posted July 03, 2015 04:56 PM            

I have been in a relationship with a triple Cancer guy over 1,5 years. I find him very flirtious and I can't trust him %100. Once he admitted that he fell in love with someone else while he was in a relationship. But he did not end his relationship because it was impossible to be with other girl anyway. And it would be unpolite to leave his gf! He admitted that because at this moment a song was playing and he used to listen to that song back then when he was in love with other girl and felt sad. He exactly felt sad while he was listening to the song with me. I said if he wants he can go back to girl. He said now I love you.

Just 20 minutes ago we were walking at the sea side. It is hot and everybody is naturally in just sommer clothes, shorts etc. He just gazed at a girl and I said him you can look at girls as they dress that way to make you look at him. (These are HIS words!) He said, yes I admit, I looked at that girl.The problem is I know he keeps looking at many girls. I am aware of that.I mentioned his words again: "They dress short clothes to make men look. So I look. I am a man, it is normal that I can look at them. Should I better look at them secretly and pretend I wouldn't?" I just left the place immediately.He tried to talk to me and hug me.And defended him self with those words above. Now, what? If I go to beach with him, shall I go crazy around every women with bikini by thinking he looks at them? He implies marrying me but how can I trust him? What then, would he cheat me, let's say,if we'd marry and I would be pregnant? Would he justify himself like you are pregnant and fat, I have some needs. So i cheated on you?

I feel very stupid atm, can you please look at our charts or at least his chart and maybe give me some hints?

How can I put our charts here? Can I give links?

Does it work?

I want to cry. I feel so cheated.

posted July 03, 2015 09:50 PM            

NeptunianAries, forgive me, but your boyfriend is behaving rather typically, and you seem to be plagued by deep anxieties and insecurity. Is this a usual feature in your relationships, or is it something specifically in his behaviour that's setting it off?

Since it bothers you, consider opening a genuine conversation -- what it is that he gains from ogling women he'll, at most, potentially fantasise about later when he's by himself (or just engaging in sexual activity of some kind) since he's not going to actually be with them. You'd be surprised what the answer could be.

posted July 03, 2015 10:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Am I the only one who honestly thinks that the OP is the one with some issues that need sorting?

NeptunianAries, forgive me, but your boyfriend is behaving rather typically, and you seem to be plagued by deep anxieties and insecurity. Is this a usual feature in your relationships, or is it something specifically in his behaviour that's setting it off?

Since it bothers you, consider opening a genuine conversation -- what it is that he gains from ogling women he'll, at most, potentially fantasise about later when he's by himself (or just engaging in sexual activity of some kind) since he's not going to actually be with them. You'd be surprised what the answer could be.

It's true that men DO enjoy the mere fantasy. Might ask him if that's what he's after -- or if he has an actual addiction.

---

Unfortunately, NeptuneAries I have to agree with Aubyanne. To be frank (Mercury in Scorpio), you sound insecure specifically when you mention the song bit. Non-astrological advice, I would ponder on why you are feeling the way you feel. Why did you become angry (or annoyed) when he shared his feelings with you regarding a song? Why did you become upset when he honestly admitted to you that he sometimes looks at other women?

posted July 03, 2015 11:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Am I the only one who honestly thinks that the OP is the one with some issues that need sorting?

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Not at all ! I was actually wondering whether I should post my opinion and risk starting another quarrel on LL (or worse, make her feel more desperate than she already is), but, on second thought, I don't think we've worded it out that harshly, so I might as well go with mine. Thanks

NeptunianAries,

I'm sorry, but I think it's perfectly normal for someone to have other fantasies outside their relationship. Perhaps you don't usually do that, but please consider the fact that everybody is unique and has different perspectives. He may not have the same expectations regarding the 'rules' of a relationship as you do (rules which, even if I strongly believe shouldn't even exist, would be better followed if decided upon together calmly), and he may even be completely fine with it if you were to behave like him.

Lastly, if the relationship stays really unhealthy for you, I think you should leave. Not because I disagree with him, but because a relationship that doesn't work out well is not something you should ruin your health for.

Wishing you both the best.

posted July 03, 2015 11:53 PM            

I agree it's natural for men/women to look at the opposite sex.
My first thought here, is if this is your own personal insecurities and jealousy ? Or was he truly disrespectful.
I think that's something you have to decide for your self.

My second thought was, his comment about women dressing like that so men can look. I wonder if he really disrespects all women. A women on the beach in a bikini is appropriately dressed. A women at a drive in in a bikini, that's different. I wonder his true thinking with this comment.

The best person to tell you about him, is YOU. Trust your gut instinct. What does your instincts say about him, what do you feel about him, listen to your self.
At the same time, ask yourself are you being jealous, or have a true reason to feel this way about this person.

posted July 04, 2015 12:18 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by NeptunianAries:
... He implies marrying me but how can I trust him? What then, would he cheat me, let's say,if we'd marry and I would be pregnant? Would he justify himself like you are pregnant and fat, I have some needs. So i cheated on you?

I feel very stupid atm, can you please look at our charts or at least his chart and maybe give me some hints? ...

I want to cry. I feel so cheated.

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Hey NeptunianAries,
I'm no expert in astrology, but nothing that I've read so far or studied leads me to believe you can tell whether or not someone is going to cheat on you someday just by looking at that person's chart/synastry/or composite. Sure, there are certain aspects that might point to a person being more of a free-spirit and needing a lot of independence, being comfortable in a more open relationship, or having secretive tendencies. These traits (among others) might somehow manifest as that person being unfaithful at some point.

Without launching into a dissertation, the reality is that astrology cannot tell you about someone's intentions. Even people who have "cheating" aspects may be highly self-aware individuals and never cheat on a significant other regardless of temptation or their own natural inclinations.

The issue here is one of trust and that can only be healed through really examining the underlying cause for your insecure feelings. Either he has done something to destroy your trust in him or you have experienced other relationships (your family, past boyfriends, friends, etc...) that lead you to automatically jump into defensive mode when he displays certain behaviors. The only way to ease your stress in this relationship is to start having honest and open conversations with your boyfriend.

Are you being overly sensitive or is he disrespecting you? I think it's unfair to judge that here because we don't have all the facts. It's your relationship - only you can decide if his behavior is challenging you to look at yourself and your relationship expectations realistically or if he indeed just does not care for your feelings. Again, you can only know this by talking to him and by being aware of yourself and your own limitations.

posted July 04, 2015 02:27 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by geminigal2805:
And women dont look at men????

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posted July 04, 2015 04:29 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Am I the only one who honestly thinks that the OP is the one with some issues that need sorting?

NeptunianAries, forgive me, but your boyfriend is behaving rather typically, and you seem to be plagued by deep anxieties and insecurity. Is this a usual feature in your relationships, or is it something specifically in his behaviour that's setting it off?

Since it bothers you, consider opening a genuine conversation -- what it is that he gains from ogling women he'll, at most, potentially fantasise about later when he's by himself (or just engaging in sexual activity of some kind) since he's not going to actually be with them. You'd be surprised what the answer could be.

It's true that men DO enjoy the mere fantasy. Might ask him if that's what he's after -- or if he has an actual addiction.

---

Hm I kind of feel like I'd be cheating emotionally if i fantasize about someone otherthan the person I'm with but I guess that's just the kind of thing you need to figure out about the other person because everyone has different thresholds to fidelity and devotion. I know most of my generation would think I'm insane. So I think it's really OP has a different idea of devotion so when she sees that her boyfriend isn't like her, she wonders what his threshold of devotion is... I've been in her shoes many times. Well if he doesn't consider this infidelity, then what is or isn't considered infidelity to him? Some people do feel cheated when their partner fantasizes about other people and feel like they would be cheating if they did the same.

If I desire another man, that means I am not completely head over heels in love with the man i am with. And I want the the most 100% love I can get. So it's like, why be with someone you're not completely enamoured with?

Also I do think the issue is with him... Because he's being like "so what I look. Men stare at women big deal." Without considering her feelings. That shows he doesn't respect her or value her enough to be even a bit considerate. If she does have deep insecurities and anxieties, he should be easing them rather than feeding them and casting her aside to ogle other women,

posted July 04, 2015 04:35 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
We all have so different opinions... In my case, the object of my affection can only glance at another female, shortly so, for a few seconds, that's okay, I am generous like that.. but anything longer than 4 seconds, he is a cooked goose, I swear. Staring is disrespectful. No tolerance. Not a second chance either, he is out.

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posted July 04, 2015 09:44 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Am I the only one who honestly thinks that the OP is the one with some issues that need sorting?

NeptunianAries, forgive me, but your boyfriend is behaving rather typically, and you seem to be plagued by deep anxieties and insecurity. Is this a usual feature in your relationships, or is it something specifically in his behaviour that's setting it off?

Since it bothers you, consider opening a genuine conversation -- what it is that he gains from ogling women he'll, at most, potentially fantasise about later when he's by himself (or just engaging in sexual activity of some kind) since he's not going to actually be with them. You'd be surprised what the answer could be.

It's true that men DO enjoy the mere fantasy. Might ask him if that's what he's after -- or if he has an actual addiction.

---

I completely disagree, if a man starts out a relationship in this way his head is NOT in a place of respect for the woman who's standing next to to him.

I get it, guys look...so do women! So do I!!
But do I point it out to my partner so they know I'm not even going to try to respect them?? NO!!
What he is doing is not the typical, "oh wow she's pretty"....then moving on and never thinking about her again because he loves the woman next to him. What he's doing is a form of abuse, it's a shade of psychological abuse...he's priming her for his behaviors that will be coming later...worse behaviors.
He's already trying to set a foundation in her mind for how he will validate the things he knows he will do later, things like cheat!

posted July 04, 2015 11:22 AM            

Unless some understanding can be reached wherein you, NeptunianAries, feel very secure in his love for you, through conversation or demonstrations of love, return to the source of your being and your enjoyment of life on your own terms. Whether you remain in a relationship or not, remember that you are whole and beautiful. Don't give your power to him, don't allow him to objectify you. You are a free being. You are not an object to be loved and cast aside, or compared to others. You are a radiant being of love and light...

Another thing I've found helpful personally when in relationships which are not meeting my emotional needs/which are hurting me, is to focus, strangely enough, on really feeling into what the other person needs... Rather than what I need from them, I look at what loving them unconditionally, impersonally, for their own sake, would entail. Does he really really deeply believe that this is a good thing to do? Does looking at these other human animals feed him on a deep level? It seems clear to me that this would be a painful reality for a partner who feels faithfulness and monogamy are very important for their emotional security. There is nothing wrong with wanting that. I personally am a very monogamous soul despite seeing all the virtue and beauty of polyamorous living. For this reason I seek out partners who are similarly interested in deep commitment and faithfulness to one partner.

If my partner insisted on objectification of other women I would be affronted on many levels. The suggestion that they are dressed like that for his viewing pleasure is icky to me personally, and perhaps this attitude is something which you could explore for all its dark implications within your own psyche, for that which bothers us deeply is sometimes a reflection of our own struggles. Do you relate your self worth to your appearance/desirability? There is nothing wrong with any feelings you might have; there is nothing bad about any of it. Simply observe the feelings and attitudes within yourself and that which doesn't serve you can eventually be identified and pulled up like a weed, to allow the flowers of peace and contentment and security to blossom...

posted July 04, 2015 01:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Peluches:
Not at all ! I was actually wondering whether I should post my opinion and risk starting another quarrel on LL (or worse, make her feel more desperate than she already is), but, on second thought, I don't think we've worded it out that harshly, so I might as well go with mine. Thanks

NeptunianAries,

I'm sorry, but I think it's perfectly normal for someone to have other fantasies outside their relationship. Perhaps you don't usually do that, but please consider the fact that everybody is unique and has different perspectives. He may not have the same expectations regarding the 'rules' of a relationship as you do (rules which, even if I strongly believe shouldn't even exist, would be better followed if decided upon together calmly), and he may even be completely fine with it if you were to behave like him.

Lastly, if the relationship stays really unhealthy for you, I think you should leave. Not because I disagree with him, but because a relationship that doesn't work out well is not something you should ruin your health for.

Wishing you both the best.

---

posted July 04, 2015 03:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
I completely disagree, if a man starts out a relationship in this way his head is NOT in a place of respect for the woman who's standing next to to him.

I get it, guys look...so do women! So do I!!
But do I point it out to my partner so they know I'm not even going to try to respect them?? NO!!
What he is doing is not the typical, "oh wow she's pretty"....then moving on and never thinking about her again because he loves the woman next to him. What he's doing is a form of abuse, it's a shade of psychological abuse...he's priming her for his behaviors that will be coming later...worse behaviors.
He's already trying to set a foundation in her mind for how he will validate the things he knows he will do later, things like cheat!

If anyone thinks she is the issue...your wrong! She's picking up on a very subtle mind game he is playing, that shows her strength.
It's like he's playing chess, he's setting up his stategy to win 10 steps later.

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Oh, Gabby, no, that's just not it.

posted July 04, 2015 06:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Peluches:
Oh, Gabby, no, that's just not it.

He isn't playing any mind games. Why would he even bother to be in a relationship with her if he wished to lead the life of a bachelor ? Do you honestly think he as sick as to pretend to commit himself to someone, while secretly cooking up some evil plans and manipulative mind games in order to hurt her purposely by cheating on her ? Really ?

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posted July 05, 2015 06:35 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LaceyLeigh:
Is that the composite chart? Post the birth information or upload the charts using tinypic.com, and copy/paste the link.

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posted July 05, 2015 06:44 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by midnightvenus:
I can't see the chart, but given the story, I'll give you some advice.

You don't need to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't respect you and makes you feel like that. My advice to you is DON'T get married with someone you feel like you can't trust, you're not crazy for feeling this way, your concerns are completely valid, HE made you feel this way. If I were you, I'd get out of this relationship as soon as possible. The problem are not the women he looks at, they're just trying to stay cool in a hot day. What are they supposed to do? Melt in a jeans so he won't look? As if he wouldn't look anyway. The problem is your boyfriend. You deserve way better, you deserve to be respected. You won't find a better man while stuck in this relationship.

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posted July 05, 2015 06:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Am I the only one who honestly thinks that the OP is the one with some issues that need sorting?

NeptunianAries, forgive me, but your boyfriend is behaving rather typically, and you seem to be plagued by deep anxieties and insecurity. Is this a usual feature in your relationships, or is it something specifically in his behaviour that's setting it off?

Since it bothers you, consider opening a genuine conversation -- what it is that he gains from ogling women he'll, at most, potentially fantasise about later when he's by himself (or just engaging in sexual activity of some kind) since he's not going to actually be with them. You'd be surprised what the answer could be.

It's true that men DO enjoy the mere fantasy. Might ask him if that's what he's after -- or if he has an actual addiction.

---

The problem is, talking about this and generally talking about my feelings are so hurtful and difficult for me. I do get angry so quickly that converstaions turn into something else and the main focus disappears. Of course this is not an excuse, I have to find a way. What do you mean by if this is a typical feature in our relationship? And what kind of addiction would it be? I am not an English native speaker