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Author Topic:   Let's Talk About Possession: Good, Bad, Taboo????
Cappi112
Knowflake

Posts: 384
From: New York, New York, USA
Registered: May 2015

posted November 30, 2015 12:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cappi112     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
OKAY, I notice a bit of um... touchy-ness/ judgmental-ness goin' on across the boards today (perhaps we all are feeling the effects of the full moon on the 25th still..??)

SO I really want this board to be no-judgment.

We all have different levels of possessiveness/jealousy in relationships, and it shows itself in different ways.

My SO is possessive in a way that I actually find insanely hot. He has no problem with my having my own life, my own friends (he supports them all and likes them), etc. He isn't JEALOUS, openly, and if he does he deals with it. But he is possessive in this way: He will say all the sweet romantic things and on top of that, he'll say I'm his. He loves that I'm all his. To me this is hot because for the longest time, he didn't believe I would really be faithful (previous stuff he went through, blah blah blah). He's also 'all mine.' This is something other people hate and cringe at, but gives us both a tremendous amount of comfort and security and freedom to be however we are at heart with one another. We're not going anywhere. It is a foundation. That makes things extremely fun for us.

I'm Cap Sun, Libra Moon, Venus and Mars in Pisces. He is Cap Sun, Virgo Moon, Venus in Scorpio and Mars in Pisces. So we get each other a lot. I'm the more JEALOUS of the two of us. He is the more Controlling. (Of the negative aspects this brings).

How do you feel about Possession in relationships? Do you hate when your partner is jealous, or are you secretly kind of glad he/she gets that way from time to time? Are YOU jealous, possessive?

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angel4845
Knowflake

Posts: 2022
From: los angeles, ca, USA
Registered: Oct 2014

posted November 30, 2015 12:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for angel4845     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
yes i am jealous and possessive ONLY when im not with that person. Once im with that person for a year or so my jealousy and posessiveness completely wears off.

I believe a certain amount of possessiveness and jealousy is healthy because it shows that the person is into you and wants you all to themselves.
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Sun Capricorn, Moon Aries, Libra Rising

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Cappi112
Knowflake

Posts: 384
From: New York, New York, USA
Registered: May 2015

posted November 30, 2015 12:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cappi112     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by angel4845:
yes i am jealous and possessive ONLY when im not with that person. Once im with that person for a year or so my jealousy and posessiveness completely wears off.

I believe a certain amount of possessiveness and jealousy is healthy because it shows that the person is into you and wants you all to themselves.


Exactly, it's gotta be an exact formula for both parties, which is really hard to nail down I think.

My first boyfriend was so possessive (and jealous) that he made me describe absolutely every interaction I had with my guy friends after I'd been to an event of some kind. I was an RA in college (so... had to be super responsible and role-modely), so I never partied, but we always held dances at the school. I would literally be serving punch the entire night and have to come home and explain to him over the phone that I barely even interacted with anyone much, let alone dance with any guy. The relationship went downhill horribly because I inevitably then started feeling attracted to a guy I was friends with. I never cheated, but I felt so guilty for even having those feelings that I broke up with him just to have some darn SPACE to FEEL THINGZ.

So yeah, that level of it was no fun. Made me feel extremely owned. This current level is quite nice. I liiike.

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angel4845
Knowflake

Posts: 2022
From: los angeles, ca, USA
Registered: Oct 2014

posted November 30, 2015 01:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for angel4845     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Cappi112:
Exactly, it's gotta be an exact formula for both parties, which is really hard to nail down I think.

My first boyfriend was so possessive (and jealous) that he made me describe absolutely every interaction I had with my guy friends after I'd been to an event of some kind. I was an RA in college (so... had to be super responsible and role-modely), so I never partied, but we always held dances at the school. I would literally be serving punch the entire night and have to come home and explain to him over the phone that I barely even interacted with anyone much, let alone dance with any guy. The relationship went downhill horribly because I inevitably then started feeling attracted to a guy I was friends with. I never cheated, but I felt so guilty for even having those feelings that I broke up with him just to have some darn SPACE to FEEL THINGZ.

So yeah, that level of it was no fun. Made me feel extremely owned. This current level is quite nice. I liiike.


omg im actually going through that right now. what you just described with your first boyfriend, my girlfriend right now is very clingy and posessive lately and it's defently making me feel that the relationship is stiffled. I've had a school crush on my friend for quite some time now since the beginning of the year but i dont think i started devloping crush feelings on him because she is possessive, i think i developed it because i did and because there is something about my friend that i see in myself which is so beautiful to me but unfornately we are just not meant to be together, our composite and synastry defines it all. With my girlfriend its amazing our connection is great but she is away and i havent seen her in a year, it can be so hard. we also have bad placements in our composite.

and awwww im glad you like that level i love to be owned too especially when its mutual its a great feeling.

Please dont quote just this message

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Sun Capricorn, Moon Aries, Libra Rising

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Cappi112
Knowflake

Posts: 384
From: New York, New York, USA
Registered: May 2015

posted November 30, 2015 01:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cappi112     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@angel thank you for sharing! I still sting a lot when I think back on that past relationship. My boyfriend at the time was controlling, much more than possessive, and also violent - really, what led me to breaking it off was that when I did eventually tell him that yes, I had feelings for a friend (because he priiiied this info out of me left and right), he called me a ***** and threw a book so hard at the sidewalk that it split the binding (a book I had just gotten him).

I remember just seeing my future: being backhanded if I was flirted with, even when I didn't do anything, feeling guilty if I had a close male friend (I've always had closer friendships in men in my life as it is), disaster. I also need to have a little independence in my life in order to reallyyy enjoy all my commitments so I could see the potential failure on my part to actually stay as faithful as he needed. It's funny how that happens - someone plants a seed and tells you 'NO' a lot, and you start going exactly the direction they are warning you not to go....

Anyway you sound lovely, and I hope for your sake whatever happens, you do not settle. You've done nothing wrong and you can't help your feelings at all. Even if it's not right with your friend, there may be someone out there you feel right with in these ways. I'm not encouraging you leave your SO, just that it sounds like you guys are on different pages at the moment.

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angel4845
Knowflake

Posts: 2022
From: los angeles, ca, USA
Registered: Oct 2014

posted November 30, 2015 02:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for angel4845     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@ Cappi

Omg i wouldnt be able to stay in a relatioship that way that you experienced, in a lot of ways i agree with what your saying. awww you sound lovely too! I'm sorry you had to go through that, that must've been hard but its a good thing that now you know what's best for you, always listen to your heart and im sure you agree on that one cause you basically told me to listen to my own heart and thank you for telling me not to feel guilty about these feelings i have
im glad you understand cause you know the feeling it can be tough.

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Sun Capricorn, Moon Aries, Libra Rising

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comdoc
Knowflake

Posts: 218
From: Tucson
Registered: Feb 2015

posted November 30, 2015 11:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for comdoc     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cappi wrote: "My SO is possessive in a way that I actually find insanely hot. He has no problem with my having my own life, my own friends (he supports them all and likes them), etc. He isn't JEALOUS, openly, and if he does he deals with it. But he is possessive in this way: He will say all the sweet romantic things and on top of that, he'll say I'm his. He loves that I'm all his. To me this is hot because for the longest time, he didn't believe I would really be faithful (previous stuff he went through, blah blah blah). He's also 'all mine.' This is something other people hate and cringe at, but gives us both a tremendous amount of comfort and security and freedom to be however we are at heart with one another. We're not going anywhere. It is a foundation. That makes things extremely fun for us."

I love what you wrote above. Not a jealous bone in my body--but I do enjoy that feeling of being her beloved, and she being mine! Mutual commitment does bring comfort, freedom and joy.

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Cappi112
Knowflake

Posts: 384
From: New York, New York, USA
Registered: May 2015

posted December 01, 2015 11:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cappi112     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Comdoc!!

For me, that old fashioned 'I belong to you' sacrifice is very much what true love is to me. Others hear that and go 'WHAAATTTT !!!!??!' It is different for us all.... <3 <3

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Elysia
Knowflake

Posts: 129
From:
Registered: Aug 2015

posted December 01, 2015 12:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Elysia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm wondering whether I should say this or not... But, hell. This thread is a no-judgement zone, right?

To me, insanely jealous is insanely hot. There. I said it. *runs for the hills*

NOT saying that's healthy or anything. And yes, it brings a world of pain. But what's love without a little pain?

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Elysia
Knowflake

Posts: 129
From:
Registered: Aug 2015

posted December 01, 2015 01:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Elysia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Cappi112:

For me, that old fashioned 'I belong to you' sacrifice is very much what true love is to me. Others hear that and go 'WHAAATTTT !!!!??!' It is different for us all.... <3 <3

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