posted May 23, 2015 09:54 PM            

I just broke up with him for the fifth time since knowing him (I've initiated all break ups - unlike me and I'm overwhelmed by this very much). We fell in love almost immediately upon meeting a year and a half ago, but he is the most hot/cold man I've ever known and we'll get intensely close, only for him to pull a stunt that upsets me so much I walk away, or he'll be so distant for weeks I wind up basically throwing in the towel in heartbreak. We've expressed an equal amount of thinking we were soul mate material for each other, but I feel constant pressure to be 'cool' while he disappears, pushes me away, and on the occasions he's just simply been mean and cruel to me. But, he can also be one of the greatest men I've ever known. Obviously, he is represented by the strongest Saturn aspects in this chart as well as the Pluto person, but I have always been able to stick it out with every other significant relationship, and I keep finding myself running away. It's like I get painted into a corner where the only escape IS that I leave him, but then immediately I feel horribly depressed and sad.

I miss him when we are together, and I miss him when we are apart. It should also be noted that he is from a significantly different culture from me (He is Muslim, I am from a Christian family). I believe that is also apparent in this chart.

posted May 23, 2015 10:36 PM            

Moving this to Interpersonal Astrology.

HOW TO GET YOUR CHART

1. Go to www.astro.com . You can create a free account or enter your birth data as a guest; however, creating an account will allow you to save your information – great for trying the different charts both for yourself and for others in your life. If you don’t know the exact time of your birth, do your best to find out – it *is* important.

2. Go to “Free Horoscopes” and then to “Extended Chart Selection.”

3. “Natal Chart Wheel” is the default, but you will need to go to “House System” (under “Options” use the drop-down to change to “equal”).

4. Click on “Click here to show the Chart,” then click on the chart which will appear.

5. Right-click and save the chart to your desktop.

HOW TO UPLOAD YOUR CHART

1. Create a free account at www.photobucket.com .

2. Select “Upload Now” which will bring up “Select Photos and Videos.”

3. Navigate to your desktop and select.

4. On right, click “Save and continue to my album.”

5. When you hover the mouse pointer over the chart, you will see that a box appears with a few options. If you need to edit out your name or anything else you don’t feel comfortable sharing on the boards, “edit” is in the top band of options. Select “edit” which opens your chart and provides editing options. Go to the tab “Decorate,” and you will see a number of icons, one of which is an eraser. Erase what you need to, and click “Replace original.”

6. Saving should take you to a new screen where you can see your chart and to the right, a bank of options to “Share this photo.” Click on the IMG code, which will flash and let you know that you’ve copied the link.

7. Go to your thread, open a new post and paste your link.

posted May 24, 2015 10:38 AM            

Looking at your chart, I'm seeing some difficulties with the house overlays and particularly an imbalance between your 8Hs - you have your moon and Pluto in yours, and your Pluto is linking to that Sun-Mercury conjunction between you. I'd guess that this indicates that intimacy/soul-connection is important for you and you're good at it.

His 8H, on the other hand is pretty empty and his 8H ruler (Mercury) is unaspected by your chart.

I have a significant relationship in my life that's characterized by ACE synastry but terrible house overlays and it does seem to involve a lot of hot-cold behaviour - I assume because periodically he says "hey! this isn't what my future partner is supposed to be like!", freaks out and backs off. In addition to that, I suspect that in your case, he struggles with the level of intimacy that you need and reacts by kicking out and letting you down (which imo regardless of the synastry is Not Okay, btw!).

posted May 24, 2015 04:35 PM            

Part of that may also be the cultural differences between us - and he has a very hard time trusting women after his last relationship. He's looking for a wife, seems to think I'm it sometimes, but then bails and does something to throw a wrench in things (and that is always when I walk away).

But he never lets me go completely, and it's painful and confusing for me. Is the empty/unaspected 8H thing an indicator he just doesn't care as much as I do in this relationship? Obviously I'm convinced of that at the moment and I've already walked away, but I'm just curious how that is shown....

posted May 24, 2015 05:06 PM            

I don’t think that he doesn’t care - you do aspect his 5H and 7H rulers (Mars and Venus) and I’d also point out that he doesn’t really put much in your 5th, 7th or 8th either and yet you care a lot. I do think that your 7H is a bit of a weak point, though – he has his moon in there but apart from that your Sun isn’t aspected, and I wonder if that makes it a bit harder for you to ground yourself in the partnership/balancing energy. Maybe makes it harder to get up a good ‘good riddance’ response and really leave it behind you?

I have to say that at the minute that I HATE house overlays and think they should be banned, specially the ones where you have lovely aspects otherwise! I thought that this http://sasstrology.com/2011/11/what-your-7th-house-partnerships-say-about-you.html was an interesting read, though – I suspect that some people are better than others at recognizing and fulfilling their own 5H/7H/8H needs and are therefore less tied to a definitive ‘type’. And to be honest, it does sound like you’re a fair way further on that path of maturity and fulfilment than he is!

posted May 24, 2015 07:25 PM            

I think that you've got a very strong eighth house and that it creates some very strong links to his chart, so I can imagine it's pretty agonising letting go of that sort of intimacy. Fwiw, though, it does sound like the right decision based on what you've said - life's too short to go through painful separation processes over and over again.

Best of luck

posted May 24, 2015 11:29 PM            

One and a half years is not a long time. I've had a girl with ViS consistently push me away. It's going on 3 years now but she's slowly learning to try and control her insecurity and instinctual reaction to try and regain the feeling of control in the dynamic.

posted May 24, 2015 11:55 PM            

Also with Venus in the 12th, I feel like he was almost ashamed of our relationship - I always felt like I had to be cool and hide out in the sidelines.

posted May 25, 2015 12:01 AM            

I notice when you call him out on his bad behavior, he puffs up and doesn't budge or even care. But whenever I gave him a taste of his own medicine - ignored him for a week, say (something I never ever do), or started dating other guys when we were broken up for a period, he came swooping back saying "I realized I've been treating you really badly."

posted May 25, 2015 06:26 AM            

His Moon is in her 8th house. He has no planets in her 7th house but... Her Dsc is Leo ruled by Sun in Capricorn, and her Sun is Cap what pulls her in a 7th house way to Leo or Cap men.

Her 5th house is Gemini ruled by Mercury in Cap. The connection here is even stronger then with 7th house ruler because her Mercury is conjunct his Sun (not just in the same sign). So she has adoration for him.

However, with Leo on the 7th house cusp, the 5th house works like a secondary 7th house (because Leo rules the 5th house in the natural zodiac). So the 5th house has partnership value for her as well, and when somebody touches her 5th house ruler or puts planets there it will have both a romantic and a 'partnership' feel to it.

From his side his 7th house ruler is Venus in Scorpio and is in the same sign as her Saturn. Saturn is important in her chart because it rules all her Cap planets.

With Taurus on his 7th house, the second house will give more details about the partner... His second house starts in late Sag and covers much of Capricorn. All her Cap planets sit in his 2nd house and because he has Taurus on the 7th this suites his 7th house needs well.

He also has the asteroid Juno which rules over marriage and commitment in Cap and so he looks for Cap traits in a long term partner.

His 5th house ruler is in Pisces, and this matches well with her Venus and Mars (the love planets) but being in Pisces.

posted May 25, 2015 06:37 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lotis White:
The male actually resonates with her 7th just fine. We don't just look at planets in houses, we look at rulers also.

His Moon is in her 8th house. He has no planets in her 7th house but... Her Dsc is Leo ruled by Sun in Capricorn and her Sun is Cap with pulls her in a 7th house way to Leo or Cap men.

Her 5th house is Gemini ruled by Mercury in Cap. The connection here is even stronger then with 7th house ruler because her Mercury is conjunct his Sun (not just in the same sign). So she has adoration for him.

However, with Leo on the 7th house cusp, the 5th house works like a secondary 7th house (because Leo rules the 5th house in the natural zodiac). So the 5th house has partnership value for her as well, and when somebody touches her 5th house ruler or puts planets there it will have both a romantic and a 'partnership' feel to it.

From his side his 7th house ruler is Venus in Scorpio and is in the same sign as her Saturn. Saturn is important in her chart because it rules all her Cap planets.

With Taurus on his 7th house, the second house will give more details about the partner... His second house starts in late Sag and covers much of Capricorn. All her Cap planets sit in his 2nd house and because he has Taurus on the 7th this suites his 7th house needs well.

He also has the asteroid Juno which rules over marriage and commitment in Cap and so he looks for Cap traits in a long term partner.

His 5th house ruler is in Pisces, and this matches well with her Venus and Mars (the love planets) but being in Pisces.

Sorry, I know all of this doesn't help with the relationship problems going on here. I'm just trying to explain how there could be an attraction from both sides as seen by looking at the 5th/7th/8th houses. Not just overlays. But also rulers.

---

I'm such a beginner! Thanks for setting me straight.

I've got my head around a) the houses and b) aspects to the rulers and I sort of understand the principle of secondary houses (eg if your seventh is ruled by Pisces then your twelfth serves as a sort of second seventh?) but I can only do it in bits, I'm not very good at looking at the whole picture!

Anyway, sorry to get it wrong Cappi - should reassert that disclaimer!

posted May 25, 2015 07:34 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lotis White:

His Moon is in her 8th house.

---

Is that because it's so close to the cusp? Does it then count as hitting her seventh and her eighth?

posted May 25, 2015 11:36 AM            

When we're apart it's extremely painful to me, but when we're together I can never handle being only partway in his life - it feels like we should be TOGETHER (and that the feeling is reciprocated), but something constantly stops it.

posted May 25, 2015 12:39 PM            

First date, both of us felt sparks we never had before (we're both cautious, both had had mostly long term relationships). He expressed an immediate interest and we wanted to spend as much time as possible together right away for the first month or two.

Around month 2 I asked if we were exclusive, and he was nervous about this and expressed that he wanted to wait until commitment for that. Then he said he felt like my opinion of him changed because he wasn't ready for what I was, and we both took a giant step back, but got back into seeing each other a week later full-throttle. I was cautious about that but kept dating other people too so that I wasn't too hooked.

End of May, we broke up 1st time because I wanted it to be a serious relationship and he was dealing with ex drama and wasn't ready. We lasted a week apart before running back to each other.

We fell in love over the summer but he would sometimes pull away for full weeks at a time, and become cold/ detached. I could handle it sometimes but I felt like he was hiding a lot from me, and hiding ME from his life, so I ended things end of June. Again, we lasted no more than 2 weeks apart before coming back together - this time with more commitment established between us two.

Everything was amazing - we met each others' friends/ family, etc, took small trips together...and then end of September he went on a trip with friends, got way too drunk and belligerent and we had a horrible fight that jarred me so much that when he came back I said we needed to take a break (this was on the heels of his ex sending me threatening emails about him cheating, etc. and I didn't know what to trust anymore). From his ex's meddling with us over the next couple of months, he came over and apologized for what had happened and we started another tentative relationship, but I had suspicions at this point that there were (are) other women in his life.

So I gave it another shot into this spring, and then a few weeks ago he once again withdrew from me (after insisting things felt better than ever for both of us) and barely speaking to me for weeks. I asked repeatedly if we could talk/ see each other, and he'd avoid it or tell me he was busy. I am about to go away all summer and realized I just can't handle the hot/cold anymore from someone I love so much. I think I love him too much. I have never felt so clingy --- and maybe that's the real problem. We both need our space, but going weeks hardly speaking to one another felt like too much for me.

Anyway, I am leaving our town today and I know I won't see him again (if ever) until the fall, but that's the back and forth-- really, what has killed this relationship for me have been the many attempts to push me away after he'd tell me I was someone he wanted a family with. I felt like every good thing between us kept getting tossed aside. I have a feeling a lot of that is his heavy saturn squares to my Venus and Mars - Ijust can't wait around anymore.

posted May 25, 2015 07:00 PM            

By the way you described it above, it sounds like one of those terrible relationships where one of the partners have complete control over the relationship while the other partner is left helpless with the course this relationship takes. The reason this guy comes and goes is because he knows he can do it. Because you let him do it. And he knows he can get away with it. Because you love him, we get that. I've been in your shoes, too, I bet most people who felt true love in their hearts have done it too.

Next time he does something like that (if ever, since you are going away for the summer), get mad with him. Be real angry. If you break up with him again, dont end it with "you can call me any time" . Nope. . Tell him to never come close to you again, because you can take only so much heartbreak ( that way you let him know that you love him (hence the heartbreak) yet you refuse to tolerate his behavior anylonger). A guy, if he really loves you and wants you, won't take ultimatums and will come after you to make it work, but he really needs to put some effort into it, and think more the next time he decides to pull away.

posted May 26, 2015 11:19 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
Cappi,

By the way you described it above, it sounds like one of those terrible relationships where one of the partners have complete control over the relationship while the other partner is left helpless with the course this relationship takes. The reason this guy comes and goes is because he knows he can do it. Because you let him do it, and he knows he can get away with it. Because you love him, we get that. Ive been in your shoes, too, I bet most people who felt true love in their hearts have done it too.

Next time he does something like that( if ever, since you are going away for the summer) , get mad with him. Be real angry. If you break up with him again, dont end it with " you can call me any time" . Nope. . Tell him to never come close to you again, because you can take only so much heartbreak ( that way you let him know that you love him (hence the heartbreak) yet you refuse to tolerate his behavior anylonger). A guy, if he really loves you and wants you, won't take ultimatums and will come after you to make it work, but he really needs to put some effort into it, and think more the next time he decides to pull away.

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This!

Basically remember that soulmates come in all different shapes and sizes and it does not necessarily mean you are meant to be together in this lifetime. Your SN loosely conjuncts his venus but it strongly conjuncts his ASC. Basically as long as you continue to play out your SN in Scorpio, the attachment to him will feel strong and fated because you're reflecting a compatible energy - HIS! But your soul growth is NN in Taurus which means less emotional drama and more self-sustaining attitudes, more fortitude, more inner valuation. As you move towards your NN in Taurus, the dynamics of power/control and his own insecurities will surface but that's why you two are going through this dynamic anyway - contracts are never a one way street. With your Pluto in his 12th house and Saturn conjunct ASC/in his 1st house, you are supposed to stand up to him in a way that forces him to change/transform/mature whatnot and eventually learn how to deal with his own Scorpio energy that he may not be aware of (12th house subconscious again).