posted September 30, 2015 12:27 PM            

When I was in high school, I met a guy who changed my life. He was the person who ever "loved" me and really, really wanted to be with me. I was just out of a fairly serious (serious for high school anyway) relationship and I wasn't sure. But he was the first person I was ever physical with and that was sort of binding.

After a few months, I moved away. We tried to make the long distance thing work, but I thought back to how he had crossed my physical boundaries when we were together. I felt violated, and to his devastation, I broke it off.

He spent the next 9 months drinking, doing drugs, and having casual sex and god knows what else as a form of escape (Pisces ascendant). For almost a year, he couldn't let go of me. I had blocked his number, and we didn't talk. But when I went back to visit, we met up, and I made the mistake of taking him back.

The relationship was toxic. He was very controlling and jealous. He violated me sexually, which I internalized and became abusive to him in other ways. Which I realized was wrong and stopped, but he never did. He continued to abuse me in just about every way. Although it never reached the level of hitting or broken bones, he made me afraid.

I MARRIED HIM. Can you believe that? I ******* married him. Yes, I am stupid. No need to point it out. We spent three years together and had an absolutely beautiful/smart/perfect baby girl who is no a year and a half old. After she was born, the lies started. He would lie about stupid things that would have been way less of an issue if he had just told me. I caught him smoking weed on the porch once and he told me it was some guy walking around in our apartment complex. Just stupid **** like that.

After he started lying, I became distant. Which caused him to become desperate and the physical abuse/intimidation escalated. He would scream at me and push me around in front of our daughter. I knew then that I had to get out.

It took me a year, a progressed moon conjunction to pluto and a pluto square to my natal sun to get up the gumption to do it. But I finally left with our baby.

Of course, he is the victim in his mind. He has spent the last 4 months since I left doing exactly what he did before. Smoking weed and drinking. Dating (probably casual sex too, although I haven't asked).

For most of this time he's just been angry at me. He'll scream at me and tell me what an awful person I am for taking our daughter away from him. Curse at me. Call me names.

But for the past week or so, he's been calling me randomly. Being super sweet and telling me he still loves me. He always will just take a normal conversation and out of nowhere say, "There's no one like you, Ken."

I obviously still love him too, because it kills me to hear him say these things. All I want is for things to be the way they were during the good times. I have been dating so much and meeting so many different people, but I still feel so lonely and when I left, I left so many good things behind with the bad things.

I am so proud of having left him. It took more courage than anything I've done in my whole life. I can't be with him. I know that. I've come too far and am doing some good things with my life now.

But what's the deal? Why is it like this? Why can't we let go of each other? More specifically, why can't HE let go of me? No matter how much time goes by, he always comes back. I'm usually just fine as long as he doesn't start telling me how he feels about me. But when he does, I start to break.

I know this is more than astrology and I'm not breaking it down to that. I realize that it's a bad situation and I am OUT of it now. So I don't need to hear not to go back to him. Because I'm not. I won't lie - I wish things could be different. But they aren't, and that's that.

I'm really just looking for what you see in the synastry and composite - is it just as simple as pluto being on the composite DSC?

I'm also feeling very sad and could use some encouragement. I find myself in this place now where I know I love someone and may always love them, and yet know I CANNOT be with them. He'll never change, and I'll never accept that he'll never change. I'd be sentencing myself to a lifetime of misery.

Synastry

Composite

posted September 30, 2015 12:37 PM            

Congratulations on leaving him and I am very sorry for everything you have been through

Astrology is a bit futile here, from a relational POV. It's all in his natal and what he does with it.

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I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

AstroMandala

posted September 30, 2015 12:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
You got yourself a typical profile there - his - and coming back is part of it. This is what they do, in general. Don't think people can't change, they can, but he needs to turn his life around before being sweet on the phone. Most don't change. Give him a chance in your mind and encourage him verbally, but keep your distance unless you determine for certain he is one of the few who change.

Congratulations on leaving him and I am very sorry for everything you have been through

Astrology is a bit futile here, from a relational POV. It's all in his natal and what he does with it.

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Thank you for your reply, and your empathy.

Here is his natal, if you want to look.

posted September 30, 2015 01:03 PM            

George is the reason I left my Pisces SUN, Gemini MOON, Scorpio rising boyfriend of four years. He's also why I became bizarrely mixed-up with a man who'd always been long distance, and proved later to be a karmic soulmate / 'false twin' type deal.

We even had a VENUS/MARS conjunction. And, sure, the sex was fine; he was the first man who didn't care enough to stop when it hurt, so I was able to have sex for the first time. At 25.

He left on a trip to New York for Christmas in 2007, and my father and I grabbed everything we could load into his SUV -- and I went home. I'd been avoiding home for a long time; it had problems of its own. I also felt like a certain failure, to be going back home at 27.

27 is about the number of times he'd call my phone. My mother and I would just watch it ring. And ring. And ring. When I moved to Los Angeles, about a year later, he crept up out of the blue and began cyberstalking me; then sending malware to my phone and making it unusable. We got the 'last laugh'.

I filed for a domestic violence protective order and TRO (temporary restraining order). I got it within a week. A month later, it became a permanent restraining order -- well, 2-years permanent, and always on his record. For the end of time.

I've learnt to live with George. He's my subtle (enough) reminder that no one is EVER worth compromising my safety, and anyone that loves me will NEVER, EVER make me feel unsafe.

posted September 30, 2015 01:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
I have something that will always be with me, as a result of a relationship now many years ago, in my mid-twenties. I call him George. He's a corneal abrasion on my left eye. Any time it's bright outside, or I'm noticing anything out of my left peripheral vision -- there goes George. Like a permanent floater.

George is the reason I left my Pisces SUN, Gemini MOON, Scorpio rising boyfriend of four years. He's also why I became bizarrely mixed-up with a man who'd always been long distance, and proved later to be a karmic soulmate / 'false twin' type deal.

We even had a VENUS/MARS conjunction. And, sure, the sex was fine; he was the first man who didn't care enough to stop when it hurt, so I was able to have sex for the first time. At 25.

He left on a trip to New York for Christmas in 2007, and my father and I grabbed everything we could load into his SUV -- and I went home. I'd been avoiding home for a long time; it had problems of its own. I also felt like a certain failure, to be going back home at 27.

27 is about the number of times he'd call my phone. My mother and I would just watch it ring. And ring. And ring. When I moved to Los Angeles, about a year later, he crept up out of the blue and began cyberstalking me; then sending malware to my phone and making it unusable. We got the 'last laugh'.

I filed for a domestic violence protective order and TRO (temporary restraining order). I got it within a week. A month later, it became a permanent restraining order -- well, 2-years permanent, and always on his record. For the end of time.

I've learnt to live with George. He's my subtle (enough) reminder that no one is EVER worth compromising my safety, and anyone that loves me will NEVER, EVER make me feel unsafe.

Full stop.

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posted September 30, 2015 04:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by wheresthemoon:
Wow. I'm proud of you for leaving that mess. I can also relate to the home issues. One of the reasons it took me so long to leave is how miserable it is to live with my family.

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Yeah. And you have a child. I understand the depth of your confusion. But how is your child doing, living with her mom and grandparents? All in all, that has to be better, smarter, and safer than what she was undoubtedly feeling her mother go through.

posted September 30, 2015 05:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hearttreasure:
Sigh.. I wish I can leave my terrible relationship too yet he keep coming back. Lord help me....

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posted September 30, 2015 06:57 PM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
You didn't include nessus on his natal! Where is it at exactly? Degrees and all..

Sorry about everything you have been through, it's tough and no I don't think you are stupid.

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posted September 30, 2015 06:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Yeah. And you have a child. I understand the depth of your confusion. But how is your child doing, living with her mom and grandparents? All in all, that has to be better, smarter, and safer than what she was undoubtedly feeling her mother go through.

And, yes, it's amazing what we'll endure when we've deemed it the lesser of two 'evils'.

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posted September 30, 2015 07:19 PM            

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Originally posted by wheresthemoon:
Thank you guys!
Sorry I'm not somewhere where I can post it again but it's at about 4 - 6 degrees libra.

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That is good enough you telling me, thanks, no need to repost.

An you are not alone, sadly this is a lot more common than people realize, I too had some rough experiences in that department; 1 in every 4 women deal with some type of domestic violence at some point in their life.

Based on what you said that means he has a MARS Grand Trine with NESSUS and Dejanira Natally with Mars squaring his Venus so is easy to channel that venus square mars via that Grand Trine Dynamic for him.

He also has Mars opposite BML which in combination with above it plays out so he wants to put strong women in their place seeing them as a threat to his masculinity.

posted September 30, 2015 09:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
He also has Mars opposite BML which in combination with above it plays out so he wants to put strong women in their place seeing them as a threat to his masculinity.

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Wow, that's fascinating. My boyfriend also has (mean) BML opposite his MARS -- though, it's a tad wide; 2º. It's also conjunct his MOON, which, I've no idea whether that drastically changes the influence, or not. His NESSUS, on the other hand, isn't involved, and he has a VENUS-MARS sextile, natally.

But he has a great respect for strong, independent women. And while he's a glad errant-knight to the rescue of any damsel in distress, such a woman could never win his heart, as it's intrinsically tied to respect. So while he is a consummate gentleman who requires the company of an equally respectable lady, she's also got to be fiercely able to defend herself, whatever stance she takes, and be confident flying solo.

This is curious, as he's not acquired this schema from anything in his childhood. His mother has always been rather an emotional basket-case, despite being a teacher for many decades prior to her retirement. And while he loved -- he did not respect -- his father, by whom he felt deeply betrayed; that he 'chose the bottle over the family', which consisted of only the three of them.

However, being ex-mil, he did have the occasion to work alongside a handful of ass-kicking women, and is something of a self-proclaimed feminist.

Now, my husband, on the other hand, is in a bit of a tug-of-war; he both fears strong-willed, independent women, and feels the need to 'put them in their place', as well as being powerfully sexually attracted to them. Poor guy. I do sometimes think the reason he can't control me, (and believe me -- he's tried) is in part why he loves me, but also resents me, and keeps him obsessed with 'obtaining' me, even after 5 years of marriage.

He has BML square MARS, and PRIAPUS conjunct his SUN-SATURN-NESSUS. So, yes; that's a T-Square of his BML opposite PRIAPUS, with MARS squaring them.

posted September 30, 2015 09:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
That is good enough you telling me, thanks, no need to repost.

An you are not alone, sadly this is a lot more common than people realize, I too had some rough experiences in that department; 1 in every 4 women deal with some type of domestic violence at some point in their life.

Based on what you said that means he has a MARS Grand Trine with NESSUS and Dejanira Natally with Mars squaring his Venus so is easy to channel that venus square mars via that Grand Trine Dynamic for him.

He also has Mars opposite BML which in combination with above it plays out so he wants to put strong women in their place seeing them as a threat to his masculinity.

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Interesting. That makes sense. I also have this aspect. I wonder how you would interpret this for a woman.

posted September 30, 2015 10:37 PM            

I made a thread on the Vedic Board about it.

posted October 01, 2015 12:03 AM            

For example, Gemini is Vasya to Virgo and Virgo is Vasya to Gemini. And Scorpio is Vasya to Cancer, as Cancer is Vasya to Scorpio. That makes sense to me.

But when you read other signs, it doesn't read that way. Leo is Vasya to Libra, but Libra is Vasya to Virgo and Capricorn -- not Leo.

I'm always perplexed how it appears in one direction, but not another? Especially as it warns of the 'one-way attraction' -- which seems it'd be more common than not.

posted October 01, 2015 12:07 AM            

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Originally posted by wheresthemoon:
Interesting. That makes sense. I also have this aspect. I wonder how you would interpret this for a woman.

He's being really awful now😕 I don't know how to handle him.

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Yeah I have it too although widely by close to 5 degrees but I think with true lilith the influence can count up to 5 degrees, I think I read Ceri say that in a thread.

"Stressful aspects between Black Moon Lilith and Mars, the planet that most clearly expresses the masculine power, may indicate that a woman’s independence and confidence is threatened or met with opposition by men. Her own inner male is not strong."

posted October 01, 2015 05:16 AM            

quote:

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But when you read other signs, it doesn't read that way. Leo is Vasya to Libra, but Libra is Vasya to Virgo and Capricorn -- not Leo.

I'm always perplexed how it appears in one direction, but not another? Especially as it warns of the 'one-way attraction' -- which seems it'd be more common than not.

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Yes indeed. There's only a mutual Vasya between Scorp & Cancer and Gem & Virgo. So those would be the best matches of all (vasya wise), and even seem to have the power to overrule any dosha (I read).

With the others it's mainly a one-sided 'subjected to' vibe, from one to the other. Ofcourse, this one-sidedness might have a very profound or beneficial influence on the relationship as a whole too (gratitude for such loyalty etc.). Mainly when it's the guy's Moon which is vasya to the girl's as women generally bond more strongly than men.
It just so correlates with life itself (one-sidedness) and if the Vasya proof practically opens up, in the simplicity of certain Moon sign(s) to a seemingly random other one.. yea a true revelation.

It's btw the other way around; So, Libra is Vasya to Leo. Cap and Virgo are Vasya to Libra.

So, the bar on the left (in my thread) draws the signs to which the other sign(s) (bar right) is/are Vasya (or: 'subjected to')

Lately I'm doing a bit more research on this .. and although globally the same I notice a difference on some signs and to which they are Vasya in the South Indian matching system. For example; Virgo is not 'subjected to' (Vasya) to Libra there (only Cap is). But well, I have to add that to my thread one day. Vasya: a complex and entire story on itself.

posted October 01, 2015 02:45 PM            

There is always a pay-off; there's always a reason we stay. Meditate deeply upon your reason for staying. If you truly don't want to, you will leave. It's as simple (and complicated) as that.