posted February 18, 2015 09:24 PM
A lot of people here, know the story of me and fishy. So I'll try not to go into to much detail. (Yeah right) hahFirst going way back before we actually met, we have both worked for the same company since we were 20. (Age difference,so started different years)
We worked at different locations about 50 miles apart. We each attended company wide Christmas parties year after year, but never met. I have no memory of ever seeing him. Plus you attend these parties with dates.
For conversation sake, the depart I work in I will call dept 1, and his current job dept 2.
When I was young, I did his dept 2 work, but for a different company.
He started off in dept 1, I was moving from location to location, once he left dept 1, and went to deprt 2. I was applying for another position, in a total different dept.. I was told by HR, we would rather have you move to dept 1, as we think that's a better fit for you.. So I moved to dept 1 and he moved to dept 2. Both of these dept are in the same building.
I started dept 1, within a few days of his bday. We were both promoted at the same time..
We were both also married.. I never really spoke to him, besides hi in passing.
But I always knew something about him, and I knew one day, something was going to happen. I was married, so I avoided him, barely speaking, but watching from afar.
About 6 years later.
A few months after I split with my husband, I walked into his office, and started a conversation. We stood there and talked for 3 hours straight. (Yes at work) even went into the break room, and ate lunch together.
I felt immediate friendship, trust, respect, loyalty, affection.
As we shared life stories, come to find out our stories were Erie similiar. We married around the same time, our kids are born 1 day apart.. Our entire life story was so close it was shocking. Even relationship stories were so close.. He had recently separated from his wife also.
A few weeks later, we decided to go out..
Let me tell you, it was awful!! Lol.. Really bad..
We both said humm yeah, let's just be friends..
We both agreed. But we kept to it, not when you say let's me friends, and never speak again. We truly remained friends, and would talk everyday.. This went on for a few months. It was really no big deal.
Then we had a disagreement, so we just stopped talking. Idk what happen, but at that point, I felt such an overwhelming loss. I was in pure pain. It didn't make sense.. But I held my head up, and kept going. Even though I felt an obsession.
3 months go by, we start talking again. We became friends again. We started talking everyday, all day. We became so close. We were both obsessed with each other. We both admitted our attraction, and decided to go out again. This time we had this passionate, intense live affair, the kind you read in novels. We couldn't be w/o each other. We couldn't even go an hr w/o talking or texting. It became so powerful and intense, that the emotions ran so high.
We ended the relationship, but couldn't let go of each other, so we continued to talk/text every single day, all day.
At this point emotions were so high, we would argue a lot, talk get obsessed, stop talking. And start all over.
At this point neither of his would admit any feelings for the other, just yah, we buddies, we cool. So the relationship went on and off for 5 years. The attraction never faded. Every time we start talking, is always immediate, attraction, respect, loyalty. Etc.
After going through this for 5 years. I felt like, I had enough, and I just can't contuiue this pattern any more.
We had a long discussion, about our feelings. We both really opened up. We both admitting, we have strong deep feelings. But never saying the L word.
I told him, I can't be like this anymore. That if we can't make this work, I have to move on for my own sanity.
I told him, if you don't want to be with me, and make this work, than you have to just walk away. He said NO, he won't walk away, but he also said, I just can't do this.. It's just too much (I'm thinking emotionally) he said I just can't. I asked him, if we wouldn't to be with me, he said, I don't want to loose you, but I'm not ready for this.
I said ok, I understand, but you can't keep me either, your only choice is to walk away. He disagreed. It became a heated argument, then after yelling for him to walk away.. He finally said YOU GOT iT! And he hung up on me.
We both made it a point to avoid each other, we rarely saw each other.. I didn't contact him, and he didn't contact me.
6 months go by ,
A lot of changes are happening at work, I've been asked to take over some responsibilities of dept 2, so I'm getting ready to go through some training. But I'm not concerned, cause fishy doesn't handle or work with any of these responsibilities.
Friday I'm driving home I get a text, and it's him, asking if he can call me. I said ok.
He called to tell me he just got promoted in dept 2, and he's going to be working in the same area, I'm going through training for.. So I tell him, what they are doing to me. Which means we will be working closely together, on certain responsibilities. Meaning he will be doing the physical work, and I will be doing the mental/paperwork behind it.
I said congrats, that's great.. Blah blah blah.. He wanted to continue the conversation, but I told him, look, I don't want to go back, I want things to stay the way they are now, with no personal contact.
He said yeah, yeah. I'm on the same page. Ok I'll see you around, ok bye, click.
Then idk, (stupid) I felt bad. So I called him back. And we had it out. We had a heated argument.
At some point, (out of anger, and yelling) he said I
Fvcking missed you, funk. I was hurting so much, I drove past your new house (I moved) he said, you felt me.. He said as soon as I stopped in front of your house (he came in a car I wouldn't recognize) you walked out of the front door, (it was late night) stood on the porch and stared at me in the car, but you couldn't see me, cuz windows were tinted. He said, you knew it was me, you stared me down, and you wouldn't take your eyes off my car. He said it freaked me out, so I peeled out..
Funny, I know exactly when he's talking about. I did know it was him, but couldn't confirm with my eyes, so I dismissed it. I describe the car to him, and he said yes.
So we settled down, from arguing, spoke for a few more minutes. We left it like that.
I told him, I just can't do this anymore, that. It's just to much... He said ok..
So ladies, with both of us new work responsibilities (starting near his bday) this is going to bring us back into contact again.. It seems like fate won't let us, let this go. Fate has a hand in this, and always brings us back towards each other, this is out of both of our control. I'm dead serious,, that I don't want to do this anymore, but idk if I can control that feeling.
I just want to know, if this is some sort of karma clear, so this can finally come to an end.. Why won't fate let this end...
I was doing so well, not speaking to him, but hearing his voice, brings back those feelings, now I'm going to have no choice but speak to him, almost daily.
I'm afraid of going back into this same pattern. It's my biggest fear here.
Lindaland
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posted February 18, 2015 09:24 PM
posted February 18, 2015 10:17 PM
