posted July 22, 2016 07:26 AM            

Both aged 42.
Highschool classmates, years later came across started a very complicated sexual affair. It has been on-off 7 years and still continuing with constanst heartache...

It's toxic but to no matter what I did I could not end it.

I don't know how many times we fought, throw soul cutting words towards eachother... But at the end we always forgive eachother..

The odd thing is I am the one in love with him, he openly says he does not have enough feelings for me to have a committed relationship.. But he is the one not letting me go... He is like a boomerang..No matter how far I throw him, he comes back not as a lover..from my point of view as a **** buddy which he detests and says we are more than **** buddies.. which is true in a way because we are very close and share very intimate moments and conversations...still not enough..

The last time for 7 months I did not answer his calls, text messages, I deleted him from social media.. But because we are part of a same crowd, we always end up seeing eachother, make peace.. I can feel he is always excited with my presence and totaly focuses on me when I am around even when he is committed to someone else... And I give in and answer his messages and then another round, another replay.. full heartache on my part.

He is a sex addict and unfortunately I am not the only one who he is not letting go. even though he says I am so special to him..

You'll say just do it and get him out of your system. But I can't. I can do it for many months but there are times when I feel weak and by calling regularly he manages to catch me when I am weak and can't say no to him..

Anyways... I will never understand why he treats me the way he does.. how come he does not have any feelings for me.. why he keeps pulling me to push me away...

Here are the charts...

posted July 22, 2016 04:28 PM            

I empathize my love life is going through rough times quite similar. I suffer what is necessary to transform, evolve and learn from it, and when I go deep, I know that letting go may not bring me what I think I want, but does bring me what I need. However, this doesn't mean that I close the door, but to survive the hurt I need to determine my breaking point and respect that. Then if you are in this trend of spirituality you can love him for what you learn thanks to him, and see where you want to go from there, always remembering what you've been learning the hard way about your breaking point.

posted July 22, 2016 06:13 PM            

today, we have decided to be just friends. I forced this upon to him finaly realising he will never love me the way I want him...

First, quarel then me calming the waters down, one final time expressing the truth about my situation, demanding no sex from now on, together making jokes...

I was in a small forest cried a bit especialy when I was saying / texting I release you and now you're free of me.

- whoever said karmic ties hurt was right. they really do...

posted July 22, 2016 08:09 PM            

in your composite the sun ,Neptune and the venus/mercury midpoint are conjunct to the node and the Jupiter/juno conjunction is square to the node.

the sun with the node gives the relationship a strong aura, often this energy can actually be felt by the two if you, it is asif you create your own reality when together .oftenthiose around canalso feelthe special connection that you have with each other.the venus/mercury midpoint conjunct the node gives a loving and open mental connection. this gives a loving joyousness that has strong psychic energies connected with it. this is why it seems he aleays calls when you are thinking steadily of him and vice versa.you two can actually read each other minds and feel each others emotions. this sis why you have that special feeling for him that won't let you totally blow him off. you might say that the added nodal/karmic/psychic energy has you addicted to him.
Jupiter/juno conjuction square the node gives a needed to formalize, commit of be married to him. the emotional love that generated can not be separated from this desire. so even though you know he is what he is, you cannot stop these feelings from coming up every time you are together. these bonding feeling are inherent in the emotional/mental mix with him.

there are 3mainreasons why this seemingly destined relationship has not materialized.

first,uranus is on the ascendant, this shows that personal freedonm is a overwhelming aspect of the relationship. no promises have ever been made because Uranus does not often give up it's personal freedom. usually the best you can get is what you have on again and off again .

secondly chiron is square to Saturn . this aspect is selfish and controlling. the midpoint is opposed to mercury, so he will likely never commit with this aspect. commitment is compromise and this aspect domineers but never compromises.

thirdly Neptune is conjunct the node also. though this aspect increase the psychic and emotional sensitivity between you and along with Uranus on the ascendant can shows that you have common dreams and or communicate in your dreams.
but inpracticalemotionalmatters this istheaspect of a player.it defines your relationship which is friends with special privileges. it has always been this way and always will be this way most likely. a hard Neptune aspect in a composite chart is usually a sign of a player and of infidelity but as you are not exclusive then infidelity is a misnomer.th point is that this is a promiscuous aspect which precludes exclusivity.
there is some hope though.
pluto is sextile to Neptune and the node which shows a very strong sensitivity and nurturing feeling, but it is a sextile so.....
then there is a loose Saturn/moon conjunction which shows in spite of all this rugged individualism, there is a ray of devotion and support. with juno trine to Saturn there is some hope that this could stabilize the otherwise volatile emotional feelings. and the moon is trine to mars which bodes that he will exhibit as harmonious physical connection with you and seek to have a balanced emotional relationship.
but trine and sextiles to not often if ever negate hard aspect such as Neptune square to Jupiter. this aspect is usually a relationship ender because it show there is no sincerity for a stable relationship and that many promises are made but few or none kept.
but this is all energized by the node and the node can bring magic.

I would say the last gasp for a committed relationship is now at hand. I assume he has reached out again in the last week or so and the relationship is about to go in to one of it's hot times.

the south node has transited the composite juno at 13pisces23 on july 21 and will be conjunct Jupiter at 10pisces17 on nov 11th.
the node will be square to the sun at 10sag37 on nov 2 and square the composite node on nov 4. and the node will square the venus/mercury midpoint at 10sag11 on nov 10.
Neptune will be squared at 9sag23 on nov 16

so the relationship should start warming up about now and reach that fever pitch in early November .all the passion, all the psychic/astral intensity will be around you.
with Jupiter conjunct the south node the vibrations for a marriage will never be stronger for 20 years.

I would suggest you adopt the stance of now or never, he if wants to hook up then it will be "forever" or it won't happen at all.
the emotional power the node will generate will be devastating to you if he just hits and runs again.for your own emotional and mental integrity, if he does not want to grow up then i suggest you cut him off totally. right now. don't take any calls, no emails no nothing.

but even if he is all hearts and roses on nov 10, the relationship must be consummate before nov 16 when Neptune kicks it.

words won't do it. only trust his actions this time around.

if I am not mistaken historically he suddenly leaves just days or a week after you think you and he will last forever.
that is the danger in these time periods also.

I am warning you, if you are torn up emotionally when he cuts out, this time those feeling will devastate you .

todd

posted July 22, 2016 10:08 PM            

quote:

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You'll say just do it and get him out of your system. But I can't.

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So how can an astrologer help?

posted July 22, 2016 11:29 PM            

sis, I sympathize with you in this very painful and difficult situation. I have been through something a bit similar, but not as far-reaching as this. It comes from feeling you don't deserve better.

You do.

Having said that, this is not about the relationship, but about power -- yours.

What I recommend is taking time to look inside yourself and ask yourself what 'weakness' is it in you that lets him hook you? This is not a judgment or any form of self-criticism -- of you or him.

Just recently I blogged about a personal tool I have used to understand relationship/soul history with a person. Rhyolite for meditation and insight This stone allows for a kind of body-sinking deep meditation. During it you can ask for insights about your relationship with a particular person that will help you put it all in context and understand yourself in it -- in your own words. You can ask to understand with absolute clarity your past and current appropriate relationship with him.

This is karmic. That does not mean destined to be together happily. That does not mean endlessly entangled. That does not mean an implacable fate or misery. That does not mean 'debt I must pay for the rest of my life.'

It means lessons of actions/choices to find balance, peace, power within. Some people find our weak spots better than others and seem to challenge us mercilessly to find our power.

We cannot have intimate relations with every person with whom we share karmic and past life ties, even past intimate positive ties. The key is to intuitively learn appropriateness based on inner guidance.

This is a pointer to the subtle complexities of karma, and the need to find your power to deal with them appropriately. That means according to what your inner wisdom tells you. No else one can give that to you. It awaits you.

posted July 22, 2016 11:40 PM            

While I see hints in your natal about why you're having this kind of issue, and in your transits about why it's coming to a head around your tUranus-nUranus opposition (I can't see degrees and am bad at reading degree-less charts--when does/will tUranus in Aries square your 7th house Cancer Saturn?) this is one of those threads where I would urge you to turn to a really good, in-person therapist or counselor to explore how you navigate your relationships, family of origin issues, etc.

I think sometimes relationship astrology can do a disservice--we attribute the issues to karma or a special connection or some INTERpersonal dynamic between two people, when really, you've described a guy who's very sick and troubled in every relationship, and yourself as someone who feels trapped in an unhealthy pattern. That latter part is something you can do something about!!!--whereas looking deeply into the relationship is part of the bad pattern. Stop focusing on him and look deeply at your natal, and also maybe do some non-astrological work on these issues.

Whatever does or doesn't happen with him in the meantime is actually kind of irrelevant. The toxic pattern and the trap are sick things you are willing to engage in, and you don't want to anymore, and if you could tell yourself "just stop" and it would work, you would have cut it off. So just don't worry about what happens with him--try to stay away (the whole decision to be friends thing is just more of the pattern--if HE decides he wants something else from you, he'll have it), but if it doesn't work to stay away, just take a deep breath and redouble your efforts to do the inner work to understand why you need a troubled, rejecting, unfaithful and manipulative guy to change and love you. If you do that work, even when you run into him socially, you'll feel less--your radar will be out for a person who treats you right from day one.

posted July 22, 2016 11:42 PM            

I like his comments on karma! And about learning *appropriateness.*.

posted July 23, 2016 08:08 PM            

strong aura,loving and open mental connection, a loving joyousness,strong psychic energies... and yes I am addicted to him...

' secondly chiron is square to Saturn . this aspect is selfish and controlling. our generation has it. We both have it..

He reached out aprx. a month ago.. but a week ago we had a beautiful dinner and night and a sweet morning...

'...so even though you know he is what he is, you cannot stop these feelings from coming up every time you are together'

yes this is what happens.

'...so the relationship should start warming up about now and reach that fever pitch in early November .all the passion, all the psychic/astral intensity will be around you'

sounds delicious.should I dare to have a bite one more time ? that's the question... only if he offers me what I want...

'the emotional power the node will generate will be devastating to you if he just hits and runs again.for your own emotional and mental integrity'

he can. and right now I am dealing with trs.Pluto conjunct n.Venus activating my n.Venus square Pluto. It will be with me for another 1or2years. One last hit by him and my love nature is transformed by the pain -might happen.

' if I am not mistaken historically he suddenly leaves just days or a week after you think you and he will last forever ' Yes. why?

Right now I am also dealing with trs.Neptune square Mars, activating my n.Mars Neptune conjunction... too much Neptune around...

It will be so easy to cheat myself with my fantasy loving mind...but thank god saturn is around-not giving me the permission to fly high...

once again thank you so much.

posted July 23, 2016 08:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by llewsacm:
I would take what was just said very seriously. If you wait for him to make the decision it will be the most heartbreak you have felt during the entire time of this relationship. He's waiting for you to set the rules because he is incapable of doing so himself.

---

posted July 23, 2016 08:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
So how can an astrologer help?

---

posted July 23, 2016 08:44 PM            

I have been working on this for many moons. There is progress. It has been slow

'Having said that, this is not about the relationship, but about power -- yours.'

I am aware. All those Pluto aspects...

'Just recently I blogged about a personal tool I have used to understand relationship/soul history with a person'

Crystal Bible ! I wanna obtain that book.

'Some people find our weak spots better than others and seem to challenge us mercilessly to find our power' that's what's happening.

' That means according to what your inner wisdom tells you. No else one can give that to you. It awaits you.' Ah that inner wisdom.

posted July 23, 2016 09:19 PM            

it sounds like when he's in "committed" relationships, he cheats on them with you?

No. That has always been a main issue in between us. I've never agreed to be with him when he was committed to someoneelse. ( He only had 2 committed relationship - 1 for 6 months 4 years ago / the other one the last 2 years. ) So he had to do back and forth. Don't think that his committed one was a proper relationship. They were more apart than together. And when they were apart he was with me...

'either way, he's not a safe or healthy potential partner for anyone. You know that, and are having trouble breaking the pattern(s).' that's true.

While I see hints in your natal about why you're having this kind of issue / yeah venus opposite saturn, square pluto, square chiron and mars conjunct neptune don't help...

Uranus square Venus & Saturn ended. But trs.Pluto conjucnt Venus & trs.Neptune square Mars making it hard to let go and easy to get lost in fantasies.

I agree with you. I am willing to engage in this toxic pattern due to my sick parts.
I am working on them..

'You have lots in your chart, your whole life isn't about that painful 7h Cancer Saturn '

True. My life has never been a walk in the park...But I've lived it to the full. Still eager for more. But have to wait. Because I am taking care of my mom - alzheimers. It has been 2 years - progressed fast.. Before I used to be here and there everywhere.So yes, last several years have been testing. Still is... I am coping...

'appropriateness'?

posted July 24, 2016 05:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sis:
by finding out how come he does not have any feelings for me...

---

He DOES have those feelings for you, that's why it's so hook-y.

He also probably has feelings in his other relationships. Just seems like he's not able to commit to anyone. ANY relationship with someone who pushes and pulls, advances and retreats is addictive--that's just a fact of human psychology/biology--the good feelings and then the pain/deprivation and then the good feelings again make us desperate to hook and secure those good feelings into our lives, when really they're just heady, addictive good feelings because they're part of that cycle. I am struggling with this today with ex.

posted July 24, 2016 05:47 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by sis:
@ Todd - thank you so much for diving so deeply into the chart. I truly appreciate it. You have worded 'the thing' between us...

strong aura,loving and open mental connection, a loving joyousness,strong psychic energies... and yes I am addicted to him...

' secondly chiron is square to Saturn . this aspect is selfish and controlling. our generation has it. We both have it..

He reached out aprx. a month ago.. but a week ago we had a beautiful dinner and night and a sweet morning...

'...so even though you know he is what he is, you cannot stop these feelings from coming up every time you are together'

yes this is what happens.

'...so the relationship should start warming up about now and reach that fever pitch in early November .all the passion, all the psychic/astral intensity will be around you'

sounds delicious.should I dare to have a bite one more time ? that's the question... only if he offers me what I want...

'the emotional power the node will generate will be devastating to you if he just hits and runs again.for your own emotional and mental integrity'

he can. and right now I am dealing with trs.Pluto conjunct n.Venus activating my n.Venus square Pluto. It will be with me for another 1or2years. One last hit by him and my love nature is transformed by the pain -might happen.

' if I am not mistaken historically he suddenly leaves just days or a week after you think you and he will last forever ' Yes. why?

Right now I am also dealing with trs.Neptune square Mars, activating my n.Mars Neptune conjunction... too much Neptune around...

It will be so easy to cheat myself with my fantasy loving mind...but thank god saturn is around-not giving me the permission to fly high...

once again thank you so much.

---

posted July 25, 2016 07:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lucia23:
He DOES have those feelings for you, that's why it's so hook-y.

He also probably has feelings in his other relationships. Just seems like he's not able to commit to anyone. ANY relationship with someone who pushes and pulls, advances and retreats is addictive--that's just a fact of human psychology/biology--the good feelings and then the pain/deprivation and then the good feelings again make us desperate to hook and secure those good feelings into our lives, when really they're just heady, addictive good feelings because they're part of that cycle. I am struggling with this today with ex.

Sorry about your mother. ((sis)). I have 7th house Cancer Saturn too. I wish you the most wonderful and loyal 24/7 partner.

---

Thank you so much <3