posted May 15, 2015 02:52 AM            

Allow me to define compulsive sexual relationship. Such a dynamic is not present when the sexual relationship is simply very gratifying. It's a given that two people will return again and again, or stay involved in, a relationship featuring high sexual compatibility or great sex. However, if the relationship becomes complicated, the emotional interaction is strained, and there's a sense of a budding cold war in the absence of it -- it might be. Hm. I don't feel as if I'm articulating this well.

My boyfriend and I are both asexual. We began a sexual relationship (for reasons purposeful to us) in December 2013; we've been close friends since 2010, and explored an affectionate, non-platonic relationship briefly, in 2010/2011. However, since we got back together October 2013, it's been consistent, weathering a few rough patches, but ultimately gaining greater intimacy.

As we're both asexual, we have some unusual attitudes towards sex, but have stayed with it because the intimacy is what matters most to us. If we aren sexual, for whatever reason, however, things become tense -- quickly. Rather than become angry with each other, we lapse into a kind of over-politeness, maintaining a friendly and warm rapport, but growing self-conscious with each other. You know what I'm talking about; you'll almost try and avoid accidentally brushing against each other, or even sitting too closely together, unless it's intentional. And we're in a relationship. For over a year. It's kind of ridiculous!

But I have major issues with sex, which he's helping me sort through, slowly but surely. We had a consistent sexual relationship from December 2013 until, say, October 2014, and then a few months passed, December 2014 to March 2015, in which our schedules just weren't aligning, we both had other priorities, and just didn't have the time. We strangely enough had some of our best experiences from March to April, at which point, (mid-April) I asked that we consciously take a step back, instead focussing upon sensuality rather than sexuality. Of course, he obliged. But then our schedules became misaligned again, and it's been difficult to 'get back in the swing of things'.

This past 'period', April to May, has been the worst. I could really feel the unspoken tension between us. The Cold War was starting. The super-politeness. This time, we actually started getting nitpicky with each other. Overly irritated. Aggravated, but not really angry with each other -- and probably aggravated about that very fact! There was nothing really TO be angry about! Especially not with each other!

Finally, I told him that I didn't want to continue the 'backing away' from our sexual relationship, nor did he want to 'continue neglecting that aspect of our relationship'. And so the tension is finally lifting. We've yet to get the chance to return to things, but the fact we've both been honest with each other about wanting to, oddly seems to've been enough to smooth over that building tension. Now ... if we keep getting thwarted by scheduling ... well, we'll both be able to point at why we're angry, and it won't be with each other! So, that's helpful.

So, I've begun to wonder.

Are there configurations, aspects, and patterns which can denote compulsive sexual relating? Is there something which can drive people to almost require that element in their relationship -- or they war with each other?

Maybe that's how our MARS conjunct PLUTO (0º) is operating. Huh. Never thought of it that way. It's otherwise 'behaving' -- unless it's lacking an outlet/ Then things can get ... complicated.

posted May 15, 2015 06:46 AM            

his Venus 10°47 Cap
his EROS 6°31 Cap
his Mars 9°32 Libra

my Venus 6°07 Cap
my Pluto 9°05 Libra

He is a performer, and no we haven`t even talked, and he is gay.

I used to see him on concerts, but turned out, sitting 1st row is not an option, for the (misguided) energy being generated was just too much for me, made me break out almost in nervous giggles and constantly fighting down the urge to jump up and run out of the room. i never had a crush on him, it is just that strange energy, but then there is also

his Moon 28°32 Aries
my Uranus 1°21 Scorpio

my Sun 25°56 Sag
my Mercury 25°03 Sag
his Sun 00°12 Cap
his Uranus 24°32 Virgo
his Priapus 26°02 Virgo
his Saturn 23°30 Pisces
his true BML 24°35 Pisces.

I somehow just happened to walk into a forcefield there, unintentionally of course.
While i appreciate him as a performer, I eventually decided to not see him again for a while (that was in 2009).
Well coincidentally he is going to be on a concert tomorow, but I am older now, hopefully better equipped to deal with that unwanted energetic reaction, and besides I am sitting in 11th or 12th row, so in a safe distance.

He on the other hand, well when I was sitting in first row, there would some staring contests happen. He is a nice guy, I am sure about it, but I almost started fearing for my life.
he sometimes looked SO angry at me, I felt like my existence alone was making him mad.
I am sure I exaggerate and overdramatize, but I guess that is probably how a potentially sexual synastry (let`s face it. Eros-VEnus, mars-Pluto, Venus-Mars? plus his Pluto squaring my Proserpina exact? even his Nessus is exact on my DESC opposing my Mars. lol)

posted May 15, 2015 01:41 PM            

With my twin, it's ... different. It becomes overwhelming before too long. Almost uncomfortable to outsiders. They just get this sense that something is brewing. We call it 'having a picnic atop a volcano'. That about describes the atmosphere.

It's wonderful for on-screen chemistry, though. But hellacious off!

posted May 15, 2015 01:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by margym0o:
I would agree about Mars in hard aspect to Pluto because I have that - Mars square Pluto (along with Mars square Mars) - and I feel the relationship would implode if there were no sexual element to it. Like it's very NECESSARY to release tension and stress and get out your frustrations. Your comments about becoming nitpicky and aggravated resonate because this is exactly what it feels like. All the tension requires some sort of outlet or else you project it onto each other.

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My relationship is a little like that, but I think because of Venus/Sun , Venus/AC, (and maturity), that if we find ourselves getting to this point, one of us will chill out and take a look in the mirror!

But we are !extremely! compulsive with sexuality and showing physical affection! No Mars/Pluto, so I don't know what it is, really. Maybe Mars opp Saturn, 0º. Maybe it's his Chiron in my 8th and my Chiron conj. his Mars?