus square Saturn, for some things.

I imagine you can't sit back because the relationship is more important to you than most and as you've stated yourself, changing your usual relating patterns, in sex or something.

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lvASTRO
Knowflake

Posts: 240
From: Las Vegas, NV
Registered: Aug 2013

posted September 04, 2014 07:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lvASTRO     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Our idea of intimacy evolves just as the relationship with said person does, over time. What may have been perfectly acceptable in the beginning can turn into a demand of something entirely different--our feelings within the confines of our unique experience with that person grow, adapt, to take on new meaning i.e. Starting off as friends with benefits but needing something entirely more substantial, along the lines of "intimate definitions," down the road.

It may be a transit, or it may be that he pulls a facet out of you of which you had no prior knowledge. These things can take time and aren't always readily apparent. One thing is for certain: I believe the intensity of the "union," let's call it, has given rise to a fear of abandonment.

The first thing that stuck out to me is the Moon opposite Pluto. It starts off as extremely deep, intense, loving... Out of this world. The moon, or feminine energy in this coupling, becomes addicted to this raw, intense passion. Usually, after some time, the feminine energy in this dynamic becomes fearful of losing the masculine energy, and thus Pluto gains the upper hand. This is where the "games" can start, as the Moon can pull away for fear of being hurt, when all she needs is reassurance. Pluto may possibly use manipulation to hold onto the Moon. It plays out somewhat the same, even if the female/feminine energy is Pluto in the Moon/Pluto contact.

But I think you two are beyond that.

It was a simple investigation into what may be the cause of your feelings. May be worth looking into?

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olgatheo
Knowflake

Posts: 468
From: Pluto
Registered: Nov 2012

posted September 06, 2014 08:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for olgatheo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This poem was and is in my opinion the best way to describe Saturn transit over Uranus ....mine was exact in November 2012.

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely,
without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a
book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyse whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.


The author of this poem is Rev. Safire Rose.

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