Author
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Topic: Why love hasn't won ?
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fatatabata Knowflake Posts: 38 From: Paris - France Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 09, 2016 04:28 PM
Hi everyone. I write to you from a very emotional place today. Today I got the chance to finally know the exact birth time of my former partner. And finally got to know our synastry and composite, along with his full birth chart. Things I knew already about us : - strong and deep bond. We got together for 5 years. Almost got married, almost had a baby together :'( but life hasn't been fair to us, baby-wise speaking. Lot of love, though. We split 4 years ago, but struggled to really cut the cord (there were too much to talk about (us), too many feelings still not expressed). We kept in touch, met, discussed, argued, cried (me), made love, traveled, and basically struggled with this separation I did not want, despite I was the one who called quit as I felt my emotional needs weren't met after I lost the baby (deep wound for me). Now I know that my Cancer Moon square Libra Venus played a critical role in my attitude : when commitment felt strong and scary, I used to have weird reactions, like backing off from the relationship that I felt "not solid" (I was only scared and insecure). But he did want this separation. Still attraction and a strong affection/respect was there. He got a new girlfriend, got a bit cold, but still we managed to keep in touch. Than we met again, bang. But "no, it is just not possible sorry". We trust and care each other very much. We constantly got apart and got reunited. Now he has a new partner, they moved in together (wow). And still we care for each other a lot. Attraction, respect, affection, love. But how to be friend with someone I used to share my life with? Impossible. I tried,this month, for 1 month long. I miserably failed. I just can't manage a shallow text-based "how are you" relationship. I go deep. I go raw. I go emotional. I go spontaneous. I go cheerful. I go... Today I choose to take myself off this equation. I can't be "friend" with someone I FEEL so deep in my heart, and with whom I can share my intimate depth. Too intense. Too painful. - I felt cared and loved and deeply reassured by him, for most part of our relationship. Until we decided that we would move to Paris (he's French) and I would move in with him, in Paris. So I left my family job country language etc. Felt terribly vulnerable and wanted to get reassured by him. And at that point he expected me to be as strong and indipendent woman as I was back home...Just impossible. 2 months after having moved to Paris I got pregnant (we both truly wanted a family together) and 2 months later I lost our baby and felt death inside. That was the beginning of the end. I started clinging to him, being cold because of my pain, getting mad and horrible and selfish. He pulled away. Got colder than me. I left the Country. He broke up "we just can't ne happy this way!". The rest of the story is described right up here. - destiny/fate related things between us The number of synchronicities and coincidences or "same-moment" facts and messages that we experienced are pretty scary. -I can not be friend with a person I still love, and who's in a committed relationship with someone who's not me. Too painful and just self destructive My question now is: WHY THIS RELATIONSHIP HAS NOT WORKED OUT, DESPITE LOVE AND ATTRACTION ARE STILL THERE? If you look at the synastry, we both have a challenging SQUARE MOON-VENUS, and still this synastry managed to solve this criticity with smooth VENUS-VENUS aspects and wonderful MOON aspects. My dear Cancer Moon felt cocooned and supported. Our Plutonian aspects are well matched. Saturn add a strong bond to the relationship. His natal Mars, deeply challanged, in this sinastry is made feel strong and balanced. My Venus was loved. My Mercury was challenged (we come from different countries and languages after all) but always felt listened to and respected. His deeply PLutonian Moon is close by degrees to my Plutonian DC and sext. my natal Pluto, for a deeeeeep mutual understanding. He seems happy now. And joyful. Well balanced and I'm really happy for him. I feel like he's the confident version of himself, without the impossible-to-stand emotional up and down he used to have with me after the break up. He still seems to need a LOT of space and freedom. But for what I know about his present life, he found what he needed. And still he's quick in returning my sms, calling me and talking to me, listening to my crazy/creative ideas , suggesting that we meet for lunch (but we haven't met in months now), not ready to cut the strings everytime I have declared that I needed to quit his life for good. Affectionate towards my family and friends <3 (But his mother is a monster and hated me and used to be heavily sarcastic towards me "the little Italian put a nice dress today...she wants to be the prettiest of the house uh ?") So. What - the hell - went wrong. What and why he can't feel safe with me. Final note. I've decided to completely cut this link with him. And I don't regret this decision, though is a very difficult one. It's the only thing to do for me, I am too Plutonian to "stay friend" with such a "deep-rooted in my soul" partner. And still, my healing mission is to completely understand life, and relationships. And in particular my relationship with this special human being. And yes, I still love him (but I'm also trying to build a new relationship with another man). Thank you to all of you who may care to drop a note for me.
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comdoc Knowflake Posts: 465 From: Tucson Registered: Feb 2015
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posted July 09, 2016 07:34 PM
Fatabata, overall synastry potential is just 50%--halfway between attracted and repulsed. You made a good decision to finally cut it off. Just friends is not a good option. Move on, and find someone with better interpersonal aspects. [QUOTE]Originally posted by fatatabata: [b]Hi everyone. I write to you from a very emotional place today. Today I got the chance to finally know the exact birth time of my former partner. And finally got to know our synastry and composite, along with his full birth chart. One possibility: look for a new partner with Cancer Sun and early Virgo Moon. IP: Logged |
Orange Knowflake Posts: 4837 From: Georgia Registered: May 2009
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posted July 09, 2016 08:02 PM
com,can I email you my data and tell me what is our synergy/potential in numbers? IP: Logged |
fatatabata Knowflake Posts: 38 From: Paris - France Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 09, 2016 08:36 PM
Hei thank you Comdoc Yes I know "Friends" is just not possible. And still (as a Virgo) I need to understand MYSELF reflected in this relationship. What do you think, is self-awareness a good path towards healing? My natal square MOON-VENUS is what I need to heal, I guess...IP: Logged |
Belage Knowflake Posts: 2243 From: USA Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 09, 2016 08:37 PM
It takes more than love and attraction to keep 2 people together for the long haul. It's a bit of a romcom idea that romantic love wins all. You 2 are born relatively close together so many of our outer planets are conjunct. I noticed that in synastry, you guys have Saturn square Chiron, Saturn opposite moon, and a bunch of other difficult aspects. I can imagine that for a Cancer moon woman, losing a baby is something she will never get over. Not saying that other moons take this lightly, but Cancer moon is the mothering sign of the zodiac, so I suspect Cancer moons might feel this kind of loss worst than others. Also, Cancer holds on to things, just like the crab sinks his claws into something and refuses to let go. Dear one, you have to let go of this relationship. Don't try to be friends with him. Wish him well and move on. Don't spend too much time trying to figure out why love didn't win. Ruminating over the why is another way to hold on to him. ETA: if you feel you need to understand yourself through the relationship, please understand, the relationship is dead. It's another form of obsessing about the guy. Astrology will trip you on those things. I would suggest you seek a therapeutic counselor who can help you process your loss while keeping the focus on you. IP: Logged |
fatatabata Knowflake Posts: 38 From: Paris - France Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 09, 2016 08:44 PM
Dear Belage"Ruminating over the why is another way to hold on to him" I think you are right...oh so right. And Chiron square Saturn, I missed that one - gosh. "Saturn synastry with Chiron could suggest the relationship will force you to look at your existing emotional wounds. Chiron symbolizes wounds and healing, so the other side of the symbolism is that Saturn might allow you to focus on achieving healing through the relationship" So my next topic will be "how to heal my Moon-Venus Cancer-Libra square" Thank you ! ps. quote: ETA: if you feel you need to understand yourself through the relationship, please understand, the relationship is dead. It's another form of obsessing about the guy. Astrology will trip you on those things. I would suggest you seek a therapeutic counselor who can help you process your loss while keeping the focus on you.
Thank you again. I'm done with analyzing this synastry, I promise ! And as for the baby...well, healing is going to be processed in my mind. I lost a baby, he has a name and a little tree that I will plant at the end of the summer and that's all. I will look for a second baby hopefully soon <3IP: Logged |
Belage Knowflake Posts: 2243 From: USA Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 09, 2016 09:03 PM
quote: So my next topic will be "how to heal my Moon-Venus Cancer-Libra square"
With a square you find yourself torn between 2 conflicting elements. Give in to your Cancer moon or give in to your Libra Venus?... My suggestion is that if you cannot let each aspect express itself (which is very difficult when you have a square), then you will have to choose one aspect and let it express itself at a particular time, then at another time, let the ohter planet express itself. There are a number of factors, like transits, that might favor one planet over the other. for instance, Jupiter now in virgo might favor your moon by sextile, and when Jupiter will conjunct your Libra Venus, it will give it priority over your moon. The transit of Uranus in Aries was probably challenging to both planets, and the upcoming transit of Pluto will also challenge them both if it has not done so alread. Not sure what degree your planets are so I don't know the timing of those aspects. One thing for you to remember, both your moon and venus are in very good dignities, so can deal with challenges better than if they were peregrine or debilitated. IP: Logged |
fatatabata Knowflake Posts: 38 From: Paris - France Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 09, 2016 09:10 PM
Belage Thank you quote: One thing for you to remember, both your moon and venus are in very good dignities, so can deal with challenges better than if they were peregrine or debilitated.
Actually, I haven't felt the need "to be healed" until I lost the baby AND my partner reacted to my mourning in such an unexpected way (not his fault tough, it's just life). But it's also true that I had this aspect that needed to be adressed. I now feel a pretty aware woman, and I trust my dear Moon so much. My Venus is in a good position too. It took time. But I overall feel AWARE now. Just wanted to be sure to be my best self now !ETA : My Moon is in Cancer 19°25 - My Venus is in Libra 20°09 IP: Logged |
Belage Knowflake Posts: 2243 From: USA Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 09, 2016 09:24 PM
quote: My Moon is in Cancer 19°25 - My Venus is in Libra 20°09
Okay you've just gone through the crazy rollercoaster ride that was square/opposition from Uranus in Aries. You went through things that seemed to come out at you from left hand or out of the blue. I personally find Uranus hard aspects harder to deal with than Pluto hard aspects, because with Uranus, you never know what's coming your way so you can't really prepare. You are caught like a deer in headlight...Arrhgh... You will be experiencing a nice Jupiter sextile to your moon From July 11 to July 16. Enjoy it. You will feel a little more happy and buoyant. Saturn conjunct your Venus later this year and also next year will make you emphasize your Venus qualities over your moon. The biggie is going to be Pluto in Capp making hard aspects to these planets in 2017 and 2018. It will feel rough, but on the plus side, you will be forced to let go of dead emotional weights that were holding you back. IP: Logged |
fatatabata Knowflake Posts: 38 From: Paris - France Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 09, 2016 09:32 PM
quote: Saturn conjunct your Venus later this year and also next year will make you emphasize your Venus qualities over your moon.
Ohhh...and I wanted to be a fully Cancer Moon for once :'(. I will try, anyway... quote: The biggie is going to be Pluto in Capp making hard aspects to these planets in 2017 and 2018. It will feel rough, but on the plus side, you will be forced to let go of dead emotional weights that were holding you back.
Again...argh. I worked on my baggages the past 4 years, now I wanted big and amazing things come my way. Uff....IP: Logged |
Belage Knowflake Posts: 2243 From: USA Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 09, 2016 09:37 PM
^^^ You can still do and have big and amazing things. Your life is not centered around the moon and venus. But you know you're not over this guy and you're not over the relationship, even though you made the decision to cut ties. By the time Pluto will be done with you, you will have shed any residual emotional weights you were carrying from this experience. IP: Logged |
fatatabata Knowflake Posts: 38 From: Paris - France Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 09, 2016 09:43 PM
I AM over him. NOW It's been a long process, though. We've spent time as a couple for the last time 1 year ago. So yes, it took time. The final step happened 1 month ago: he told me he moved in with a woman. END of the game for me. I only got to know his birth time a couple of days ago, so I started checking our synastry and understood the good and the bad and the healing process. I sent him a last goodbye this afternoon so yes, it's over.But I want amazing things for myself, my Moon and my Venus ! And I met a man I like. IP: Logged |
Belage Knowflake Posts: 2243 From: USA Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 09, 2016 10:17 PM
I find it weird that you would start a thread asking why Love hasn't won and being in an emotional space over a guy that you now claim you are over. But ok. if you say so... I will take your word for it. IP: Logged |
fatatabata Knowflake Posts: 38 From: Paris - France Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 09, 2016 10:27 PM
Because I really need to understand what WENT wrong between us (went, won - all the verbs points to the past) Today is the day I decided it was over (last sms, last adieu) and still the healing process hasen't fully ended. Of course. A part of me really wants to fall in love again, and feel loved again. Another part is struggling not with the hope of a reunion (he's now living with another woman) but with the feeling that our love was really meaningful. The emotional part of me is still in love. But the realistic part of me knows that the relationship is over. One part is not against the other. I want to understand our COUPLE. And still I want to get a new, fulfilling relationship, and get over him.Also, because I'm torn. I'm emotionally exausted because of this relationship and at the same time I think that healing doesn't go through a "just forget about him and find another guy to date". Listening to you all, who are not involved in any emotional way and just give me rational and cut edged suggestions, is benefic. It helps me to cut any spiritual link with him. But my link with him is part of my life, my past, my emotions and my path and I don't think you are in a position to judge it. ps are you a man or a woman ? IP: Logged |
Belage Knowflake Posts: 2243 From: USA Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 10, 2016 12:50 AM
quote: The emotional part of me is still in love. But the realistic part of me knows that the relationship is over. One part is not against the other. I want to understand our COUPLE. And still I want to get a new, fulfilling relationship, and get over him.
Sounds like the battle between your cancer moon who can't help but hold on to things, and your Venus in Libra who wants to find another relationship. I am a woman. I am not judging you. IP: Logged |
fatatabata Knowflake Posts: 38 From: Paris - France Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 10, 2016 05:12 AM
Anyway I wanted to thank you Belage, for the time you've spent talking to me and for the precious insights about my Moon-Venus aspect... quote: Originally posted by Belage: I am not judging you.
I think you are judging the relationship in fact, as doomed. Instead of talking about what went wrong (as per my initial request). quote: you guys have Saturn square Chiron, Saturn opposite moon, and a bunch of other difficult aspects
is not an astrological answer. Knowing that Saturn contact are mostly seen as challengings and gift to grow as a couple and as a person. I've never seen smooth synastries that worked out. And "forget and date someone who has a better natal chart" is not what I'm expecting here as an astrological answer. quote: Sounds like the battle between your cancer moon who can't help but hold on to things, and your Venus in Libra who wants to find another relationship.
It's very likely that this is exactly the process I'm going through in this moment. The Venus is winning the battle I guess.IP: Logged |
fatatabata Knowflake Posts: 38 From: Paris - France Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 10, 2016 05:18 AM
Can anyone of you guys shed a light on the above synastry, please?IP: Logged |
Lucia23 Knowflake Posts: 87 From: Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 10, 2016 10:00 AM
(I hope I'm reading the chart right, I'm bad at reading those synastries--the Sun is in Pisces, right? If not, please ignore everything I'm about to say!)It's his Pisces Sun plus Aqua Venus.....it's easier and more natural for you to deal with than it would be for, say, me, because you do have airy Venus energy in your own chart......but his combo leads to a lot of withdrawal romantically. Pisces swimmy-fishes away into escapist thoughts and activities, sometimes even other relationships, when things get tough;;Aqua Venus has trouble with watery emotions and one-on-one empathy. If your love had won out and you were still together, and/or if your love wins out and you end up back together in the future, these feelings (of being isolated, him checking out on you emotionally and going cold, the chilly mother-in-law) would be a part of your relationship and how it feels on a daily basis. You were together FIVE YEARS, though....maybe the positive feelings you had together would make it worth it? Five years is long enough to know. You already know the exact ways he is able to be there for you emotionally, and the ways he isn't. More than 50% of couples who do make the commitment of marriage get divorced these days...losing a baby is one of the number one stressors on a relationship, and in more cases than not, it pulls the couple apart instead of bringing them together. Moving to a new place is another major stressor. If these stressors hadn't come up when they did, stressors would have come up at some point and he would have expressed his Pisces/Aqua Venus combo the way he did and does. I get the feeling from your post that you want to try again, if he ever reopens that door. If so, can I recommend getting a composite and synastry reading from IQ? He predicted the misery of my relationship with my child's father with great accuracy, back when I never could have. Not that he would predict misery for you! But if he did, you could flee! And if not, maybe he could offer advice for working through the problems to make the relationship safer and more secure? Passion and friendly connection even in a good relationship wax and wane---a process that feels painful to Cancer Moons---If being cold and not reassuring and comforting you when you feel vulnerable is a pattern in the relationship, combined with his mother being the way she is, raising children together might bring with it a lot of loneliness and misery. I thought at one time that my daughter's father and I had a deep, close, passionately loving and mutually trusting connection. I agree with Belage about that romantic feeling of "love"---it was always one of the main things that mattered to me in my life and chart, but for a relationship and making a family together, commitment and being able to 100% show up for each other during hard times ;(and other times, too) is what's important. This guy hurt you in the relationship and now in the "friendship." One thing about Cancer Moons is that we try to protect ourselves by not letting on how much we got hurt. If you guys ever give it another try, you'll both have to acknowledge how vulnerable your Moon is. IP: Logged |
comdoc Knowflake Posts: 465 From: Tucson Registered: Feb 2015
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posted July 10, 2016 10:59 AM
Please email your synastry overlay from astro.com And composite if you want. quote: Originally posted by Orange: com,can I email you my data and tell me what is our synergy/potential in numbers?
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nordicsoul Knowflake Posts: 1121 From: Registered: Oct 2010
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posted July 10, 2016 11:00 AM
....IP: Logged |
Orange Knowflake Posts: 4837 From: Georgia Registered: May 2009
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posted July 10, 2016 11:00 AM
quote: Originally posted by comdoc: Please email your synastry overlay from astro.com And composite if you want.
where to? Thanks IP: Logged |
fatatabata Knowflake Posts: 38 From: Paris - France Registered: Jun 2016
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posted July 10, 2016 08:50 PM
quote: Originally posted by Lucia23: (I hope I'm reading the chart right, I'm bad at reading those synastries--the Sun is in Pisces, right?
Dear Lucia23 yes, it's right. Sun in Pisces. I need to tell you that with your toughful, empathic AND analytical reply you succeeded in leaving me speachless. I'm reading and re-reading your lines and I feel that you wrote EXACTLY what I needed to undertand in this moment. You spot-on on what I now realize is his emotional pattern when things get tough. I now better understand his Moon-Venus Square (his mother's personality is involved of course. I would have tons of things to say about his mother and about what he tolm me about her but this is not the right place. I only feel deep PAIN for him and his unmet emotional needs as a young kid...) To make it short, I think there are deep emotional patterns in him that go against my Cancer Moon. This was clear when we lost the baby. Full stop. Or maybe my emotional patterns go against his. Under stressful events, we hurt each other without knowing it. Also, there's the risk that those patterns show up again during any other stressful moment in the future. And this is not what I wish for myself. He is a higly committed person. He really cares for others and he really cared for me in many ways and many moments. He's generous and lovely. A GOOD man. But his emotional reactions and needs are to be respected. If he can't deal with a highly sensitive and vulnerable person in times of not-rational expression of need for care, no one should force him to do so within a relationship. Note: until we were living in my Country and we were living together only 3 or 4 days a week (the rest of the time he was traveling for work) the relationship felt amazing, full of good energy. This because his Aqua Venus had the space to breath and his Scorpio Moon had the space to crave for the reunion. Thisgs went messy when we moved to Paris! Close to his stressful family! And we were living together 7/7 ! I now realize that this was the trigger for him! The more he tried to get space and time AWAY from me the more I clinged, the more my Moon was challenged! The never ending story! wow....does this make any sense to you? Who is IQ and could I possibly get an analysys of this chart? But I'm not even sure that I want now...I don't know... I need to re-read you now. You've been a good medicine to me today.
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