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Author Topic:   Your biggest irrational relationship fears come from the Descendant – theory
meyray
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posted May 02, 2016 06:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for meyray     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Some time ago when I was in an introspective mood I did some soul-searching and came to an interesting conclusion about myself and I want to see if this applies to others.

We all know about the Descendant and what it means for relationships. Every beginner entering the branch of synastry hears the same thing ad nauseum – the DSC is your ideal partner, look at the DSC, the DSC this, the DSC that. The Descendant is externalized so much that we forget that it is still a part of us. And everyone paints it in a positive light but, like all things, it too carries a shadow.

My theory is that your deepest subconscious fears about love reflect the shadow of your Descendant sign. And these fears become very apparent if your DSC has afflictions and your love planets receive hits in the chart as well. What I came to realize about myself, when I was brutally honest about my fear is that what I dread the most are all things befitting my DSC sign.

Now obviously all of the information below are things most people won’t tolerate but I’m talking about an immediate knee-jerk reaction, a pattern that always seems to be in the back of your head as a creeping suspicion. Fears that may be completely baseless in reality but you just can’t shake them off.

Also you, yourself may end up exhibiting this behavior but you would never ever admit it to yourself or even realize you’re doing it so you project it on to others.

What I managed to learn from this realization is that when you start seeing this behavior in your partner or expect it from them, instead of trying to fend it off you need to realize that it’s not real. It’s a mirage that comes from within.

Here is what I would imagine it would be for every Descendant:

Aries DSC
You fear that your SO will be impulsive and make careless decisions that will hurt you, that they will be selfish, unfaithful, put themselves first and get bored of you. In the worst cases that they may be violent and aggressive.

Taurus DSC
You fear that your SO will be hedonistic and indulgent (for sex, wealth or something else) and in the end always do what they please despite you. Also that they will be totalitarian, stubborn and you will always be the one to step down for their needs and wants.

Gemini DSC
You fear that your SO will always lie to you and be completely unreliable in life. That you will never really be “enough” for them and they will always have one foot outside the door – be it emotionally, sexually or about something else.

Cancer DSC
You fear that your SO will be emotionally underdeveloped and you will have to be the parent in the relationship. That they will be a “loser” and act like a suffocating dependent child always in need of something, emotionally manipulating and blackmailing you.

Leo DSC
You fear that your SO will never love you for who you are but only as an extension of themselves. That they will be arrogant, demanding and oblivious to your needs and desires. That they love the attention they get more than you.

Virgo DSC
You fear that your SO will never truly love you or express their love for you. That they will eventually turn cold and critical and your relationship will feel like an obligation. That they will judge you and make you feel pathetic and not good enough.

Libra DSC
You fear that your SO will be fake and their love is a faηade. That they will only be with you as long as everything is okay but will turn the moment push comes to shove. That they love all the perks of the relationship but not really you.

Scorpio DSC
You fear that your SO will be cruel and try to dominate you. That they will eventually show a very ugly side and start playing with your heart, demanding too much from you but not holding up to those standards themselves.

Sagittarius DSC
You fear that your SO will never commit to you. That they will always put their own freedom and pleasure above you and run away from responsibility. That their “love” is only for the thrill they feel from it and it doesn’t matter if it’s you or someone else.

Capricorn DSC
You fear that your SO will be cold and dominating. That they have ulterior motives and a heartless practical approach to love, meaning they won’t feel anything if you’re upset or the relationship ended. That they will have no problem disposing of you, if you aren’t useful anymore.

Aquarius DSC
You fear that your SO will be hypocritical, detached, uncommitted and not spare your feelings about it one bit. That they will invalidate all your needs and leave you voiceless in the relationship with a feeling of being unimportant.

Pisces DSC
You fear that your SO will have a weak character and turn to cheap and immediate thrills to escape from their problems. That they can’t face reality, do things that hurt you and make themselves out to be the victim in the end.


I want to see if people find this relatable because it was an epiphany moment for me. All my fears align with the shadow of Sagittarius but I also have Saturn square DSC and Pluto conjunct DSC so the Descendant expressing itself negatively may be more specific to me than for people in general.

Thoughts?

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yungang_grotto
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posted May 02, 2016 07:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yungang_grotto     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This seems pretty right on to me.

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Selenite
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posted May 02, 2016 07:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selenite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aquarius DSC
You fear that your SO will be hypocritical, detached, uncommitted and not spare your feelings about it one bit. That they will invalidate all your needs and leave you voiceless in the relationship with a feeling of being unimportant.

--

Very well said, for all of them! I agree, and I want to add that my relationships tend to actually manifest like this.

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yungang_grotto
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posted May 02, 2016 07:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yungang_grotto     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
How do we escaaaape

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hearttreasure
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posted May 02, 2016 07:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hearttreasure     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Gemini DSC
You fear that your SO will always lie to you and be completely unreliable in life. That you will never really be “enough” for them and they will always have one foot outside the door – be it emotionally, sexually or about something else.

At first, I didn't have this fear at all, I always trusted my partner. Some of my friends told me that I was too naive until life gave me experiences. Now I have some of this fear, I hate being lied to and it becomes my first alert.

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llewsacm
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posted May 02, 2016 07:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for llewsacm     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well thought out observations. I immediately checked my own dsc description, along with that of my SO's. Mine does ring true. But then I read the entire list and I can say that I relate to each one of these fears in some way. I would suspect there is some fine tuning involved with really understanding our true relationship fears. These all sound so upsetting to me...but i cant say for sure that the cap dsc would be my deepest fear in a relationship. Maybe I need to dig deep and think more about this.

Thanks for posting.

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mar1982delta
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posted May 02, 2016 07:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mar1982delta     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wonderful thread and thoughts and yes, cancer dsc description totally resonates!!!
Thanks for the info/food for thought!

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Faith
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posted May 02, 2016 09:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
These are amazing descriptions, meyrey. Brilliant approach.

quote:
Originally posted by yungang_grotto:
How do we escaaaape

I think they also represent our projections and distortions. What we attract to ourselves and then increase by the power of our attention. We focus on what we fear and it seems to magnify that behavior in the other person.

So I have an Aqua DSC, seeking something in the other person to keep my egocentric Leo ASC in check...but what if they take it too far and leave me voiceless???

I'm aware of how, in so many ways, I've actually shut up instead spoken, and then projected "repressive tendencies" onto my husband. It's like a filter: memories of him doing things that dissuade me from speaking stay inside. Memories of him being a great, compassionate listener who lets me be myself...somehow they get pushed out. Because of my fears.

Please don't quote

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Gemini Blues
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posted May 02, 2016 10:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gemini Blues     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by meyray:

Taurus DSC
You fear that your SO will be hedonistic and indulgent (for sex...


That's about where I stopped reading. Scorpio Rising, 8th house Sun, Mars and Jupiter in Taurus/7th...

Bring it! LOL!

More seriously, I can see some of the other points. Maybe some of the more material fears, and the point that it can't be all one sided.

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Ceridwen
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posted May 03, 2016 02:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes. Gemini-DESC and I can relate.

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12muddy
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posted May 03, 2016 04:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 12muddy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
on point for me - cancer desc.

Ugh all of those things make my crawl in the worst of ways. Especially emotional manipulation and blackmailing - few things make me feel more insulted and violated than these two. Not just in romantic relationships, but in all kinds of inter-personal relationships, one whiff of such crp and I'll end it.

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meyray
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posted May 03, 2016 05:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for meyray     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@Gemini Blues

Maybe I didn't articulate myself well enough. My point about Taurus was that the self-indulgence would be a bad thing in spite of you - that they may care about their own pleasure more than you/the relationship and choose complacency over working on problems or that in fact their pleasure and material gain may even be reason for staying.

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meyray
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posted May 03, 2016 06:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for meyray     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for the feedback everyone.

I really want to stress one very important point that is actually the reason behind my idea.

Yes, all of those description are pretty cringe and everyone finds them abhorring. But your DSC sign is what you expect most to happen.

Basically in all of them selfishness and disregard are present. The difference between the signs is what it's about.

Aries - victory, "their way"
Taurus - material gain and sensual pleasures
Gemini - freedom and variety
Cancer - emotional well-being
Leo - ego
Virgo - perfection and expectations
Libra - appearances
Scorpio - control
Sagittarius - adventure and experiences
Capricorn - status and self-gain
Aquarius - opinions and autonomy
Pisces - idealism and martyrdom

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HelixID
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posted May 03, 2016 06:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for HelixID     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Libra DSC and I can definitely relate to the description.

This also reminds me of Carl Jung, his Psychological Types and the concept of animus/anima.
We all have a dominant function according to his theory and that would be analogous to the Ascendant, I guess.
Our inferior function is repressed into the subconscious. We project this function (animus/anima)onto other people. This is what the Descendant would probably be.

Jung was also into astrology, btw.

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KoreAbyss
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posted May 03, 2016 06:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for KoreAbyss     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Libra DSC. Yes. Great work!

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Lotis White
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posted May 03, 2016 06:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lotis White     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I can relate to the Gemini Dsc description as well. Those are probably my biggest fears.

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VirgoPILL
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posted May 03, 2016 06:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for VirgoPILL     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
wow meyray!

gemini dsc, these fears came to reality once but was enough for me to subconsciously reject or work against to be in a serious relationship since then. this is obviously sabotaging myself but i'm working on it to turn around. also, these fears make me quite paranoid in friendships and other relations.

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Gemini Blues
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posted May 03, 2016 05:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gemini Blues     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by meyray:
@Gemini Blues

Maybe I didn't articulate myself well enough. My point about Taurus was that the self-indulgence would be a bad thing in spite of you - that they may care about their own pleasure more than you/the relationship and choose complacency over working on problems or that in fact their pleasure and material gain may even be reason for staying.


No, I think you did fine. I think the factors in my chart make me willing to indulge those things for a time, even though it may be unhealthy to do so. At least until my Leo Moon square that Taurus Jupiter said "Enough!"

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yungang_grotto
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posted May 03, 2016 05:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yungang_grotto     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I both admire and am flabbergasted by Taurus energy. Maybe there's fear mixed in there--you know--of course. It's on my descendant also. Like GeminiBlues, I will also indulge a lot of indulgence on the part of my partners, in part perhaps because I'm in awe of anyone who's able to be that comfortable in their skin! I have a lot of Scorpio... i don't think we're famous for being really comfortable and enjoying simple pleasures... lol...

My present partner has Mars conjunct my descendant and also Mercury, Venus, Chiron and POF in Taurus... he is otherwise an Aries with Sun and Moon there (well Moon is at 0 Aries and he expresses a heady dose of Pisces also).

Anyway he is one of the more selfish people I've dated, and one of the least selfish at the same time... he doesn't want to be selfish or hurt anybody, and in some ways doeskeep himself in check and is aware of it... as aware as an Aries could be! Or maybe there are more self aware ones out there... anyway.

With my Libra Venus i like revolving around a lover a little bit. And i don't know if it worries me especially that he is getting more measurable pleasure from our sexual relations... if you know what I mean?... but he is. Mostly I've been able to get off with my lovers but with him I just enjoy it a lot and am really into it but don't spend a lot of time orgasming. It's hard for him --lol--maybe harder for him than for me... because I have always given priority in terms of pleasure and comfort to my partners. I'm not happy unless they are. I think that's maybe something i need to work on and integrate but it makes perfect sense in the context of the Taurus descendant.

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yungang_grotto
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posted May 03, 2016 05:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yungang_grotto     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think the trick in terms of the fear of always stepping down for their totalitarian needs and wants deal is to find someone whose priorities and sensitivities match yours at least kind of well.

And yes... remembering to integrate that "other," because that shadow side really is actually part of us. So to recognize where we might do those things in certain areas and to modify so that we're expressing the positive side of that sign and understanding where the scary potentials may stem from... i dunno.

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yungang_grotto
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posted May 03, 2016 08:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yungang_grotto     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Also Faith I big time hear you re: fears being projected and magnified. Those ill treatments unfortunately do tend to stick with us more sometimes... that's the negative power of fear/shadow based mentalities, unclaimed or rejected aspects of ourselves... which i know quite well myself... it is a sticking point...

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Gabby
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posted May 03, 2016 11:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gabby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aries DSC
You fear that your SO will be impulsive and make careless decisions that will hurt you, that they will be selfish, unfaithful, put themselves first and get bored of you. In the worst cases that they may be violent and aggressive.

Yep, yep...my biggest fear is to allow a guy close to me and then realize hes just another big bully im going to have to find a way to escape from! Another guy that wont respect my words or needs and forces me to go to extremes just to get him to leave me alone because he wont take no for an answer. A guy who my words are not even a thought in his tiny lil neanderthal brain, poor thing, his knuckles are even bloody from dragging the ground, yep....that does sound like an Aries guy to me! 😂

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AngaCrowley
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posted May 04, 2016 02:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngaCrowley     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aquarius DSC. This is *spot* on.

quote:
Originally posted by yungang_grotto:
How do we escaaaape

This ^

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Belage
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posted May 04, 2016 11:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Belage     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by llewsacm:
Well thought out observations. I immediately checked my own dsc description, along with that of my SO's. Mine does ring true. But then I read the entire list and I can say that I relate to each one of these fears in some way. I would suspect there is some fine tuning involved with really understanding our true relationship fears. These all sound so upsetting to me...but i cant say for sure that the cap dsc would be my deepest fear in a relationship. Maybe I need to dig deep and think more about this.

Thanks for posting.



That was my issue as well. I felt that I could relate to most of the fears listed when I checked the other descendants.

Perhaps a better way to test this would have been to ask us to look at each description without naming the sign and let us choose which one feels right. And if the answer matched our actual descendant, then bingo for sure!

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Electro DGX
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posted May 04, 2016 11:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Electro DGX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The first sentence of the Taurus descendant doesn't resonate very well but the last bit does. If I have to stand down and serve you to keep the relationship going, you can kiss that relationship goodbye.

------------------
Aquarius Sun, Merc, Venus, Uranus, Neptune
Scorpio Mars conj. Asc in First
8th House Moon opposite Pluto, Trine Uranus
Have you caught onto the predicament I'm in yet?

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