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Topic: Why don't I feel "coupley" with him?
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kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 26, 2018 02:27 PM
Hi all,hope you had a nice Christmas. The following composite is of me and my boyfriend with whom I have been for almost 4 years. As the title suggests, I don't really feel very much like we are a couple. It's more like a mix of really really good friends with lots of banter but also affection (we can be quite cute with each other) and also arguments, but the connection doesn't feel very much like a standard man-woman type of romance. I hope that makes sense to you. Can you see in the composite why that is? IP: Logged |
LunaIscariot Knowflake Posts: 3579 From: Registered: Aug 2014
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posted December 26, 2018 02:45 PM
Post the synastry, that will show your feelings towards/about him and your guys chemistry or lack thereof. IP: Logged |
kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 26, 2018 02:49 PM
quote: Originally posted by LunaIscariot: Post the synastry, that will show your feelings towards/about him and your guys chemistry or lack thereof.
Hi Lunalscariot, the synastry is really good (I remember you commenting on it in another thread) so I thought it must be down to the composite IP: Logged |
capricorncheriscty Knowflake Posts: 925 From: Registered: Nov 2017
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posted December 26, 2018 03:29 PM
Not to be rude, but I'm wondering what language this composite chart is in? Or rather what country? The symbol for Uranus is so different from ours I had to double check several times because I felt like I was blind! Lol, I couldn't find it anywhere. But to answer your question, I don't really have a sincere answer because it is a very odd composite I'm seeing. You would think you would be a lovey-dovey intimate couple with a composite like that. Some things I just noticed: Moon exalted in Taurus conjunct Mars fall in Taurus, 1st house. Venus home in Taurus in 1st house // Opposite Pluto home in Scorpio in 7th house. Mars is the 1st house and 8th house ruler and it is at fall conjunct the Moon at exaltation. Both in the 1st house. This can make the fallen nature of Mars more noticeable and even more powerfully obvious, on the forefront of the relationship, so it could actually be putting a damper on your Mars activities, such as romantic passion and energy. The weakened nature of this Mars is now becoming far more noticeable and more in your face. 7th house ruler Venus in Taurus in 1st opposite Pluto in Scorpio in 7th. Again, problems with establishing intensity and intimacy. I see Venus and Pluto are also in a Kite with Neptune in Cap in the 9th and Jupiter in Virgo in the 5th. There might be big hopes and dreams for this partnership to last despite its struggles. That Kite also has the grand trine of Venus, Neptune, and Jupiter so this relationship can definitely be on the more passive and less physical side. I also see Mercury at fall in Pisces and also in the 12th house. I am a bit superstitious with mutable placements in a composite. They seem to do more trouble than benefit, even if the planet they are touching is not angular. Your composite Mercury fallen in both Pisces and 12th house can mean you two enjoy lively and relevant conversations that relate to your mutual interests, but can also find boredom quickly if you have nothing of interest to speak of. Sextile the fallen Mars, you guys might be a bit passive/lazy when it comes to verbally asserting your desire for more romantic and sexual gestures that would differentiate you from a normal friendship. Both 11th house rulers are in the 8th house. Uranus is also square fallen Mercury and Saturn is square Jupiter. You guys maybe started off as close friends but are now finding some tough luck in kicking into the intimate playground without making it too much like seeing your sibling or your closest friend.
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kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 26, 2018 03:40 PM
quote: Originally posted by capricorncheriscty: Not to be rude, but I'm wondering what language this composite chart is in? Or rather what country? The symbol for Uranus is so different from ours I had to double check several times because I felt like I was blind! Lol, I couldn't find it anywhere. But to answer your question, I don't really have a sincere answer because it is a very odd composite I'm seeing. You would think you would be a lovey-dovey intimate couple with a composite like that. Some things I just noticed: Moon exalted in Taurus conjunct Mars fall in Taurus, 1st house. Venus home in Taurus in 1st house // Opposite Pluto home in Scorpio in 7th house. Mars is the 1st house and 8th house ruler and it is at fall conjunct the Moon at exaltation. Both in the 1st house. This can make the fallen nature of Mars more noticeable and even more powerfully obvious, on the forefront of the relationship, so it could actually be putting a damper on your Mars activities, such as romantic passion and energy. The weakened nature of this Mars is now becoming far more noticeable and more in your face. 7th house ruler Venus in Taurus in 1st opposite Pluto in Scorpio in 7th. Again, problems with establishing intensity and intimacy. I see Venus and Pluto are also in a Kite with Neptune in Cap in the 9th and Jupiter in Virgo in the 5th. There might be big hopes and dreams for this partnership to last despite its struggles. That Kite also has the grand trine of Venus, Neptune, and Jupiter so this relationship can definitely be on the more passive and less physical side. I also see Mercury at fall in Pisces and also in the 12th house. I am a bit superstitious with mutable placements in a composite. They seem to do more trouble than benefit, even if the planet they are touching is not angular. Your composite Mercury fallen in both Pisces and 12th house can mean you two enjoy lively and relevant conversations that relate to your mutual interests, but can also find boredom quickly if you have nothing of interest to speak of. Sextile the fallen Mars, you guys might be a bit passive/lazy when it comes to verbally asserting your desire for more romantic and sexual gestures that would differentiate you from a normal friendship. Both 11th house rulers are in the 8th house. Uranus is also square fallen Mercury and Saturn is square Jupiter. You guys maybe started off as close friends but are now finding some tough luck in kicking into the intimate playground without making it too much like seeing your sibling or your closest friend.
Thank you Capricorn, the language is German We also have a long distance relationship. And we are very affectionate with each other, physically close most of the time when we are together. It is passionate, too, as we tend to argue a quite a bit haha. But still, not very "coupley". I noticed that my moon is conjunct his South Node. Maybe my soul remembers a lifetime where we either of us was a parent to the other? Not that he feels like my son or father now (that would me more than weird), but it might have something to do with not feeling coupley. Thank you for analysis by the way. I appreciate that
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vansio Knowflake Posts: 774 From: ICQ# = discord# Registered: Dec 2017
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posted December 26, 2018 04:37 PM
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LunaIscariot Knowflake Posts: 3579 From: Registered: Aug 2014
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posted December 26, 2018 04:45 PM
Interesting, you do have pretty good synastry. Are you inside? I think the long distance element of the connection probably causes a lack of attachment/bonding since you don’t see each other as often as a “normal couple”. I wonder if you guys moved in together or seen each other daily if things would feel different because there would be more oxytocin etc. But I noticed in the compostite you have nothing in the 5th, 7th or 8th house personal planets. Perhaps that’s why. All my romantic relationship always had something in one if not all of those houses so maybe that’s why? 🤔 IP: Logged |
kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 26, 2018 04:47 PM
quote: Originally posted by vansio: Hallo Kani - off the bat my instincts say it might have something to do with your sun conjunct his moon. Utterly awesome connection, but from my own experience, the reversal of natural roles enables a demure dynamic. Also, maybe the lack of Saturn touching personal planets (or composite for that matter) doesn’t stir the “serious bonding” effect that would make some couples cling to each other. Greetings from Berlin 😉
Aaah I'm in Berlin as well! Hello back from Berlin ahaha Yeah Sun conj moon is very cool but - despite the roles being reversed here - it can feel sometimes "too familiar" if that makes sense? Added to that we have moon conj Venus which makes it feel really cosy so that makes for a very warm/soft but not necessarily romantic/sexual attraction (despite the several hot aspects we have). IP: Logged |
kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 26, 2018 04:51 PM
quote: Originally posted by LunaIscariot: Interesting, you do have pretty good synastry. Are you inside? I think the long distance element of the connection probably causes a lack of attachment/bonding since you don’t see each other as often as a “normal couple”. I wonder if you guys moved in together or seen each other daily if things would feel different because there would be more oxytocin etc. But I noticed in the compostite you have nothing in the 5th, 7th or 8th house personal planets. Perhaps that’s why. All my romantic relationship always had something in one if not all of those houses so maybe that’s why? 🤔
Hi Luna,
yeah I'm on the inside. The long distance thing suits me quite well as it's always special when we see each other. We are also bonded, but the bond doesn't feel very much like a typical man-woman bond in a romantic relationship. You could be onto something with the composite houses. That might explain it. We are very good when we travel together (cause there is an element of the unknown each day) but I doubt we'd be good at living together on a day to day basis, unless we both have lots of space and each of us really strictly picks up their own stuff. He is much lazier around the home than me and leaves his stuff around all the time which annoys me a lot. plus I'm just so used to being on my own and I just love my space, so I don't think I'd want to live with anyone else anymore (I've been through it all: sharing room with my 2 sisters, sharing flats and houses, student accomodation you name it). Also, he is someone I can see myself being good friends after we break up. We also started as friends and then it developed into a relationship
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kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 27, 2018 08:21 AM
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waxlobster Knowflake Posts: 863 From: Birmingham Registered: Mar 2011
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posted December 27, 2018 08:37 AM
Maybe it is as simple as you just haven't fallen in love. You have a friendship and a spark but not the romantic feeling or that deep connection that actually is beyond astrology.It sounds like you are content but deep down you want to fall madly in love and you know that this isn't your guy... ------------------ My latest article is about January 2019 and how this impact us, particularly with there being 2 eclipses this month. Have a read and hold tight, it could be a bumpy ride: http://waxlobster.blogspot.co.uk/ Also my new page is: http://facebook.com/waxyjo ♥ IP: Logged |
kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 27, 2018 09:20 AM
quote: Originally posted by waxlobster: Maybe it is as simple as you just haven't fallen in love. You have a friendship and a spark but not the romantic feeling or that deep connection that actually is beyond astrology.It sounds like you are content but deep down you want to fall madly in love and you know that this isn't your guy...
Mmh, I know we won't be together forever as we have very different views on family life (he wants kids, I don't). I don't really rely on astrology when it comes to love, I'm just wondering whether it can be explained in this particular case why there is no romantic man/woman connection. At least from my side. A guy I had a very deep and transformative soul connection with had no particularly interesting synastry with me, yet I knew what it was. But yeah you are right, I haven't fallen in love with him and he knows that as well, because I told him. There is still a LOT of affection and deep connection between as which makes for a really cool relationship IP: Logged |
aamhz Knowflake Posts: 81 From: Registered: Dec 2018
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posted December 27, 2018 07:58 PM
May be primarily due to the aromatic him-you synastry house overlays. Most particularly, the Sun is who we strive or want to be, and his Sun falls not just in the "Friends" house but also the house cusp's sign. 9th house isn't a romantic house at all (more "friends" motif, due to the freedom aspect of the 9th), which is where his Moon falls. To make it even worse, your 11th Ruler is in the 9th + conjunct his Moon.Beyond that, IMO SN conjunctions aren't good for the most part. NN represents 'where we want to go', SN being opposite represents what will prevent us from getting our NN. Moon conjunct SN bestows great empathy and understanding, but ultimately the NN person wants to break free from the SN/Moon stuff. As well, Saturn represents security and so clutches for dear life onto its territory, so the NN person can feel like the Saturn person represents or is actively pulling the other where the NN person is trying to leave. Lastly, Venus is Affection and his is in your 12th - the 12th represents what we don't "see" -- so perhaps his warmth/affection doesn't -register- to you. IP: Logged |
Hikaru29 Knowflake Posts: 2409 From: Asia Registered: Nov 2018
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posted December 28, 2018 04:21 AM
I think what you're trying to say is you don't feel strongly attracted to him in a sexual way? I remember you mentioned this in another thread before.A synastry/composite that are full of harmonious aspects can sometimes turn two people into more like family rather than lovers. You have Mars-Pluto with him but your passion is in arguments? How about redirecting the energy, haha? Also, I noticed your 8th house ruler is not really aspected? That could be the reason? It also depends on what each is looking for in romance. How about checking out your natal?
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kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 28, 2018 04:57 AM
quote: Originally posted by Hikaru29: I think what you're trying to say is you don't feel strongly attracted to him in a sexual way? I remember you mentioned this in another thread before.A synastry/composite that are full of harmonious aspects can sometimes turn two people into more like family rather than lovers. You have Mars-Pluto with him but your passion is in arguments? How about redirecting the energy, haha? Also, I noticed your 8th house ruler is not really aspected? That could be the reason? It also depends on what each is looking for in romance. How about checking out your natal?
I do feel sexually attracted but not as strongly as to the other guy I mentioned in the other thread. It's more than that though, it's the no couple feeling that I'm curious about. I can feel incredibly sexually attracted to someone and not feel like a couple and not care about feeling like a couple. And yeah Mars Pluto is epic fights and wrestling in our case haha
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kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 28, 2018 04:59 AM
quote: Originally posted by aamhz: May be primarily due to the aromatic him-you synastry house overlays. Most particularly, the Sun is who we strive or want to be, and his Sun falls not just in the "Friends" house but also the house cusp's sign. 9th house isn't a romantic house at all (more "friends" motif, due to the freedom aspect of the 9th), which is where his Moon falls. To make it even worse, your 11th Ruler is in the 9th + conjunct his Moon.Beyond that, IMO SN conjunctions aren't good for the most part. NN represents 'where we want to go', SN being opposite represents what will prevent us from getting our NN. Moon conjunct SN bestows great empathy and understanding, but ultimately the NN person wants to break free from the SN/Moon stuff. As well, Saturn represents security and so clutches for dear life onto its territory, so the NN person can feel like the Saturn person represents or is actively pulling the other where the NN person is trying to leave. Lastly, Venus is Affection and his is in your 12th - the 12th represents what we don't "see" -- so perhaps his warmth/affection doesn't -register- to you.
Thanks for you input. Yeah I already suspected that the house overlays might have something to do with it. We don't have Saturn contacts though. Where do you see them? EDIT: oh yeah I see it now. His Saturn is loosely conjunct my SN As for the Venus and affection. I very much feel his warmth and affection. He shows it physically and he constantly exudes it. There is something ver cosy and nurturing about his energy IP: Logged |
anska5 Knowflake Posts: 116 From: Registered: Jun 2018
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posted December 28, 2018 09:07 AM
Hi,to me it's a combination of two things: The house overlay in synastry AND in addition where the composite planets fall in your natal chart. As has already been mentioned in synastry his sun in your 11th house triggers more friendship than romantic/sexual feelings for you. In addition I've been taught to look at where the composite planets fall in a person's natal chart to understand how this person views the relationship. With your relationship the most important composite planets like sun, moon, venus, mars hit your quite impersonal houses, the 10th and 11th houses. I strongly feel this is the crux of the matter why you don't experience the relationship as a classic man/woman set up... IP: Logged |
kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 28, 2018 09:36 AM
quote: Originally posted by anska5: Hi,to me it's a combination of two things: The house overlay in synastry AND in addition where the composite planets fall in your natal chart. As has already been mentioned in synastry his sun in your 11th house triggers more friendship than romantic/sexual feelings for you. In addition I've been taught to look at where the composite planets fall in a person's natal chart to understand how this person views the relationship. With your relationship the most important composite planets like sun, moon, venus, mars hit your quite impersonal houses, the 10th and 11th houses. I strongly feel this is the crux of the matter why you don't experience the relationship as a classic man/woman set up...
Thank you! That's definitely something I haven't heard before.
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astri Knowflake Posts: 277 From: Registered: Nov 2018
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posted December 28, 2018 01:22 PM
So his NN is conjunct your DC? I had googled this one as I had it with someone and eventually expected more from the relationship than he did (his NN on my DC) and someone on this forum mentioned that "My experience has been that guys with this aspect are not interested in me. However guys with their South Node on my decendant ARE. Go FigureVedic astrology says that NN on the decendant is not good in synastry because it means the Node person will eventually take more out of the relationship than they give back... but I don't know if the vedic folks are right on that one or not as I have no long term experience with the aspect." But it seems like your experience is the opposite? Moon-South Node: This connection represents a past life connection, which may have been a Mother-Child relationship. When the two individuals meet, a sense of familiarity, security, comfort, and safety is indicated. You share a need for emotional security, and are similar in your emotional reactions. This indicates a significant emotional bond, and the two of you may settle into repetitive patterns. The Moon person may feel “emotionally indebted” to the Node person, and may constantly “feed” the Node person’s emotional needs, leaving them feeling drained. The Node person may feel “held back” by the relationship due to the lack of emotional growth the relationship offers. Regardless, the pull can be hard to resist! from starscopestoday
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kani Knowflake Posts: 814 From: Registered: Oct 2018
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posted December 28, 2018 02:09 PM
quote: Originally posted by astri: So his NN is conjunct your DC? I had googled this one as I had it with someone and eventually expected more from the relationship than he did (his NN on my DC) and someone on this forum mentioned that "My experience has been that guys with this aspect are not interested in me. However guys with their South Node on my decendant ARE. Go FigureVedic astrology says that NN on the decendant is not good in synastry because it means the Node person will eventually take more out of the relationship than they give back... but I don't know if the vedic folks are right on that one or not as I have no long term experience with the aspect." But it seems like your experience is the opposite? Moon-South Node: This connection represents a past life connection, which may have been a Mother-Child relationship. When the two individuals meet, a sense of familiarity, security, comfort, and safety is indicated. You share a need for emotional security, and are similar in your emotional reactions. This indicates a significant emotional bond, and the two of you may settle into repetitive patterns. The Moon person may feel “emotionally indebted” to the Node person, and may constantly “feed” the Node person’s emotional needs, leaving them feeling drained. The Node person may feel “held back” by the relationship due to the lack of emotional growth the relationship offers. Regardless, the pull can be hard to resist! from starscopestoday
Yeah the SN is conjunct my moon and DC. I can't say anything negative about this aspect though. It does feel familiar and cosy and I think I mentioned in one of my previous comments that I read that it relates to a previous relationship as parent and child and that this could contribute to the "not coupley" feeling. I don't have memories about that though haha. Would be weird. Our emotional reactions aren't very similar. I'm much more impulsive and explosive than he is, but that creates quite a nice balance. IP: Logged | |