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Author
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Topic: Death in chart
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Gundahar
Newflake Posts: 19
From: Moon
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted April 22, 2016 08:41 PM
  
Is there something in my chart that causes me to feel like I want to die? Before you tell "Hey suicide its not the solution blabla", I want you all to know that I love life, I have the most amazing girlfriend wich is also my twinflame, 4 dogs that love me, a fulfilling life to be honest. Im a very spiritual person also, very intuitive. I can feel people, feel certain things before happening. Yet, I have this strage feeling and wish sometimes that I would die. It hits me in the strangest moments.
I was thinking, it might be something in my chart.  IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 6411
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted April 22, 2016 09:08 PM
Hey there, Gundahar! I stumbled upon your post, and I wasn't sure why. I'm very sorry that you're feeling a deep anhedonia. I'm curious, too -- you say you've found your twin flame. That seems pretty incredible, right? Rather exceptional and super rare? IP: Logged |
Gundahar
Newflake Posts: 19
From: Moon
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted April 22, 2016 09:36 PM
Hey there! I don't think I have anhedonia, I enjoy every little things in life, im a very positive person, I am not depressed. I had a rough childhood tho, abuse by my father, constantly telling me I am not good, but I turned into the opposite of him. I had drug problems too, I went trough 2 withdrawals, BY MYSELF! No professional help. Everything bad I went trough I embraced and learned from it. I love life  And I dont think my wish for death is caused by some hidden childhood trauma in the subconcious or something, im over it. Everything is perfectly fine with me psychologically, and spiritually too, otherwise I would feel something is wrong, I always do. I dont know when I will reach this psychic or shaman again, not very soon anyways.And yes, I found her and its truly amazing! First time I met her, was an instant connection! We are opposites but share so many similarities, especially details from our lives, things we went trough, our parents and best friends are the same signs, have the same problems, we are drawn by the same things, we feel eachother, the state of mind and spirit, we feel everything! I feel even her pain and she feels mine. I felt some hidden bad things in her life that she did not see, and helped her out. We grew so much in so many ways since we met this summer. We visit eachother on the astral very often, sometimes we dream the same things. I went to a psychic and shaman for insights, and I have so many past lives with her. Its so amazing and so many things happened I could write a book about it. Also, I experience the split-soul, she actually posted about this too  I wonder, it might be because these two other parts of my soul represent the way I expressed before, intellectually and verbally (Andreas) and the attitude I had (Andras) ? These things are the only one that frustrate me but still, they dont stand in the way of my happiness. http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/005090.html But its so weird tho, why do I feel like it? I still dont understand IP: Logged |
Orange
Knowflake Posts: 4402
From: Georgia
Registered: May 2009
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posted April 22, 2016 09:39 PM
Gundaharyou might want to read about the Sigmund Freud's theory on Death Wish, or Death Drive, or "Todestrieb" in German. It's about out innate drive to die, sometimes expressed more strongly in some people than in others. He says that the death wish is in all of us, sometimes expressed in self destructive behaviour ( reckless driving, smoking, drinking, etc), or on a more mundane level - we all have felt it when we stand up close to a cliff edge and look down, there is this very quick and passing thought of - "what if I just jump and fall to my death", but at the same time our survival instinct comes to rescue and pulls us away from the edge.
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Gundahar
Newflake Posts: 19
From: Moon
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted April 22, 2016 10:03 PM
Hey Orange! You know, I always was an adrenaline junkie, I did skydiving, dirtbike, I like the idea of living on the edge. I cheated death 8 times so far, trough accidents mostly. I was never afraid of death, since I was a kid. But I dropped this lifestyle 1 year ago when I had the last accident with my bike and hit my leg very bad. I was a few inches away of hiting my head to a pointy rock. Weirdly, I hurt my leg, and this winter I found out I have bone cancer, located in the same leg... A sign maybe? It's alright tho, surgery is on the way.IP: Logged |
llewsacm
Knowflake Posts: 324
From: Cleveland, Ohio USA
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted April 22, 2016 11:01 PM
Gundahar, how far back did this start? Within the past year or has it been consistent since adolescence? IP: Logged |
athenegoddess
Knowflake Posts: 5944
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 22, 2016 11:12 PM
Maybe you just unconsciously long to go back where you came from.IP: Logged |
ilunatique
Knowflake Posts: 454
From: neptune
Registered: Jun 2014
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posted April 23, 2016 04:29 AM
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Gundahar
Newflake Posts: 19
From: Moon
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted April 23, 2016 05:03 AM
llewsacm, im 25y old now, this started around... 16-17, but as years passed, it happened more often. Psychologists say that I am ok, even tho wishing to die and not being afraid to die is not normal.athenegoddess, I guess so, my inner self is tired I guess. Im an old soul, I know it and feel like I dont belong in this society and new world, not even this planet. In nature I feel at home tho. It might be an inner call somewhere, back to the roots. ilunatique IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 17208
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted April 23, 2016 09:32 AM
Gundahar, so sorry to hear you have bone cancer.My chart is similar to yours, our ASCs are conjunct. I have Pisces filling my 8H. I can relate to what you are saying. I prefer to just take whatever comes and relax. The hysteria generated around the whole idea of dying is scarier to me than death itself. If I got cancer, I like to think I would handle it with acceptance, grace, and humor, the way you are handling it. Best wishes though. And please do try and stick around, because life is good. And you've only made 18 posts here. Not enough.  IP: Logged |
ilunatique
Knowflake Posts: 454
From: neptune
Registered: Jun 2014
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posted April 25, 2016 03:50 PM
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athenegoddess
Knowflake Posts: 5944
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 25, 2016 06:50 PM
I feel the same way. In nature I feel really happy especially in remote areas away from the noise. I want to leave too but people like us are needed here to help. Many are depending on someone to make a spiritual change and bring our divine self on earth to eliminate the lie the same way Jesus did. He said his mission isn't yet complete and others would come after him to bring God back to earth. So as much as you feel bad, don't let it kill you because you have a purpose for being here... At times if may feel like the struggle may succeed in killing you so like it has so many. But just trust and be strong. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 64525
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 25, 2016 08:46 PM
This Forum is for synastries. Moving this to Personal Readings.IP: Logged | |
Topic Closed
Lindaland
