posted October 21, 2015 07:05 AM            

So, several years ago I was sexually assaulted at my University by a friend of mine. It was aggressive, violent, and brutal for a long time after. I talked to the counseling staff afterwards to deal with the trauma and they wound up taking it to the Dean of Students, and I wound up as one of several girls testifying against this guy in person. He was kicked out of school and made persona non grata on the campus. It was the right decision, but it didn't make things better and I hate even thinking about that time in my life.

Ever since that time, a certain personality type really triggers me. There's a type of guy who pushes boundaries even if you don't show interest - who makes you a conquest and is really arrogant. It's a combination that is volatile and I recognize it in a heartbeat. They are always great at first - fast friends - and then start to feel predatory.

So, I made a group of friends here in Europe that I am so grateful for. They are sweet, protective, and feel like family to me already. One of the group is a guy who moved in with my friend and me for a short period after he broke up with his girlfriend this summer. He's very athletic, super energetic, very intelligent, German... he is at the top of his game in a lot of ways. He's very popular. I was taken off guard by his friendship at first - he offered to take me to concerts I was singing in and would cook dinner for my friend and me as thanks for letting him crash with us. In general, no red flags came up for him even though I did feel a little shy around him. Occasionally, though, we would have conversations that really irked me. He made lots of sexist comments about how I am a good housewife (I take care of my friends little girls multiple days a week... I really like to clean and iron... stuff like that). I'm here to perform, which he knew, but he frequently made comments to the contrary. DON'T MESS WITH MY CAREER TRACK. (Cap Sun here).

ANYWAY, not to get too offtrack with the personal stuff (this is astrological)... over the past week he's started blatantly hitting on me. Many things were via text, which I gently turned down. He had his friend try to figure me out too, to which I explained I'm not interested in dating here (I have a boyfriend back home) and I've been enjoying having a group of friends here I don't want to mess with.

Not only did he keep pushing, but I noticed the last time we all had dinner that he kept grabbing my hand, touching my back, etc. I pulled away every time, and never once initiated that contact. It makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

I noticed he started getting more aggressive - just in general. Making lots of somewhat insulting comments to try and stir up trouble. I remained silent and chose to talk to the rest of the group instead. But I'm feeling really uncomfortable with this dynamic. He has only known me for a few months, but makes really bold statements (about marrying me for a 'green card', etc.) that seem super personal and not entirely joking. In general, I don't trust him, and it is triggering memories I don't want to deal with AT ALL.

SO, my point here... the guy that attacked me years ago was an Aqua sun. I don't know about other placements, but I remember seeing similar qualities in other Aqua guys I was friends with. Not to that extreme - but the getting angry when I rejected them thing was a constant. I had another aqua friend who was a really close friend completely cut off contact with me after I turned down making our friendship romantic (he tried to kiss me and I made him stop).

This guy is a Virgo, moon in aquarius.

I don't want to assume it's the aquarius placement - it looks like he also has Venus Square Mars so I wonder if that's part of things?

In any case, I needed to vent this out because I value these friendships, and since he is a core member of this group who has adopted me I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place.

posted October 21, 2015 09:37 AM            

What an awful ordeal to go through. Especially being betrayed by someone that you believed was a friend of yours.

I actually want to see your chart. As I have this thing that you may have a Saturn rich chart.

posted October 21, 2015 10:05 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Hi Cappi 112,

What an awful ordeal to go through. Especially being betrayed by someone that you believed was a friend of yours.

I actually want to see your chart. As I have this thing that you may have a Saturn rich chart.

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I definitely do; but my chart ruler is also Uranus. Abuse from males has been something I've endured since I was a kid - my current SO has definitely had to work as a very patient healer for me (something kind of sweet is he has Chiron Rx in his 7th -- he actually DOES soothe me very much and I think he's used to being that). Let me know if this doesn't work!

posted October 21, 2015 10:15 AM            

Try copying "direct" link from pb. I think that's the main issue.

posted October 21, 2015 10:16 AM            

Please firmly tell that beast to stop (translation: slam your fist into its face).

Please don't let your connection with your friends put you at risk.

posted October 21, 2015 10:42 AM            

No. He's not good for me, he's making me a very stressed out person.

What is making me so angry about the situation is that I am new to this country and finding friends has been a real blessing. Now I feel like I am reliving what I went through 10 years ago, to some degree. Obviously I hope this NEVER reaches that level.

posted October 21, 2015 10:46 AM            

That is the direct link, and I put brackets around it. I posted it without brackets before but No GO.

posted October 21, 2015 10:48 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by 12muddy:
Damn I know I'm not in your situation so me saying this is probably out of line, but this sort of sht bugs me so much I cannot stay silent. This isn't even "pushing boundaries", this is harassment already.

Please firmly tell that beast to stop (translation: slam your fist into its face).

Please don't let your connection with your friends put you at risk.

On another note, plenty of e-hugs to you. I went through sexual harassments too and I know how haunting that can be.

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posted October 21, 2015 11:05 AM            

Cappi, that's what I was thinking while making myself a cup of hot choc just now. I was like "He says sht like marrying for a green card, and carries on acting like that, I wonder if her friends defend her".

Good Father above! Good for you? What's next, him clubbing you in the head, dragging you to his cave, presenting you with a fresh bloody kill between his teeth?

I don't know what lead your friends to not seeing that such behavior is predatory and not acceptable.

I'm really sorry you have to go through this sht. You're not alone.

As for markers of having to go through such cr*p, I don't know much, I can only compare your chart to mine. Sexual abuse/harassment has always been a thing in my life since I was little. Now as an adult it doesn't happen that often anymore.

So like you, I have sun in the 12th house and moon in harsh aspect to neppy. I've read that the supposed "lost", "forlorn", "vulnerable" feel of the native can make them smell like the perfect prey. What's more, 12th house natives tend to get projected on a lot. They may bring out other people's inner demons.

I've also read that it's a nice aspect for healers for the exact reason.

Saturn harsh aspect to chiron, I have it too.

Currently you're having chiron-saturn-mars transit. I'd say that it may very well be the thing that brings up such wounds.

Afflicted mars. Another similarity.

posted October 21, 2015 11:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by 12muddy:
Dopgang you said it perfectly: "Like some wild animals and they tell you to present yourself as a threat so that the animal decides that it better not risk it" - this should be in a brochure.

Cappi, that's what I was thinking while making myself a cup of hot choc just now. I was like "He says sht like marrying for a green card, and carries on acting like that, I wonder if her friends defend her".

Good Father above! Good for you? What's next, him clubbing you in the head, dragging you to his cave, presenting you with a fresh bloody kill between his teeth?

As for markers of having to go through such cr*p, I don't know much, I can only compare your chart to mine. Sexual abuse/harassment has always been a thing in my life since I was little. Now as an adult it doesn't happen that often anymore.

So like you, I have sun in the 12th house and moon in harsh aspect to neppy. I've read that the supposed "lost", "forlorn", "vulnerable" feel of the native can make them smell like the perfect prey. What's more, 12th house natives tend to get projected on a lot. They may bring out other people's inner demons.

I've also read that it's a nice aspect for healers for the exact reason.

Saturn harsh aspect to chiron, I have it too.

Afflicted mars. Another similarity.

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This is comforting to read, thank you very much.

Yes, 12H is something I've been realizing a lot lately. My dad was very emotionally/verbally abusive. My first boyfriend was as well, and he eventually started to become physically abusive by the time we broke up. Luckily, no one since him has been abusive like that, but after that relationship, the assault happened with the friend as I mentioned above. I've learned since to put a heavy guard up to guys.

I'm not sure what my friends are getting at here. I think they see that he is a good guy because honestly, as just a friend, he definitely is. But I think he's a bit screwy in relationships - and they don't see what I've been sensing with him and noticing. I finally, today, told my friend I am living with that I was done with his aggressiveness and she kind of acknowledged she noticed that.

As of yet, he has mostly been joking around (the green card, the woman comments, etc.) - and I know I tend to be sensitive about stuff like that. But for me, the constant pushing to date me/ trying to touch me so much has been enough to turn me off for good and probably never get very close.

posted October 21, 2015 11:34 AM            

Like this watery/dreamy mix in Pisces that brings sudden (Uranus) obsessions (Pluto).

posted October 21, 2015 11:39 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
I somehow feel that Pluto trine Venus/mars in Pisces AND Uranus square them play into it somehow. I just can't put the pieces together.

Like this watery/dreamy mix in Pisces that brings sudden (Uranus) obsessions (Pluto).

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Obsessions from me, or from others?

I am not a very obsessive person when it comes to relationships - but I DO get very lost in my own little world sometimes. As in, I've been most guilty of coming off 'distant' to the people closest to me on so many occasions I can hardly keep up. I have to remember to check in. I don't ever really disappear on people, it's more I lose track of how much time has gone by between contact sometimes haha, even when I'm crazy about someone.

(Currently making sure to be careful about this in my relationship right now.)

posted October 21, 2015 11:43 AM            

Ever since that attack, I've always felt afraid someone could really hurt me.

I still feel very scared the guy I got in trouble is going to find me one day and I know he's violent enough to do something.

I know that's UBER dramatic. Still, it really scares me, it always has.

Come to think of it, when I was 5 I was attacked by a stranger in town who was attempting to kidnap me. He tugged me backwards on my path to school away from the group I was walking with, and held onto me by my backpack. I shrugged out of the backpack and bolted to school, and cops were there waiting for me. It turned out the guy who was trying to abduct me had a history as a sexual predator and had been in jail.

So, stuff like this definitely makes me think. (((