posted December 10, 2014 05:08 AM            

As a side note, I use Sidereal because that's the most accurate for me. I looked up my Pre-Natal Lunar, being under the sign of Leo.

So, should such a soul do a 180 and become a Pisces? Or the Water-Bearer? IMO, the "man" of the Zodiac is much more descriptive.
Tropical:

Sidereal:


I am the Male in the relationship and now to explain how everything occurred. I was/am bored as all hell, never having had so much as a single kiss in my life.(And suffice to say, raging hormones to do you-know-what).

I'm an intellectual geek who's never had friends by any real meaning. A true loner by the books. With College fading out of my life, I needed something to hold me tight.

I spoke about my beliefs in love on another Forum, about how I believed in the Sacred Feminine. A poster essentially told me to grow up and not to pigeon hold women to that high standard(It used to be commonplace way back when lol)

So I actually followed that Poster's advice and decided to pen pal a female inmate(I saw a prison show and I sympathized that these women would be degraded).

Here's where Fate kicks in: The inmate I originally e-mailed had no interest in me and basically told her friend about me. It didn't take long before me and the girl became hotly intimate.

But for various reasons(some obvious), the relationship would sizzle as silence grew between us And now, having looked at the chart I'm torn between it all.

posted December 10, 2014 09:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Vajra:
Hi LightandDarkWings,

welcome to Lindaland!

The chart is not visible for other users the way you posted it - for that, you must first save the chart pic on your computer, upload it to tinypic, photobucket or some other such site, and post the forum link they give you there.

I'm not sure many people here can work with sidereal though. If you want several opinions, you should perhaps give tropical a shot even if you think it doesn't work for you.

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posted December 11, 2014 10:30 PM            

That Angel-Karma seems pretty strong in my opinion, and though I didn't add it to the chart here, we have a Neptune-DNA conjunction as well.

Looking at the chart in earnest, the asteroids only reaffirm the chart itself.

The T-Square between Her Sun, my Pluto and
Mars. It can also be read as Her Saturn squaring Mars.

The positives are Mars Trine Mars, Pluto Trine Venus and a Moon Sextile Mars. Uranus also trines Moon.(I think, not too good at reading synastry).

Given the Uranus-Neptune squares on both sides, perhaps the situation would be unclear, yet shifting which would enable the more explosive energies to manifest negatively.

posted December 12, 2014 09:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by GypseeWind:
I only see one chart at the beginning but it's very small and won't enlarge.

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I didn't know, so I just changed from Tinyurl to Photobucket. Regretfully since HTML is off, I can only use the the "[IMG]" link which doesn't act like one XD.

posted December 12, 2014 08:29 PM            

I can't speak for the others on this forum, but as a former criminologist (AKA 'profiler') I've had my share of homicidal personalities, emotional predators, and psychopaths across the spectrum.

Could you tell me more about your personal history? You're early 20s, but have a troubled sexual profile? High libido but no actual partnered sex or intimate interaction? I'm just making sure I'm understanding you.

Have you ever met the female inmate? You said you're 'hotly intimate', but I'm not sure if that's of a purely theoretical nature; intellectual and emotional, rather than physical.

I'm intrigued by why it is you felt that female inmates were degraded any more than male inmates in the prison system. It's a WHOLE other world. (My work placed me in the field of correctional systems as well.)

Clearly you wanted the intense drama (NESSUS-KARMA). The better question is why? My guess is, as you said before, you were simply bored. Perhaps a high stimulus seeker who wasn't finding that 'quotient' met. There are numerous reasons why one goes 'looking for trouble'.

posted December 12, 2014 09:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
LightandDarkWings,

I can't speak for the others on this forum, but as a former criminologist (AKA 'profiler') I've had my share of homicidal personalities, emotional predators, and psychopaths across the spectrum.

Could you tell me more about your personal history? You're early 20s, but have a troubled sexual profile? High libido but no actual partnered sex or intimate interaction? I'm just making sure I'm understanding you.

Have you ever met the female inmate? You said you're 'hotly intimate', but I'm not sure if that's of a purely theoretical nature; intellectual and emotional, rather than physical.

I'm intrigued by why it is you felt that female inmates were degraded any more than male inmates in the prison system. It's a WHOLE other world. (My work placed me in the field of correctional systems as well.)

Clearly you wanted the intense drama (NESSUS-KARMA). The better question is why? My guess is, as you said before, you were simply bored. Perhaps a high stimulus seeker who wasn't finding that 'quotient' met. There are numerous reasons why one goes 'looking for trouble'.

Now the likelihood you stumbled into a karmic relationship? Higher than you might think, which your natal would likely reveal. (I, too, can't see the charts you've posted. Though, I would like to.)

---

Thanks Auby, and in turn could you tell me the best way to post these charts? I tried Tinyurl, now Photobucket to no avail. Maybe a profile problem?(It says HTML is off)

I'll go into more detail, though you hit the gist of it correctly(as expected of a profiler).

I'm 22, I haven't had so much as a kiss with a female(Unless your mom counts), I was heavily bullied(I was once lit with a match) I could've been a poster child for the next Columbine.

Except I took it more inwards, they weren't to blame for my troubles(though they caused it), it was I who was worthless and inevitably I should hate myself. But I was too much of a coward to even commit suicide, so I lived the better part of 13 years not even truly believing in a platonic friendship.

Sometime along the way, I got tired of being the world's plaything and decided that I would be better then them. I'd be better than the world put together! My pride and ego wouldn't let me stoop to crime, but it would make me want to legally be superior to all others.

To me, to commit a crime is an admission of failure. You're surrendering to your bullies, your demons, yourself.

I graduated HS, got 60+ hours of college credit for my Bachelors(several non-business classes made me flunk out lol) and I'm generally happy.

Generally being the key word, I wanted to get my Adult life started on the right track, so I went job hunting. To no avail.

College-educated, clean-cut, no record, no job. Such has been my life lol. So in LOA like fashion, I decided to give up on work and money(Since it wasn't going anywhere)

Now, there's my views on sex: I'm submissive by nature. All egotistical goals and narcissism disappears when I think about me, her and the bedroom. I want to experience a sense of sexual freedom in the bedroom.

(I have Sado Conjunct Moon). Sexual purification is another term I'd use. We can't truly exorcise our demons by forgetting them, nor through 'practical application'. Only through sex can we truly feel alive.

(Sun Conjunct Juno) So in a a sense, I looked to a prison pen pal since they've already surrendered to their demons. In a weird way, it'll be much easier for her to have such profound sex than someone with reservations.

As to why I felt female inmates were worse off than men, it's because they're girls. Women were meant to be loving, men were meant for construction.

With these labor camps(I mean "prison"), troubled female inmates experience the same gathering of violent women as men do(for men), which will break them down even more.

Prison is the one place equality doesn't exist. Female inmates shouldn't be held to the same crappy standards men are.

I've thought of Malibu as not only a place to treat the addicted, but even the most hardened of criminals.

It's called a "correctional facility", but we don't do much correcting.

TLDR: I'm a 22 yr old M who's usually "feeling it"(several times a day), who feels tortured by the lackthereof and I know this is a dangerous sentient but: Anyone'll do.

PS. No, we haven't ever had contact. The girl lives in Kansas, I in Pennsylvania.

posted December 12, 2014 11:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LightandDarkWings:
BTW, Finally got charts fixed.

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posted December 12, 2014 11:44 PM            

Thank you for the informative background. (I mean that seriously.)

I'd like to see the composite. I'm going to suspect it's highly concentrated. So, yes, it's likely fated. Your randomly making an, unusual, if not profound leap, which then prompted you to contact a female inmate is interesting to the point where it MUST be fated.

Okay. Now. Here comes a heaping spoonful of reality. (It's for your own good.) Ready? Here comes the airplane ...

Numero uno.

Equality doesn't exist anywhere. ANYWHERE. Independence and equality is the first thing of which an individual is stripped when they enter the penal system, as a matter of course. You can imagine, it's designed that way. Why is clear. But the 'punitive' versus 'coercive' debate is a hot one. As to the rest of society? Equality is an ideal we're all continually striving for. As to how we're progressing ... ehhhhh. Good decades and bad decades.

As to life in a womens' prison, I certainly hope you're not getting your perspective from Jenji's Orange is the new Black. Best not to forget the woman's claim to fame was Weeds. (A brilliant romp, but hardly reality.) My aunt did time on possession. While Orange does convey how it's a system (and a world) all its own, I fear it didn't do so very faithfully.

Now, I appreciate the leap you made ('one who's already surrendered to their demons') and have great respect for anyone who sees crime as an admission of failure to oneself. Very good. But I feel the expectations you have about your 'bad girl romance' is only going to prove disappointing. Unless she's been spending her time with bikram yoga and reading the Gita, expecting a profound sexual experience with this woman is, well, the stuff of fantasy.

Also, consider you MIGHT be asexual. It's tougher for a man to detect it, because of the presence of testosterone creating libido. But for men who've had zero sexual experiences who come through my practise, I automatically have to question their orientation. Sexual anorexia is another possibility, too, as you've clearly wrestled with sexualised rage -- and won! Seriously, congrats on that one. That's what tanked Elliot Rodger. So you're to be commended for not succumbing; having higher standards and morals.

Creating a relationship with someone who, as you accurately stated, surrendered to their demons, isn't going to get you very far in the respect department though, will it? I realise you were told that your standards are too high, but, hey, in all honesty, my partner had his first sexual relationship at 46. (With me, actually, because I'll admit; I'm kind of a catch.) He just waited, busied himself with career, contributing constructively to the world, mentoring, and actively working in Hollywood. He made a conscious decision that it didn't matter if he didn't find just what his standards demanded. He'd go without.

Sounds like you've done that, too. Plus, punching your v-card is going to be a big deal to you on an emotional level. You don't want to succumb to the voice saying, 'shouldn't you join the land of the non-virgins?' because, really, it's fulla bulla. I lost my virginity at 23, in a committed relationship that proved not to make the long-haul. But I don't regret my very conscious, very reasoned decision to tackle that when I did. I'm glad I waited. It was a natural move, rather than anything forced or succumbing to the voices in my head which sounded a lot like society's kibitzing.

As to the karmic nature of this? Well, sure. That's obvious. But you've also chosen someone unavailable, who's of the criminal persuasion, and is an institutionalised 'underdog'.

HELLO! NEPTUNE MUCH?

But I have other things to which I must attend at the moment, and I'll need a bit more time to explain this further. (Believe me. There's a lot going on here with you, which is less related to her directly, and more to you and your development.)

posted December 13, 2014 01:31 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:
LaDW,

Thank you for the informative background. (I mean that seriously.)

I'd like to see the composite. I'm going to suspect it's highly concentrated. So, yes, it's likely fated. Your randomly making an, unusual, if not profound leap, which then prompted you to contact a female inmate is interesting to the point where it MUST be fated.

Okay. Now. Here comes a heaping spoonful of reality. (It's for your own good.) Ready? Here comes the airplane ...

Numero uno.

Equality doesn't exist anywhere. ANYWHERE. Independence and equality is the [b]first thing of which an individual is stripped when they enter the penal system, as a matter of course. You can imagine, it's designed that way. Why is clear. But the 'punitive' versus 'coercive' debate is a hot one.

As to life in a womens' prison, I certainly hope you're not getting your perspective from Jenji's Orange is the new Black. Best not to forget the woman's claim to fame was Weeds. (A brilliant romp, but hardly reality.) My aunt did time on possession. While Orange does convey how it's a system (and a world) all its own, I fear it didn't do so very faithfully.

Now, I appreciate the leap you made ('one who's already surrendered to their demons') and have great respect for anyone who sees crime as an admission of failure to oneself. Very good. But I feel the expectations you have about your 'bad girl romance' is only going to prove disappointing. Unless she's been spending her time with bikram yoga and reading the Gita, expecting a profound sexual experience with this woman is, well, the stuff of fantasy.

Also, consider you MIGHT be asexual. It's tougher for a man to detect it, because of the presence of testosterone creating libido. But for men who've had zero sexual experiences who come through my practise, I automatically have to question their orientation. Sexual anorexia is another possibility, too, as you've clearly wrestled with sexualised rage -- and won! Seriously, congrats on that one. That's what tanked Elliot Rodger. So you're to be commended for not succumbing; having higher standards and morals.

Creating a relationship with someone who, as you accurately stated, surrendered to their demons, isn't going to get you very far in the respect department though, will it? I realise you were told that your standards are too high, but, hey, in all honesty, my partner had his first sexual relationship at 46. (With me, actually, because I'll admit; I'm kind of a catch.) He just waited, busied himself with career, contributing constructively to the world, mentoring, and actively working in Hollywood. He made a conscious decision that it didn't matter if he didn't find just what his standards demanded. He'd go without.

Sounds like you've done that, too. Plus, punching your v-card is going to be a big deal to you on an emotional level. You don't want to succumb to the voice saying, 'shouldn't you join the land of the non-virgins?' because, really, it's fulla bulla. I lost my virginity at 23, in a committed relationship that proved not to make the long-haul. But I don't regret my very conscious, very reasoned decision to tackle that when I did. I'm glad I waited. It was a natural move, rather than anything forced or succumbing to the voices in my head which sounded a lot like society's kibitzing.

As to the karmic nature of this? Well, sure. That's obvious. But you've also chosen someone unavailable, who's of the criminal persuasion, and is an institutionalised 'underdog'.

HELLO! NEPTUNE MUCH?

But I have other things to which I must attend at the moment, and I'll need a bit more time to explain this further. (Believe me. There's a lot going on here with you, which is less related to her directly, and more to you and your development.)

Back soon.[/B]

---

Thanks Auby, a lot of what you said meant alot. Got me looking up alot of those terms and meanings, which I honestly had no idea even existed. And so before posting the Composite(Do you want Davison as well?) I feel compelled by honesty to answer your questions.

Asexuality: I read on Wiki that it's questionable as to whether or not it's a thing. Others may not be attracted to me, but how is that wired genetically or physiologically?

It's true though, I've had breath problems(Who doesn't), I'm inconsistent with brushing my teeth as well as naturally being a shut-in.

That said, no girl has ever made mention of these deficiencies(Then again, no girl ever really took me seriously)

But as far as me lacking attraction or affection for women? No, just no XD. I rather like long hair on a woman, more to play with. Speaking of her hair, the darker it is, the more it illuminates her body.

I like a fair complexion, size is a must. It doesn't have to be outrageous, just enough to hug and fondle. It goes back to my thoughts on the bedroom, I don't want to be an Alpha.

I want a 50/50 dynamic, where we're both prominent and strong.

The same thing applies to sexual dysfunction. I'll admit that a few neighborhood bullies(not to be confused with the school bullies) did rape me, and at the time I was shocked and afraid(And yes, they were guys yuck XD)

But afterward? It did feel good(Or at least curiously, I realized that I was alive and not in mortal danger).

That's when I realized(unconsciously anyway) that I could use the Power of Sex to heal myself.

In other words, self-love to replace a lack of love from others. Are there psychological risks associated with those? Of course and I can't(and won't) claim to have avoided them.

I'm a narcissist, it is what it is. Do I lack Empathy? No, I just have more Empathy for myself than others.

Do I have a cognition of Law and Order and Society in general? Yes, more than I'd think. But perhaps it's because a person like me could be "on the ledge" that I value the Ledge(Society) alot more.

It's an evil necessity, in a world of pitfalls, obstacles and trials. IMO, the best world is a world where we express our own individuality, yet recognizing our own flaws.

True unity will be a unity of willing individuals, not collectivism.

But sexually repressed rage? Nah, masturbation gave me freedom from a world where I was a lifeless shell W/O love.

Enough of LADW's ranting, we've got a Composite to upload.

Tropical:

posted December 13, 2014 03:13 AM            

You also strike me as schizo-spectrum. But not at ALL like a narcissist. It takes MUCH more than issues with empathy (which could be neurological) to make NPD.

posted December 13, 2014 03:33 AM            

And, to be sure, it's got to be interesting being a MOON-NYMPHE in Aries, with an 8H SUN with these traits. I'm very familiar with that configuration.

So, what's your plan for your prison romance here? It seems to me like it's essentially based in fantasy, and likely a way in which you're dipping a toe into legitimate interpersonal relations, after having withdrawn from them for the bulk of your social existence. If that's the case, it seems a healthy (enough) outlet. But it's also important to understand whether that IS what you're doing -- or not.

You seem a very thoughtful young man with a fair bit of intrapersonal intelligence which can get a bit lost on the road to ferreting out the root of identity. I feel you find yourself maybe going in too many directions; submissive? Narcissist? You need to narrow the scope.

Your issues regarding a lack of true development of a sense of self are likely causing distress at the psychic level leading to bizarre leaps such as, setting up a prison relationship. It could also lead to you feeling as if you might be narcissistic. You might want to explore it more deeply. I think you'll find that it doesn't actually fit -- or something fits a lot better.

posted December 13, 2014 03:56 AM            

But motivation alone doesn't make sex, if it were as simple as snapping a finger then there'd be no need for an emotional connection.

There'd be no need to understand the other person, there'd be no need to initiate conversations(Which I struggle with).

I mean, sans being a mind reader how would you know what they're interested in? People often don't care about what you do, they care less what you think.

They care about whether or not you're perceptive of them. And admittedly for me, that's hard. So I'm stuck.

I also have self-defensive tendencies. Like right now, this conversation reminds me of the past. I was institutionalized in a Private School for my Cerebral Palsy and my gross motor skils.

Even when I went to a public school, I was the "special" kid, mocked as such and I felt I could never live a "normal" life, if such a thing existed.

So I'm sorry if any of this long-windedness is an attempt at denial on my part(It probably is). It's by no means pointed at you, I'd point it at myself if I could.

But I already have, and to hear such a scathing review on who I am(or to be more precise, what I could never be) makes me want to throw my hands up and give up.

posted December 13, 2014 12:57 PM            

Health issues -- that can do it. That's a whole other profile.

The truth is, we've ALL had it rough somewhere. Keeping your chin up and working towards being the best version of yourself you can be is what helps you, over time, to define yourself. To understand, and build a true sense of self.

But, hey, it takes time, and a lot of work. You're young. Cut yourself some slack.

Now. What's up with the prison chick? What are your plans there? What are you REALLY after here? We've established it's karmic, so the key is to understand how it affects YOU, and why YOU are putting yourself in this position.

posted December 13, 2014 08:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
What's scathing? You haven't developed a sense of self. Welcome to a very large chunk of the population. We investigate narcissism as a potentiality, but if the shoe doesn't fit, (and, in your case, no shrink worth their salt would sign 'NPD' on the dotted line) then it's not best to slap on any label that kinda fits and carry on.

Health issues -- that can do it. That's a whole other profile.

The truth is, we've ALL had it rough somewhere. Keeping your chin up and working towards being the best version of yourself you can be is what helps you, over time, to define yourself. To understand, and build a true sense of self.

But, hey, it takes time, and a lot of work. You're young. Cut yourself some slack.

Now. What's up with the prison chick? What are your plans there? What are you REALLY after here? We've established it's karmic, so the key is to understand how it affects YOU, and why YOU are putting yourself in this position.

Also, what do you think it means that attraction grows with absence and when intimacy wanes? That's different from an established relationship, in which 'the heart grows fonder'. What do you think it means that it 'sizzles in silence' between you?

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The extent to which I may be schizo-ish is to me(and it's not your fault at all in fact, thank you for raising such difficult questions.) an indicator that no matter how hard I work, no matter how I may improve myself I'll always be the Ugly Duckling.

The other swans were a pristine White while I'm grey. That story has such a profound meaning.

That in of itself might've been the single biggest reason that I decided to go with the flow and give it a chance.

She, too would essentially be seen as an "ugly duckling" and if no one saw her differently, she'd likely keep that same mentality.

And if I saw her as a beautiful swan, maybe she too would've seen me as a beautiful swan.

I don't seek to be "fixed" or even "saved" for that matter. I am what I am and nothing will ever take the grey taint away from me, no matter how much I may wish it so.

But acceptance? That'd be nice, to be accepted for who I truly am. And equally to accept a person for who they are and to find a brighter future together.

In short, synchronicity, a shared wish. To live happily no matter what crosses our path. To have such a strong bond with that person.

I want to surrender myself to that feeling of bliss after so many years of futile struggle trying to find it.

I'll admit that I may have placed that image of a woman I could synchronize with on her. Hence making it more of a sexual attraction than a platonic one.

And the reason it sizzles between us is obvious enough to me: Even if a relationship were purely sexual or long-distance, to me it still has meaning.

But without that connection, it quickly loses its meaning and flare. And for someone like me, who saw that connection as a lifefloat, it's admittedly the biggest turn off of all.

So, why am I still holding on to this? Partly, Astrology. I'm surprisingly good at it, and I perfected SA's without any teaching.

So I checked out that my Mars-Saturn conjunct my Sun at 33, then I added her astrological data, the Karma asteroid and I'm like "Oh crap".

My mistake was attributing my karmic challenge to Saturn-Mars, I completely underlooked my Uranus-Neptune.

Part of it, is me wanting to close it out the right way. I told her in a letter last yr that I wouldn't blame her for anything that happened.

It's her flare and spontaneity that made me intrigued after all. So, how do I say "Sorry, I want to go in a different direction" without her volatile anger directed at me?

And in a sense, wouldn't I be giving up on her? I'm screwed either way: Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

posted December 13, 2014 09:58 PM            

It feels like how my high school years would have ended up, had I made a very different choice my sophomore year.

But we're here to talk about astrology, so, let's do that.

posted December 13, 2014 11:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Have you ever seen the movie 'Heathers' ? It's rather famous. Daniel Waters wrote and directed; Winona Ryder and Christian Slater starred. Great film; one of my favourites. But outside of that, it's a more personal sentiment to me.

It feels like how my high school years would have ended up, had I made a very different choice my sophomore year.

But we're here to talk about astrology, so, let's do that.

Back in a sec with charts.

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