posted March 29, 2015 05:28 PM            

I met him when I was 12 years old.

We developed "puppy love"

I fell deeply in love. He claimed/claims he did/does too. It was the perfect childhood love story for about 2 years until I found out he wasn't so dedicated to what we had.

We "dated" on and off for 8 years.

When I met my double Taurus heartbreaker, things ended. (Right before Saturn entered Scorpio btw)

I can't seem to delete him completely out of my life no matter how many times I block him or we stop talking. He either finds a way to contact me or I develop this desire to hear from after going months without speaking.

The thing is, I don't love him anymore. I don't find him attractive anymore either. It's a strange attachment that I can't shake. Based off our synastry, composite, etc. did he ever even love me? I still don't think he did. He would talk to other females while we were together and never shared our love with the world. We weren't a secret.. His flirtatiousness just overpowered our love.

Why can't I let go?
Why is he still in my life?
Wha karma do we have between each other?
These are all questions I need answers to.
Is he as bad as my suspitions believe? I don't trust him anymore.

My natal

His Natal

Our Synastry

Our composite

posted March 30, 2015 12:24 AM            

As to outstanding? Your CHIRON is very loosely square your NODES, (too wide for my taste) so I'm not seeing a skipped step. Nor does he.

posted April 02, 2015 04:55 AM            

I learned not to be so trusting. He was my first real betrayal as far as a relationship is concerned.

posted April 07, 2015 06:05 PM            

I honestly sometimes feel like trying again, but there's so many emotions, doubts, unanswered questions in the way. Is it even worth it? is the million dollar question.

Can anyone please give me a rundown on my very first and most intense love ever?

posted April 08, 2015 12:57 AM            

Such relationships tend to be very impacting, as their purpose is to help us better understand how our solar and lunar natures blend together within us.

Why do you feel you're obsessing over this now? Any particular reason? You're both quite young, and this sort of behaviour from a man in his early twenties is hardly out of the ordinary, but rather typical and to be expected. They don't learn true commitment or fidelity until much older, to be completely frank with you. They think they have, at some point in their mid-thirties. Even then, it's sketchy at best. Plenty never do.

Perhaps rather than second guess his motivations, and questioning whether he 'ever really loved you', it's best to accept that neither of you had any real understanding of what love was, and the relationship you had was sweet, endearing, or well-meant in any case.

posted April 09, 2015 12:03 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
I think it's his SUN on your SUN/MOON Midpoint; about 1º from what I can tell.

Such relationships tend to be very impacting, as their purpose is to help us better understand how our solar and lunar natures blend together within us.

Why do you feel you're obsessing over this now? Any particular reason? You're both quite young, and this sort of behaviour from a man in his early twenties is hardly out of the ordinary, but rather typical and to be expected. They don't learn true commitment or fidelity until much older, to be completely frank with you. They think they have, at some point in their mid-thirties. Even then, it's sketchy at best. Plenty never do.

Perhaps rather than second guess his motivations, and questioning whether he 'ever really loved you', it's best to accept that neither of you had any real understanding of what love was, and the relationship you had was sweet, endearing, or well-meant in any case.

What was his betrayal, incidentally?

---

Basically what you just described. His lack of commitment was the true betrayal. The majority of it was the lack of respect he showed our relationship and myself when dealing with other people. He never really shared our "love" to the world. I always felt like a secret or just something to do while he pursued his other interests (friends, other females, etc). He placed higher value on his friends vs. myself. I felt like I meant nothing to him deep down, but he somehow has this twisted, dark attachment fo the darker parts of my soul. It's almost as if he was his happiest when I was in pain over something he did. It was twisted, dysfunctional love with no boundaries, but all of the restrictions possible all the way down to his own reluctance to commit. I just couldn't understand after so many years of being by his side.

I blame all that Sagittarius in his chart.

And I have always been obsessed with our connection because of the impact it had on my life at such a young age. Plus, he used to arrouse so much passion inside of me. Anyone who does that will always have a huge impact which won't be easy to let go of. I lost my innocence early becoming involved with him. He was a major part of my teen years too. First love, lover, kiss, etc.

I've become more and more interested in karma and karmic astrology and I feel in my soul that this was the blast to set my karmic path in motion. Am I making sense?

Asteroid Karma is located in my 7th house and semi-squares my venus with a 1 degree orb. & from judging my previous relationships, i owe sone serious karmic debts in this lifetime!

With that karma conjunct moon aspect between us, who owes who? (Karmic debt)

And...

with composite Saturn in the 10th house square our Composite Scorpio stellium in the 7th, what could this mean?