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Author Topic:   I am sick to my stomach about this Cap.
StelliumH6
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posted June 14, 2016 12:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for StelliumH6     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
He will not and does not want to commit. However, he tells me over and over that he does not want to hurt me.

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mir
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posted June 14, 2016 04:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mir     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Stellium, just to get more grip on the layers underneath; what does it exactly mean that he "does not want to commit".
I mean, you're seeing each other several times a week/month I assume. Is it about 'living together' or 'doing more things together' or... 'making each other part of ones family' etc.

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Yanmorg
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posted June 14, 2016 09:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yanmorg     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Capricorn men are very cautious when choosing a partner because they're very serious about making a commitment. They don't want to commit to someone or something and not give it their all. I believe he's being honest and straight forward with you. Capricorn are pretty decent men in general. I was seeing a Capricorn man with his Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, and ASC all in Capricorn in the 12th house except mercury which was located in his first. He was very family oriented and he was always helping his family out financially. He even took many of his cousins out to eat often. He was the head of a family of 100+ and he's only 21. It was very impressive. But on the downside, he wasn't emotionally expressive and you can tell he has a hard time connecting to someone on a deep emotional level. He was very mysterious. I would say, Uranus conjuncts his stellium and in our synastry my Uranus made almost an exact conjunction to his Venus so I'm sure this changes things a bit. In out composite we also had an exact Moon- Saturn square and an exact Moon- Pluto conjunction so this definitely alters my overall perception. I enjoyed his company though and he was very warm and made me feel comfortable. I met half his family my first time meeting him. Capricorn men do not play around. They test and examine potential partners almost like a Scorpio except they're a lot harder to get to emotionally. It's a long and rewarding process like all things with Saturn. It is well worth it in the end. Capricorn men are solid.

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StelliumH6
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posted June 14, 2016 10:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for StelliumH6     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I will give you our background. We hung out with a group of best girlfriends and guy friends in H.S. We liked each other back then and went on a few dates. 30+ years later we are back together. We started seeing each other last February 2015. We are great with each other - conversations are deep and meaningful about life, we have the same sense of humor, we are physically and sexually attracted. But he does not want to be exclusive.
mir, thank you for always responding!

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StelliumH6
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posted June 14, 2016 10:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for StelliumH6     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yanmorg, your experiences are things I have thought about with/regarding/concerning him. Do we stand the test of time? Slow and steady? I do not want him having sex with other women though.

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athenaia
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posted June 14, 2016 02:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenaia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Have you given him an ultimatum? I don't usually believe in resorting to these but "casually" dating for a year and four months without commitment is pretty ridiculous.

Are you prepared to walk away and stand your ground in your decision if he lets you know he doesn't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend? You'll have to brace yourself for something you don't want to hear.

It's great you guys get along so well but it sounds like commitment is something you need to have to feel secure and happy. There's nothing wrong with that. Just know if you choose to stay in this set up without commitment as per his request, you're going to majorly start to resent him after a while.

Has he given you concrete reasons as to why he doesn't want to be a couple yet?

Capricorns are extremely "slow and steady", but sometimes you have to force their hand. My boyfriend is a Cap sun/Cap moon and I brought up the Commitment Question about two weeks into dating because he didn't mention anything of the sort yet. Often times, Cap men desire to be chased - goes against everything classical astrology says, but has been proven true many times in my experiences with them.

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StelliumH6
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posted June 14, 2016 10:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for StelliumH6     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I do not want to put the pressure on. I understand him as in take it easy and enjoy our time together. I am an Aquarius Sun and he is Aquarius Moon. He is a Cap. Sun and I am a Cap. Moon. I just wish he would commit to only me.

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Cappi112
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posted June 15, 2016 04:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cappi112     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I will warn you that Cap men can be players/cheaters, on their terms. My experience - extensive with Cap men - is that if they are saying they can't be exclusive, that means they're DEFINITELY involved, physically and emotionally, with other women.

My ex would go back and forth between committing fully to me and insisting there were no other women and he wanted to marry me, and suddenly being like "I'm scared I can't be your boyfriend and I'm going to hurt you." This happened on repeat for two years. For months he'd be committed/ faithful/ amazing, then out of nowhere he would say he loved me but wasn't sure he could be a boyfriend. I found out later he had another girlfriend the ENTIRE TIME. My guess is he probably would do the same dance with her. So sometimes he'd be with just one of us, sometimes he'd be with us both wthout our knowledge.

But he doesn't have guilt about it and even though he eventually came clean, he still had excuses like "I was always with her when I was NOT with you[technically]" - in his mind, this makes it okay and he's free of guilt.

Caps are smart enough to know what's right and wrong, and feel a lot of guilt. That doesn't mean Caps don't DO the shady things. But they build in insurance in order to make sure they don't have to feel guilty or wrong after. I've met many cap men who've done this - basically betrayed, manipulated and cheated, but made sure to lay it out in such a way that they didn't feel the guilt of their actions.

If a cap man (or any man, for that matter) says he can't commit fully or be exclusive, believe him and move on if that's what you want. It is unlikely to change.

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StelliumH6
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posted June 15, 2016 07:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for StelliumH6     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear Cappi: Your words really hit home. I have been praying and hopeful he was not the way you described in your post; however, it rings true.

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athenaia
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posted June 15, 2016 09:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenaia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by StelliumH6:
I do not want to put the pressure on. I understand him as in take it easy and enjoy our time together. I am an Aquarius Sun and he is Aquarius Moon. He is a Cap. Sun and I am a Cap. Moon. I just wish he would commit to only me.

Right, but you're not happy with the situation. He's stated his piece and you haven't really stated yours. He's not a mind reader and I guarantee you nothing is going to change at this rate (1 year+) if you don't engage in some kind of transparency with him about your needs.

I'm an Aqua moon myself and it does bother me when people pressure me for a response, but I usually put myself in their shoes and understand why they need what they need from me emotionally. Anyone not willing to do that certainly has a questionable amount of investment in the relationship

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Yanmorg
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posted June 15, 2016 03:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yanmorg     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by StelliumH6:
Yanmorg, your experiences are things I have thought about with/regarding/concerning him. Do we stand the test of time? Slow and steady? I do not want him having sex with other women though.

Whether you guys stand the test of time is up to you two. As far as Capricorn men and staying power, you shouldn't worry unless he has a lot of Uranus or Neptune in his chart. Those two would make him fickle/ and or unreliable. In general, Capricorn men stick around if they've shown interest and started the dating process. If you guys are keeping things casual and light, don't count on him being there for you. Capricorn men view everything with a business mindset. Love relationships, friendships, everything is a contract and an obligation. Capricorn men are all about duty. If they love you or at least care for you, it will be their duty to be there for you, protect you, support you, etc. If you haven't made it that far into their hearts, you're as good as a stranger.

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StelliumH6
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posted June 15, 2016 04:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for StelliumH6     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yanmorg, I know I am in his heart. I think anything about a serious relationship in the future makes him scared. This is why he holds back. He is 46 and never been married with no children. I tell him on a consistent basis that I do not want to get married. Perhaps looking at our charts may give insight.

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StelliumH6
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posted June 24, 2016 02:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for StelliumH6     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Here is the latest: I asked him last night what he was doing this weekend. My intention was casual conversation. I was not digging for information. He comes back with "Why?" 2 times. I say, "What's the big deal?" He tells me one thing he is doing on Saturday, then switches it to something else. I reply, "Why didn't you tell me that?" He proceeds by saying - You're pi**ing me off.

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margym0o
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posted June 24, 2016 02:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for margym0o     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by StelliumH6:
Here is the latest: I asked him last night what he was doing this weekend. My intention was casual conversation. I was not digging for information. He comes back with "Why?" 2 times. I say, "What's the big deal?" He tells me one thing he is doing on Saturday, then switches it to something else. I reply, "Why didn't you tell me that?" He proceeds by saying - You're pi**ing me off.

Remove yourself from this situation and think objectively - if you were reading this thread about someone else, which we have all done and silently judged, what advice would you give her?

Take astrology out of the equation and focus on the facts in front of you because chances are at 46 years old, he is who he is and it's never going to change. Are you happy with the way things are currently? Would you accept the way things are, even if they never change? There's a high probability that after this long, this is it. He is old enough and mature enough to take responsibility for his behaviour, and the way he spoke to you in quote above is unacceptable. If I were you, I'd of told him off! The fact that he's never been married or had children speaks volumes about his mental process when it comes to interpersonal relations. He obviously is either completely oblivious to human emotion or takes such pride in his independence he is unwilling to give it up.

There is no reason to ever let a man make you feel sick to your stomach. EVER. Even if he was the King of Siam. Life is too short.

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Faith
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posted June 24, 2016 03:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^ I agree

If someone is making you sick that is a sign you should care about yourself more, and care about them less.

@Cappi

That sucks so bad.

@Stellium

quote:
I asked him last night what he was doing this weekend. My intention was casual conversation. I was not digging for information. He comes back with "Why?" 2 times. I say, "What's the big deal?" He tells me one thing he is doing on Saturday, then switches it to something else. I reply, "Why didn't you tell me that?" He proceeds by saying - You're pi**ing me off.

Honestly I don't understand the conversation. Why did he have to ask you "why" two times? Did you ever answer his question?

I'm curious myself what your reason for asking was.

It's just confusing...why would it ever be considered "digging" when you ask your boyfriend about his weekend plans? That is a totally normal question. Is it forbidden in your relationship to ask that?

If so, that's just a bad sign, rather creepy, and no wonder he would rather ignore it or try and intimidate you into not asking.

However I think it's important to be open on your end. So when he asked "Why?" you might have said that you were hoping you two could make plans (normal answer, in my book!)

Then if he got aggressive over that, you would at least have a clearer idea of just how badly your hopes for the relationship are clashing. Any guy who truly cares for you will be protective of your feelings for the most part, and especially when you make yourself vulnerable by openly admitting that you just want to spend more time with him.

Who knows, maybe he would love to hear that from you? And that's why he kept asking you to explain? Maybe he wanted to hear you say that you wanted to be with him. Caps typically have some insecurities and direct expressions of interest usually have a positive effect on us. So if he did want to hear that, and you just said, "What's the big deal?" I can see how that would annoy him. The conversation he actually wants is not happening, there is tiptoeing and circumvention going on.

Of course I can only guess about it, and you know him better.

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StelliumH6
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posted June 25, 2016 04:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for StelliumH6     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
margy and Faith:
I am learning about myself through this relationship. Thank you for your comments.

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