posted October 18, 2016 08:49 PM            

Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger. Yes, if I'm still struggling with 'hate' level emotions I'm not ready for marriage. I can change that within myself before I spread it around to those I love most. I don't want my (lunar) emotions so highly charged (Mars, Pluto) that I cannot reason through them or hear the others' point of view.

If the I/me (Martial) thrust is too strong, the ego too easily wounded, I'm not operating in the middle meeting ground of harmony and mutual understanding.

Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break. Yes, relationships are often the art of compromise (Libra, Venus). The highest form is to advance beyond simply breaking everything in half or 'splitting the difference' (which emphasizes differences) and find out what is most important to your mate in a given situation and know what is most important to you. Very often an emotional win/win is possible.

Believe the best rather than the worst. This one cuts to the quick of our fears, doesn't it, especially regarding our partner's intentions or motivations? Its a bit like innocent until proven guilty. Don't chase the 'what if' rabbit down that hole.

Assuming the best refreshes our Jovial (Jupiter) outlook.

People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them. (Mercury) More true than we probably know. It tests our ability to appreciate our mate's best qualities and make sure we communicate it back to them.

Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you bestow upon friends. This one is huge. I really believe in this. Common courtesies and appreciation are better than drama with fights and makeups.

An attitude of authentic friendship, honesty, and trust are what made my marriage possible. It keeps us going and enjoying each other during tough times. I wouldn't want it any other way.

posted October 19, 2016 12:10 AM            

I love this one... I want to leave it there... if only it were this simple though... Life gets messy, even between friends. We bring stuff up in one another, we help one another grow... it is part of the beauty and power of intimacy, it's the 8th house aspect of things, that when we get to this level with somebody the deep stuff comes to the surface to be cleansed and regenerated into something so strong and free. 9th house helps then.

You're talking about an 11th house relationship, maybe? And yes, very Libran...

posted October 19, 2016 09:44 AM            

That's advice from 1886, before divorce became socially acceptable. That's when people had to stay in marriages whether they wanted to or not. Sure, it's possible you can make a marriage LAST using these methods, but then the larger issue of "Is this a good marriage worth keeping?" doesn't even get addressed. Nor does the issue of "who is sacrificing more, and is this fair?" get addressed.

"Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger"....even if you're being abused, because hey, it's 1886 and you're stuck in the marriage anyway?

"Learn the wisdom of compromise"...
And while you're at it, learn when not to compromise.

"Believe in the best rather than the worst."

My Venus conjunct Neptune needed to learn to believe in the worst. Take the rose colored glasses off and LOOK at the worst.

This has helped me:

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou

posted October 19, 2016 09:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
I agree with all those above, but only when you are about to begin it with the right person for you.

if the two people fundamentally have very different life goals and mindsets, doing these things in regards with them is only wasting time.

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posted October 19, 2016 10:03 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
I agree with all those above, but only when you are about to begin it with the right person for you.

if the two people fundamentally have very different life goals and mindsets, doing these things in regards with them is only wasting time.

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posted October 19, 2016 10:05 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou

I love that advice.

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Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with that!

BTW I thought the 1886 advices, there was some good stuff in there, but with the caveats you pointed out.

posted October 19, 2016 02:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
I agree with all those above, but only when you are about to begin it with the right person for you.

if the two people fundamentally have very different life goals and mindsets, doing these things in regards with them is only wasting time.

---

I agree. That is the key thing here.

If you are trying to relate with someone who doesn't respect you then none of this matters. Also fits with Faith's Maya Angelou quote about what a person shows you about themselves. But there are some 'imperfections' in all of us and most of those do not prevent us from respecting each other.