posted November 19, 2014 04:25 PM            

WHY am I so impulsive and silly?!! Is there something in our composite + transits that led me to dump my feelings on him?

posted November 19, 2014 04:30 PM            

Present day: So I saw him again last night and as usual, he's always hugging me. We are huggy people, but we are more so together.

I found myself going up to him and I think we must have hugged each other 7-8 times. It used to be one hug at hello, one at goodbye.

Now, not only are they more frequent, they linger, full body contact, etc. which is super inappropriate (I know) considering I got married this year.

At our last hug, as we pulled away, we both reached for the others' hand. And we held on for a moment while I was walking away to leave. I didn't want to let go.

So this morning I dumped all of my feelings on him via chat. I told him that I'm happy where I'm at and I'm not trying to start an affair, but that he means something to me too.

Here's a part of the convo with certain details removed (names).

quote:

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The complication is that we’re friends now, so now that I know you more personally, I find that you are an easy person to love and I find that I have genuine, thoughtful feelings for you that are pretty deep. Then when I see you in person, especially when you hug me, I have thoughts I will not even repeat here. It feels..... good. Kind of like a drug. Which is bad… they told us drugs are bad LOL!

I know we’re just friends and that’s all. I just..... *sigh*

Honestly, I think because I was never with you before, I’m always going to hold you in high regard because we never got together and had any bad times together. The fantasy is still pure & I think a part of me will always have some longing for you.

It would never work -- even if things were different (I wasn't married, you weren't with Name). But like I said, the fantasy is still pure and I do care for you a lot.

I suppose you'll always be my "Something I can never have."

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His response was /

Followed by telling me he would never come between me & my hubby and the conversation would remain private. He also admitted he kept a little heart I drew him on paper once.

I'm such a mess today...

Anyway, I am curious if there is something going on in the sky that led me to being so impulsive with him because for the last few years, I've been able to hold it in.

posted November 19, 2014 06:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Do you think you'd feel this way about him if you felt more loved by your husband?

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My husband is at times, emotionally cold. But I've expressed before that he's just quirky and he shows it in his own way. I know he loves me and I do feel loved even if he doesn't do love my way.

This attraction to my friend started before I met my hubby. I've known of him for about six years and I started to be attracted to him four years ago. We attempted a relationship but it was always bad timing. We never did more than suggestive talk.

Then, things happened very fast in my relationship with my hubby and we were living together and engaged with just a few months (this was in 2012).

It just turned out that the two of them are friends & I didn't know. Consequently, this previous person did not exit my life. Instead, he has become a bigger part of my life.

I keep shoving those feelings deep down but today, I just lost it and told him. After I told him how I felt, I cried for like 20 minutes. I feel a million times lighter but also, I feel rotten.

It's not like me to just be completely impulsive and damn the consequences. That's why I asked about transits. I was told in a previous thread that we an exact (or near exact) Mars/Pluto conjunction in our synastry. I can see how that is playing out here.

It's just that I would usually suffer in silence no matter what the issue is because I hate confrontation of any kind (good or bad).

posted November 19, 2014 06:48 PM            

I find I am very drawn to people I have composite tsquares with, it brings a lot of attraction and that stellium wow.

posted November 19, 2014 06:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Even more fascinating, H, she's basically got a 4º-5º conjunction of VENUS/MARS in both composites. Wow! Girl knows what she wants!

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posted November 19, 2014 06:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
But yes I concur with A on transit Mars activating that stellium been the trigger, it must feel nice to finally let all those feelings out, how did he take it?

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He took it well. He is always a gentleman so knowing both of us, he didn't jump all over me. He said our conversation would be kept secret and that he would never do anything to get between me & hubby.

I have the feeling if we were less mature, this whole thing would have played out differently (like, sex in his car kind of differently). He did admit to keeping this silly little thing I drew him once and then he said he had to run errands.

posted November 19, 2014 06:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
The exact tMARS to cMARS could do it. I'd be a bit wary for the next week, depending upon how you want to play this. tMARS to cVENUS/MARS straddling the cDSC is no laughing matter.

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Oh man. We work together this week and there is an event we are both committed to (work related) next week as well. Oy vey!

posted November 19, 2014 07:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:

But yes I concur with A on transit Mars activating that stellium been the trigger

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I saw that transit Mars there, but I didn't think it was close enough yet to be causing such a display.

Thanks for helping out (everyone). I feel like I'm on a roller coaster.

posted November 19, 2014 07:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Geeky:
I saw that transit Mars there, but I didn't think it was close enough yet to be causing such a display.

Thanks for helping out (everyone). I feel like I'm on a roller coaster.

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It went exact late on the 17th, it looks like. When did you actually tell him? You would've been feeling it come on since Sunday. Which is why I'm saying you two are in a red zone. Your cVENUS/MARS is 19º, meaning it's 0º your cDSC.

Damn.

Here's the reality. MARS is action; it's drive. Motivation. It gets things done. Right on your cVENUS/MARS=DSC? Uhhhhhh. Yeah.

Does he have anything at 19º Cap? I forget.

What I'm saying is that it's time to open your eyes, Geeky. Be responsible about this. It's not going to go away. You're both holding a stick of dynamite that gets lit by cardinal placements +/- 2º, with an uncontrolled explosion resulting from 19º Cap.

posted November 19, 2014 07:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
It went exact late on the 17th, it looks like. When did you actually tell him? You would've been feeling it come on since Sunday. Which is why I'm saying you two are in a red zone. Your cVENUS/MARS is 19º, meaning it's 0º your cDSC.

Damn.

Here's the reality. MARS is action; it's drive. Motivation. It gets things done. Right on your cVENUS/MARS=DSC? Uhhhhhh. Yeah.

Does he have anything at 19º Cap? I forget.

What I'm saying is that it's time to open your eyes, Geeky. Be responsible about this. It's not going to go away. You're both holding a stick of dynamite that gets lit by cardinal placements +/- 2º, with an uncontrolled explosion resulting from 19º Cap.

Do you honestly want to tread this minefield ... indefinitely?

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I actually felt it starting this weekend, but I saw him last night (Tuesday) which was like trying to keep two magnets apart. I'm certain anyone in the room must have seen it as well. That's when the holding hands thing happened too.

After the intensity hitting me so hard last night, I told him this morning (Wednesday).

He has nothing at all in Capricorn.

Do I want to tread the minefield? I don't know. I think a part of me likes it (as I described to him, it's like a drug). I'm troubled and stressed about it as much as I am excited. :/

posted November 19, 2014 08:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
At the time, had you thought your feelings had run their course?

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Yeah. We couldn't seem to connect (it was always bad timing with him having a girlfriend or me dating someone). I thought enough time/distance would settle it but now he's very present in my life.

I had no idea he and my hubby were friends and I had no idea it would develop into a friendship & working relationship between us as well.

posted November 19, 2014 08:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Geeky:
Yeah. We couldn't seem to connect (it was always bad timing with him having a girlfriend or me dating someone). I thought enough time/distance would settle it but now he's very present in my life.

I had no idea he and my hubby were friends and I had no idea it would develop into a friendship & working relationship between us as well.

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posted November 19, 2014 10:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Wow. Yeah. That's unfortunate. Definitely feels as if there's quite a lot of fate going on here. You said you have, or have not, told your husband?

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He's never said the words, but he knows I am super attracted to him because he occasionally teases me and then instantly feels bad like, "I don't know why I said that."

For example - he's not one that buys birthday presents (because he doesn't celebrate) so for my most recent birthday he said, "I'll just bring home Name, will that do?" in a joking manner. Then instantly apologized.

I don't know if he knows the extent of my feelings though.

Edit: So no, I never told him. That's why it feels so icky.

posted November 20, 2014 01:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Geeky:
He's never said the words, but he knows I am super attracted to him because he occasionally teases me and then instantly feels bad like, "I don't know why I said that."

For example - he's not one that buys birthday presents (because he doesn't celebrate) so for my most recent birthday he said, "I'll just bring home Name, will that do?" in a joking manner. Then instantly apologized.

I don't know if he knows the extent of my feelings though.

Edit: So no, I never told him. That's why it feels so icky.

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I think it's time you tell him the truth. Take the energy being generated here from tMARS and do what you know, deep down, you need to do.

posted November 20, 2014 02:53 AM            

If you want to preserve your marriage I'd cool it down around this other guy as soon as possible. All this hugging and hand-holding stuff sounds like recipe for disaster. Do you really want to ruin your relationship with your husband over this guy? I suspect this is a 'grass is greener' type scenario. The other guy only looks so good because he is forbidden fruit, but if you actually ate that fruit, you might find you deeply regret doing so.

The more you let something dwell in your mind the bigger an issue it seems to be. But if you deliberately attempt to brush the thought off when the other guy pops into your mind, his influence on you will gradually fade. Thinking and dwelling endlessly on the other guy only makes it a bigger issue for you then it needs to be. It's really the best way to save your marriage, if that's what you want to do.

I get where your coming from though. The high of that 'new romance' feeling can be addictive. But this eventually calms down in any relationship. It's wouldn't be any different even if you were with Aries guy.

What I can tell is that if anything were to happen between you and the other guy it would blow up in your face eventually. This is your husbands friend. Not that you WOULD do anything.

posted November 20, 2014 03:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lotis White:
I kind of have the opposite point of view. Telling your husband might stir up a lot of crap that's best left alone. Your husband suspecting you think the other guy is attractive is a LOT different than him knowing you obsess over him. Your husband might be more hurt and disappointed then you realise.

If you want to preserve your marriage I'd cool it down around this other guy as soon as possible. All this hugging and hand-holding stuff sounds like recipe for disaster. Do you really want to ruin your relationship with your husband over this guy? I suspect this is a 'grass is greener' type scenario. The other guy only looks so good because he is forbidden fruit, but if you actually ate that fruit, you might find you deeply regret doing so.

The more you let something dwell in your mind the bigger an issue it seems to be. But if you deliberately attempt to brush the thought off when the other guy pops into your mind, his influence on you will gradually fade. Thinking and dwelling endlessly on the other guy only makes it a bigger issue for you then it needs to be. It's really the best way to save your marriage, if that's what you want to do.

I get where your coming from though. The high of that 'new romance' feeling can be addictive. But this eventually calms down in any relationship. It's wouldn't be any different even if you were with Aries guy.

What I can tell is that if anything were to happen between you and the other guy it would blow up in your face eventually. This is your husbands friend. Not that you WOULD do anything.

Sorry if I seem a little to forward. I've seen this type of scenario play out before and it can get really messy and ugly.

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I'm not sure if I agree. But then things ended up very differently for me. I think more people get into more trouble in relationships thinking something will fade over time, and neglect to be truly honest with their partners.

I think it's one of the greatest hypocrisies in our modern world; how we praise intimacy, but never take the real opportunities to cultivate it. I've seen this scenario in my practise more times than I can count. It tends to blow up because of the inadvertent secrecy. Modern marriage thrives on half-truths and the illusion of copacetic happiness. But the real tragedy is, that's not intimacy. Most don't have what it takes for the real stuff -- or, they adhere to the fallacious belief 'this will pass', and refuse to address the issue at all.

posted November 20, 2014 02:16 PM            

I am comfortable where I am and I know that being with the other person would be very uncomfortable. We have a strong connection, yes, but that doesn't mean he'd be a great partner.

It's not really a grass is greener thing either because although I find him VERY attractive, I find my hubby is damn good looking too.

Last night was hard. I didn't sleep much because I laid awake with panic and guilt. I'm not one that's good at hiding my feelings when it gets like this.

I think if I can make it through this transit unscathed, I'll be ok!

Thank you all for looking at the transits and giving so many points of view.

posted November 20, 2014 03:14 PM            

Humans often modify behavior or thinking because of the need for social approval.

Regardless of what you choose to do I respect your decision and I don't need to know what you end up doing; its your path. I nor anybody else have right to judge you, if there is a god he is not judging anyone; he simply just is. If karma exists this mechanism can probably be linked to quantum physics and physics, perhaps chaos theory and can be explained by science.

You really don't have to tell your husband but if you want to then do it. My husband and I are super intimate and talk about everything but there are some things that you can choose to not talk about if you want and this does not mean that you don't have an intimate relationship; we are allowed to have secrets and your significant other does not have to know absolutely everything; its healthy to have some secrets as is part of been an individual and human with your own history and path but don't be mistaken anyone who hears my husband and I talking and interacting will think we are very intimate. I remember his friend saying right from the beginning that we were like an old married couple; that intimacy has been there between us from the start and him and I are both very blunt towards each other. We tell each other practically everything and there is nothing that I can not discuss with him but I am ok if he has some secrets and its ok for me to have some myself. This idea that you have to know everything about the other is about control and fear and not so much about intimacy.

You don't have to cheat but cheating does happen, over half of married people cheat at some point; is socially frown upon but it happens!.

Now if you want to discuss with your husband having an open relationship I think that is great but it seems you have already discussed this before and he is not open to it as we are not biologically wired for this arrangement for a number of reasons that trace back to survival and evolutionary psychology. Perhaps in the future this will change; lets see how our biological makeup evolves perhaps a 1000 years from now the updated version of us will be wired differently and be more capable of feeling at ease with arrangements like these Or NOT and this will always be a minority in our population.

posted November 20, 2014 05:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Vajra:
Remember, there's many kinds of love, and love is not a crime. Only lying and betrayal, but not love.

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This is EXACTLY where I'm at. I won't pursue a sexual relationship outside of my marriage with my friend because I'm committed to a monogamous arrangement.

We had another brief convo last night and that's where we're at. We're deciding on taking no action. No surprise... lack of action has been our story.

It feels a little tragic if I dwell too much. :/