posted October 12, 2014 02:50 PM            

I can be a tad controlling/fearful/jealous/possessive if I feel threatened/insecure. If I can trust you, I'll grant you as much freedom as I request granted to me (Venus quintile Uranus lol). I'm neither afraid to nor happy to commit.. I'm simply indifferent towards it. I don't view it as a big deal. I'm very hot and cold (Gem moon, Aries Venus) so I can be cold frequently. If I'm mad at you or hurt by you, I will be very cold.

A parter who is very assertive, vocal about their feelings, yet mysterious and private to the outside world, who is playful, adventurous, fun, honest, responsible, dependable, trustworthy, loyal and hardworking would appeal most to me.

When in love, my mindset is all about you for the first few months.

posted October 12, 2014 03:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
what aspect between Sun-Saturn do you have, IV ?

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posted October 12, 2014 03:51 PM            

so
I can be quite controlling in any type of relationship. It's weird I was just thinking about this aspect of my personality this morning. I have 3 planets in the 7th so that makes quite diplomatic, I let the other person choose and sort of follow through, I don't like to fight or argue but, BUT somehow I just observe everything that is being done and said and when I sense some distance I freak out and become controlling. So yes I have a major fear of abandonment, so I end up putting people away or clinging to them so hard that they actually run away (cancer ascendant can't be this great)

Also as to how I am when in love, I feel everything very intensely, so much so that if it's not intense then I have a hard time considering it as love but I think it relates more to my 5th house pluto and saturn sextile pluto.

And to answer your questions fully. i give people the cold shoulder as part of my fear of abandonment reaction. And I am always to commit !! what would you expect fro ma cancer asc, cap sun and moon? but I am sort of aware of how insisting, controlling I can come off.

posted October 12, 2014 04:31 PM            

What kind of partner...I'll spare you the long list of qualities I find appealing. In short, the more we have in common, the better. He should be older, more open about his feelings and desperate to get me cause it wouldn't be a smooth ride. What I want from a relationship is love, respect, devotion, mutual support and lots of fun

Sun and Saturn in Capricorn, 5th house

posted October 12, 2014 06:03 PM            

You have a cancer rising just like the person im inquiring about. He has a sun-saturn 1 degree opposition.
Controlling and possessive, jealous to the core, fear of abandonment . I was wondering if that comes from his sun- saturn because he has no pluto strong in his chart. Wants full commitment yet afraid of it. Wants an "ownership". Saturn is in his 4th.

posted October 12, 2014 08:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
Thanks, ueharaa

You have a cancer rising just like the person im inquiring about. He has a sun-saturn 1 degree opposition.
Controlling and possessive, jealous to the core, fear of abandonment . I was wondering if that comes from his sun- saturn because he has no pluto strong in his chart. Wants full commitment yet afraid of it. Wants an "ownership". Saturn is in his 4th.

Thank you, Caps. Your Saturn in the 5th makes it feel like Saturn on Sun. You just described the person in my question. Starting to get a better understanding of this aspect. I quite dont get the contradiction of wanting to commit/ afraid of it. Wanting to belong/ afraid of it..

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posted October 12, 2014 08:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ueharaa:
This is quite a complex placement because saturn wants the real deal, and yet the sun/saturn aspects makes the native used to be left dealing with things on their own, even used sometimes to just be left on its own.

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this is exactly what he says, that he is afraid he would be "abandoned and left to suffer".
I wasn't sure if Sun-Saturn was behind this, but now it all makes sense. Saturn rules his 7th house. He craves full commitment to the point of ownership. as if "I own you". Yet he has never been in a long term relationship.
My Venus is exactly on his Sun-Saturn opposition (conjunct his Saturn, opposes Sun).
His Moon (chart ruler) conjuncts my Pluto exactly.
He is a good soul.

posted October 12, 2014 09:51 PM            

I have the ruler of my 7th (Sun) tightly conjunct Saturn. I am really attracted to older mature men. Stability is really important to me. Someone who is reliable, mature, sensible, and serious. I often find myself deeply interested in men who are 10-20 years older than I am. Unfortunately, I haven't met someone my age who is mature enough in the way that I desire.

I hardly do relationships because I require a strong commitment but at the same time, one that doesn't restrict my need for space and freedom (Aqua ASC and Mars, Gem Moon). In relationships, I tend to be very responsible and conscientious. Because my Sun and Saturn are in Pisces, I feel it is my duty and my responsibility to "save" and heal my partner, to shower them with compassion, to carry and shoulder their pain and their suffering with them. Therefore, I am also very attracted to a concoction of the "underdog", the successful career-oriented man, who hides a lot of pain behind a face of success and sternness.. This devotion on my part, however, can be too extreme and in the end. I become cold and austere when I see that this level of devotion is unreturned (this is often the case).

I set a lot of rules and boundaries when it comes to relationships. I have strict principles and because of this, I am often single. I feel a strong insecurity when it comes to relationships because I know that I am difficult to be with, because of all my laws and rules and ideals that may be too "uptight" for some people.

I crave commitment so badly but I am also very quick to shut down opportunities as I constantly feel they are destined to fail and that my "requirements" clash with social norms attributed to relationships.

I would associate my controlling tendencies to my Sun squaring Pluto. I don't get jealous as easily as I do get possessive sometimes. I like the idea of someone being "mine" but the Air in me helps me maintain my cool and to respect someone's individuality. If I were to feel jealous, I would never show it.

All in all, I desire commitment but I fear it (and sometimes avoid it) because I fear getting hurt under the hands of someone who cannot return to me the devotion I would blindly give to them. So I resort to mental/emotional flings to temporarily fill in the gap of loneliness and then I get bored and disappear (Moon sq. Venus).

posted October 13, 2014 07:48 AM            

quote:

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Thank you, Caps. Your Saturn in the 5th makes it feel like Saturn on Sun. You just described the person in my question. Starting to get a better understanding of this aspect.

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You're welcome. I have a 8,5 deg conjunction.

posted October 13, 2014 09:39 AM            

seems like Sun-Saturn doesnt enter into relationships lightly, and most often than not - the relationship is a serious/ long lasting one or nothing at all.

posted October 13, 2014 10:03 AM            

I can't let anyone in. I think i have trust issues. Every single man in my family who i ever loved, has died (my brother-in-law, my grandpa, and finally my dad). I think that the translation to my subconscious was - if you love someone, they'll leave. So it has become easier for me to love someone from afar. I don't mean celeb crushes with that, no. Just someone very real, very close to me, but "safe", because unattainable.

I feel that it is wrong, but i don't know how to get pass that wall i have constructed. So many wonderful men have i rejected just when i thought my freedom would get hurt in the process. That's the funny thing. I have Sun/Saturn square that would mean that i want a strong, committed relationship - and in theory i do, but in reality i am afraid of that. So what i use in excuse to not let anyone know of my fears is the freedom thing (which is real too).

Otherwise, my 5th house is in Capricorn as well, i am not so sure i like Capricorn energy. I am not attracted to Capricorn placements, save for Moon (but in that case his Moon is on the Aqua cusp, so it may be not the case after all). I like Uranian men more than Saturnian, that's for sure.

posted October 13, 2014 10:32 AM            

one and the same themes emerge with Sun-Saturn people, and it transcedents the native's planets signs or aspects, the Sun-Saturn overrides them:

Fear to let anyone in.

Fear of abandonment.

The native is usually single by choice yet craving to commit.
Turns down prospective partners due to fear that the partner will destroy the cocoon they have built around themselves for protection.

The native has major trust issues - do not trust anything except the fact that the partner will inevitably leave.

The native mends to themselves, they only rely on themselves alone, everybody else disappoints them or let them down soon or later.

Once they enter a relationship - they commit fully but expect the same in return from the partner. Relationships are not taken lightly.

Partners are older or mature

posted October 13, 2014 01:30 PM            

As some others have said, I do not date casually. I strive for complete commitment and I need reassurance from my partner that it's something they want too.

I don't feel as if I'm controlling. With my 7th house stellium and sun sitting there, I tend to give my power away to others and let them decide things because I either don't want to rock the boat or because I want to see how they handle things. Someone who knows how to take charge is attractive to me (but I'm not sure that has to do with Saturn.)

The only time I'll act cold is if I'm not interested in the person or if they give signals that they're not into me (and possibly, if I'm angry with them.) In these cases, I just kind of shut down...kind of stiff with little to no physical affection.

HUGE fear of abandonment in relationships of any kind. I feel like I'm always losing others due to them ending the friendship, moving away, or drifting off and losing contact with me. This has made it extremely hard to trust others...so if I let you in, consider yourself very special.

Because of this fear, I'm always going to be looking for signs that the other person wants to stick around for the good and the bad. I usually see what type of person they are before I date them. I've dated only one person in my life and I knew him for years before we tried anything. Even though it's over, he still wants to remain friends. I got the sense of loyalty from him and I respected that.

Possessive... I'll definitely expect you to be faithful and won't be very happy to hear you speaking about your interest in someone else, but at the same time, I'm definitely not going to restrict you from going out on your own and doing your thing. Go for as long as you need/want, I just need to know that you will return. I suppose I do consider my partner to be "mine" however. Maybe that's a bit of Pluto in the 5th sextile Saturn or Cancer ASC talking though, haha.

Overall, I'd like a stable, mature/responsible partner...someone who can take the lead while also considering my own opinion. I'd prefer someone older but anything older than 6 years kind of puts me off.

posted October 13, 2014 01:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
it seems its all about structure(relationship), which a sun-saturn native fears it might be destroyed after hard work was invested for building it up...

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Someone dear to me has Sun sq Saturn (6) with Saturn on MC(0) and ruling intercepted 4th. He told me: "sometimes I feel left out in a corner"
His father is a charismatic/histrionic/flamboyant Trickster-like personality who has taught the children cool people don't take things too seriously and the "winners" of this world are people who are "slick" and "slippery", Tricksters. As a child, my Sun/Saturn was ridiculed every time he displayed his serious/deep nature so in time he has learned being too serious and Saturnian is something not appreciated, ridiculed, something the world doesn't need. Also, he was often left to be by himself, in the shadow, and discouraged to express himself (especially by his father).
I think it is interesting to check the relationship between this config and the father/parents, especially if Saturn in 4th/10th. As it happens, this chart beautifully illustrates the story. Saturn is also on the SN (3).

I wanted to mention another thing about Saturn: the insecurities it brings. Venus/Saturn may feel not beautiful or expressive enough. Moon/Saturn suffers in silence and thinks expressing one's emotions may seem inadequate, ridicule or weak. Sun/Saturn usually has a low self/esteem and insecurities regarding one's general worth/personality/being. I noticed he doesn't believe me when I compliment him, he thinks I'm just having a good heart (he even said that) or that I simply want to encourage him. I think one of the several reasons Sun/Saturn doesn't want to commit is because they believe sooner or later the partner will acknowledge their "flaws" - which they perceive as many - and despise them and leave them and this abandonment is seen as unbearable. He told me in a discussion about relationships: "I'm not sure a person would really like me, sooner or later they will see how I really am and leave and I'm not sure if I'm going to survive".

As a Cap ASC with Saturn on DSC and Sun sextile Saturn, I haven't experienced commitment issues, neither fear nor compulsion, but I had a period, as a teenager and in early youth, of extreme shyness and social insecurity. Saturn people may perceive their stability, seriousness, fixity as a handicap rather than an asset, at some point or in certain environments. I pretended to be less "serious" than I was because at that age, it didn't seem fit/cool to express this side of myself and I experienced a lot of pain because of hiding my Saturn. But Saturn is a great teacher, not a punisher. I think he is the greater teacher of becoming "oneself". For me, it helped a lot and it was a leap when I realized there is a place in the world for all of us, being Saturnian is a great asset for me and the world and all that matters is for me to bring into the world who I really am: slowly, with time, you get to be surrounded with people who appreciate you and your Saturn. For all Saturn people out there with fear of commitment/insecurities, I think bringing it out is the most important thing, showing people what you expect and especially being the first to give what you want to get in return, and soon enough you will meet at least one person who will appreciate these great qualities that make the world a good place: steadfastness, perseverance, commitment, devotion, wisdom etc.

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posted October 13, 2014 02:09 PM            

Fear of abandonment confirmed once again.

No casual dating.

I was surprised when my love interest started to express immense fear of abandonment. Every little gesture was looked upon as a possible sign of losing interest in him.
It makes so much more sense now.
Thank you, guys!

posted October 13, 2014 04:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
If I got into a relationship, I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend turned out to be my first and last boyfriend. Now, can anyone handle this?

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