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Author Topic:   'Who feels it more?' The hard reality of the question and astrology's capabilities.
Aubyanne
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From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
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posted May 08, 2015 04:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aubyanne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
As a co-mod on this fair forum, I see this question come through a lot -- several posts of this nature, just within the last few months. 'Who feels it more?' And every time, I feel the pain, the anxiety, and the general distress of the querent; I can feel it resonating in each word that's typed.

We want astrology to divine the human heart. Ohhh, if only it could. Alas, we can only get glimpses, guidelines, and divine the potential. But it's better than nothing.

As a therapist, I regularly deal with interpersonal distress: couples having issues communicating, an individual's problems with their sex life, working through abuse, or trying to find a good partner. It runs the gamut. As an astrologer, I can't help but combine my psychotherapeutic background with my astrological experience and insight.

So the first thing I notice about the question of 'who feels it more?' is that, A) it cannot be answered legitimately, and B) it speaks much more about the current state of the querent than anything.

Synastry is a remarkable tool to offer us insight into potentiality. Even the most brilliant aspects can fail to fire completely, with the ideal falling flat, and the hope and intention dying on the vine. That's why the commonsense test is crucial, above all. We have to ask ourselves how things are playing out in reality.

The real crux of this enquiry is simple. The asker is insecure, frustrated, distressed, and seeking support as well as guidance. She (as it's 99% of the time a woman who's asking) is detecting distance in her relationship, or falling hard for a man who may be completely unaware of her existence, or is not showing a mutual attraction.

These are painful experiences.

As astrologers, we can do exactly what's requested of us, reading only what's in front of us on the page, and reporting the basic influences -- positive or negative. But it's a bandage on a festering wound. It's a placebo. Rather than confront the issue and propel healing, we're placating and avoiding what must be done.

Ultimately, the answer to 'who feels it more?' is you already know. If this is to be taken philosophically, we can break it down into averages and figures and statistics, compared to personal report and anecdotal evidence and individual experience. That helps us become better astrologers -- but it doesn't help answer the question, because the question is not answerable by astrology.

A natal chart is nothing more than a vehicle; it's one we've chosen to get the soul to its intended destination. The driver remains in control, and we can do some very unique things with our vehicles. Take a different road, for example.

So, for those who are hurting, worried, insecure, and seeking comfort, I have some very simple advice.

If you're in a relationship with the individual you're enquiring about, talk to them. Voice your concerns. Express your worries. Confront your fears. Explore change, if need be. But address the issue.

If you're not together, then ask what you're gaining from devoting time to what may be a fruitless endeavour. Are you learning about yourself? Is it helping you to heal in some fashion? Perhaps you have lessons in obsession, possession, and love addiction to learn. Is this helping you do that? Some seek pain deliberately for reasons locked within their psyche. They'll embark upon painful relationships, or unrequited love experiences, in order to satisfy these warped needs.

Do you seek pain? Or are you looking for love?

If you're looking for love, you're ready for it, and able to achieve it, you will find it. It's the like-attracting-like thing. It's real. We receive what we send out. If your soul is seeking hard lessons, abuse, pain, and insecurity -- it will find it. If it's seeking love, companionship, honesty, devotion, and security -- it will find it.

So worry less about 'who feels it more?' The answer is you do. Knowing that, what do you do with that information? If you're in love and in a healthy relationship, talk to your partner. If you're chasing after someone who doesn't -- or simply can't -- love you, ask yourself why.

We ultimately pilot our stars; they don't pilot us. Consider the deeper meaning of the question, and act accordingly.

I wish you love, happiness, and truth.

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Peluches
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From: Vαleŋtiŋe ~
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posted May 08, 2015 04:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peluches     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Someone has to keep this bumped up forever.

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Vajra
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posted May 08, 2015 04:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Vajra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That's great advice, Aubyanne!
Confronting reality can be the hardest thing - but it opens the way towards positive transformation.

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fireopal09
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From: Dallas,TX, Us
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posted May 08, 2015 04:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fireopal09     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Peluches:
Someone has to keep this bumped up forever.


Agreed.

------------------
Claire
"When going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
-HST

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Ceridwen
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posted May 08, 2015 05:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I also often wonder "more of what"?
What means "more" in that context?

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Delilah423
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posted May 08, 2015 07:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Delilah423     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Peluches:
Someone has to keep this bumped up forever.

Amen!

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Marandana
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posted May 08, 2015 10:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Marandana     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think this one of the bests post ever here!

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Orange
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posted May 08, 2015 10:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Orange     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Easier said than done

We've all been there, each and every one of us

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midnightvenus
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posted May 09, 2015 02:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for midnightvenus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't agree that someone "feels it more" just because they're the ones looking into it "astrologically"
Not being involved with astrology doesn't create a shield around someone that prevents them from feeling *it*

Besides that, the post is great.

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EmGem
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posted May 09, 2015 02:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for EmGem     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
great thoughts Auby.

it does begin with ourselves. The distress points to something within us as you say, rather than the other. And this serves to remind us that the work must begin and continue with us.
However, accepting that at times you will falter into obsession land is ok too. It's a dance. And we are human after all. As long as we continue to grow then that's ok.

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Aubyanne
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From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
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posted May 09, 2015 03:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aubyanne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks to everyone who's responded so positively. It's encouraging, as my only intention was to bring enlightenment and insight to an area that's more painful than it may first appear.

I'd never discourage our doing as much astrology as we can. We've just got to remember to confront what's within our control rather than hide behind things that allow us just enough to keep playing the game with our psyches that prevents us from growing.

And I know it's hard, Orange. Ohhh, do I. Arguably, more so than usual lately, with some hard choices and experiences I've had, interpersonally speaking.

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Orange
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posted May 09, 2015 09:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Orange     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^^^^

Sigh
Amen to that, sister!

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GypseeWind
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From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
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posted May 09, 2015 10:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The person who is not doing the asking here at LL or any other astro forum does not necessarily feel it less just because they aren't asking. Maybe he's asking his brother or his friends, who's to say?
I think (or I should say "in my case") people ask this because they want to know the potential a relationship holds before they jump in with both feet.

I think you do a great service here with these synastries. It's a hard thing for some of us to grasp. And we all want answers when we want them.
I asked a similar question to this forum, only mine was "is this one sided?"
And Aubyanne you said if I had to ask than I already had my answer. Maybe that was the first thing that popped into your head, idk. But it simply wasn't true. I was having my own insecurities, that was true. But it had no bearing on his feelings then, or now.
What I do definitely agree with is when you said talk to them. Yes 💯, absolutely. That does eliminate a whooooole lot of doubt. But I realize not everybody is in a position to do that all the time.

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Gabby
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posted May 09, 2015 12:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gabby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree to an extent but reality is how the house overlays, how planets hit each persons houses does affect a lot.
It can make it where one person may feel the synastry at a much deeper level than the other.

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Aubyanne
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From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
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posted May 09, 2015 01:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aubyanne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Gypsee,

It was an oversimplification to the point of losing total accuracy. However, it can still help the overall issue.

As a general rule as an astrologer, I seek out romantic synastries of actual couples. They provide the best data for my own research work. But at times I will appreciate the one-sided, unrequited, or questionable synastries, because they're presented by one who's insecure and seeking answers. So, if a synastry is stellar, then something isn't firing, or the progressions are negatively impacting to the point of total loss.

I also feel that the time we spend in a bad relationship, or chasing after one who doesn't return our feelings is time valuably spent only insofar as we're learning and growing. But the line is a thin one, and we tend to cross over it, much without our own knowledge, and it's time we'll never retrieve, either.

I try to guard against that.

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Gabby
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posted May 09, 2015 02:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gabby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think the best answer to know who feels it more is.....who's working for the relationship and who isn't.
If you have great synastry but only one person is trying and the other isn't then either the house overlays are an issue, squares in natal charts are blocking one from feeling it, one person is still preoccupied by another person/relationship or maybe one person isn't healthy enough to appreciate a good relationship and prefers more painful synastry. Sometimes the synastry is right but the timing is wrong, that's just karma!

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Aubyanne
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From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
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posted May 09, 2015 03:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aubyanne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Gabby:
I think the best answer to know who feels it more is.....who's working for the relationship and who isn't.

Exactly, Gabby. I think I've done enough astrology to know it's hardly a precise science, and free will, it is a thing.

I first look to see what's happening, and then compare it to what's potential.

Intriguing story. One of my best friends fell head over heels in love just after her first Saturn Return got underway. It happened suddenly. Which, for a Cap, you already know something's fishy. She and the love of her life at least took a year to get going, (and they have beautiful synastry) so the fact she was talking marriage about this guy -- oooooooh, no.

Their synastry was meh. The composite was more indicative of friends with a playful bent -- potential for romance, but nothing lasting. But her pSUN was smack on his nSUN, and his pSUN was trine her nMOON. I advised her accordingly. She was ... sceptical. Not that she wanted to disregard my astrology, but ... she was so infatuated.

It lasted a month. He showed her parts of the French Quarter she'd never known, and he helped her heal from her last major relationship. Essentially, a rebound. And when she was done, ohhh, was she done. 'I can't stand him! And he won't go away!'

I'm always supportive of good synastry with timely progressions. But if I see it's all in the progressions, this is eventful and fleeting.

At the end of the day, sure, the other individual can be asking around who's feeling what. Absolutely. But it's speculation. I deal in reality. (Thanks, tSATURN!) So all I can judge is the intention of the sender of whom I'm aware. Nothing beyond that.

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GypseeWind
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From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
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posted May 09, 2015 05:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I guess I'm just not totally sold on synastry and composite validity yet, though I want to be.
I was married to someone and with him for 28 yrs and many of the good astrologers here and in other forums have said they do not see any more than good friends in our synastry. But yet it was real. 3 children, house, dog and all that kind of real. My parents had awesome synastry but only lasted 2 years and cannot stand one another.

Perhaps it's my air moon that can't rest easy about it because there's too many variables. But I want to believe....😍💟🌷

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fireopal09
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posted May 09, 2015 08:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fireopal09     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I can only give my anecdotal experience, but here goes:

Five plus years ago, I re entered a relationship with a man with who broke up with me 20 years prior. Some of you have heard this tired story before this post and you have my apologies. Anyway, my usual pattern is to NEVER go back which left searching for answers as to why I would GO BACK. I turned to astrology.

At first, I focused on the synastry charts which one is wont to do when one feels vulnerable. I admit, I have been a dilettante when it comes to astrology in the past. However, I got beyond myself and what I needed and looked at his natal (with the help of LL, naturally). My thinking was if I need to know why we were drawn back together, I need to UNDERSTAND him better and I do.

I'm only going bring up a one not so happy aspect in our synastry. Our moons are square. He is 10H Saggitarius Moon and I am 7H Pisces Moon. That in itself explains why we weren't 2gether 4ever in our previous incarnation. We were focusing on our own needs. He was dogmatic and a bit of an ass whereas I was capable of being a simpering whiner who let others take control of my life.

20 plus years later, we are not so self centered. We have both lived and have been humbled. I've gone more towards my NN 4H/5H Cappy and he is on his 1H NN/Pisces.

Figure out your romantic interest's astrological/psychological blue print. I know it is easier said than done, but you NEED to know the other persons needs before you invest yourself.

------------------
Claire
"When going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
-HST

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Peluches
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posted May 16, 2015 09:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peluches     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump !

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Aquacheeka
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posted May 17, 2015 09:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aquacheeka     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If they mean the relationship's potential, CafeAstrology has sort of inadvertently answered this question. They said that the woman will identify more with the moon placements in the composite while the man will identify more with aspects to the composite sun, so if the sun is afflicted and the moon is receiving nice aspects, the woman will think the relationship has great potential while it stresses the man out.

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