posted November 08, 2015 08:33 AM            

I've never cheated. I have tons of cheating potential in my natal chart and have been tempted more times than I can count. I attract charismatic, intelligent, interesting people to me and I am a sexual being, so it has been a challenge many times in my life to 'keep it in my pants'. I am also a performer - I usually get cast in romantic roles - and that in and of itself makes solid relationships tricky at times. But, I've found a way. So, I know first hand that infidelity markers in a natal chart do not necessarily mean a person IS going to cheat.

My mother cheated on my father for six years. I knew it at the time - it was obvious to everyone but my Dad tried to turn a blind eye. Many of my best friends have cheated on their significant others or their spouses, or been on the other side of their cheating partners.

I've been very aware that what seems to be the NORM is for someone to 'slip' at times.

Since day 1 of my current relationship, there has been a big question of loyalty. He was cheated on in every relationship prior to me. He caught one of them in the act I think. Something horrific like that - as a result, he has expressed endless feelings of women not being trustworthy. I've had to prove myself over the years, and can honestly say, he has been the man I've been most loyal to in ALL ways. I've simply never been tempted by anyone else. Even when we were broken up and I was trying to date others, no one was as exciting to me. I can't fathom wanting anyone as much as I want him.

BUT, early on in our relationship he would hide how close he was to female friends of his. He was always telling me he didn't want me to be suspicious, because I had broken things off early on when I received sketchy emails from his ex gf. ALl of that has been long-resolved, so is not the point. However, This has been a theme, unfortunately, since early on. Time and time again, his loyalty to ME has been very unfairly questioned.

BUT. When I look at our composite, I struggle to see what's what. One major thing is Neptune - it is extremely heavy within our chart. We both are heavily Neptunian, and there is an enormous spiritual aspect between us and a feeling that we read each others' minds all the time. However, my bigger worry is with its square to the moon in our chart - a typical indicator of infidelity I've read.

I don't actually feel the need to own him, and my concern is not so much with either of us needing a fling outside of the relationship at times, but it IS a fear of mine that either one of us could be deceived in the relationship.

Outside of this concern, I have such a solid and growing relationship with him. But i wonder what peoples' experiences with this type of aspect have been?

I have been trying to come to terms with the reality that basically... ANYONE could cheat or need that outside stimulation at times. It isn't the worst thing that could happen, in my opinion. But I just never want to feel like something could be destroyed that is going so well by deception. That, to me, is just the killer to anything good.

I am of course leaving out all the amazing stuff that has kept us very together throughout the years, for the sake of opening up this question to the masses. I do feel he is my soul mate, whatever comes of that. Just trying to work with an energy that comes with this relationship at times.

Anyway, any thoughts out there? Here is the composite in question:

posted November 08, 2015 03:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by thegrinning_cat:
Dear Cappi,

thank you for your very honest and touching post, it affected me very much!

I can relate to what you say well, because I have a Neptunian Composite with the one I love, and a natal T-Square to the Luminaries with Neptune.

So there is an experience of mistrust and unclearness I had with my parents….and interestingly they also have a heavy history with cheating.
My father was married to a woman before, who felt very lonely in the relationship and experienced with several other partners. Then she left him for his best friend.
My mother was the mistress of a man who was married for five years until he suddenly died….
What connected them, was in a way that they both lost the love of their lives.
They wanted a stable relationship so badly, but I always felt a certain sadness and something missing.

In the composite with the man I love, we have:

Neptune square Venus, Sun and Mercury
Neptune conjunct the AC and Mars
Neptune trine Moon

I was very worried about that and it made sense, because I often feel mistrust which makes me sick.
Especially because I can't decide if it's my paranoia or if there is reason to worry.
He cheated in relationships before me, but he told me from the start.
Sometimes I'm not sure, if I "know" him really, there is too much fog it seems to me and I don't know how to adress it.
Then I worry the relationship could have too many phantasmatic aspects, because I idolize him a lot and he does the same with me.

BUT. I also feel a deep spiritual connection with him, I never felt before with a man. When we are close, I have no more questions and time stands still.
We also work together in a artistic field and it gives me so much inspiration when we talk, because we really feel the same things and this is what I want out of a relationship.

I think your composite is very beautiful.
You have more conjunctions with Neptune which might be easier to handle. Though the square to the Moon can cause a deep feeling of insecureness, I can relate to thet very well.
But what I realized is, that Neptune is not always about cheating but more about not communicating in an open way.
Like you said: He didn't tell you stuff, because he wanted to leave the relationship on that high column. There is a tendency with Neptune to avoid the everyday conflicts and everything that is "mundane".
John Lennon and Yoko Ono had a very heavy neptunian composite - and it makes perfectly sense.

You are a performer - so you need a relationship which is deeply connected to your affects but also in an abstract kind of way.
Neptune can connect us to a higher state of awareness, and for me the lesson or the connection to my parents experience is, that I don't want to end it that way.

I don't want to become bitter and possessive and deny how much I loved, even if it's over at one point for my physical self.
Neptune can help you knowing that we never ever lose a relationship, because it is singular and cannot be erased from the universe.
We often experience that relationships end or that they seem to have no meaning at all, but that is only one kind of perception.
Neptune helps me to enjoy the moments with him even more, because I know that everything in this form is only temporal….but will also become a part of me and never lost.

I don't even care if he "cheats" on me, because I'm just happy he exists.
This Affirmation of Love in an unconditional way can help to overcome the fear of deception

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Thank you grinning cat -I needed to read your post!

I agree, Neptune is more a feeling.. a lot of deep insecurity IS there because on one hand you feel high as a kite, and on another you realize that can't possibly be true... how can that be real? etc.

I think the trick may be for us to just embrace how uncomfortable we feel at times.

I'm having a hard time right now with it because I'm very 'triggery' so certain emotions make me GO THERE....

posted November 08, 2015 03:49 PM            

I dated, but never slept with anyone. I had this sense that I shouldn't; that, even if he wasn't saying so, it was a big deal.

SO much emotional game-playing.

posted November 08, 2015 04:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
I honestly think that long-distance relationships cause more headache and heartache when we expect them to be exclusively loyal. I've been on both sides of this thing. My husband and I weren't exclusive until a month before I came to LA, which wasn't even intended to be a personal move. And ALL the way up to that -- only 8 months -- was hell. Hell. He was still spending time with his ex, and I was blowing it up in my head that they were sleeping together, and he wouldn't exactly confirm they weren't. Ugh.

I dated, but never slept with anyone. I had this sense that I shouldn't; that, even if he wasn't saying so, it was a big deal.

SO much emotional game-playing.

If two people can handle the temptation, then they should go for it. If they can't, then they need to be honest with each other about their non-exclusivity, but declare -- and reaffirm -- that they're each other's primary partner. Open relationships, rather than polyamory. That can work, too.

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Nah, this isn't about distance...

Thats the thing - he and I have actually been much stronger and more confident with the distance. That factor doesn't play a role here.

The time I was jealous and insecure at its worst was actually while we lived around the corner from each other for a year - I broke up with him during that time.

THat was due to the emails I received from his ex when she was trying to wreck our relationship (successfully).

But the trust issues are from something deeper within me, and I'd be battling them regardless of where I am in the world. I agree that if both people cannot be faithful then an open relationship is totally realistic. But HE is definitely not cool with that.

posted November 08, 2015 05:06 PM            

Oh, and one more thing about your composite: Your Saturn is also sextile to the Moon!

This can balance the insecurity effect and create a strong bond.

posted November 09, 2015 02:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by thegrinning_cat:
And I totally recommend the Neptune Book by Liz Greene!

Oh, and one more thing about your composite: Your Saturn is also sextile to the Moon!

This can balance the insecurity effect and create a strong bond.

Luckily we also have Saturn sextile the neptunian squared Venus.

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Ohh I have not heard of this book! That would be good to get a hold of.

posted November 09, 2015 08:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
I honestly think that long-distance relationships cause more headache and heartache when we expect them to be exclusively loyal. I've been on both sides of this thing. My husband and I weren't exclusive until a month before I came to LA, which wasn't even intended to be a personal move. And ALL the way up to that -- only 8 months -- was hell. Hell. He was still spending time with his ex, and I was blowing it up in my head that they were sleeping together, and he wouldn't exactly confirm they weren't. Ugh.

I dated, but never slept with anyone. I had this sense that I shouldn't; that, even if he wasn't saying so, it was a big deal.

SO much emotional game-playing.

If two people can handle the temptation, then they should go for it. If they can't, then they need to be honest with each other about their non-exclusivity, but declare -- and reaffirm -- that they're each other's primary partner. Open relationships, rather than polyamory. That can work, too.

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Actually, I should elaborate (since I responded while I was half asleep last night )... that's my point at heart, honestly, with this post. I find that when people expect full loyalty of one another, that's always where the trouble begins. I can't keep him. I also can't handle feeling controlled. I am a free spirit at heart - he is a little more rigid.

So, I agree fully with you - I actually have NEVER expected full exclusivity. But I have wanted full honesty and transparency, and in his weirdness about thinking I was going to leave him at all times, it seems like he has consistently felt the need to hide things and 'protect me'.