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Author Topic:   Karma - Beating me up or giving me a gift?
karenkellybella
Knowflake

Posts: 65
From: Atlanta, GA, USA
Registered: Mar 2015

posted May 09, 2015 12:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for karenkellybella     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've probably posted about this in all the wrong places already. I'm feeling a little nutty about this man. I know he was put in my path for a reason. I desperately (read: too much) want it to be the pie in the sky, larger than life, fairy tale romance that I've waited on my whole life - but - he's withdrawn. He has a scorpio moon and i read that they pull away when they feel "too much" --- so I don't know if he's frightened by the power of our connection or if he's just doing his thing, totally unaware that I am electrified (electrocuted?) by the connection I feel?

If anyone can provide guidance here I would really appreciate it. I'm much too caught up at the moment to know if I'm ignoring certain things that would just hit me between the eyes if it were someone else.

Anyway here are the charts and aspects:
Composite

Synastry:

Aspects:

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 52832
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 09, 2015 08:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Moving this to Interpersonal Astrology.

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midnightvenus
Knowflake

Posts: 384
From: outerspace
Registered: Sep 2014

posted May 09, 2015 08:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for midnightvenus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
His Scorpio Moon conjunct Uranus.
I think intensity might make him uncomfortable, it can be suffocating for him.

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Aubyanne
Moderator

Posts: 3429
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014

posted May 09, 2015 10:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aubyanne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by midnightvenus:
His Scorpio Moon conjunct Uranus.
I think intensity might make him uncomfortable, it can be suffocating for him.

Yeeeees.

Being a MOON-URA in SCO is hellacious at times. You're a walking contradiction.

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karenkellybella
Knowflake

Posts: 65
From: Atlanta, GA, USA
Registered: Mar 2015

posted May 10, 2015 11:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for karenkellybella     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aye - walking contradiction defines him perfectly.

I finally figured out what the (') symbol is - Quindecile. I had to do the math to figure that out. (Apparently it's also denoted as Q - maybe they use the apostrophe looking thing when there are so many items on the chart to save space?)

Anyway, if that is correct 165º ---- then there is a LOT of obsession going on between us. I looked at our natal charts just now and we both have quindeciles - only a few each. Does this mean that he could be feeling just as obsessed/crazy as I am?

He's hot - burning me alive hot - and then he's cold. He excites me and make me feel alive in ways I'd forgotten about. He's beautiful. He tells me aI'm beautiful and brings up marriage THREE times before we ever even really spend any time together - and then when we finally have a whole weekend together, he plays all prim and proper saying "I don't want to mess this up by doing the same old thing. You're different." FML!!!! I couldn't even eat my dinner because all I wanted to do was get to the BED!! So, we've not slept together. Yeah - never happened. We live 3 hours apart. He's from my home town abut we'd never met - a mutual friend has been trying to facilitate our meeting for years but we kept missing each other.

In addition to the relationship tension - his father shot his mother when he was just a child. I don't know the details, really. My friend told me only after she knew we were talking a lot and planning a date. She doesn't recall the details either. He was between 5-10. His dad died in prison and the guy was raised by his older sister. So - this being mother's day weekend, my feeling obsessed and crazy - things have not gone so well and possibly have ended for good. Idk

I don't know why but I can't STAND for communication to be blocked off. I hate it when anyone hangs up on me, walks away from an argument, or just refuses to respond to a text/call/email. If I can't hear and be heard, it makes me CRAZY. At 44, I have learned to contain the crazy for the most part - in fact, I thought it was under control. NOPE. This man brings out all my latent crazy feelings. I feel like a little kid in every way.
I should say that I'm being (a little) dramatic. I'm not actually crazy - but he's definitely knocked me off my stride and all I want is to ...reconnect? talk? hug? merge. I haven't felt this kind of angst since I was a teenager.

[b]
tldi;;
I've been reading a lot about "soul connections" in synastry. Everything I've read says that they can be one sided. One person can feel all of this fated energy, this karmic magnetism and the other one is pretty much freaked out. Look at our synastry charts and tell me if that's what has happened here. Am I the only one who's feeling like an iron shaving being pulled to a magnet?[b]

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karenkellybella
Knowflake

Posts: 65
From: Atlanta, GA, USA
Registered: Mar 2015

posted May 10, 2015 01:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for karenkellybella     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My apologies if I came across like a raving lunatic. It's kind of the way I feel at the moment, even though i'm generally rather calm and steady.

I am really visual. I need to make sense of stuff visually in order to understand it. In light of that, I've added color coding to the aspect synastry chart.

Conjuncts: yellow
Opposites - blue
trines, sextiles, & quintiles = pink
Squares, semi square and qunicunx = red
quindeciles = green

My coloring system is a "little" arbitrary - but I will try to explain. Conjuncts seem to be the most potent. Opposites seem to be pretty potent but I don't know if they are good or bad. Trines, textiles, quintiles & biQ - because these are generally good aspects. I read that Q and biQ are GIFTS and considered extra good. Squares & quincunx - I understand these to be challenging aspects and finally, quindeciles are green because I keep reading that they indicate obsession in a relationship.

If any of you are also visual organizers, maybe this will help you get some insight.

I am so grateful for this sight. The knowledge you guys share is amazing and I appreciate it so much. I try to chime in if I can answer anyone else's questions. If I'm quiet most of the time it's because i'm still learning and I don't want to muddle the waters with information that may not be correct. I appreciate each and every one of you who have taken the time to provide insight to my questions. THANK YOU.

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teasel
Knowflake

Posts: 6829
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 10, 2015 03:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If it hurts too much, just find a way to sever the connection. It shouldn't be too confusing, and that crazy feeling is NOT a good thing. I've been there, and it only comes from men who just don't care that much - they don't care about what sort of effect they have on you, it's all about them. And then they expect you to talk to them whenever they choose to show up, or be social again. Save yourself a lot of hurt - it isn't karma, it's just a douchebag.

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Orange
Knowflake

Posts: 2062
From: Georgia
Registered: May 2009

posted May 10, 2015 07:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Orange     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
His Pluto squares exactly your Mars and opposes your Sun and Moon, while his Nodes square your Venus.
I don't think you stand a chance with this hottie, hun. You have no options here but to succumb. I am sure you cant walk away so thats your only choice - to succumb. You cant control this beast - Pluto.

Sometimes it is the Pluto person who gets obsessed, in this case it is the planet person, and multiple planets at that! It is incredibly hot and obsessive, i don't envy you!!
Very hard to pick yourself up and move on. He does have the proverbial Moon - Uranus conjunction in his natal, so he will keep swinging from hot to cold, bummer i know. Just go on with it and let it burn, sooner if you are lucky. If you can detach yourself from the situation, he will take on the role of the obsessed one.
Luckily, your Sun and Moon conjunct his ASC if the birth time is fight, so he does fancy you a lot and feel an emotional and physical connection with you...

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teasel
Knowflake

Posts: 6829
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 10, 2015 08:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm really bad at this. You probably want to be told to waste your time.

Somebody needs to admit to what they're feeling, to find out if the other feels the same way. being shut out isn't a gift. If you're feeling nutty at this point, I think you should guard yourself a little more. Maybe he'll be worth it, but not if you're always the one feeling this way.

Also: I've been there. It may be difficult, but you can choose to walk away. no contact helps.

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karenkellybella
Knowflake

Posts: 65
From: Atlanta, GA, USA
Registered: Mar 2015

posted May 10, 2015 08:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for karenkellybella     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you all so much for your replies. I can walk away and I have. I just don't like it.

There are things I haven't shared. I hesitate to share too much personal information online, especially if it's not mine to share. In this case, perhaps it may be important.

When he was between 5-10, his father came home and shot his mother in front of him and his four siblings. He was the youngest. His father died in prison and his older sister raised him. He grew up in poverty but he's worked hard, but himself through college and though he spent most of his life running from his demons with drink and drugs, he put it all down, cold turkey, five years ago.

He was married to a woman who has been since diagnosed as something in the same spectrum as a sociopath. She feels no real emotion. He's been divorced for 2 years and has dedicated himself to his daughter who is 4.

Since the divorce, he's moved back to our home-town area. His daughter lives 5 hours south and he gets her ever chance he gets. I live 3.5 hours north of him. He told me early on when we were HOT, that he was concerned about the distance because he eventually wants to move back to where his daughter is before she starts school. Apparently they don't start there until they are almost 6. I told him we would cross that bridge when we came to it and I have no real impetus to stay where I am. I said I would move with him, if were still together when the time comes.

When we did get together in person he flat out told me that he doesn't want to make the same "mistake" he's made with other women. He's been having one night stands and refusing to see them again. He said I was different.He wouldn't even sleep with me and trust me, I tried to change his mind! haha. The area where we are from is a very economically depressed region and most of the people that stay there have little education and drug abuse is rampant. He said himself that the dating pool is really shallow. I know from experience that it's true.

He also told me this over text "You scare me because you're exactly what I'm looking for. I can really see us being together as a couple. But you live there and I live here." --- I already knew that was a big concern for him but looking back, maybe he didn't realize how easy it is for me to pick up and start over. I'm very odd in that I don't get rooted in places - I go where my life takes me and I form connections but the people are always more important to me than familiar places.

He has a hard time with mother's day but I wasn't being very mindful of that. He didn't even tell me about how his mother died. A good friend of mine told me because she knew I would accidentally put my foot in my mouth otherwise. Heck, even knowing about the situation, I still thoughtlessly pushed things this week. They say chiron conjunct sun& moon is supposed to be able to help heal men who've suffered like that. I don't go looking for them and I was certainly head over heels before I even knew about his childhood. I don't know.

My friend is a very good friend of his. She told me that he's never been able to let himself be truly loved by anyone. That's so sad.

At any rate, I told him I wouldn't be contacting him anymore. If anything else happens, it will be because he initiates contact.

I asked about our charts because I wonder if I should even hope for such a thing.

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karenkellybella
Knowflake

Posts: 65
From: Atlanta, GA, USA
Registered: Mar 2015

posted May 10, 2015 10:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for karenkellybella     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Also .... does that big, red symmetrical star thing in the composite have a name, other than "F-in Scary STAR From Hades"?

Again, thank you all for chiming in with the warnings to save myself some pain. I would tell a friend the same thing, regardless of what the stars say. If anyone has any insight on the charts, either composite or synastry, I'm still over here, you know, obsessing. I'm not calling him. I'm not messaging him. I"m pretty stubborn so - I'm pretty sure I won't be reaching out.

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