posted October 16, 2015 05:42 AM            

Since midsummer, I've been slowly but surely feeling my boyfriend slipping away from me, and back into his solitary habits, constantly justified by financial necessity, even as we both know he's an extreme workaholic. Now he's even denying that.

I began letting go, feeling it was best, late last month; I liberated him from all expectations, stating that I understand how his life is oriented to where it can barely support his own needs, let alone another's. (He didn't even have the money to spare for gas.) He was deeply appreciative -- and we've barely seen each other since. Twice, perhaps, in the entire past few weeks, as opposed to twice weekly.

He never even wished me happy birthday, claiming to be preoccupied with his work, and later justifying his actions by stating that I'd said we would celebrate it a few days later. Who doesn't bloody wish someone a happy birthday if they're in contact with them on the day? I felt his 'but you'd said we were celebrating later' was just an excuse. Not that he forgot; I sensed he merely didn't want to have to be distracted from his work.

And that's all he ever talks about; whether he's scored some prestigious book, (he's a freelance professional narrator) or how his current clients rank in terms of his personal ambitions. I think he finally told me 'Miss you' in an email today. I can't remember the last time he'd said that.

I know for a fact there isn't anyone else -- he devotes almost all of his time to his work, or his working out. There's simply no room for anyone else.

And, I fear, that includes me.

I don't chase; I can remain quietly in the background, doing my own thing, and indefinitely. But I must say -- it does hurt. I was quite in love with him. I think, at a time, he was also; he claimed to be.

But somewhere in the last several months, he's rededicated himself to his old ways, and is now refusing to both budge from them and is in outright denial! 'I assure you, I am simply a hard worker on hard times.' My left foot. The 'hard times' never end for this Scorpio SNODE; he unconsciously perpetuates one cycle after another, never quite seeking other income streams, so that he's locked into the feast-and-famine of what he currently does.

And as he's already such the 'out of sight, out of mind' type, he simply doesn't think of me. He works. That's all that occupies his mind. He's ceaselessly 'preoccupied'. That's why I told him to not worry about our getting together. He wasn't really present whenever he was here anyway. And after awhile, that really wears on a person.

I know. I'm a workaholic myself. But I've become aware of it, and am taking active steps to break the cycle. He's gone into utter denial about his own, and I'm ... despairing.

Can you guys see if I'm just feeling the ramifications of being an age with which I saddled a lot of expectations (as of yet mostly unmet) and making mountains of molehills, or if my concerns seem founded, and our song is ending? Or, at the very least, one is. I can only hope another is to begin once we go into production.

But his overwork is stressing his voice beyond its capacity, and, as his producer / manager, that is really infuriating. Namely as he won't acknowledge that, either, nor change a damned thing to improve it. Like bloody rest!

Right. So. Thanks for this.

Few different approaches here, and some standard ones:

PROGRESSED SYNASTRY:

(I'm Red.)

PROGRESSED COMPOSITE:

SOLAR RETURN SYNASTRY:

(I'm Blue. And isn't that appropriate!)

Lemme know if you guys need me to repost natals. Also, check out my SR! New Moon? Right on my PLUTO? With tSUN-tMOON-tVALENTINE-tEROS all travelling together?

And I honestly feel more unloved, forgotten, and left to fend on my own than ever before. And I am. I'm just tending to my own needs, and carrying on, returning to my previous more solitary fashion.

I expected more from tVALENTINE-tEROS with my tSUN-tMOON on my SUN-PLUTO and pVENUS! I really did!

posted October 16, 2015 09:37 AM            

I know I can't do any better than you can looking at synastry etc.

I don't think your expectations are unreasonable. The worst kind of loneliness is when you have a loved one "sitting" right next to you and you still feel lonely, and sometimes breaking away from that, as much as it hurts, is very liberating.

Maybe there is some growth that is needed that can't take place under these circumstances.

posted October 16, 2015 09:40 AM            

I don't know what to say except I think a lot of men have this mentality where they have to be earning money and satisfying themselves that way before they want to take on a relationship.

And sometimes men don't say happy birthday because they don't feel that that is ENOUGH, to just say it, and they are weird about not being able to celebrate it properly. I've encountered that before.

But on the larger issue of mountains out of molehills...no, the whole is contained in every part, isn't it? And I think Pisces moons tend to see that, which is why we "overreact" when something small happens. To us it's not small, it's a fingerprint of the whole animal.

With your pr moon in Pisces, you may be more prone to dealing with life that way. Intuition may become a problem. More than usual, you feel and know things that you technically shouldn't feel and know. Then you have to figure out what to do about these things that you can't openly talk about.

Maybe I'm being dramatic but...I don't think so?

To give an example...

Last time I was officially dating my ex-soulmate, he decided not to go to a party with me one night. He had a lot of homework to do, he said. And he was very reassuring that it wasn't anything against me or our relationship, he just had this work.

And I dealt with that coolly enough. But, inside, I interpreted this as a break-up, immediately called one of my best friends and cried for a few hours, mourning the death of my relationship.

Well that's nuts, right? He didn't break up with me! He just had to work!

But...

After crying about the break-up for a few hours, I went to visit him in his dorm room, where he was "working," and he wasn't there. In fact, he was down the hall in another girl's room, the girl who would become his college girlfriend!

But, I wasn't even really shocked or upset. I had already accepted that the relationship was over and done my crying. Now HE looked shocked to be caught like that, and he was flustered when I just waved it off and left, like he expected me to throw a jealous fit or something, but...no...I had already had the jealous fit in advance. I was over it by the time it happened.

That's very Pisces moon, don't you think?

I'm not sure if that anecdote will be helpful at all, or not....just wanted to put it out there...relative to the issue of "mountains out of molehills."

Give yourself lots of compassion as you sojourn in this particular rabbit hole, the pr Pisces moon.

posted October 16, 2015 10:35 AM            

Most of his plants are in Virgo, yours in Libra.

posted October 16, 2015 11:14 AM            

I think something's in the air, lots of endings over here. But it also means that now, when I look around, all the people in my life are people who treat me right.. A good feeling.

posted October 16, 2015 11:37 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Faith:
Tooooo sad!

I don't know what to say except I think a lot of men have this mentality where they have to be earning money and satisfying themselves that way before they want to take on a relationship.

And sometimes men don't say happy birthday because they don't feel that that is ENOUGH, to just say it, and they are weird about not being able to celebrate it properly. I've encountered that before.

But on the larger issue of mountains out of molehills...no, the whole is contained in every part, isn't it? And I think Pisces moons tend to see that, which is why we "overreact" when something small happens. To us it's not small, it's a fingerprint of the whole animal.

With your pr moon in Pisces, you may be more prone to dealing with life that way. Intuition may become a problem. More than usual, you feel and know things that you technically shouldn't feel and know. Then you have to figure out what to do about these things that you can't openly talk about.

Maybe I'm being dramatic but...I don't think so?

To give an example...

Last time I was officially dating my ex-soulmate, he decided not to go to a party with me one night. He had a lot of homework to do, he said. And he was very reassuring that it wasn't anything against me or our relationship, he just had this work.

And I dealt with that coolly enough. But, inside, I interpreted this as a break-up, immediately called one of my best friends and cried for a few hours, mourning the death of my relationship.

Well that's nuts, right? He didn't break up with me! He just had to work!

But...

After crying about the break-up for a few hours, I went to visit him in his dorm room, where he was "working," and he wasn't there. In fact, he was down the hall in another girl's room, the girl who would become his college girlfriend!

But, I wasn't even really shocked or upset. I had already accepted that the relationship was over and done my crying. Now HE looked shocked to be caught like that, and he was flustered when I just waved it off and left, like he expected me to throw a jealous fit or something, but...no...I had already had the jealous fit in advance. I was over it by the time it happened.

That's very Pisces moon, don't you think?

I'm not sure if that anecdote will be helpful at all, or not....just wanted to put it out there...relative to the issue of "mountains out of molehills."

Give yourself lots of compassion as you sojourn in this particular rabbit hole, the pr Pisces moon.

---

posted October 16, 2015 11:41 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Selenite:
I'm so sorry i know how it feels to be let downlike that.
My advice: drop him. Delete his numbers, don't have any way of contacting him. Until further notice (him doing a 180), it's permanent. When he contacts you, just keep deleting his number and don't see him in person. You don't even need to explain.

I think something's in the air, lots of endings over here. But it also means that now, when I look around, all the people in my life are people who treat me right.. A good feeling.

Because life's too ************* short to not be having an awesome time

---

The thing is they work together I think so I don't know if she can delete that number.

posted October 16, 2015 12:25 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:
I need objective help.

Since midsummer, I've been slowly but surely feeling my boyfriend slipping away from me, and back into his solitary habits, constantly justified by financial necessity, even as we both know he's an extreme workaholic. Now he's even denying that.

I began letting go, feeling it was best, late last month; I liberated him from all expectations, stating that I understand how his life is oriented to where it can barely support his own needs, let alone another's. (He didn't even have the money to spare for gas.) He was deeply appreciative -- and we've barely seen each other since. Twice, perhaps, in the entire past few weeks, as opposed to twice weekly.

He never even wished me happy birthday, claiming to be preoccupied with his work, and later justifying his actions by stating that I'd said we would celebrate it a few days later. Who doesn't bloody wish someone a happy birthday if they're in contact with them on the day? I felt his 'but you'd said we were celebrating later' was just an excuse. Not that he forgot; I sensed he merely didn't want to have to be distracted from his work.

And that's all he ever talks about; whether he's scored some prestigious book, (he's a freelance professional narrator) or how his current clients rank in terms of his personal ambitions. I think he finally told me 'Miss you' in an email today. I can't remember the last time he'd said that.

I know for a fact there isn't anyone else -- he devotes almost all of his time to his work, or his working out. There's simply no room for anyone else.

And, I fear, that includes me.

I don't chase; I can remain quietly in the background, doing my own thing, and indefinitely. But I must say -- it does hurt. I was quite in love with him. I think, at a time, he was also; he claimed to be.

But somewhere in the last several months, he's rededicated himself to his old ways, and is now refusing to both budge from them and is in outright denial! 'I assure you, I am simply a hard worker on hard times.' My left foot. The 'hard times' never end for this Scorpio SNODE; he unconsciously perpetuates one cycle after another, never quite seeking other income streams, so that he's locked into the feast-and-famine of what he currently does.

And as he's already such the 'out of sight, out of mind' type, he simply doesn't think of me. He works. That's all that occupies his mind. He's ceaselessly 'preoccupied'. That's why I told him to not worry about our getting together. He wasn't really present whenever he was here anyway. And after awhile, that really wears on a person.

I know. I'm a workaholic myself. But I've become aware of it, and am taking active steps to break the cycle. He's gone into utter denial about his own, and I'm ... despairing.

Can you guys see if I'm just feeling the ramifications of being an age with which I saddled a lot of expectations (as of yet mostly unmet) and making mountains of molehills, or if my concerns seem founded, and our song is ending? Or, at the very least, one is. I can only hope another is to begin once we go into production.

But his overwork is stressing his voice beyond its capacity, and, as his producer / manager, that is really infuriating. Namely as he won't acknowledge that, either, nor change a damned thing to improve it. Like bloody rest!

Right. So. Thanks for this.

Few different approaches here, and some standard ones:

PROGRESSED SYNASTRY:

(I'm Red.)

PROGRESSED COMPOSITE:

SOLAR RETURN SYNASTRY:

(I'm Blue. And isn't that appropriate!)

Lemme know if you guys need me to repost natals. Also, check out my SR! New Moon? Right on my PLUTO? With tSUN-tMOON-tVALENTINE-tEROS all travelling together?

And I honestly feel more unloved, forgotten, and left to fend on my own than ever before. And I am. I'm just tending to my own needs, and carrying on, returning to my previous more solitary fashion.

I expected more from tVALENTINE-tEROS with my tSUN-tMOON on my SUN-PLUTO and pVENUS! I really did!

Thanks everyone. Again.

---

To me, it sounds like this decision is in your hands. So, if you are done with this chapter, you're done. I don't see him calling the shots on this based on what you are saying.

That being said, and you somewhat implied this, but have you expressed to him in no uncertain terms how unacceptable his behavior is to you - that you are basically done at this point? It's clear you've been communicating your discontent, but perhaps since his focus is solely his career at this moment, you have not been a squeaky enough wheel .

posted October 16, 2015 12:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:
I need objective help.

Since midsummer, I've been slowly but surely feeling my boyfriend slipping away from me, and back into his solitary habits, constantly justified by financial necessity, even as we both know he's an extreme workaholic. Now he's even denying that.

I began letting go, feeling it was best, late last month; I liberated him from all expectations, stating that I understand how his life is oriented to where it can barely support his own needs, let alone another's. (He didn't even have the money to spare for gas.) He was deeply appreciative -- and we've barely seen each other since. Twice, perhaps, in the entire past few weeks, as opposed to twice weekly.

He never even wished me happy birthday, claiming to be preoccupied with his work, and later justifying his actions by stating that I'd said we would celebrate it a few days later. Who doesn't bloody wish someone a happy birthday if they're in contact with them on the day? I felt his 'but you'd said we were celebrating later' was just an excuse. Not that he forgot; I sensed he merely didn't want to have to be distracted from his work.

And that's all he ever talks about; whether he's scored some prestigious book, (he's a freelance professional narrator) or how his current clients rank in terms of his personal ambitions. I think he finally told me 'Miss you' in an email today. I can't remember the last time he'd said that.

I know for a fact there isn't anyone else -- he devotes almost all of his time to his work, or his working out. There's simply no room for anyone else.

And, I fear, that includes me.

I don't chase; I can remain quietly in the background, doing my own thing, and indefinitely. But I must say -- it does hurt. I was quite in love with him. I think, at a time, he was also; he claimed to be.

But somewhere in the last several months, he's rededicated himself to his old ways, and is now refusing to both budge from them and is in outright denial! 'I assure you, I am simply a hard worker on hard times.' My left foot. The 'hard times' never end for this Scorpio SNODE; he unconsciously perpetuates one cycle after another, never quite seeking other income streams, so that he's locked into the feast-and-famine of what he currently does.

And as he's already such the 'out of sight, out of mind' type, he simply doesn't think of me. He works. That's all that occupies his mind. He's ceaselessly 'preoccupied'. That's why I told him to not worry about our getting together. He wasn't really present whenever he was here anyway. And after awhile, that really wears on a person.

I know. I'm a workaholic myself. But I've become aware of it, and am taking active steps to break the cycle. He's gone into utter denial about his own, and I'm ... despairing.

Can you guys see if I'm just feeling the ramifications of being an age with which I saddled a lot of expectations (as of yet mostly unmet) and making mountains of molehills, or if my concerns seem founded, and our song is ending? Or, at the very least, one is. I can only hope another is to begin once we go into production.

But his overwork is stressing his voice beyond its capacity, and, as his producer / manager, that is really infuriating. Namely as he won't acknowledge that, either, nor change a damned thing to improve it. Like bloody rest!

Right. So. Thanks for this.

Few different approaches here, and some standard ones:

PROGRESSED SYNASTRY:

(I'm Red.)

PROGRESSED COMPOSITE:

SOLAR RETURN SYNASTRY:

(I'm Blue. And isn't that appropriate!)

Lemme know if you guys need me to repost natals. Also, check out my SR! New Moon? Right on my PLUTO? With tSUN-tMOON-tVALENTINE-tEROS all travelling together?

And I honestly feel more unloved, forgotten, and left to fend on my own than ever before. And I am. I'm just tending to my own needs, and carrying on, returning to my previous more solitary fashion.

I expected more from tVALENTINE-tEROS with my tSUN-tMOON on my SUN-PLUTO and pVENUS! I really did!

Thanks everyone. Again.

---

To me, it sounds like this decision is in your hands. So, if you are done with this chapter, you're done. I don't see him calling the shots on this based on what you are saying.

That being said, and you somewhat implied this, but have you expressed to him in no uncertain terms how unacceptable his behavior is to you - that you are basically done at this point? It's clear you've been communicating your discontent, but perhaps since his focus is solely his career at this moment, you have not been a squeaky enough wheel .

posted October 16, 2015 12:57 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hypatia238:
I want to see the natals and composite if possible Auby. Include nessus, dejanira,Atropos,amor,valentine, juno, isis,pholus, anteros,psyche and eros..

---

posted October 16, 2015 02:05 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hypatia238:
^
and I forgot the most important part to please include transits...

---

:forehead slap:

It was late. And I was being all 'pMOON in Pisces' about it all. Of course, transits!

posted October 16, 2015 02:16 PM            

You are off course trying to put sense into him. And that is also in the chart! (Ain't astrology something?) Your Mercury/Júpiter in his North Node. You wan't to take him out of that stupid cycle and help him evolve...

Ok, I'm a young person. But I feel I must give you my idea: have a last conversation. Express yourself fully so nothing stays stuck in your throat. Whether he will wake up and things will be fixed...or you have to say goodbye.

posted October 16, 2015 02:33 PM            

Also I concur with Faith and will expand, I often see that when guys are doing bad financially that takes over their life, they slip into depression, cope poorly and become lousy boyfriends. Its best to be patient when this happens and give them their space but I suppose if months and months pass and he is still wallowing in self pity over finances and you are paying for it then you have to cut your loses. Women can handle a guy who is not doing great financially but not the emotional distance that comes with it and eventually they push us away bc deep down they don't feel they are good enough for us bc they equate self-worth with net worth...

posted October 16, 2015 03:08 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:

If youve done it before, do it again...bigger, force him to see your pain. If he does nothing then you know its a lack of care and its time to walk.

---

posted October 16, 2015 03:21 PM            

Astrology-wise,
I think Saturn could be responsible for this. I see there's an exact Sun-Saturn square happening in your Progressed Composite, along with his SR Saturn square your SR Venus.
Saturn can bring up fear and difficulties, but only if one hasn't learned the lesson Saturn has been trying to teach them all along. Saturn wants us to work, to put in the effort and get real with things, before it can present any of its fruitful rewards.

However, that being said, I feel he will eventually work through this. His SR Venus-Jupiter conjunction could act as a "ray of hope" to overcome any issues he might be having regarding love and relationships. This conjunction falling in his SR 1st house gives it more significance, showing it'll likely be a huge part of his personality and who he is. Maybe he's dealing with things regarding self-love and self-worth?

How he acted seems a lot similar to how Cancer guy was behaving with me.

To me it sounds like he wants to feel in control of himself and his emotions. He's using his work as an anchor to keep himself stabilized, because his feelings for you are so deep, that he doesn't want get swept away and drowned by them.
He's scared. I feel that's what it means when they become distant all of a sudden.

It's great that you are still in contact at least. I haven't talked to the Cancer in over 2 months.
But maybe having an open and honest talk with him would be best. Let him know how you feel and ask him for clarity regarding his behaviour. (Although there could be a risk of him retreating even more, perhaps, depending upon his maturity level). But you know him more than any of us, so you will probably know the best way to approach it.

posted October 16, 2015 03:34 PM            

But, without further ado, here are the transits, because I can't believe I forgot that!

(Me)

(Him)

posted October 16, 2015 03:39 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
Can you let yourself have a big emotional display of emotions to help him see what he's doing is hurting you? I know its hard to do with your scorp Moon but if you dont how will you ever get through to him, maybe break the spell of fear he's under?

If youve done it before, do it again...bigger, force him to see your pain. If he does nothing then you know its a lack of care and its time to walk.

---

That is a good strategy yes and will give her the answers she wants and allow her to reach a decision more quickly.

posted October 16, 2015 05:54 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by todd:
could you post the original midpoint composite?
todd

---

posted October 16, 2015 05:54 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hypatia238:
That is a good strategy yes and will give her the answers she wants and allow her to reach a decision more quickly.

Gabby do you have chiron in the 5th by any chance? You are so good at giving dating/romantic love advice....

---