posted October 18, 2015 03:31 PM            

Here is my natal chart:

My fifth house is in Sagittarius. I feel like men that are overly full of sagittarius/jupiter energy really appeal to me. My longest relationship was with a man that had moon, mercury, and venus all in Sagittarius. I'm also infatuated with a new man that has Sun, mercury, mars, and possibly ascendant all in Sagittarius.

I also have my vertex and my north node in Sagittarius so I think this just reinforces my love for Sagittarian/Jupiterian men.

The problem with this is that the men that I feel like I really, really click with (that Sagittarius/Jupiter energy) don't click well with me. The two men that are like that, I really like. But no matter what their romance houses are, those house rulers are in Sagittarius, so they're naturally going to prefer women just like them with Jupiter energy.

I'm also apparently a very Saturnian person because of my Sun and Moon being in Aquarius and Capricorn (both ruled by Saturn) so I would probably smother a Jupiterian man. How can I get around this if this is the type of man that I've noticed that I become infatuated with? Is it even possible for a Jupiter man to be infatuated with me when so many of his house rulers point towards him liking a woman that is also Jupiterian?

Secondly, the ruler of my 5th house (jupiter) is in Libra which means I should like Libra quality as well. I've dated two men who had Libra moon signs, but I wasn't swept away by them. They were mostly people I felt that I could be myself with, and real friends, but they didn't do it for me sexually. I was also bothered a lot by the indecisiveness that comes with Libra moons. I haven't noticed a pattern otherwise with men I like having Libra in their chart.

My 7th house in in Aquarius, with Uranus in Capricorn. I haven't noticed a pattern of me liking a lot of men with Aquarius/Capricorn in their natal chart. I would, however say, that the rebel, eccentric, deep thinker, stable, and dark man does appeal to me. And since Aquarius is my secondary 7th, men that put planets there definitely appeal to me. My ex put his mars in my 11th house and I adored him. I saw him as a friend and a true equal, but was also sexually into him because he had Sag planets in my 5th. His ascendant was also in my 7th house because he was an Aquarius Asc/Leo Desc that lined up perfectly with my axis. Our IC/MC's were also reversed and lined up perfectly.

Lastly, my 8th house in Pisces with Neptune in Capricorn. I can't say that I'm really attracted to any Pisces energy, but definitely neptunian. And definitely 12th house energy. The guy that I like now has his sun and mars in his 12th house.

So the pattern I've noticed is Sagittarius. I'm not sure why, but I have liked a LOT of Sagittarius men throughout my life, and the 5th house seems to light up the most for me even though the 7th and 8th don't as much.

Lastly, I've been trying to figure out an unrequited love situation. I absolutely adore this man. Currently I'm studying abroad and won't be back until December so nothing can develop until then, if at all. I've known him since Feb. When we talk and hangout, (which is rare) we have an amazing connection. I feel sparks when I'm with him, and I feel emotionally and physically connected to him which is rare. When he *does* give me anything, it almost seems like he really likes me too. But as soon as we finally hangout, are intimate, or have a deep conversation he pulls away and is distant. He has told me numerous times that his feelings for me scare him, and that he has commitment issues due to being cheated on in a past relationship. He says he's very attracted to me, but he avoids me. He won't date me (says he's not ready for a relationship), won't be friends with me (I've tried and tried to get him to hang out just to get to know him), and he will barely hook up with me (we've hooked up once and he even said it was wonderful, but ever since then he has been even more distant).

I've turned to astrology because I'm so confused and don't know if this is unrequited or not. I've tried to use the romance houses to analyze this.

This is his natal:

And our synastry:

So, his 5th house is Taurus. I obviously don't have any Taurus energy in my natal chart. I guess I am a bit of a strong venus person because of the venus energy in my natal. But other than that I don't seem to fit his 5th house. I do however, put my sun and saturn in his secondary 5th house (his second house). So I could be reaching him there, but I'm not sure. His venus is in Scorpio, which I also don't really fit.

His 7th house starts in Gemini but is mostly in cancer. I place my mars, juno, and ascendant in his 5th house. I'm not sure if that's enough to activate him or not. At any rate, he could just see me as someone pleasant to be around and not necessarily romantic. I do place my Venus in his secondary 7th house (his 3rd house of communication). His ruler Mercury in Sagittarius, which I don't fit.

His 8th house is in Leo. I have a Leo Ascendant, but that's about it. Sun isn't strong in my natal. No planets in his 8th. No planets in his secondary 7th (his 5th house). Sun in Sagittarius, which I don't fit.

So it seems like this guy is going to like a woman with Taurus, Leo, and Gemini. But mostly Sagittarius because that's the sign all of his rulers are in. I don't have any Sagittarius, except for maybe my Pisces Mercury. Pisces used to rule Jupiter, so I don't know if that still counts as symbolizing his need for Jupiter energy. I also don't have full 2nd or 3rd houses to symbolize his need for Gemini and Taurus.

He of course is overly energizing my 5th house and vertex to the extreme. He also has a full 12th house which is symbolizing my 8th house. His descendant is in my 11th house (secondary 7th). That's about it.

So I'm wondering if that's the problem with this guy and if it's unrequited. We have pretty good synastry. He is hitting my 5th house, but I'm not really hitting any of his, and to the same degree, am I? There's also the problem that the only Saturn aspects we have are Sun sextile saturn, and saturn square venus (9 degrees) where I'm the saturn person. Oh, joy.

posted October 18, 2015 10:32 PM            

For example:

1.) My boyfriend also has a Sagittarian stellium with his Sun, Mars, Mercury (and Neptune!) conjunct together like this guy.
He also has a Scorpio Venus, however his is conjunct a Scorpio Uranus. Even better for you, your dude has a wide Venus/Pluto conjunction.

2.) The first guy I ever dated had a tight Sagittarian Moon/Venus conjunction.
He also had a Libra Mars

The guy I dated prefers elemental fire/air matching.
He has a Water Sun/Pluto and not much else in water. Only the three generational planets in Earth. Venus in Sag indicates a preference towards women that embody that sort of devil-may-care, happy hippie vibe. Mars in Libra only exacerbates that impulse, as his methods for courtship are more in line with women of that prototype.

I was devastated when he never really liked me back after a few dates. I thought, I'm so f*cking dry. I'm too Saturnine/Uranian for him. Yet I loved that Jupiter vibe so much! I would continue to date Sag-influenced men only to get the same thing. They liked my mind, but past that barrier, they weren't getting the manic pixie dream girl they fantasized about.

With my boyfriend, he has a water moon, a water Venus (in detriment at that - if there's one "positive" thing to say about a Scorpio Venus, they love themselves a clingy, emotional partner), Mars conjunct a quintessentially water outer planet (Neptune). He absolutely flourishes with a Saturnine partner because of this excess of mismatched fire/water in his chart - like this dude you posted about! Saturn is pretty prominent in your guy's chart, it squares his Venus and Moon. He's acquainted with the energy.

Hell, this guy even has Saturn conjunct Juno. He probably has a preference for an austere partner to combat against his wily Sag ways!

You guys have a dual Mars/Venus trine.. very sexy. I have that with my boyfriend. No doubt there's a mutual attraction.

Unrequited may not be the right word to use here - oftentimes when a guy tells you he's not ready for a relationship.. he means it. It's weird! Even if they really like you they'll deny themselves this pleasure! Girls are often ready to swipe the chess pieces off the board with their forearm in order to welcome love into their life regardless of time consuming circumstances, but guys are not.. always like this. I'm sure he really does like you, the timing just probably isn't right at the moment.

posted October 19, 2015 05:17 PM            

He has always been very flighty with me. The first time we went out we connected deeply, and he said he wanted to hang out again. But then when I saw him 2 days later he said that he had ran into someone from his past that he still had feelings for and wanted to work on things with her. He kept blowing me off after that and I couldn't get him to hangout with me at all until I finally confronted him about it in a message and he got upset and deleted me.

After that I gave him space and reconnected with him in July. He started talking to me more than before and I found out things didn't work out with the other girl because she was so clingy. We finally did end up hanging out again at my place. There was AMAZING chemistry between us. Even though I hadn't seen or talked to him in person in 4 months, as soon as he came through the door it was like we had been friends for years and no distance had separated us.

He had told me previously that a girl that he really loved had refused to be intimate with him after a while and then cheated on him. That really broke him, I think. With the girl he was dating after I met him, he said that he thought she was the next serious thing for him but it ended up not working out as well. So, he told me that he was looking for something "casual" and what that meant to him was someone to connect with, have dinner with, and be intimate with. I get the feeling that he needs to try things casually without a label before committing so that he isn't afraid of losing himself again and getting his heart broken, but once he likes someone he is super loyal.

He told me that he didn't see us in a relationship but that he didn't really see himself with anyone seriously for at least another year. I asked him if he meant now or ever, and he said "Definitely not now, idk about ever. Maybe but who knows."

In person I questioned him about that and asked if that was his way of saying nicely that he just didn't want a relationship with me, and he said, "I've told you before that I'm super attracted to you. I value you as a person. But I don't have anything to offer you right now and I don't want to hurt you." At the time he had just graduated and was working an $8/hr job and still living at home, so it made sense.

We were supposed to hang out again before I left and made plans but he cancelled at the last minute. I questioned him about it and he said, "I wanted to see you, but I knew that you were leaving and I got scared and couldn't" and that his feelings for me scared him "a little."

So I left to study abroad. We talked for a while on and off but any time I would try to talk to him about feelings he would shut down and say, "I have commitment problems and I know it. I don't like talking about it." And now we don't really talk, so I'm not sure what things will be like when I return December 5th.

What do you mean by the manic pixie girl? And the guy that you felt couldn't take your Saturnian energy, was that the guy you are dating now?

posted October 19, 2015 06:17 PM            

One thing that's become obvious to me over time is that the secondary 7th house (being an angular house) appears to be stronger then the other secondary houses in terms of describing an extension of our type. The secondary 5th and 8th house do of course still work but they are more mild in nature. The result seems to be that if we don't directly touch the 5th or the 8th houses of somebody, either by house ruler aspect, planetary overlays, or symbolism matches, a connection to the secondary 5th and 8th alone will only produce halfhearted feelings. Furthermore, I've also noticed we need to being doing as least something directly to the 7th house of our partner as well. Even if we put no planets there, or don't match the signs and planets there (because, say, we have planets mirroring the secondary 7th instead) we need to be at least aspecting 7th house the ruler. Even though the secondary 7th house appears to be stronger then the secondary 5th and 8th houses, it's also true that the original 7th house a bit more magnetic then the secondary 7th house. In general the original 5th, 7th, and 8th houses are always stronger... With the secondary 5th, 7th, and 8th houses bring a more watered down version of the energy these houses indicate. The secondary 7th being the most intense of these.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because I think you're right about the connection to his 5th house causing an issue from his side. Your chart does not strongly aspect his 5th house ruler, nor do you put planets in his 5th house. It's true that your Mercury trines his 5th house ruler, but Mercury is usually platonic energy and I'm not sure this alone would spark him off romantically. Now you do influence his secondary 5th house quite strongly putting planets there, and being an Aqua/Cap type (his secondary 5th house is Aquarius with Saturn in that house, and co-ruled by Uranus in Capricorn and Saturn in Aquarius). I think the result of this is that he is mildly attracted to you. You do appeal to him somewhat in a 5th house type of way, but still there is something missing. It's not as intense as it would be with girl more directly touching his 5th house.

There are some other things that are good going for you though. Your Mars in his 7th, and your Venus trine his 7th house ruler, are very indicative of an attraction. And his Juno in Aquarius shows you're personality matches some of what he looks for in a partner, and your Asc in his 8th house shows you appeal to him physically. It may not be enough though.

When I look at the original 5th, 7th, and 8th houses, I like to see at least either the Sun or the Moon strongly connected with one of these houses (Both would be even better). The primary 5th, 7th, and 8th houses are always stronger and give a more intense attraction... And the Sun and the Moon show the identity and emotional cores of our personality. The crux of how we are. If these are not shown by the signs and planets in the primary relationship houses, or the rulers of these houses, then any attraction the person has to us may be mild at best.

This is where I think there's potential for an attraction to be a little unrequited from his side. You are a Sun sign Aquarius, and a Moon sign Capricorn. And none of his primary 5th, 7th, or 8th houses show an attraction to either Aquarius or Capricorn. They show Taurus/Scorpio (5th), Gemini/Cancer/Sag (7th), and Leo/Sag (8th). This is why I sense when I compare the two charts that the attraction is incomplete for him. However you do influence his primary 5th, 7th, and 8th houses with your personal placements, and you do also (as mentioned before) stimulate his secondary 5th house and Juno. And your Mercury is in the same sign as his secondary Dsc, while you Venus is actually in his secondary 7th house. The way this seems to play out is that he is attracted to some extent, and does like some of your personal qualities, but the attraction is not as intense as it has to be in order for him to want to partner seriously with you.

From your side he does put his Sun directly in your 5th house, and his Aries Moon sextiles tightly your 7th house Sun, giving you 7th house solar energy something to focus on. Added to that he puts Mercury and Mars in your 5th, with Mars in Sag trining your Venus. Mars in your 5th trining your Venus would feel big for you! The two of you share a Sun/Moon sextile and a Venus/Mars trine, so the physical side of the attraction is there on both sides. He also touches your 7th house symbolically and in synastry. His Pluto tightly sextiles you Uranus/Neptune conjunction (they rule your 7th, and 8th houses respectively), and squares your 7th house Saturn (which could be a frustrating blockage). His Sun in the 1st house and Saturn in Aquarius (Saturn's dignity) match on a symbolic level you're own Sun and Saturn in the 7th in Aquarius. For you the pull is a little stronger.

Another thing to consider is the secondary house of a person's Venus sign (if they are male), or Mars sign (if they are female). Venus and Mars represent our ideals on how a love interest should behave. Venus is the ideal for men, and Mars is the ideal for women. In your case you have Mars in Cancer so part of you looks for a guy that can give you either Cancer energy or 4th house energy. The 4th house can attract you in the sense that a guy with planets there can act out part of your masculine ideal. The 4th house is like a secondary Mars for you. He is a Sag but he has Venus in Scorpio sitting in you 4th house. A Sag guy with a bit of Scorpio might quite appeal to you because of your secondary Mars house.

From his side he has Venus in Scorpio, so his secondary Venus house is the 8th house. He has Leo on the cusp of his 8th house, and you have a Leo Asc. So with your Asc you are able to act out part of his feminine ideal. This is one plus factor for you.

About gender roles...

In terms of synastry aspects, it's worth noting that your Sun is aspecting his Moon synastry. This is a reverse of gender roles on an energetic level. These aspects still work for attraction regardless of who has the yin planet and who has the yang planet... But in some cases, even though a guy may be attracted, if he senses a women's masculine energy too much it may make him feel that she is too forceful for him (even if in general she's not really that forceful). This this could be part of what's playing out here. Although his Mars on your Venus would help balance this, it could be that the intensity of your Sun makes him feel like he can't completely be 'the Man' in the relationship. It's a weird subtle thing.

posted October 19, 2015 11:01 PM            

Thank you so much for your reply. That was very in depth, helpful, and also a bit disappointing, but that much I already expected lol.

It's true. I don't have his correct birth time. When I first met him, I asked him for it and he said that he thinks it was around "8 in the morning. Somewhere between 8 and 9, I think." Of course, that could be way off. I don't think most people know their birth times, and they usually have to ask their mom for it. I'm a bit leery about pressuring him for his birth time, because he knows I would want it for that and would probably shy away from it and not respond or say he doesn't know and not work to figure out what it actually is. Honestly, I feel like the only way to get it is to just see if he reaches out to me when I'm back and then try to get it from him in person. ::sigh::

I've tried doing some birth time switching to look at possibilities, and they're literally endless. I think if he were born at 6pm or something he would end up with a Capricorn/Aquarius romance house and that would work out well for me. But there's no way to know for sure without knowing the exact time, unfortunately...

I feel like regardless he will be most likely be drawn to Sag women (I've seen him crush on a few that had sun in Sag). I'm sure he could have a different ascendant and maybe different romance houses, but I also feel like you're probably right about it being how it is. I just feel like if I were actually affecting him the way he is with me he wouldn't be so distant and would be around me and talking to me more. When we're in person, it's pretty amazing. He opens up to me about things and is very touchy feely and affectionate. But getting him in person is the hard part.

Is it so detrimental that I'm more affected? Does that mean that a relationship isn't possible when something like that happens, or just that one could happen but the other person won't feel as deeply as the other?

I'm just learning a lot by this, and also just wondering if it's worth worrying about it or if I should chalk it up and search for someone who matches with me better. I'm paying a lot more attention to romance houses now that I understand them better.

I also think that you're spot on about the Sun/Moon dynamic. I asked him out on the spot having never talked to him before (he said yes and we had a great first date). I also did quite a bit of pursuing trying to get to know him and hang out with him. I tend to come on strong sometimes when it's someone I really like (I think that's my Venus in Aries). And I think he probably likes it in some way and he definitely respects me (I feel that), but I also think it puts him off a bit since he's falling into a submissive role. He's a little chatterbox and lights up a room with his charisma and gregariousness so I don't think he likes feeling like he doesn't have the spotlight and the charge.

Meh, honestly I don't know. Astrology aside I'm also an INFJ myers-briggs which means I take relationships seriously and that I tend to be a bit odd, a loner, and value a connection with someone. It's so, so difficult for me to find someone that I like physically and mentally and have a true connection with, and so when I find them I tend to cling for dear life. I also feel just so less animated without someone to swoon over. So, it's disappointing that I seem to adore him to pieces but he most likely doesn't feel it. I know there's still hope that maybe he does, but I just feel like he probably doesn't since he's so distant towards me. He won't date me, won't let me get to know him or hangout as even a friend, and now he seems even distant from hooking up. It's so strange. If he didn't like me romantically, I get it. But why not be my friend? And if he didn't like me at all I feel like he wouldn't flirt with me the way he does.