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Author Topic:   Have you set him free?
Lioness
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posted March 04, 2015 12:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Then what happens.
Does he come back?
Do you forever part?
Does it just become a distant memory?
What happens if, he does return?

I set him free 6 months ago, I maintained zero contact. I struggled to accept the loss, I accepted it, and started moving forward. But inside I secretly prayed for his return. But never showing my anguish, or the deep loss I felt.

Then bam, he calls.
So what does that mean? Is it just a cruel set up for more heartbreak?
Does he really need something from me (using me)
Does he truly miss me?

Should we beware, if they actually do return??

He called to tell me, he got promoted, he couldn't wait to tell me, cuz I'm such a big supporter of him.

I congratulated him, but quickly saying I don't want anymore contact between us.
He said ok, I said I was ready to end this completely, I asked if he was, he said he takes the 5th.
He refused to answer.
After a discussion and emotions were high, he said he's been hurting, and that he has passed by my house.
I said I was still wanting to keep the separation.

But due to his new promotion, it's bringing me more and more in contact with each other daily. I can no longer avoid him.

Something has changed inside of both of us..
He's calling me, and texting me daily. He's even texting me how much he admires and respects me. I say cool.

I've become cold, for my own self protection. He's bday just passed. I didn't say happy bday. He texted me, I'm going to go celebrate my bday. I replied back. Ok.

I have to communicate with him at work, but I feel like it's not good for me. It's going to bring us back closer, and that scares the crap out of me.

So my question is, when "they" do return. Is it really a good thing, even though you may have prayed for it??

Beware what you wish for, you just might get it??


What are your "he returned" stories???

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venus2tinkerbell
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posted March 04, 2015 01:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for venus2tinkerbell     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
excellent thread

love the way you communicate

I'm not sure if I'll participate

But I wanted to show some love

I know this curse too well

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ikja
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posted March 04, 2015 01:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ikja     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for sharing

I am trying to move on from my last relationship. I have the 'I hope he contacts me' thoughts, but I feel dead and like I don't know if I'll even react positively to hearing from him again.

I have had other people return to my life after devastating me at some point in life; and what I can say is, in the words of Drake... 'it was never the same' - all breakups kill a part of me that never returns.

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Ceridwen
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posted March 04, 2015 02:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I stopped fighting it. Adopted a more stoa-like approach to it all.
I accept it whatever it`s going to be. If they return or not, both is fine. No expectations of any outcome though.
Besides we would not be the same people anymore. What was is gone, and even if a return takes place and you want to maintain contact, it`s always a new beginning, never a continuation of the old. If it IS just a continuation of the old, i would stay away. Tehre is a reason the old did not work anymore.

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Aubyanne
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posted March 04, 2015 02:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aubyanne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
One wouldn't stop attempting to stay in contact for another year, nearly daily. Then, finally, we went our separate ways. Should we begin working together again, that WOULD be difficult.

Another stayed 'in my orbit' for the interim two years I was dealing with the aforementioned. We decided to get back together, with very good reason, at the end of that two years.

I'm very happy with that decision.

So, you never know. Either way, it's tough.

Hang in there.

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EmGem
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posted March 04, 2015 03:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for EmGem     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
they always come back. and it seems that they have an internal radar that picks up on when you have moved on...then BAM they reappear.

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Lioness
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posted March 04, 2015 08:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by venus2tinkerbell:
excellent thread

love the way you communicate

I'm not sure if I'll participate

But I wanted to show some love

I know this curse too well



Thank you hon.

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Lioness
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posted March 04, 2015 08:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by ikja:
Thank you for sharing

I am trying to move on from my last relationship. I have the 'I hope he contacts me' thoughts, but I feel dead and like I don't know if I'll even react positively to hearing from him again.

I have had other people return to my life after devastating me at some point in life; and what I can say is, in the words of Drake... 'it was never the same' - all breakups kill a part of me that never returns.


I understand completely. U wish so hard, but in reality is it the best thing for you?
I'm having serious doubts, and I'm highly suspicious of his intentions!

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Lioness
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posted March 04, 2015 08:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I stopped fighting it. Adopted a more stoa-like approach to it all.
I accept it whatever it`s going to be. If they return or not, both is fine. No expectations of any outcome though.
Besides we would not be the same people anymore. What was is gone, and even if a return takes place and you want to maintain contact, it`s always a new beginning, never a continuation of the old. If it IS just a continuation of the old, i would stay away. Tehre is a reason the old did not work anymore.

I completely agree... I know I'm stuck in this awful pattern with him. I'm going to be different towards him for sure. I something inside both of us has changed, good or bad, it is what it is.

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Lioness
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posted March 04, 2015 08:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aubyanne:
One wouldn't stop attempting to stay in contact for another year, nearly daily. Then, finally, we went our separate ways. Should we begin working together again, that WOULD be difficult.

Another stayed 'in my orbit' for the interim two years I was dealing with the aforementioned. We decided to get back together, with very good reason, at the end of that two years.

I'm very happy with that decision.

So, you never know. Either way, it's tough.

Hang in there.



Yah. I good outcome. Great for you two! I'm glad to hear a positive. I don't have positive thoughts here.
So thanks for sharing

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Lioness
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posted March 04, 2015 09:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by EmGem:
they always come back. and it seems that they have an internal radar that picks up on when you have moved on...then BAM they reappear.

No F shitz!!!
Men have I'm over you radar!

due to today's events. I have convinced my self, this is all happening, as some sort of cruel extension of heartbreak.

I honestly think the heavens are watching this whole thing play out. Their sitting up there eating popcorn, looking down of us and seeing how this whole "free will" works out while the "force" us to be in constant contact.


Today, I'm talking to him and another worker.. He was standing behind the guy texting someone.

When I got back to my desk (I left my phone) I had texts from him. He was texting me as I was talking.

He text me
Lunch 1200 "restaurant" be there!!
I rambled inside my head, saying wtf, he's trying to win me back, so he can reject me!! I'm thinking hell no, I'm not going.. But before I even realized I replied back ok..
Lol.. Guess my fingers and brain don't agree..

Anyways we ordered food, then sat in the car for lunch. He kept touching my knee, showing interest.

But I felt paralyzed. I just ignored it. We talked the entire lunch, about nothing really.
But idk, what Or why he's doing this.
He's setting me up for future heart ache..
I think he just wants me to care..

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Gabby
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posted March 04, 2015 10:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gabby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lioness:
No F shitz!!!
Men have I'm over you radar!

due to today's events. I have convinced my self, this is all happening, as some sort of cruel extension of heartbreak.

I honestly think the heavens are watching this whole thing play out. Their sitting up there eating popcorn, looking down of us and seeing how this whole "free will" works out while the "force" us to be in constant contact.


Today, I'm talking to him and another worker.. He was standing behind the guy texting someone.

When I got back to my desk (I left my phone) I had texts from him. He was texting me as I was talking.

He text me
Lunch 1200 "restaurant" be there!!
I rambled inside my head, saying wtf, he's trying to win me back, so he can reject me!! I'm thinking hell no, I'm not going.. But before I even realized I replied back ok..
Lol.. Guess my fingers and brain don't agree..

Anyways we ordered food, then sat in the car for lunch. He kept touching my knee, showing interest.

But I felt paralyzed. I just ignored it. We talked the entire lunch, about nothing really.
But idk, what Or why he's doing this.
He's setting me up for future heart ache..
I think he just wants me to care..


Is he having any major transits, esp Pluto transiting something, anything that might have made him or is making him rethink life and his decisions on a deep level?

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Lioness
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posted March 04, 2015 10:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes he's starting his
Pluto sq Pluto transit.
Plus t. Pluto conjunct natal Venus.
He also has t. Saturn conjunct moon.


Which is actually funny, when we started this. I was going through
Pluto sq Pluto
T. Pluto opps natal Venus.
Then later, moon sq t. Saturn

I guess it's his turn to go through this with me. Lol

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Gabby
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posted March 04, 2015 11:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gabby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lioness:
Yes he's starting his
Pluto sq Pluto transit.
Plus t. Pluto conjunct natal Venus.
He also has t. Saturn conjunct moon.


Which is actually funny, when we started this. I was going through
Pluto sq Pluto
T. Pluto opps natal Venus.
Then later, moon sq t. Saturn

I guess it's his turn to go through this with me. Lol


That's something to think about! These transits are not going to let him go without forcing some huge growth.
I just went through Pluto square Pluto and for me, I came out with much more confidence and focus to go after what I really want and let go of the things that are unnecessary and I know will not stand the test of time. Pluto was on my IC, square my natal Pluto on my AC....tough transit and I'm still trying to re-equilibrate and streamline my life.
With Pluto crossing Venus he will be re evaluating his love, how he loves, who he loves and why he loves. I'm about to get tr. Pluto squaring my Venus and I'm looking forward to it, you can't help but start seeing life more clearly under these transits.

My opinion is to stay distant and let him prove himself, don't show your open to trusting him...he must prove it! But in the back of your mind recognize the universe is ripping him up from the inside out right now. If he's turning to you he probably sees your a quality person that he needs to keep a hold of. But please make him prove this to you and be tough on him about it, don't give in easily...don't let him use you to get through this time. Make sure he feels Pluto's heat in full!!
Pit-bull Pluto....you've got to love that planet!
What houses are being affected by transit Pluto and it's aspects?

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Lioness
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posted March 04, 2015 11:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Gabby:
That's something to think about! These transits are not going to let him go without forcing some huge growth.
I just went through Pluto square Pluto and for me, I came out with much more confidence and focus to go after what I really want and let go of the things that are unnecessary and I know will not stand the test of time. Pluto was on my IC, square my natal Pluto on my AC....tough transit and I'm still trying to re-equilibrate and streamline my life.
With Pluto crossing Venus he will be re evaluating his love, how he loves, who he loves and why he loves. I'm about to get tr. Pluto squaring my Venus and I'm looking forward to it, you can't help but start seeing life more clearly under these transits.

My opinion is to stay distant and let him prove himself, don't show your open to trusting him...he must prove it! But in the back of your mind recognize the universe is ripping him up from the inside out right now. If he's turning to you he probably sees your a quality person that he needs to keep a hold of. But please make him prove this to you and be tough on him about it, don't give in easily...don't let him use you to get through this time. Make sure he feels Pluto's heat in full!!
Pit-bull Pluto....you've got to love that planet!
What houses are being affected by transit Pluto and it's aspects?



Gabby that's great and sound advice.. In a sense I have been doing this, but not really consciously.
I didn't wish him a happy bday. I know that made his head spin, he didn't contact me after that for a few days. But then he did. I'm making zero effort to contact him, he's been calling me everyday. We went to lunch today, but kept everything light.
He's texting me how much he admires me, stuff like that.

You know what's funny, about what you said. I was having these transits 6 years ago when we started this. (I'm 6 years older) it's been one hell of a road, that Venus/Pluto transit kicked my azz. My natal Jupiter was also involved, so it was multipled. Life changing experience due to him. I definitely have had a hard time with this learning process..

Maybe he's gotta learn now??

When we split. He said he was sorry for everything. I wanted him to think about everything, so I told him. Hey if your not living with any regrets, than you have nothing to be sorry for. I said whatever you do, as long as you look back and have zero regrets, then you did everything right, and did what was best for you..

He touched my knee today 2x, he did like a double tap, waiting for a response or reaction from me. I didn't show any reaction. I ignored it.

He's showing a lot of affection, still I'm in self protection mode. I'm not giving him any affection back.

You know Pluto gets his lesson out somehow.

Thank u.. I will make an effort to make him work harder for attention.


I'll come back on the aspects. I don't remember. I have to look it up.

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Lioness
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posted March 04, 2015 11:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
His transits.

T. Pluto conjunct Venus h5
Both trine his natal Saturn h1
Both sq his natal Pluto. H2/h3 cusp

So he's coming back, due to his transits?

The composite has
Moon/Pluto conjunct in libra. Transit NN is now hitting this.

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Gabby
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posted March 04, 2015 11:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gabby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lioness:

Gabby that's great and sound advice.. In a sense I have been doing this, but not really consciously.
I didn't wish him a happy bday. I know that made his head spin, he didn't contact me after that for a few days. But then he did. I'm making zero effort to contact him, he's been calling me everyday. We went to lunch today, but kept everything light.
He's texting me how much he admires me, stuff like that.

You know what's funny, about what you said. I was having these transits 6 years ago when we started this. (I'm 6 years older) it's been one hell of a road, that Venus/Pluto transit kicked my azz. My natal Jupiter was also involved, so it was multipled. Life changing experience due to him. I definitely have had a hard time with this learning process..

Maybe he's gotta learn now??

When we split. He said he was sorry for everything. I wanted him to think about everything, so I told him. Hey if your not living with any regrets, than you have nothing to be sorry for. I said whatever you do, as long as you look back and have zero regrets, then you did everything right, and did what was best for you..

He touched my knee today 2x, he did like a double tap, waiting for a response or reaction from me. I didn't show any reaction. I ignored it.

He's showing a lot of affection, still I'm in self protection mode. I'm not giving him any affection back.

You know Pluto gets his lesson out somehow.

Thank u.. I will make an effort to make him work harder for attention.


I'll come back on the aspects. I don't remember. I have to look it up.


Your doing a good job! I'm glad you didn't wish him a happy birthday, he didn't deserve that from you.
Keep in mind you want to be working in accordance with Pluto...so be like Pluto, cold, emotionally distant and unforgiving until he proves he's a changed person from the inside out....and then you'll reward him hugely!

Whenever you get the chance check out those aspect, the houses affected will be very telling about how and what areas of his life he will be working on. Don't forget to look at which house rulers are being affected by the Pluto transit also.
His libra and taurus houses are about to get hit....that's awesome, Venus is exactly where you want him to be hit!! Lol

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Lioness
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posted March 05, 2015 12:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm wondering now, if we could just be each other's Pluto/Venus lesson.
Then when Pluto's done, we will be over with all of this, and get out f this pattern.

We both have natal Venus square Pluto in natal.

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Gabby
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posted March 05, 2015 12:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gabby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lioness:
I'm wondering now, if we could just be each other's Pluto/Venus lesson.
Then when Pluto's done, we will be over with all of this, and get out f this pattern.

We both have natal Venus square Pluto in natal.


That's very possible....maybe it's your turn to give him the same lessons he gave you during your transits.
Maybe check out some asteroids like Destin and Karma and look at how your Draco charts aspect, progressed charts to....maybe its karma that you turn to each other to learn Pluto's lessons. There are many types of soulmates, not all of them are about forever love some as just about learning what you need to learn to help you get further down your own path.

If you have SN contacts the relationship is about typing up loose ends from past lives so your ready to move on stronger but not necessarily together.

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LeeLoo2014
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posted March 05, 2015 11:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Unfortunately with Pluto relationships, a growth-oriented type of relationships, usually transitory towards finding true love, there is this power play, psychological game, subtle, but always there, usually felt very well by the "dominant" partner (maybe the one with the strongest Pluto) or felt by both, it can be a constant cat and mouse game, with each one playing the cat intermittently, or the dominant always being the cat. For example, you cutting contact, but secretly wanting him to come back and him knowing what you secretly want and are ready for and feeling in a dominant position, as if he can come back any time and play the cat and mouse game: with Pluto, what is underlying is felt, not appearances.
The only two ways to change this is, if life doesn't change it for you: 1. becoming the cat yourself, but this usually leads to destruction anyway, not to love, just to your "revenge" 2. leaving the game for a greater one
Speaking as someone who has experienced all sides of the game and knowing how hard it is; but...that's just what I know it is.

It is not impossible to turn a cat and mouse game, a Plutonian relationship into true love, if it really is there, hidden in Pluto's shadow, but the only way to do it is option nr. 2, IMO. REALLY getting out...if he's the one, he'll follow you, on the other side of the game. What helps, in my experience, is understanding what you truly want is not a certain PERSON but a certain dynamics, a certain relationship, to live those sweet true things of everyday love. But I guess you really must be hungry for it yourself, it's not something you can pretend you want, as long as you're still ready and want X, however he is (even if what he brings into your life is perhaps not that much, compared to what it can be, getting rid of Pluto's + Neptune's addiction and fascination for the unattainable) rather than love = someone adoring you, who is always by your side, with whom you can share the amazing journey your life is.

------------------

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

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Lioness
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posted March 06, 2015 07:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Leoloo. Thank you hon.

I think I know where this is all going, or what it's leading to. Idk the outcome, but i can see the direction,

Everything changed for me, even so more today..

I just want this to be over with. With or without him.

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LightandDarkWings
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posted March 07, 2015 12:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LightandDarkWings     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm on the opposite side of this dilemma, I'm a male with a tight Pluto-Venus square(1 degree exact and applying). Pluto in Scorpio, Venus in Aquarius.

What had happened, is I was incredibly in love with a beautiful woman about my age(4 months older) but ah, so much more mature and intelligent than I am. If I looked at myself as a shark, I was probably a common one compared to the Great White Shark.(Crappy analogy, but you get it)

I'm still incredibly in love with her, I never fell out of love with her.(I intend to post the synastry later in Auby's soulmate thread. As there are many conjunctions in both Natal and Lunar Eclipse charts). However, it's because she was so beautiful, so free spirited that when she asked me if she could leave the relationship. I felt compelled to say 'yes'.

After all, I thought even if we didn't love each other that our friendship would last for all eternity. It didn't happen that way, she ended up disappearing completely. I told myself "Well, okay. I'm the one who said she had free will."

Which is strange, when it comes to politics and life in general I'm not afraid to be an authoritarian. To boss people around seems to be the only skill I possess . But in love(and particularly with her) I didn't/don't want to be the aggressor. My mentality being: I do that everywhere else, I want someone else to take me by the hand and guide me. I want to be in her arms. Selfish as it may be, that's how I viewed love.

So a few years of miserably waiting(and not making any contact. And it's not like anyone else ever cared either.) I had tried to essentially replace that person by building someone else to be her.

This is where I think the Pluto appeared and a bit of arrogance. To think that you can build someone else in another person's image is just wrong, and it undervalues the other person. It was only when I investigated the synastry between me and that other person(And the Nessus-Karma thing) that I realized what a huge error I was committing and about to commit.

For the first time, I really do believe in Soul Contracts. I believe that we did spiritually or metaphysically agree on some levels to meet with one another, to correspond. Either to become lovers or even 'obstacles' But even as obstacles, these obstacles are meant to help the other improve upon the other.

And so, when I think about that Nessus-Karma thing on another level, I understand this: It was because I would be betraying the Soul Contract I signed with my Soulmate. I told that person I'd be with her, and yet here I would be with another person.

And even if my soulmate herself didn't deliver the karma, that 'relationship' was bound to do so. That's what I understand the Nessus-Karma thing to mean.

I also understand this, and this is the message I would relay karmically to all those in my Soul Group and to the world: Don't be afraid to convey your true emotions. If they're positive feelings, they're nothing but good feelings to be felt and shouted from the rooftops.

If they're negative, we still shouldn't fear them but to assimilate them, control them and find a positive outlet for them.

I was afraid to tell her how badly I wanted her in my life, and we were separated because of that. But now, I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid to ask her for help to show me the middle ground between respecting her freedom and wanting our journey to continue together instead of apart.

We're meant to feel and to understand our feelings. When we cut ourselves from our feelings, we become empty bottomless shells that aren't even worth living.

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Lioness
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posted March 07, 2015 03:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for sharing.
It's rare but nice to hear the male side.

Did you ever tell her your feeling? Did she leave because she thought you didn't care or different for reasons.

I get mixed signals from this guy. I had a major problem today. I called him, he immediately came to my rescue.
He came to my house and gave me his emotional support. He said he will always be here for me no matter what.
Then lye says, he will never know how much he cares, but yet he turns and rejects me.
I got tired of it. 6 months who, I said if you don't want to make an effort to make this work, then walk away, so I can move forward with out you. He walked away. But then returns 6 months later. Full force. Idk what to think about that, I'm feeling mistrust, and abandoned by him.

Idk. I'm at the point where I'm ready to move forward, weather or not that includes him.

For me, my thinking is either do it, or don't. Just stick with it.
It's an emotional roller coaster. I'm stuck, lost, and confused.

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LeeLoo2014
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posted March 07, 2015 06:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lioness:
Leoloo. Thank you hon.

I think I know where this is all going, or what it's leading to. Idk the outcome, but i can see the direction,

Everything changed for me, even so more today..

I just want this to be over with. With or without him.


I am truly sorry you are going through this and that it's taking so much of your time. I just had this idea, after reading your last post: I've had some guys in my life, very good friends, who fell in love with me, but I didn't. I did love them though, still do, very much. They "set me free" as you describe by telling me, directly or indirectly, that they can't do this anymore, they can't be just friends with me, because they are in love and it hurts them too much not to feel the same from my side. They distanced themselves, after a game exactly like this, for a while, them testing if I care about them by asking for my support etc and me always being there for them, sincerely. Because I really care about them. Now we each have our private lives and we meet only occasionally, couldn't stay close friends, because to be honest, every time we see each other, there is still that longing in their eyes and not necessarily out of love, maybe power too, the feeling about the "one who got away". I confess I feel that power I have over them even now and I have always enjoyed it a little, not out of malice, but it is hard not to let yourself be touched by it. The point is: are you sure this is not what's happening here? Is this man in love with you or not? I'm sure you must know it in your heart. Maybe this man loves you (apart from enjoying the power he has over you and trust me on this, he does enjoy it), cares a lot about you, but is he in love with you? The danger here is, if he isn't, one of these days you get to see him falling in love with someone else, right in front of you, and it will be devastating. This would end this game, but at what price? This is what happened with my friends I am talking about here, at least one of them, finally "let me go", when he sensed I was falling in love with someone else and I know it must have been incredibly painful for him, for I have had my own share or excruciating pain in love.

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I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

LeeLoo's Esotericorner

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LeeLoo2014
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From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014

posted March 07, 2015 06:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LightandDarkWings:
I'm on the opposite side of this dilemma, I'm a male with a tight Pluto-Venus square(1 degree exact and applying). Pluto in Scorpio, Venus in Aquarius.

What had happened, is I was incredibly in love with a beautiful woman about my age(4 months older) but ah, so much more mature and intelligent than I am. If I looked at myself as a shark, I was probably a common one compared to the Great White Shark.(Crappy analogy, but you get it)

I'm still incredibly in love with her, I never fell out of love with her.(I intend to post the synastry later in Auby's soulmate thread. As there are many conjunctions in both Natal and Lunar Eclipse charts). However, it's because she was so beautiful, so free spirited that when she asked me if she could leave the relationship. I felt compelled to say 'yes'.

After all, I thought even if we didn't love each other that our friendship would last for all eternity. It didn't happen that way, she ended up disappearing completely. I told myself "Well, okay. I'm the one who said she had free will."

Which is strange, when it comes to politics and life in general I'm not afraid to be an authoritarian. To boss people around seems to be the only skill I possess . But in love(and particularly with her) I didn't/don't want to be the aggressor. My mentality being: I do that everywhere else, I want someone else to take me by the hand and guide me. I want to be in her arms. Selfish as it may be, that's how I viewed love.

So a few years of miserably waiting(and not making any contact. And it's not like anyone else ever cared either.) I had tried to essentially replace that person by building someone else to be her.

This is where I think the Pluto appeared and a bit of arrogance. To think that you can build someone else in another person's image is just wrong, and it undervalues the other person. It was only when I investigated the synastry between me and that other person(And the Nessus-Karma thing) that I realized what a huge error I was committing and about to commit.

For the first time, I really do believe in Soul Contracts. I believe that we did spiritually or metaphysically agree on some levels to meet with one another, to correspond. Either to become lovers or even 'obstacles' But even as obstacles, these obstacles are meant to help the other improve upon the other.

And so, when I think about that Nessus-Karma thing on another level, I understand this: It was because I would be betraying the Soul Contract I signed with my Soulmate. I told that person I'd be with her, and yet here I would be with another person.

And even if my soulmate herself didn't deliver the karma, that 'relationship' was bound to do so. That's what I understand the Nessus-Karma thing to mean.

I also understand this, and this is the message I would relay karmically to all those in my Soul Group and to the world: Don't be afraid to convey your true emotions. If they're positive feelings, they're nothing but good feelings to be felt and shouted from the rooftops.

If they're negative, we still shouldn't fear them but to assimilate them, control them and find a positive outlet for them.

I was afraid to tell her how badly I wanted her in my life, and we were separated because of that. But now, I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid to ask her for help to show me the middle ground between respecting her freedom and wanting our journey to continue together instead of apart.

We're meant to feel and to understand our feelings. When we cut ourselves from our feelings, we become empty bottomless shells that aren't even worth living.


I love your post! A wonderful description of a potentially victorious Pluto, integrating the shadow

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I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

LeeLoo's Esotericorner

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