|
Author
|
Topic: Every dang time..
|
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 10, 2014 04:23 AM
  
I thought i was past this. I thought I could handle being around him in a completely social setting where i didn't have to interact with him directly. But of course i was horribly wrong. Of course he would catch me unawares, alone.. vulnerable to everything that he is. Magnificent. Ugh. WHY??? Will he and I EVER be able to just be friends? Just be normal? Does every encounter HAVE to be soulful and heart wrenchingly important?
IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 10, 2014 04:34 AM
And composite.. stupid frigginUranus..
 IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Moderator Posts: 6857
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
|
posted October 10, 2014 07:19 AM
I am sorry 
But what is the actual question?------------------
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms... IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 10, 2014 11:18 AM
Sorry Lee, I was a little distraught atm..Once upon a time I believed he was everything that mattered in my world. And me for him. It was like he was part of me. In my thoughts.. literally. He would call me when I was thinking of him, when i was hurt or angry he would skip formal hellos and ask what was wrong before i had a chance to say something was. He would show up where i was because he "had an urge to be there," without knowing I was even there.
He was 99% of the reason I got deeper into astrology because everything I read said Leo and Pisces suns were no good for eachother. But everything about us was magnetic and overwhelming to my soul. To the point that I started believing he could be my twinflame. He ran from me saying he loved me but couldn't be with me because the thought was too much to bare. He would hate himself if he did to me, to us, what he had done to his past relationships. It nearly broke my soul. My question is why is he SO damn important? Why does he show up in my dreams and then days later show up in my world? I worked so hard to distance myself and it was agonizing, but everything comes rushing back in just a moment of being around him. He treats me as he always has, as if im on a pedestal where no one but him can worship me.. And it drives me mad.. I just want to know WHY. Ive looked at our synastry a thousand million bazillion times.. I can't look at it objectively anymore..
IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Moderator Posts: 6857
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
|
posted October 11, 2014 09:45 AM
Hi, LionfishI suppose if we are attracted to someone, as long as we are, it's not necessarily something we can control and it's a common experience, you're not alone in this, that at least one time in our life we will be attracted to someone who's not necessarily good for us or who doesn't reciprocate or someone who may even be a negative presence, in general or for us. I'm not saying this is the case here, I just wanted to point out we all experience this sooner or later: being attracted to someone who's not good for us or not mutually interested. It's part of human initiation in love, I suppose. To be honest with you, I don't believe people, men or women telling someone :"I don't want to be with you because the feelings are too strong" or stuff like that are being honest. Such a reason is not real, and the real reason is usually different: they are involved with someone else, they don't want to commit from various reasons, they are perpetual bachelors/bachelorettes, they have certain habits they don't want to disclose or loose, or they are simply not in love. It's hard to tell without knowing the person, and frankly, I'm not sure it matters. The bottomline is: when a man wants to be with you, he will do everything in his power to do so. And this is what matters. Astrologically speaking, I can see this man's DSC ruler is stranded in your charts, so it's possible he does not see you as a potential partner, from whatever reason, which doesn't really matter. What matters is that there is a man out there waiting for you, for whom you are the whole world. I hope this helps a bit  ------------------ I seem to have loved you in numberless forms... IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 355
From: Miami
Registered: Sep 2014
|
posted October 11, 2014 11:54 AM
Jupiter conjunct chiron at the apex of a composite Yod in the 11th house could indicate a lot of pain around having to be just friends. Specially when one of the legs is Neptune in the 5th and the other Pluto in the 4th. You then add that chiron and Jupiter are squaring moon in the 8th and this confirms it further; pain around been just friends.IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 11, 2014 12:00 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Hi, LionfishI suppose if we are attracted to someone, as long as we are, it's not necessarily something we can control and it's a common experience, you're not alone in this, that at least one time in our life we will be attracted to someone who's not necessarily good for us or who doesn't reciprocate or someone who may even be a negative presence, in general or for us. I'm not saying this is the case here, I just wanted to point out we all experience this sooner or later: being attracted to someone who's not good for us or not mutually interested. It's part of human initiation in love, I suppose. To be honest with you, I don't believe people, men or women telling someone :"I don't want to be with you because the feelings are too strong" or stuff like that are being honest. Such a reason is not real, and the real reason is usually different: they are involved with someone else, they don't want to commit from various reasons, they are perpetual bachelors/bachelorettes, they have certain habits they don't want to disclose or loose, or they are simply not in love. It's hard to tell without knowing the person, and frankly, I'm not sure it matters. The bottomline is: when a man wants to be with you, he will do everything in his power to do so. And this is what matters. Astrologically speaking, I can see this man's DSC ruler is stranded in your charts, so it's possible he does not see you as a potential partner, from whatever reason, which doesn't really matter. What matters is that there is a man out there waiting for you, for whom you are the whole world. I hope this helps a bit
I have him... the one who I'm marrying. That I want to be the father of my children, the one I want to build my life with. The one who I mean the world to... This other guy, I don't want him anymore. I can honestly say I'm over him. At this point I'm just frustrated by the way he acts towards me because it confuses me. I came to the same conclusions about his reason for not being with me long ago, that he wasn't being honest. Because I agree wholeheartedly, if you love someone you do whatever it takes to be with them. But then, even 4 years after the fact, he acts as if I'm "the one who got away." I can see it in the way he looks at me and hear it in the way he speaks. This past weekend my fiance and I went to the establishment he works at to watch a football game.. I did nothing to engage him, barely even said hello.. but twice when I stepped out to smoke, as soon as the patio cleared of everyone else, here he came.. The first time I was finished so it was just a passing hello as I slipped away from him, but the second it was like he was waiting for me to go out. Maybe it's just his ego or a game that he plays IDK. But he comes at me with "I miss you" and "Why haven't you been to see me?" And "Why do you have to look like that when you come in here?" He truly just drives me mad anymore. And yes, astrologically speaking, I know his dsc ruler is unaspected.. as is my moon (one reason I dont understand the closeness we once shared). I guess I just need to do a better job of staying away from him, but I hate the idea that he gets to dictate where I do and don't go IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 714
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
|
posted October 11, 2014 12:13 PM
And this is why I'm still avoiding my Twin.When it's hard, it's hard. Period. We don't have to have specific reasons for it. Sometimes, it just IS. IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 11, 2014 12:19 PM
Thank you hypatia for looking. Ive always felt that Jupiter/Chiron was problematic, let alone the Moon in Pisces squaring the entire 11H stellium.. the composite Chiron/Jupiter sit on my Natal moon, to make matters worse for myself.He has caused me an inhuman amount of pain that I thought it would take me a lifetime to recover from, if I ever did. <<<that was my way of thinking for what seemed like an eternity. I'm older, wiser, and moved on from him being in my life now. I don't usually even consciously think of him anymore and I rarely speak of him (never to him!) but he shows up randomly in my dreams! It's frustrating beyond belief. IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 11, 2014 12:26 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aubyanne:
And this is why I'm still avoiding my Twin.When it's hard, it's hard. Period. We don't have to have specific reasons for it. Sometimes, it just IS.
I want specific reasons so I can rationalize it away lol Im sorry for what you've had to go through with your Twin. This man here is the one I made the "Missing my TF" post about so long ago in Soul Unions.. I seem to remember you sharing a little in your old form there I hope you and he can come to terms agreeable for both sides. Are you still set to be working with him? I can understand how hard that would be. I couldn't imagine having to work side by side with this man. I would lose my sanity. IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 714
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
|
posted October 11, 2014 12:31 PM
Honestly, when it's THAT strong, the astrology doesn't even matter (though, it's usually quite powerful in its own right). It takes time. We all heal at our own pace. Just let yourself do the same.  IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 714
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
|
posted October 11, 2014 12:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LionFish:
I want specific reasons so I can rationalize it away lolIm sorry for what you've had to go through with your Twin. This man here is the one I made the "Missing my TF" post about so long ago in Soul Unions.. I seem to remember you sharing a little in your old form there I hope you and he can come to terms agreeable for both sides. Are you still set to be working with him? I can understand how hard that would be. I couldn't imagine having to work side by side with this man. I would lose my sanity.
He keeps trying, honestly. Periodically. I'm not ready. Not yet. But if he wants to shoot the trailer for LACHESIS next summer -- well, I'll be game for that. I wouldn't hold HIM back just because I can't manage. Fortunately, I'm up to my eyeballs on my new series. Good memory, by the way! And, hang in there. It'll all sort out in its time. He has to mature, for one thing. When's the date? I'll admit, THAT's even harder. You give up on them, get married, and ... weeelll lookit that ...  Don't fall for it. If you're happy, BE happy. IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 11, 2014 12:44 PM
Believe me, im trying to do just that. And USUALLY succeeding..lolWe decided on October 31st of 2015. Well, more like I got tired of hearing "whatever makes you happy, babe" from my fiance so I told him he had to come up with a date for us if i was to be deciding most everything else  IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 714
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
|
posted October 11, 2014 01:02 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LionFish:
Believe me, im trying to do just that. And USUALLY succeeding..lolWe decided on October 31st of 2015. Well, more like I got tired of hearing "whatever makes you happy, babe" from my fiance so I told him he had to come up with a date for us if i was to be deciding most everything else
Ohh, THAT's not familiar at all. Heh! Did he at least propose with a ring? Mine intended for me to get whatever I wanted. Sweet thought, but I ended up cutting off a small piece of chain from my collection (I sometimes make gemstone / beaded jewellery), sizing it, and wearing THAT. FOR A YEAR. I originally picked up a $40 Italian sterling silver and white sapphire number at a theme park we attended over the holidays, about a week after we became engaged. I slipped it off of my hand at my place of work in the ladies'. And I kid you not. A customer skillfully slid in to 'grab a paper towel' -- and I didn't notice until after she'd left, she'd palmed my ring, too. Lesson learnt. Don't work in a casino.  IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 11, 2014 01:23 PM
The nerve of some people! I can believe it, though it is unfortunate that I almost expect that type of behavior from people nowadays. He did propose with a ring. It wasn't a sparkly store-bought number, but rather something he machined himself. I loved it! I do however want the sparkly store-bought piece eventually. And to my delight he "accidentally" left the receipts for such a thing in our safe where he KNOWS I get into regularly. I think he just wanted me to know it's coming, even if I don't have it yet. The one he made for me will always be special in its own right because of the time and effort he put into crafting it, but I'm loud and flashy and its a simple stainless steel band.. gods love him for not coming to me empty handed though IP: Logged |
ueharaa
Knowflake Posts: 670
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
|
posted October 11, 2014 04:07 PM
quote:
The bottomline is: when a man wants to be with you, he will do everything in his power to do so. And this is what matters.
A lot could be aid and argued about this. I personally don't think it is that simple. Like you said sometimes people have issues,etc.. but well I do agree that we (whether man or woman) should only pay attention to those people that actually make the effort to be with us and not those who make excuses. As for your chart, first your angles conjunct which is in itself quite significant. His Ac/dc square your nodes and I think your saturn square square his while conjuncting his moon. So the way I would see it is that you are part of his "skipped step". His karmic lesson that he has to learn and master if he wants to move forward (ie reach his north node,come to terms with his south). And oddly enough he's also part of your skipped step. Natally, your asc is square your node and he emphasizes it, in a way that is core shaking as it usually is when it involves the angles. I am more and more thinking that it is quite difficult to release people square our nodes especially if it triggers a square you already have. It's as if those persons are putting their finger on a huge issue that you'd much rather ignore.
IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Moderator Posts: 6857
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
|
posted October 11, 2014 04:28 PM
ueharaa, I agree with you, these are two strong contacts. But she's getting married, she'll probably have other admirers/men who want something from her in the future, marriage doesn't mean no man/woman will ever make passes at you or want you or admire you or be attracted to you. The point is now they can only be friends and maybe those strong contacts show a possible friendship. Or nothing anymore.And I'm afraid this is a line: He ran from me saying he loved me but couldn't be with me because the thought was too much to bare. He would hate himself if he did to me, to us, what he had done to his past relationships. actually two lines here. A girl should never believe such BS, sorry for being blunt. Personally I wouldn't trust a man who can come up with that (unless he said it at the very very beginning of the relationship, like the first date or something lol that would be sad - before having any kind of feelings or appreciation for you). Coming from someone who actually knows you, more closely, it sounds very bad. Again, sorry for being blunt. ------------------
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms... IP: Logged |
ueharaa
Knowflake Posts: 670
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
|
posted October 11, 2014 05:07 PM
Well I think relationships aren't always about romantic love or marriage or something along those lines. There are people that are better loved from afar, loved as an idea or something else.
I think LionFish made it clear that she doesn't love him anyway so what he feels or not shouldn't matter. I simply highlighted those two aspects because I thought they could be the explanation as to why he keeps reappearing and behaving as such.
Square to the nodes are interesting in synastry; especially when they trigger your own square like I said, because it is not so much about the other person but really all about you and your own growth. IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Moderator Posts: 6857
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
|
posted October 11, 2014 05:13 PM
You are right. Maybe we should also consider that some people, when seeing they're about to loose someone who previously showed an interest in them or loved them, like to stir the waters. ------------------
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms... IP: Logged |
mir
Knowflake Posts: 1737
From:
Registered: May 2009
|
posted October 11, 2014 07:07 PM
quote:
He ran from me saying he loved me but couldn't be with me because the thought was too much to bare. He would hate himself if he did to me, to us, what he had done to his past relationships.
Words like these touch my heart, deeply. This is no BS, Lee. But the cold cruel harsh reality of life. Which is sad enough as it is. No blame here, please. IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 11, 2014 07:36 PM
Just to be clear.. I know this man loves me. Truly. He literally got down on his knees and begged me to be his at one point in time. After he broke my heart all our mutual friends asked what I did to HIM . He was as miserable as I was. If not more so. But instead of admitting he needed me, he kept his facade of happiness whenever I was around. Or maybe being around me again really just made him happy. I don't know. I do know this: he was dating someone who was no good for him and my fiance and I found him at the bar one night by himself, drinking his sorrows away. When I approached him I put my hand on his back and asked what was wrong. He blew up. Screaming at me in the middle of a crowded bar, in front of my fiance... we argued, he cried... I cried.. I left him standing at the bar to retreat to the bathroom. When I came out he was shaking hands with my fiance. I was furious. How dare he treat me like that and then turn around and be buddy buddy with my betrothed!? He noticed, like he always did, and caught me as I made my way back for the ladies room.. He wrapped me in a hug and held on no matter how I fought. So I gave up and just stood there and asked him, how dare he.. he apologized. He told me his cconversation with my SO was him telling him to take care of me the way he couldn't. And apologizing for his outburst, but he loves me and it drives him mad. Then he hugged me to him once more and walked away, left the building.
I confirmed his conversation with my fiance... tried not to let it show how it affected me, probably poorly... There is no question about his feelings towards me, but I still don't believe his reasons for not being with me. If you love someone as much as he apparently loved me it should have been enough to make him not want to lie and cheat.. and maybe it did. I dont know.. IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 11, 2014 10:06 PM
^^^that wasn't the point in question though. Why he won't go away after I've moved on, is. Which I think ueharaa kind of explained..Karmic ties make sense. But what exactly is a skipped step? If it's something we are supposed to work out together (with both our nodes squared) it's definitely not happening.. at least not now. Ugh. IP: Logged |
ueharaa
Knowflake Posts: 670
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
|
posted October 12, 2014 10:33 AM
from what I understand a skipped step is a core issue that you need to come to terms with in order to "grow" or actually fully balance the nodes. Also from my own experience (i have pluto square nodes in my natal chart) it is a central theme in one's life. It's not necessarily obvious and easily spotted but it is a sort of pattern in one's life decisions..
Your ASC/dsc is square your nodes so you probably have a lot to learn in terms of how to balance the self vs the other. He emphasizes it by his very own asc/dsc axis. Which means that through his very presence and through your "partnership" he forces you to address your own subconscious issue. The fact that you said "he was everything that mattered in my world" is very telling to me of how this manifested. Now you've moved on and certainly learned a lot about asserting your self all the while giving importance to the other. You've worked your skipped step out if I may say so.
But things are probably different for him, maybe he hasn't learned his lesson yet and this is why he keeps coming back, showing up, because you're the one who forces him to work his issue out. In his case his moon is square his node so his skipped step is all about dealing with and expressing his emotions. Your saturn conjuncts it, so you force him to grow up in that area, it's as if you're telling him "okay this is how you feel so now I want you to ACT like you mean it" Saturn is also blockage and limitations, so you make him aware of how emotionally immature he is.
Besides and this is only from my own experience but I've found it can be quite difficult to let go of people whose saturn conjunct my personal planet. Saturn conjunct moon is very karmic in itself, the square to his nodal axis just makes the pull stronger on his side.
Now I am not really sure what you mean by working this out together. I don't think you need to be in a romantic relationship with someone to address the issue they bring up. Meeting them sometimes is enoughIP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted October 12, 2014 03:54 PM
Thank you for the explanation! It makes worlds of sense. And I didnt just mean together as in a romantic sense, but in terms of being around one another period. Like project partners, lol. I feel that him and I are way beyond being able to be "just friends" and for my fiance's sake I don't want to try. Hence my wondering if it's something we were supposed to work on together. Not being able to let go of Saturn in synastry kinda furthers that whole theory that its relationship glue. I appreciate your insights IP: Logged |
ueharaa
Knowflake Posts: 670
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
|
posted October 12, 2014 04:06 PM
you're welcome. I find it is easier to accept and come to terms with a situation when we understand the "why?"
If he's not ready to just be friends than yes it is much better for you and your fiance to distance yourself.
And well, yes saturn can be a relationship glue, only if it actually is a "relationship" haha otherwise it is just pain and hard lessonsIP: Logged | |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
