posted November 03, 2015 03:56 AM            

He has a name -- one he chose himself, as means of reinvention, adopting a new identity, retiring the former which was no longer authentic. Named for the late John F Kennedy, it was always his nickname too, since childhood. The selected surname reflects a hero who sacrificed his own personal happiness for a society which disregarded and disowned him, despite his best efforts. His legal surname is in commemorative homage to these ideals, to which he himself pledges a part of his own identity, in literal namesake.

He's unlikely to stumble upon this. And, even were he to do so, he's most likely to be deeply touched by my effusive candour, as opposed to perceiving a threat to his privacy. We're both teasing at the edges of celebrity now, and are slowly and steadily preparing for a greater intrusion into our private worlds care of the public eye. This is a gentler foray into that while also liberating me from restricting him to any single label, term, or phrase. That goes for our relationship as well. Us.

He plays many roles in my life; confidante, companion, mentor, and lover. He's a partner in both professional and personal matters; a muse and creative compatriot, and one who's ever-ready at my door with a roll of duct-tape when my world is coming apart, and my psyche in need of mending.

He's redefined for me of what a human being is capable. His being such an exemplar of duty, justice, and benevolence inspires me to elevate myself further, always striving to be the best possible version of myself. His presence brings me to step up my game, and perpetually challenges me to be the greatest that I can be, often testing the limits of what I find truly possible.

He's made it possible for me to believe in the impossible. I'm continuously flabbergasted that he exists -- and I thank God for this beautiful chance to know him, and to love him, in the only way a human being can: here, on Earth, embodied of the flesh as well as anchored in spirit. And to be so beautifully, and imperfectly perfectly loved by him in turn.

Once, I said to him, in reference and paraphrase of the late Charles Dodgson, what was once said of him: 'it is truly as if you're just not quite of this world, or time. A strange spirit having taken shape, as if by accident.' He replied to me, 'if I am such a spirit, you make all the messy wrapping in corporeal form worth the bother.'

I think, in that moment, I knew -- even as I couldn't quite bring myself to believe it. Still, I knew. I knew that I'd love him beyond a lifetime, and that I'd been doing so for far longer than I can process, nor articulate. It just happens to be my incredible fortune that he fell in love with me within moments of meeting -- a feat he'd dismissed out of hand since his youth, owing it to fanciful longing on behalf of those claiming such a thing as 'love-at-first-sight'. And though it will be six years next January, it hasn't dulled a day.

And so I wanted to share with you, the wonderful folk who have been privy to this experience, this phenomenal journey, in its many phases and forms; I am profoundly in love, and peacefully happy, with a man that blew apart the flimsy perception I had of my world and everything in it, the cosmological caricature that it was -- tearing down my carefully constructed walls, and loving me so completely to a point in which everything that wasn't me simply fell away, as if it were a shed skin that's been driven into obsolescence. Now, by my side, he aids in its reconstruction; piece by remarkable piece, a co-creative destiny -- a partnership among compeers -- awakening to the complicated panoply of what it means to be human. And I love him through every minute of this often topsy-turvy, timey-wimey journey, and will always do so.

And I wanted you to know, that I need know nothing more than this, and that his name is Jack.

Here's the Event Chart for when we made our up-to-then de facto relationship truly official, this past February. Prior to that, its less-legitimised beginning was now two years past. Since that day, I've found myself feeling genuinely married -- needing nothing more; being so proud of the incredible two men in my life. I so dearly love, and am uncommonly blessed to be loved by them -- they are my family: my heart belongs to my husband, Preston -- astrological non-enthusiast, hardcore atheist, believer of none-of-the-things; and my soul is, as it has always been, with Jack -- for whom the simple identifier 'boyfriend' pales in orders of magnitude regarding the impact he has upon me, my life, and my greater understanding of the universe.

It's been easy to refer to my husband -- that's fairly simple and straightforward. Society has a clear concept of it. But him? Not so simple. Not so straightforward. Society is often perplexed, forcing us to conform to something which we may not even be, adopting labels that might not quite encompass the greater truth and dimensional depth of our relationship, this powerful union.

But this doesn't demand that I do that.

So, I thank you for taking in this moment with me. I feel our official relationship chart is quite indicative of the relationship we truly have, despite its occasional volatility and the fears which have gripped me. I've no need for them anymore; I have the greatest calm in the simple truth of knowing what I know, and needing nothing more than a name. Not a label. Not a prescription. No predefined box, no stifling category.

Just him. Just me. Just us: Aubyanne and Jack, co-captains navigating a complex, many times volatile sea; one another's compass; necessary harbour when needed. Shelter from the storm.

This is my truth, and I delight in it.

I'm no longer hiding, or afraid.

posted November 03, 2015 04:27 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
And the truth is, I love him with every fibre of my being, to the core of my very nature.

[/IMG]

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I just read this and was like

posted November 03, 2015 05:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I just read this and was like

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D'aww, Ceri. You know me -- and the greater truth; the bigger picture. Sometimes before I know it! That steadfast knowledge and belief never left me, and it always propelled me forward; to keep the faith, and know what I know. Especially, to 'never doubt'. Must be something to that Sag rising. Nervous Virgo can always stand to take a page from the eternal optimist's playbook. And I'm delighted to.

posted November 03, 2015 05:25 AM            

ASC/alma/Valentine
Moon/Pluto
Psyche/Eros
Mars/Venus

posted November 03, 2015 09:46 AM            

I don`t think I`ve ever been called optimist before.
And sometimes I can need a bit of this myself. Though it seems the universe is throwing me balls and curves that make me go: "Hu? Havenīt we been through that before?"
But my response to those curves slowly changed. Maybe having to do with "faith" in some way. Or acceptance, I don`t know.
Where i used to bolt and avoid the issue by simply overreacting and usually disappearing/ running away, I nowadays hardly raise my eyebrow (well at least after I have indulged in my 10 minutes of overdramatized theatrical raging. ).

Something changed within me, which I can see from my responses to situations where I have responded differently before. Hopefully that is a good thing.

Anyway, as for Jack and you, it was just always clear to me. I don`t know why or how. It was just the same as I knew that my friend and her husband belonged together, but also knowing that it wasn`t my time nor place to tell her that, as she wasn`t ready to accept that for herself at that time.

Well they`ve been married for 11 years now, with 4 children, and been together as a couple for 15 years. So I guess I must have been somewhat right back then, too.

posted November 03, 2015 02:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by EmGem:
Wow Auby!!!

ASC/alma/Valentine
Moon/Pluto
Psyche/Eros
Mars/Venus

For a minute I thought that was the composite that's an amazing event chart!

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Oh, I know, right? But the more I'm coming to really, truly understand astrology, I'm finding so much more to it than I ever quite grasped before. And by that, it's becoming a complicated mixture of dataset manipulation and my personal link to the universe. I'll explain.

The composite is a literal blend of the two of you; it's the product of the energy you create when you unite -- in whatever form. I do agree that composites must be somewhat activated; if only in the form of you-and-I-are-agreeing-to-share-space-and-allow-our-auric-beings-to-be-somewhat-permeated. The most menial of social contracts still require the acceptance of another's energy into your own auric field (essentially). So the more 'accepting' the two are of the slice of the Venn diagramme that is your 'relationship', the more active the composite will be. Just my thoughts -- culled from experience and tempered with theory.

While synastry is the melody, the composite the bass line, progressions and event charts are the harmonies and variations that keep the song fresh through remixes -- and even covers and reimaginings. Sometimes, you end up with an incredible remix that it changes the whole feeling of the original song for you -- by adding in this, removing that, putting in this vocal harmony, taking down that rhythm section .... You can find yourself hearing it in a way you never have before, and just the right cover can breathe new life into what's becoming tired and worn.

These events are not coincidental. Within the scope of a significant relationship, they are carefully orchestrated events that go off at exactly the time for which they're set; it's a contract between you, the universe, and them -- and it's a beautiful thing to be able to witness them through the gift of astrology.

posted November 03, 2015 03:08 PM            

"if only in the form of you-and-I-are-agreeing-to-share-space-and-allow-our-auric-beings-to-be-somewhat-permeated. The most menial of social contracts still require the acceptance of another's energy into your own auric field (essentially)."

It`s interesting that you describe it like that.

I remember, that first time he came up to me during a concert (and seemingly almost glued to there, as he returned repeatedly into my proximity), I had that very strange feeling of that I couldn`t really tell where I ended and he began, auric wise. Like rings interlocking/ overlaying? Hard to describe. It was kinda surprising and unexpected, I certainly had not felt something like that before. Like another person is actually part of my own energetic field.
In fact I think he must have sensed this, too, in some, maybe semiconscious way, cause I remember, after that initial approach, when he was returning to stage, he would repeatedly turn back to look at me, looking pretty puzzled to be honest.
lol

BTW around that time pr c-Sun was conjunct c-ASC.

"These events are not coincidental. Within the scope of a significant relationship, they are carefully orchestrated events that go off at exactly the time for which they're set;"

posted November 03, 2015 04:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Oh, I know, right? But the more I'm coming to really, truly understand astrology, I'm finding so much more to it than I ever quite grasped before. And by that, it's becoming a complicated mixture of dataset manipulation and my personal link to the universe. I'll explain.

The composite is a literal blend of the two of you; it's the product of the energy you create when you unite -- in whatever form. I do agree that composites must be somewhat activated; if only in the form of you-and-I-are-agreeing-to-share-space-and-allow-our-auric-beings-to-be-somewhat-permeated. The most menial of social contracts still require the acceptance of another's energy into your own auric field (essentially). So the more 'accepting' the two are of the slice of the Venn diagramme that is your 'relationship', the more active the composite will be. Just my thoughts -- culled from experience and tempered with theory.

While synastry is the melody, the composite the bass line, progressions and event charts are the harmonies and variations that keep the song fresh through remixes -- and even covers and reimaginings. Sometimes, you end up with an incredible remix that it changes the whole feeling of the original song for you -- by adding in this, removing that, putting in this vocal harmony, taking down that rhythm section .... You can find yourself hearing it in a way you never have before, and just the right cover can breathe new life into what's becoming tired and worn.

These events are not coincidental. Within the scope of a significant relationship, they are carefully orchestrated events that go off at exactly the time for which they're set; it's a contract between you, the universe, and them -- and it's a beautiful thing to be able to witness them through the gift of astrology.

So these change the pitch, alter the tempo, vary the lyrics, and provide (sometimes very much needed) updates. I never treat them as overriding the composite, nor the synastry, but they do offer great insight into 'what's going on', or add a new variation or element that can make a lot of difference, or merely minor changes.

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Freakin LOVE what you've written and when you think of it like that it makes so much more sense.

posted November 03, 2015 04:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Auby,

I don`t think I`ve ever been called optimist before.
And sometimes I can need a bit of this myself. Though it seems the universe is throwing me balls and curves that make me go: "Hu? Havenīt we been through that before?"

But my response to those curves slowly changed. Maybe having to do with "faith" in some way. Or acceptance, I don`t know.
Where i used to bolt and avoid the issue by simply overreacting and usually disappearing/ running away, I nowadays hardly raise my eyebrow (well at least after I have indulged in my 10 minutes of overdramatized theatrical raging. ).

Something changed within me, which I can see from my responses to situations where I have responded differently before. Hopefully that is a good thing.

Anyway, as for Jack and you, it was just always clear to me. I don`t know why or how. It was just the same as I knew that my friend and her husband belonged together, but also knowing that it wasn`t my time nor place to tell her that, as she wasn`t ready to accept that for herself at that time.

Well they`ve been married for 11 years now, with 4 children, and been together as a couple for 15 years. So I guess I must have been somewhat right back then, too.

---

You're very good at these things, Ceri. In truth, I've always seen that you're more encouraging and optimistic with others -- and sometimes yourself. Perhaps it's that bit of distance; you see things more objectively, which means that to take such assessment of yourself would be too subjective. Instead, we've got to give that back to you, by reflecting what we see.

It's funny, too. When the suddenness of being in love came up as a topic between us, he was the one to say how he'd known since that October, now two years ago. But he knew that I wasn't yet ready to process it, and so privately maintained what he felt, while withholding active expression -- except in periodic bursts. Heh. I can't say he's exactly effusive now, but he does have his moments which make them all somehow just that more meaningful.

I've come to wonder if verbalising love in a relationship isn't sometimes an act of insecurity. There will always be those lovely times when we can think of nothing more than the words 'I love you' -- and those are precious occasions. But there are plenty more in which it's used in place of the more likely accurate 'you love me, don't you?' which no one wants to say, but they probably mean very deeply. As such, humankind finds it more socially acceptable to 'say it to get it'.

But is that how it should be?

I only breathe the words 'I love you' when we're together, and I can count on two hands the times it's been said. I can recall each time it was said, as a result, and know exactly why. And, since one of my dearest ex boyfriends, I never say 'I love you, too'. It feels too much as if one is saying because A loves B, B also loves A. For me, it's independent. Love is love, regardless of the conditions surrounding it.

Things are a bit different in that respect with my husband. He'll breathe the words when he's feeling passionate and seeking sexual engagement. Otherwise, it's said as one of two things: in context of some relevant event -- departure, retirement, or something otherwise time-oriented or event-related. Or, with the hidden underlying expectation of return. But what gets me is how he seems exempt from this behaviour. Often when the words are initiated, he'll 'accept' rather than return them -- with a thank-you, typically. Isn't that a curious quirk? I've always found that amusing.

That's why the experience is altogether different with Jack. The words are breathed, almost as if burst forth -- that they otherwise can't be contained, and any other combination of words in the English language are insufficient. That's when it happens. It's an event unto itself. I've cherished every single one of them; all dozen or so, beginning with the very first one, July 2010.

Same goes for kisses. I'm astounded at how much physical affection is expended in the average relationship. I know. How asexual of me. But when we think of the motivations for engaging in these behaviours, it can quickly be revealed that a large chunk of it is habit. Oh, kisses when departing and on greeting are natural, as are those when feeling passionate and initiating intimate relations. But outside of those occasions? Have you ever wondered why we do? Or, rather, why we don't only because NO words in any native tongue can adequately convey the feeling we presently have in the moment? So that such a physical expression is warranted?

When you don't kiss your partner much in a long-term relationship, it becomes something one thinks about, I suppose.