posted September 28, 2016 04:56 AM            

My question is does his chart show this and how he wants to be mentored exactly?

I'm really at the end of my rope here, this relationship is killing us yet I just can't give up on it.

He is outside.

posted September 28, 2016 08:21 AM            

He's not saying that HE wants to be mentored. I know he did say that, but it was just to help him make his point, which is that he thinks he is wiser with better ideas and more experience than you and he thinks you should gratefully look up to him.

Is HE using YOUR knowledge and wisdom to his advantage, to help him grow? What he actually said was that if someone wise and knowledgable came along (NOT YOU) he would be so grateful, and he thinks you should feel that way about doing whatever he says because he's so knowledgable and wise. The heated discussion was not about how he seeks someone to guide and inspire him---it was about how he feels you don't look up to him and see him as someone wiser and more experienced than you are.

His 10h Jupiter (do you gave his birth time right?) in Taurus, in combo with being a Capricorn, might contribute to him having this paternalistic view of things....synastrically, his Pluto on your Mars-Saturn might give him the urge to influence you. I had Pluto on a partner's solar stellium and I felt the way toward him that your partner has expressed about you--I really wanted him to see me as a resource in helping him create and transform his life. In your case, your partner might feel your Mars/Saturn as critical (Saturn) and taking action (Mars) against his vision for transforming you.

Maybe he should put more energy into finding that mentor he prays to find, less into bulldozing and insulting his girlfriend.

This guy is looking for something in his life and relationship that he doesn't feel he's getting. Communication issues are a big part of it--neither of you has any clarity about what the problem really is. Have you talked about the direction you each envision the relationship heading in the future? It might be a good time for both of you to give things a bit of breathing room and focus on career goals or other goals.

posted September 28, 2016 09:09 AM            

Does your partner value emotional intelligence? That is, a person being able to put themselves in another persons shoes, being able to come to resolutions without involving their own personal ego, being able to make friends with others effortlessly, being a core part of a larger community and maintain such ties? Your chart tells me that you are very much this person, and if not, you're absolutely capable of it if you want to be!

Not to mention that, but just as he's a stereotypically great father, your chart tells me you must be an excellent mother to your child. Is there not inherent value in that?

If your partner does not value emotional intelligence.. there is definitely a problem. There's more to life than being able to recite scientific textbooks by heart at the drop of a hat. In fact, I find that type of intelligence to be pretty one note and basic to tell you the truth..

He has transiting Uranus on his Chiron right now. Maybe he's going through a major identity/insecurity crisis at this time in his life and is wrongly taking it out on you, because you so effortlessly embody an objective, listening ear?

He also has transiting Neptune in his 8th house right now.. he could be longing to figure out the mysteries of the universe. Going through a lot of mental escapism. What are his dreams - does he consider them "accomplished" by his own accounts?

Transiting Saturn is also on his Neptune... a crushing of dreams. T. Saturn would also be opposite your natal Mercury. You're both going through individual experiences of reality not matching what you had envisioned in the past.

posted September 28, 2016 12:06 PM            

He's a scorp though, cap rising and taurus moon. His 10th house is pretty active from last I remembered..

First and foremost, you don't need anyone to validate your worth. I am sure you have great things to bring onto the relationship, and if he goes as far as belittling you like such then time to put him back in his place.

posted September 29, 2016 02:40 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jounia:
Ladies and Gents, thank you very much for your contributions all of which I find comforting. To cut a very very long story short, In the past, I was very inadequate and abusive towards this guy and basically cut off the hand that fed me. He is hurt and still has some resentment towards me, although he is seeking help to let go of that. I am not condoning abuse, however, i do excuse his outbursts as i understand it comes from being hurt by me. I feel empathy for him.
Do you think he does see what I have to offer? Do I "put it out there"?
@athenaia, I know I am all those things you mentioned (and thank you for affirming that for me - it was really lovely to read!!) I don't seem to be this way with my partner! How mucked up is that? I want nothing more than for my good traits to come as easily as it does to others... Maybe I'm afraid to be vulnerable.
@Charlie, interesting!!! I'd love to know more.

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I can't elaborate. Sorry! I get these "flashes" from other people's lives sometimes and they make me feel uncomfortable.

Edit: I read your entire post now and need to say this: if you can, don't ever cross a Cap or Scorpio because they'll never forgive you. WE won't forgive you. I think Caps are worse because we don't let anyone in but when we do, it's because we have examined EVERYTHING, and decided that it's OK to let our emotions be on display. We take this seriously (Saturn) and if we ever, 1 time, feel that our emotions are being toyed with, it's just bound to fail after that.

posted September 29, 2016 10:08 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jounia:
Charlie thank you for sharing that with me. I feel that it will not be the same again. I ignored his warning signs that my behaviour was unacceptable and I understand that it has come at a price and has cost me dearly.
He is angry with himself for "allowing a blind person to lead him" as he puts it, and ignoring his own gut instinct. Out of interest and if it's not to personal, how did you manage (or your husband manage) to get back to even 80%? I am desperate to make this work if it's at all possible for the sake of our 4 children.

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You will have to prove yourself over and over and over that you'll never repeat same mistakes again and even then, he might not forgive you. You have to ask yourself this:

Is it REALLY worth it, do bend myself backwards to regain trust? Will it make our children happier if I do this?

posted September 29, 2016 02:11 PM            

You sound like you have it pretty figured out! That's great. I've been in a similar situation with you. I was with someone for 8 years and broke up for a year within that. When we got back together, it was no longer the same. However, in the end we still separated because we came to the conclusion that we are just not right for each other. If you intend on making it work then be ready to weather the storm together. You do your part and he has to do his. If either of you are not willing to or hesitant and can't get past it then it won't work.

However, I like your energy and determination. That in itself is already half the battle. Saturn influenced people are prone to major depression sometimes. It's all about working hard for them and it takes a toll on their self worth when things aren't working out. It sucks, but that's kind of how they are. It's something to appreciate and learn from - if it applies to you. If it's resilience and determination they will have all that.