posted August 23, 2016 01:30 PM            

So, I've been busy. Again. Things've happened. Some of them very good, some pretty rough. But little really compares to what happened in the 24-hour period from 13:00 Sunday into Monday.

I became a showrunner, officially, in the indie market for my new media TV series, this month. It's been wonderful, daunting, exhausting, illuminating, and recently -- gut-wrenching and heartrending.

We always want nothing more than to get that one perfect casting for that one incredibly complex role. We never think it's going to actually happen -- that lightning will strike. And when it does ... it can take your breath away.

That happened to me. We had a phenomenal read together to where my personnel said that it seemed we'd worked together for years -- no way we were strangers. Our energy was oddly perfect -- this mix of apprehension, attraction, confusion, and a weirdly deep affinity -- and the on-screen chemistry, complete with the necessary underplayed hostility -- was right there.

Weird for strangers. Just two really good actors? Maybe. But maybe not.

He was brought in by a soulmate who's already on the cast, and was a genuinely brilliant choice. On top of being practically bombarded with synchronicity and signs from the Universe, I did something I NEVER do -- and I cast him at the end of the audition. Right there on the spot.

He accepted, we took a goofy selfie, and it was good times.

But then he got ... cagey. Hours later, after he'd come back from work, and was briefly online, he got ... weird. Sure, his energy had always been low-key, and I suspected he was very private. So, I respected that, only conveyed what was needed to touch base on bringing him in to read with our mutual friend (well, my friend -- the soulmate -- who's really just been his scene partner in various workshoppes over the years). I told him he did great work today, and I'm very happy with it.

He didn't respond.

Okay, I thought. That happens. He's signed off. No big deal.

Big deal. At noon the next day, he passed. Came up with BS reasons for it, which even I knew were just smoke-and-mirrors for the truth -- which I still don't know -- ONLY his inexplicable ambivalence. Only his 'listening to his gut' saying to pass on the project, having no concrete reasons why. Saying I deserve someone 'all in', and he can't be that guy. That, it's not me -- he found me charming, loves the project, the script, where it's going, and looks forward to seeing it succeed -- and that I'll have no trouble finding another actor.

And I just felt gutted.

The room literally started spinning. That moment my soul takes over everything else and starts screaming at me, 'NO! This is WRONG!' happened, and I couldn't help but feel shock, and asking myself, ' ... is this REALLY happening?'

I woke up the next day with that feeling of, 'did that REALLY happen yesterday?' And I woke up this morning with that feeling of, ' ... yeah, that really happened.'

It's sent me into a DEEP, sudden depression, where I can barely think of anything else.

That SUN quindecile SUN is a nightmare. The ONLY potential recourse you have is the fact that you presume they MUST be feeling it, too. Maybe.

But then you have to ask yourself -- WHAT IS GOING ON?

I'm stumped, guys. And I'm too close to it.

All I know is I found the one to take this to the next level, in all the right ways, and it felt incredible.

And then I lost him. :: snaps :: Just like that.

I am seriously heartbroken.

Have a look, if you can.

Don't know his TOB. Estimated his location of birth. Had to track down his year. (Yeah, he's that cagey.)

A NOTE ON THE POINTS USED:

A lot of it's the basic stuff, but I added relevant things -- like ACTOR. And project-specific things -- like the character's name (LOCKWOOD) and things relating to it or the show (CHESHIRECAT, LIDDELL, MADHATTER, etc.)

I always use KARMA. And here, it REALLY applied.

Look at that friggin' KARMA opposite SUN DW. Gah!

posted August 23, 2016 02:21 PM            

He is vindictive, cruel. He saw that you were excited and it made him want to run. Unkind.

And then... Saturn-Pluto... Bodrogi says this is castles built on sand... you build things, they crumble.... It's hard for you as you're the Saturn here...

It's likely better this way. He might have been great for the role but would have proven so so difficult to work with... just my two cents.

posted August 23, 2016 02:27 PM            

Like a karmic crash course...

And the Sun quindecile Sun... of course the challenge in that is extreme for you, because of course he does reflect something fundamental about yourself.

posted August 23, 2016 02:30 PM            

Oh, and that's a double whammy.

How intense! :hug: ... it'll be ok

posted August 23, 2016 02:57 PM            

The camera just doesn't lie, though. There were things I saw in the footage later which almost confirmed what I had been intuitively feeling. He had this weirdly intense energy with me, and wasn't reacting in a way that someone who's a total stranger would.

I think he walked in expecting a simple read, and had NO idea what would actually happen. I think he surprised himself. He's been toying with darker material recently, but I think he's not ready to DIVE yet, and he may be a little worried of his capacity for going Method. Some actors genuinely are -- but they won't tell you, because it sounds crazy. And he wasn't ready to eat-sleep-breathe the role like he WANTS to -- but something is holding him back. I don't know what that is.

He's had a bunch of roles on TV that were never series regular. Like guest star, or day-player. He's done a few features and shorts, but more TV day-player. So I honestly thought that he would REALLY jump at the chance for a starring role.

I think a few things might be going on. He COULD come back if we move beyond the attachment stage, or get a real bite from a network. He hasn't unfriended me on Facebook -- which is a little weird. I mean, I friended him so that we could stay in contact through the week of the audition via Messenger, and we do have a mutual friend -- which I now realise is MY friend, and he just knows him through casting circles -- but, hey.

I was pretty certain he'd unfriend me soon after. But ... he didn't. Weird, right?

Today, I've got a B-list actress who's interested in the show. Just ... outta nowhere. Happens to attend the same boxing gym where my husband works out, and -- there ya go.

Getting a B-lister on the principal cast would be amazing. I'd have to have my ducks in a row, as they say.

But ... I wonder ... it definitely legitimises you when someone who's getting regular series work is interested.

I'm NOT getting my hopes up. We'll see.

So weird. ALL of it just ... so weird.

I'm really stunned by it all. I've always had actors jump at this role, with the only conflict being that they were filming out of state or the country during prospective recording dates. That's it. They loved the material and were eager to be part of it.

They've never ... BOLTED like this.

I played my hand at the end of the audition by signing him on, yes, and felt out how receptive he was to getting a bit deeper in -- learning the character more, coming in to read with two other actors, so that I can get a read.

So while I've considered that, yeah, I could've come on too strong -- I don't honestly think that's it. I think it really does go beyond it. Because THAT can be tempered.

Especially when I reminded him that it's JUST an attachment. Until we're greenlit, it's all I can really do -- package the show complete with the cast that will be performing the pilot, which are listed as 'attached'.

posted August 23, 2016 02:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by yungang_grotto:
Want to cast an Event Chart Composite for yourself with the audition time as well as the moment you heard from him that he wouldn't be taking the role? They might be helpful? Anyway I am doubtful that, what I've said has been holistic or helpful enough but hopefully others will chime in too.

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I was thinking of doing that last night, because I DO have all of the info. Yeah.

posted August 23, 2016 03:24 PM            

Yea... he is probably an actor so that he doesn't have to be himself... and he mostly accepts bit roles rather than full series because then he doesn't have to commit and go deep like that... I think Actor conjunct ascendant and mercury... and chiron (!!) is complex! And so yeah, method acting would be very intense for him...

posted August 23, 2016 03:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by yungang_grotto:
(did you guess I might, Ceri? )

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But of course.

posted August 23, 2016 03:31 PM            

CASTING:

PASSING:

Explanation of points used:

LOCKWOOD (role)

ACTOR (self-explanatory)

TRUTH (thought it odd to see it so involved)

LIDDELL (as in Alice Liddell; project-relevant)

MADHATTER (same)

TARANTINO (like the writer-director; we both have TARANTINO strong in our charts, and it feels applicable, given the material)

ROSING (relates to anything TV; we both have it prominent in our charts as well)

posted August 23, 2016 03:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Maybe he felt as if he WAS signing his soul!

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posted August 23, 2016 03:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by yungang_grotto:
Yes, I should have been more clear, apologies. You haven't been lurking very diligently, have you, Auby? that's understandable, you are busy! But mnow that, we, have the charts for the moment,.we might as well see his natal on its own and the composite and Davison charts

Or am I getting greedy?

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I've JUST now had the moment to resurface again, after about a month of feeling like I was underwater -- or in another world -- or maybe underwater in another world?

Okay, no worries.

posted August 23, 2016 03:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
TRUTH-LOCKWOOD and TARANTINO-ROSING travelling together right now's making me a tad nervous.

And I JUST released my breakdown to the casting agency, which means it's going live for the character in ... about 24 hours.

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posted August 23, 2016 03:41 PM            

But his EVC sans correct angles/moon would still be telling I think... right, Ceri? It will still give lots of info.

posted August 23, 2016 03:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by yungang_grotto:
Epic.... I wonder who will be the one!!

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You and I both!

'Alice' has been on the Universal Mind lately, that's for sure. With this huge conjunction coming up on Dodgson's birthday on 27 January 2017, and then the ALICE-MADHATTER conjunction on the New Moon on 26 November 2017. So. Yeah. IT'S COMING. I'm planning on riding that wave all the way to the shore, too.

posted August 23, 2016 03:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
But, this is ME, Ceri ... How on earth could he feel THAT?

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How couldn`t he?
He must have felt the soullink between you two, too, and probably even intensified by the energy of acting, and maybe he felt he could not deal with that on a daily basis?

posted August 23, 2016 03:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by yungang_grotto:

But his EVC sans correct angles/moon would still be telling I think... right, Ceri? It will still give lots of info.

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We would be missing very very important parts of course.