posted August 18, 2015 01:08 PM            

"
Not that old but I'm 30 and it feels like a marker to really get thinking about this aspect of my life.

I've been through 2 big relationships, and both fell apart after 3-4 years. Most of the time, it should have ended before, but I do have trouble letting go. And that is something I'm trying to overcome.

At the same time, I'm curious to see if anyone could shed some of their insights to help me with this? I read horoscopes as much as I can, and I have tried an astrologer here and there in the past. But if someone could help me with their gifts on this, I would really appreciate it!

Soo.. thank you in advance!

MY CHART --->

posted August 18, 2015 06:37 PM            

Pluto on the 1st also tells me you have a strong personality and might feel a bit apart from most people. So I would expect some loneliness by looking at the chart.

posted August 18, 2015 08:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by starmoon:
just curious, but relationship-wise are you looking for marriage? or something less formal with a partner? ie living together unmarried, staying engaged for years, etc. you have a chart with planets in the northern hemisphere and those areas focus on the self; you'd be more interested in your personal development and issues than in developing outward relationships, which might be problem. you're actually wanting something your chart isn't supporting, as i see it. from your chart i'd say you'd need to make a very concentrated effort to meet people and develop connections/friendships through work or school or organizations. your chart shows a lack of effort on developing outward connections with people.

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hey starmoon,
i can definitely see that happening to me. Im very committed, loyal, all that stuff but when it comes to putting something down on paper or being at a formal ceremony, I just shut down emotionally. It's not that I don't want to, but there's something about it that I can't quite explain. That said, I'm 100% a 1-woman kind of guy.

and also right on the lack of developing outward relationships. i can be social but I never venture out looking for it. And even after I get into a group dynamic, it's tough.

That being said, I've always considered myself to be very thoughtful in my relationships, more often putting more effort into it and almost seeing the other person as a part of me. To the extent that whatever I do, I do with the other person in mind.

I guess I will definitely have to work on developing more connections. I'm a bit more introverted than I should be.

posted August 18, 2015 08:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by margym0o:
Can't add very comprehensive insight but Venus trine Saturn I can relate on - perhaps you feel similarly. Commitment comes easy to you, almost like a no-brainer. Hence why you've only had a couple of long-term relationships, and why you've had a hard time letting go (though other things probably help with this). Romance is very important to you but you probably don't like playing "the game" as much. Saturn is the planet of time and it can delay what it touches so to touch your love planet can mean "the best is yet to come" so to speak and to be patient. Once the right man comes into your life, it will have been worth the wait.

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I definitely resonated the most with your comment. Commitment is THE only option for me. Even when the other person is totally wrong. It's just out of principle. And I hate the game. I read stuff like the redpill and the art of seduction ... and it makes me gag at the thought changing myself to manipulate people.

posted August 18, 2015 08:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Soltze:
I agree with starmoon. I mean the ruler of the 7th is in the 5th. Moon, Venus and Mars in the house of romance and nothing in the 7th doesn't seem to support a relationship based on a formal contract.

Pluto on the 1st also tells me you have a strong personality and might feel a bit apart from most people. So I would expect some loneliness by looking at the chart.

Maybe you should just keep trying to know new people and date a bit? I believe that a good sinastry with someone can mitigate some of the chart indications. I believe that 2 compatible people can work long term.

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I definitely worry about this. Looking at it one way, I love the idea of committed and for me, commitment is stronger than what anyone says on paper. At the same time, not having it on paper is also something I align with, which is not out of being indecisive. Rather, it's more of an inexplicable fear of a loss of freedom. Exactly what I lose, I do not know because I wouldn't want to stray anyway.

posted August 20, 2015 10:42 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mattva:
I definitely worry about this. Looking at it one way, I love the idea of committed and for me, commitment is stronger than what anyone says on paper. At the same time, not having it on paper is also something I align with, which is not out of being indecisive. Rather, it's more of an inexplicable fear of a loss of freedom. Exactly what I lose, I do not know because I wouldn't want to stray anyway.

I have very fixed ideas and I feel like I know what I know until you can prove to me otherwise, at which point, I am highly yielding. Is there anything that can help indicate a time frame I should look into?

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posted August 20, 2015 12:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by margym0o:
Pay close attention to what Uranus is doing in your chart as well. You have Venus trine Saturn (commitment comes easily) but also Venus square Uranus, which can explain your fear over your loss of freedom once "fully" committed. A gal I work with has the trine and she got married to a man she pursued HARD and dated for many years but didn't ultimately marry him until she was 37. Even then, she admitted to being nervous before her wedding, not because she was afraid to marry the man, but because she was afraid marriage would be a loss of her freedom. It's almost a contradiction in your chart. Your inner values are at odds.

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hey margymoo,

thank you so much for that.

posted August 20, 2015 01:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Soltze:
I'm glad you got other answers. Sorry I've been all over the place these days.
Anyway I'm not so good looking at transits. I'm learning and researching as well

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Definitely and thank you for responding! I've been trying to keep my spirits up with as many things as possible too. I figure if I'm positive about it and channel my doubts/insecurities into things that might offer explanations.

posted August 20, 2015 02:35 PM            

What is it that you fear would happen should you not find "love"?

posted August 20, 2015 02:49 PM            

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
I wonder if you are more worried about growing older alone ,then you are about finding companionship?

What is it that you fear would happen should you not find "love"?

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Yeah... quite a fear that you picked up. I am an only child and I grew up away from my parents most of my life. Plus in long term (3+yrs) relationships, I've had people leave for greener pastures overnight. So, it's kind of set up this issue of abandonment.

I do like being alone, but at the same time, I really love my family too. I can't really think of a life where achievements or money could mask the feeling I get from being loved or loving someone back (not saying that my interaction with family isn't ever tense or dispassionate).

posted August 21, 2015 02:17 PM            

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Originally posted by mattva:
Yeah... quite a fear that you picked up. I am an only child and I grew up away from my parents most of my life. Plus in long term (3+yrs) relationships, I've had people leave for greener pastures overnight. So, it's kind of set up this issue of abandonment.

I do like being alone, but at the same time, I really love my family too. I can't really think of a life where achievements or money could mask the feeling I get from being loved or loving someone back (not saying that my interaction with family isn't ever tense or dispassionate).

What do I fear if I don't find love? I fear I'll always long for it and that it will make me appear/feel weak. I fear that the things I want to do would be strange if I did them alone. You can only go to a movie theater/dinner/coffee house/or attend any activity alone for so long. So... isolation... not good for the soul, I'd say.

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Oh I see, so what you are looking for is the feeling of belonging somewhere?

You want your life to be filled with people who need you and you them?

Aquarius Sun/Moon often speaks of an individual who is often misunderstood. But at the same time looking to relate to others and be a part of a community etc.

Saturn square Moon does suggest some issues with being "confined" emotionally and feeling "detached" from your emotional center.

You would have loved to have people to relate to (intellectually) and share many ideas. That is how you would have felt nurtured(Aquarius Moon).

But instead,you found yourself in a quagmire of emotional hangups and complexities that were hard to voice(because most were psychological).But you still had to work through.(Saturn square)

You just experienced your 1st Saturn return and this leads many of us to re-evaluate the direction our life is going(I questioned the path my career was headed with mine).

What you may ask yourself now is; Is the presence of someone special in my life going to help make everything OK?

Could it be that the people that left you may have found it hard to connect with you emotionally? Perhaps that is why you feel so alone? Because you find it hard to connect with yourself?

I don't think you need love. Well at-least not in the romantic, idealized fashion that your Venus/Mars Pisces may be longing for.

Perhaps this is something that you can give off when you have spent more time with yourself. Really getting to know the self.

I think you are looking for friendship. Meaningful exchange of words and someone to help dig up much of the inner chasm you feel trapped trying to master.

If love comes. It is likely to come through being "nurtured" though the mind.

We don't "get" love by asking ;"Please get me someone". But we find love when we give i.e "this is what i can do" etc.

It is easier to love someone who knows who they are and are not looking to having others mirror clues on whom they should be.

I think you should spend more time with yourself.And with Saturn transiting the 2nd house, feelings of being "unwanted" and "unloved" may be more rampant than ever.

You may seem closed off or "serious" to others right now because you want something real and are not in the mood for things that are fickle and simple-minded.

Pluto will move to conjunct Mercury soon. And much of your thought processes may be deep,melancholic and even sometimes very depressing.

Know that this is a phase that is passing through your IC. And when Pluto moves though an angle,it is quite an important part of our life cycle.

This may suggest that you may have to let go of long-standing chronic psychological issues. Or let them define you for the rest of your life.

A possible move(permanent) is likely. Or perhaps some very significant change in the family structure is likely when Pluto is in Cap.

I don't think you'll find satisfactory love right now. Not when you are still trying to define what that means for your own personal experience.

There may be people who want you and you them. But once they appear superficial or "shallow", it is likely that the interest will wane rapidly. So I would hold out on meeting "the one" right now.

posted August 22, 2015 03:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Oh I see, so what you are looking for is the feeling of belonging somewhere?

You want your life to be filled with people who need you and you them?

.....

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I read your reply and it's taken me so much longer than I'd like to process everything. But more than anything else... thank you. Thank you for being so honest, and for the effort that you put into this. I can't tell you how meaningful it has been to read it over and over again. It resonated so well with me and brought to light a lot of realities that I haven't been able to voice myself. So... (((online hug))).

That being said, you're completely and utterly right about everything. It's not a relationship I'm looking for and I'm struggling with coming to terms with what exactly is going on inside me that would make me happy. I deeply care for the few friends that I have and every relationship I have been in has found my friends to be a barrier for them. They feel like I'm not nearly as happy as I am around them, which eventually becomes jealousy and then I have to move away from my friends. This has often created too many rifts and now that my friends have settled down with their SOs, I tend to be out of the loop anyway.

That said, I have been totally focused on fixing my inner self recently. I know I cannot carry on like this always feeling like I did something wrong and neglecting that which is important for me. My idea was that in a relationship, I try my best to bring out the best in who I am. I clean up a lot more, I'm more driven, I try to do things proactively. Unfortunately, this hasn't always played out the right way. People who don't want to be happy with me just simply refuse to be. My last gf was in the dumps when I found her. I brought her home... literally taught her how to brush her teeth and take care of herself. Once all these things were set right, she said I reminded her too much of what she used to be and she couldn't handle it. So she found two other dudes... but they are a lot richer, so I guess that kind of makes sense.

I'm doing everything I can to undo the psychological weight that I carry around. I tend to become aware of who I am as I walk through a street and immediately get nervous. I fidget internally because I think I'm missing something. I feel my best and most confident when my skills are put to use and it benefits others. That and possibly working out and having something to show for it.

So, in the spirit of you offering so much amazing advice, starting today, I'm going to let go of the things I feel are negative influences in my life. I'll work harder and stay more optimistic that good things will happen. I know I have a lot to offer and I don't NEED anyone per say. Just company. Just someone to share with the clutter in my head so I can feel at ease. Just a few people who will speak to me in a way that is as meaningful as the way you were able to respond to my concern. I know the way my heart beats and I just want to be able to bring it out all the time.