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Author Topic:   Anyway to tell whats going on?
Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 12, 2016 05:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi all.
My partner who is a Cap says he doesn't know if he loves me (anymore), and this is killing me. This was sparked by a big fight about 2 months ago. Since that upset, he has not told hme he loves me and when questioned initially by me in a light hearted way, he gave a big grin, but then proceeded to tell me that he doesn't know how he feels, and finished with a straight, serious face.
We live together with our son. We've had a turbulent and painful relationship with me acting very inadequately in the past. I've hurt him very much due to the way I've handled disagreements and he says he cannot find time to self heal and recover.
The thing is, I SEE love in his eyes when he looks at me. He is affectionate, passionate and caring with me. Nothing has changed; except for the fact he will not say he loves me. Despite the fact I believe he does love me, this is hurting me and I don't know how I should behave or carry on around him. He says that he needs time to recover from the past 4 years of hurt.
I have spent a lot of time fixing behaviours in myself that I didn't like and that he didn't like and I'm so much better for it. He says he does see this, but it hasn't been a long enough period of time for him to heal. When we have bad arguments, he loses his cool and throws back all of his pain from the past 4 years.
I just don't know what to do or why it's like that.
What does he need? We are AMAZING together when it's good between us. there is a lot of love - I feel it. Is this a mind game he's playing?
Is there any way to tell what's happening at the moment here for him and what's likely to happen? I'm not sure what charts to post here. I'll post mine and his, and then if you need anything else just let me know.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
[img]https://s22.postimg.org/6s3424a7l/image.jpg[/img]
[img]https://s13.postimg.org/fl5k0wy0n/image.jpg[/img]

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Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 12, 2016 07:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Also adding the synastry, if it helps?
[img]https://s22.postimg.org/4m420g9c1/PPJT.jpg[/img]

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 68579
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 12, 2016 07:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Who is whom in the synastry, J?

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 68579
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 12, 2016 07:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No earth in the Comp--relationship may feel not grounded, not centered, not centered in the earth plane

I am an earth void, so I know about no earth and you have no earth planets

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted September 12, 2016 07:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Low fire--may tend to depression, hopelessness but you do have 2 fire planets but not personal ones

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 68579
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted September 12, 2016 07:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It is too small for me to study much cuz I don't look at small charts, so as to not get eye strain BUT you have many, many blessings here.

You are best friends.

You may feel that the goals you have together seem to be thwarted in some way but this will get better in time

Can't do more cuz the chart is too small.

Hope someone else, who does not look at charts all day, will help

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Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 12, 2016 08:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ami - Hi! Thank you for replying. How can I make the chart bigger for you?

Yes, it doesn't feel solid or grounded. I'm Cancer.
Cap tends to get low mood, depression but I thought that was just a cap thing with Pisces moon

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Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 12, 2016 08:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
and the hoplesssness crops up a LOT...

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athenaia
Knowflake

Posts: 781
From: USA
Registered: May 2015

posted September 12, 2016 08:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenaia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's weird.. on paper you guys look like the ideal match to me.

One has a Cap ASC, the other has Saturn conjunct ASC
One has Pisces Moon, the other has Scorpio Moon
You guys have Sun opp Sun, which (I've noticed) tends to go sour if other factors aren't bringing up the vibe of the chart.
You both have Venus trine Venus
Venus trine and sextile Mars

Jupiter conjunct NN near his IC makes me feel like he was "destined" to always be the father of your child, and is probably very good at parenting

His Sun is on your SN so there was instantly a sense of fatedness towards this relationship for you (and even for him).. with natal Sun conjunct NN, I feel you're a person with killer intuition. Perhaps he's had a way of "holding you back from growth" (school/religion/other forms of knowledge) that you resented in the past, you lashed out in unpredictable ways (synastric Uranus conjunct Moon) that ended up hurting him in the long run when it comes to trust/comfort?

I think (this is me being a total amateur astrologer by the way) that this relationship boils down to power. Maybe you feel as if he's always lorded a superiority over you that you resent? A few of your luminaries are hit by his outer planets which give me that impression. You're someone with A LOT of willpower and the vision to make things happen (natal Saturn/Mars), and with his Pluto sitting right on top of it, you might feel stifled even when he isn't trying to illustrate dominance at all.

Mars/Neptune and Venus opp Neptune mean that there's always this overwhelming overture of love and fantastic feeling that keep you both in thrall to each other.

Looking at this synastry I feel that he loves you. Have you guys considered couples counseling?

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 68579
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 12, 2016 08:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Jounia:
Ami - Hi! Thank you for replying. How can I make the chart bigger for you?

Yes, it doesn't feel solid or grounded. I'm Cancer.
Cap tends to get low mood, depression but I thought that was just a cap thing with Pisces moon



Put the chart on here, if you can enlarged xx

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Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 12, 2016 10:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

Is it better, Ami?

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 68579
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 12, 2016 10:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
YES, perfect but who are you, J? Inside or out?

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Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 12, 2016 11:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Athenaia - thank you! I have a lot of willpower you say?? Not sure about that! Actually, I guess I can think of a few examples

Things that stood out from what you said; Fatedness about the relationship -
As soon as I met this guy my IMMEDIATE thought was we will be very very close and get on like a house on fire. He felt very familiar and comfortable, but also I knew we were about to embark on some journey together, albeit I wasn't sure in what capacity (great work colleagues or full blown love affair!).

I don't feel he's held me back from growth or learning. I resented his inability to commit fully to the relationship during the first 3-4 years of dating. That really hurt me and I lashed out (as you said) in a very angry, frustrated and inappropriate manner, insulting him and being emotionally abusive. I was out of control and obviously for controlled Capricorn (well, actually for anyone experiencing that from a person you love) this behaviour and lack of respect for him was unimaginable. Hence, he's deeply hurt. He says he's never allowed ANYONE to ever speak to him the way I have done. He is furious with himself that he allowed it to happen.

Destined to be the father of my child; yes it feels that way! And he is an excellent father.

Power struggles - big time. I do feel that he's always lorded superiority over me and it is not something I'm used to!! I find myself rebelling against it if I don't control myself.

And yes, the overwhelming love feeling - even though he says he doesn't know if he loves me, he looks at me with adoration and intense love and showers me with affectionate words and gestures. When all is calm, it's like the most intense, emotional love one could possibly imagine.
Yet, he says he doesn't know what his purpose in the relationship is or what he wants from me...

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Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 12, 2016 11:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ami, I'm Cancer - the inside. Thanks!

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Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 12, 2016 11:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Athenaia, I did suggest councelling to him, but he said he doesn't see the point in paying someone else money to just 'listen'...

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 68579
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 12, 2016 11:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Quick look and then put up the Comp. maybe on a fresh thread, if you can

OK--you have things that will be troublesome, which prolly translates into PERIODS like this such as Uranus/Moon and Mars/Pluto.

These make things very, very uncomfortable but they give pure passion, at first sight, which I bet you had in spades lol

I see amazing aspects that will rear their heads if you stick to it!!!

Every relationship comes down to sticking with it through thick and thin, if it is a long term relationship.

People who don't know this are kind of not facing relationships maturely

There are times in which you simply endure/stick with it.

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 12, 2016 11:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
YOUR mercury is very nicely aspected to his chart, so you may need to be the one who tries to be super mature about this.

Find someone in a long term relationship, whom you respect, and pick her brain.

Find people who will allow you to be you and who can truly help in a mature way.

That is the key to this.

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 12, 2016 11:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The issues that made for the AMAZING first attraction can come up as too much shake up in time.

That is what I think.

You CAN make this work, in my opinion!

Let's see the Comp.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 68579
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 12, 2016 11:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
How about this--put a Comp on a new thread, so it is easy for me to access.

Then, put his natal on a new thread. I am feeling something is going on with him, maybe his Chiron or something deep from his childhood.

This is why it takes me a week to do a synastry and a Comp

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Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 12, 2016 11:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're fantastic Ami!!!!! I want to give you a big kiss and hug for helping Putting them both up now...

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 68579
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 12, 2016 11:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Jounia:
You're fantastic Ami!!!!! I want to give you a big kiss and hug for helping Putting them both up now...


I need one after these past few days

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comdoc
Knowflake

Posts: 505
From: Tucson
Registered: Feb 2015

posted September 12, 2016 12:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for comdoc     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Overall your synastry potential is wonderful (85% together). His Cap Sun is opposite your Cancer Sun. This can create differences of opinion and health challenges. His outer type is practical and businesslike--but his inner Pisces heart will respond to emotional warmth. Use your Scorpio Jupiter and Moon intense feelings to infuse his heart with love, and shower him with physical affection.

quote:
Originally posted by Jounia:
Hi all.
My partner who is a Cap says he doesn't know if he loves me (anymore), and this is killing me. This was sparked by a big fight about 2 months ago. Since that upset, he has not told hme he loves me and when questioned initially by me in a light hearted way, he gave a big grin, but then proceeded to tell me that he doesn't know how he feels, and finished with a straight, serious face.
We live together with our son. We've had a turbulent and painful relationship with me acting very inadequately in the past. I've hurt him very much due to the way I've handled disagreements and he says he cannot find time to self heal and recover.
The thing is, I SEE love in his eyes when he looks at me. He is affectionate, passionate and caring with me. Nothing has changed; except for the fact he will not say he loves me. Despite the fact I believe he does love me, this is hurting me and I don't know how I should behave or carry on around him. He says that he needs time to recover from the past 4 years of hurt.
I have spent a lot of time fixing behaviours in myself that I didn't like and that he didn't like and I'm so much better for it. He says he does see this, but it hasn't been a long enough period of time for him to heal. When we have bad arguments, he loses his cool and throws back all of his pain from the past 4 years.
I just don't know what to do or why it's like that.
What does he need? We are AMAZING together when it's good between us. there is a lot of love - I feel it. Is this a mind game he's playing?
Is there any way to tell what's happening at the moment here for him and what's likely to happen? I'm not sure what charts to post here. I'll post mine and his, and then if you need anything else just let me know.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
[img]https://s22.postimg.org/6s3424a7l/image.jpg[/img]
[img]https://s13.postimg.org/fl5k0wy0n/image.jpg[/img]


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Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 12, 2016 02:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Comdoc for your input, I appreciate it.
Oh rest assured he gets plenty of physical affection from me - I can't keep my hands off him!

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CapriciousCapricorn
Knowflake

Posts: 697
From:
Registered: Sep 2015

posted September 12, 2016 08:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CapriciousCapricorn     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by comdoc:
Overall your synastry potential is wonderful (85% together).


Comdoc, hi! How do you get the synastry potential percentage?

May I show you my synastry too please? It's posted here, on the 2nd page: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/005848-2.html

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Jounia
Knowflake

Posts: 691
From: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2011

posted September 13, 2016 04:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just having a terrible day with communication problems. What Cap says to me feels like he's mocking me, or being defensive and whatever I say to Cap, I'm being accused of challenging him. He's livid right now and refusing to talk. It really makes me so frustrated when he calls time out from a conversation grrrrrr

I constantly feel like everything I do or say is wrong in his eyes. Does our synastry indicate this?

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