posted September 26, 2014 06:13 PM            

He told me he wanted to hang out, and that he'd come pick me up. He comes to get me, we go out, have a few drinks...

When he's dropping me off, I go to kiss him on the cheek (as I do all my friends), and he totally kisses me on the lips. I pull back, shocked.

I have a boyfriend. He has a boyfriend. He blurts out, "I'm embarrassed." I'm all confused. I remind him of our S.O.s and then give him a peck on the cheek and promptly exit.

Thing is, we weren't wasted, let alone drunk or tipsy. It had been a few hours. I can't blame it on that.

I'm feeling super guilty, even though I know I took the right course of action after it happened. Still though, I'm feeling so scared to tell my S.O. I try to never put myself in situations where things like this could happen, but if my friend has feelings for me, or is attracted, he does a lot to keep it under the radar.

posted September 26, 2014 07:20 PM            

DON'T sit on it. You look guilty -- and you're NOT. In fact, the reason why these things tend to blow up is that people ACT GUILTY about things which are clear instances of bad timing or confusion.

Here's my advice.

You see your boyfriend, and go through the usual thing. If possible, talk about it in the midst of other idle chatter. None of this, ' ... I have something to tell you' BS, or couching it inside of a, 'we have to talk.' Noooooo. Keep it simple. As you're say, describing the day you had at work, or remarking about how you'd really like to try a new dish -- whatever -- mention something about your car. How it sucks being sans transport. Then, you're like, 'oh, so THIS is weird. [Dude] totally kissed me the other night. I was doing my usual thing -- leaning in to give him a peck on the cheek, and he f*cking kissed me. On the lips. I was STUNNED. I mean, I'm STILL stunned. I asked WTF, you KNOW I have a boyfriend -- hell, so do you! -- but he was already embarrassed. I'm thinking stuff must not be going well with his boyfriend. You ever have that happen to you? isn't it AWKWARD?'

He SHOULD be pretty chill about it, realising this wasn't YOUR fault, but one of those instances of really bad timing, and the potential of -- yes -- someone in crisis. The greater 'concern' should be that your boyfriend doesn't confront your friend, as THAT's just drama NOBODY needs.

posted September 26, 2014 07:46 PM            

I'll go through with your advice, Auby. I feel like it aligns with my methodology of handling such situations.

Liliya, yes... My friend is going through some tough stuff right now. He just got fired from our mutual job a couple weeks back, and I can tell he's hurting under the surface, even though he says he's a lot happier.

posted September 26, 2014 09:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by lvASTRO:
I'll go through with your advice, Auby. I feel like it aligns with my methodology of handling such situations.

---

Clients come to me all of the time with the sky falling -- friends, too. In ANY case, I opt for honesty over all. While there are those of the opinion that confiding an infidelity to a partner is for selfish reasons, in my practise, intimacy is what's most integral. When honesty is a bit sketchy, or not very high on either partner's list, it's no surprise to see that intimacy suffers. In general, relationships have a rather unfortunate tendency to accept things they never should -- almost because it's being treated as normative. Gah! No.. It's not a bad practise to make honesty the cliche'd best policy, regardless.

But when you're not even at fault? Yeah, limit the drama factor across the board by being honest, and, going just one step further -- by utilising what could be considered an uncomfortable subject -- to bring you closer together.

My husband has regularly been the rock and support when things have gotten rocky in another relationship. Our own intimacy took a nosedive during a bad period where I got emotionally unstable and he became abusive. His consistently being a loving advisor and emotionally supportive when I needed it most allowed us to reconnect and rebuild the intimacy that had gotten wrecked. It takes two to tango, so I marvel at how we've both grown.