posted May 02, 2018 06:35 AM            

I have been raised in a 'closed' environment like in a bubble. ( kind of) . Outside i had so many friends but inside i was lacking of self confidence, my own opinion and i was full of insecurities.

I was doing a lot just to show off.

But it started to change in 2015 when someone had aneye for me and actually our romance didnt work out.

I was writing here a post about that situation about the Virgo guy. That actually dumped me and then wanted to come back , was actually literally crawling to get me again but i didnt want because i was too proud.

No wi regret it. Because we had a very short romance but still i had some kind of a regret that we didnt even say good bye on a normal level like mature people do.

It was actually because people, friends perceived me as a good girl.
I have always been GOOD. NO DRAMA. ALways taking care of others, my sister and etc.
I was very NICE and a good SISTER a good DOUGHTER.

When i was 25 i realised that i needed to hit a 'wall' with my head to realise i cant be like that and you need to have a mask to operate in the outside world.

But living with my sister who knew me from birth and all of my life i couldnt have my mask. I was always commented about it, about my behaviour.
So i was perceived as a pure, fresh, girl outisde. Which was very bad because i was also weak inside with some insecurities.

Everytime i move out to live abroad with friends i am normal- i change to be more confident and etc.

Its about that, now since 1 year i also moved in to my parents again because of my financial problems and still i feel i am not confident and i become like in a home bubble.

What i know is that i need to have a self awarness to be in a relationship - i didnt have it before. ( because i was too immature emotionally - dependable, on my parents and my other friends)
I desciribed here some toxic people that were in my life- it was because I let them.

I just want to ask if in 2018 or later i will meet someone? I know that in December Saturn came into my 6th house leaving my 5th house for good. I hoped that maybe it will work when it comes to relations. Additionally we have Uranus in Taurus season so maybe i hope that my relations will be more stable and long?
What do you think?

It all started 7 years ago when actually i started studying and meeting new people fast and partying. I was not self aware.
I want to repair myself like a doctor.