posted October 27, 2016 01:26 PM            

Hi all, I have decided to put a recent end to an ongoing non-labeled/non-committed relationship with a man I believe I have good compatibility with, for studying purposes to those who would like to use my experience as an example.

Before I post the charts, I will give an overall background of the story as concise and brief as possible.

I met this person on Jun 23rd this year randomly one night visiting my friends at a pizzeria and was introduced to him by a mutual friend. For privacy purposes, I will name this man Cell. Cell came into the pizzeria one night and my high school friend exclaims "Oh Cell! Good timing. I've been wanting to introduce you two. Starry, remember that customer I told you about who was also into music? This is him. You both are musicians so you guys will have a lot in common." And so started this weird karmic interaction. What really kicked it off was the melding of the idea of going on a road trip together only a month after seeing each other. I knew exactly where this was going to happen, I liked him enough and I trusted myself enough to take care of myself prior to going. I took the chance. I understood he did too. We had a great time and embarked on a 7 day road / camp trip with little to no plans. It was a very meaningful and exciting experience.

Then comes the part where I had to know, after all that we've been through and the times we've spent together, if this was going anywhere. We were not a couple, but there were a lot of things done together that was couple-like. For example, sleeping over his was common. Talking/venting, sharing frustrations but also sharing laughter and mutual sympathy/support. A part of me felt as if the timing and feeling wasn't right but I decided that I will work up the courage to ask one night. However, that night had different plans. The more I spent that night with him, the more I just felt it wasn't time. To be honest, asking a "Hey are we committed?" question only 2 months in is a bit too soon and logically I agreed with it so I held my tongue. Somehow, like many many occurrences, he was able to know and said "Whatever you are expecting or thinking about you and I - I don't know if I can give you whatever it is that you want. I'm not happy right now in life, and I don't think monogamy is even possible." I believed his very words. So I said "ok, then why don't we continue whatever we are doing and should either of us want to venture outside we'll just put it on the table and see where it'll take us. That's all. Whatever it is, let's build trust, its important and I value that. I'm sure you do too." It was difficult for me to explain, but I did embrace the uranian aspects to the start of this "relationship" knowing that it will be unusual and unexpecting. I also honored the aspect of 12th house relationships -- to be open honest and upfront. Also honoring the fact that I will cultivate what I want most from people: trust and honesty.

As it turns out, he did not honor the agreement between us. I knew, by ways of detail and observation that he had been sleeping with others. I finally had to ask him to get it out of him. None of our conversations - no matter how betraying - was done in a heated tone. In fact, I approached everything in an open-minded and understanding tone. He kept saying we were not committed. Of course we're not. I knew that. It's not the sleeping and uncommitted possessiveness. It's the fact that we had an agreement that was not met. I thought I had your word. I don't. So now I can't trust. I laid out very much in the open what I've realized now: I needed an exclusive committed relationship. Took me some time to realize but at least I went through the process and realized it - no resentments. I needed it. Then he jumped to say that he wants to commit to me, that he's been thinking about it all this time, and that although we were not committed, we did a lot of things that solidified and lead to that type of relationship. He tried very hard to explain to me that I'm the only one who gets to sleep in his bed and sleeps over. Also that he hasn't went out actively to pursue others. Just...only needed time to "tie up" his relations with this one person from his past. Funny, didn't know tying up meant continuing sexual relations too. He wasn't going to change, and I didn't expect anything except give this a try and let's see where it goes. I guess it might be a bit too much, even!

Originally I told him to give me an answer soon. But the more I sat and stewed in it, the more I realized it is just buying time. I tried embracing and waiting out until the day comes, but the more I thought about it, the more the answer was very apparent: If someone truly wants you and wants to be with you, it would happen already. Actions speak louder than words. Everything that's happened only point to the fact that it's not what he wanted or intend of honoring. So finally, again, I had to speak about it. I found out again that he has been having sex with the same person, and again, it's the same wound that keeps opening up. This person could not honor the trust, openness and the honesty that any healthy relationship (love/friend/committed or not) would need. That's when I decided to leave and end it. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I confronted him as he tried to ask me to stay and talk about it. His last response to me was:

"I was not trying to shame you. I appreciate you in more ways than you may know. I DO appreciate that about you. I am sorry. You are the only person I've met since moving here that I've thought I could form a real path with. Someone to actually enjoy life and laugh with. We have that. I've been trying to figure out how I can get to that place with someone for a long time now and keep failing at that critical moment. I know it's my fault. You've come to the table with an open book, mine had hidden chapters. I've wanted you to know the real me from the start but I was petrified that if you knew everything about me that you would run.. And now you do, and have. You are right, you deserved more transparency from me from the very start."

So this is a lesson learned. From my part mostly. I took a chance, rolled the dice - a very risky one knowing full well what this person truly was - and failed. But it's ok, I am not as resentful or angry at anyone or anything. I will own up to my consequences.

To be very clear I choose not to proceed any further with this man due to the fact that there are just no bridging of trust and there is no action to measure up to his words.

I've posted below our charts for study purposes and discussion. I will not toss around words such as "fate" "karma" "soulmate" "Twin Flame" as to not gloss it under anything than what it was - just an occurrence in life that had to be dealt with one way or another.

posted October 27, 2016 01:30 PM            

Cell's Natal: (note: My name asteroid falls in his 7th house conjunct his juno by 2')

Our Synastry:

Our Composite:

Our Davidson:

posted October 27, 2016 03:32 PM            

He has a Moon in Taurus, Venus/Sun in Scorpio, Mars in Leo, a Psyche/Eros conjunction in Aquarius.. this man is extremely fixed, with major planets in a bunch of romantic signs. I bet he believes in true love, soulmates, things of that type.

Perhaps this is just to be chalked up to bad timing in his life?

There also might be a lot of upheaval in your life right now too with transiting Uranus conjunct your Jupiter (values) and opposite your Sun (core sense of self), so maybe this is all just one giant learning lesson?

posted October 27, 2016 10:10 PM            

I'm sorry it has not worked out, but in terms of choosing a compatible person to be involved with, you chose quite well. And you should be proud of that.