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Author Topic:   Why does my mom treat me like this?
Solar_Leo_Queen
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Posts: 3182
From: Planet Earth
Registered: Jan 2014

posted April 04, 2019 06:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solar_Leo_Queen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My mom and I have a love/hate relationship. I love her with all my heart but I can't stand being around her for too long. She always gets in my business about everything and always tells me what to do with my life. She is also the main cause of ruining my fun most of the time. In high school, she always stopped me from doing things I love, expressing myself, and never got support from her when I joined artistic clubs. When I had concerts, she was never there. The only time I ever got support from her was when I achieved high academic results. I have no problem with it but I can't just work and no play. Now, whenever I go see her, she constantly berates me about going back to university and taking something "useful" blah blah blah. I never wanted to be in the medical field unless it was vet medicine. But I also don't want to go to university. Learning for me is supposed to be recreational and I think universities ruin it for me. I went for a year before with a scholarship but then dropped out because learning became a chore rather than something I love. She absolutely hates that I chose to be a hairstylist. And even though I want to change careers later on, I know she still won't approve because I want to go to art school. I know my whole professional life is a mess and I'm trying my best to find my way. But everything's very unclear to me right now and everyone telling me what they think I should do does not help.

Today, especially, she assumed that I was going to be a satanist just because I told her I wanted to renounce catholicism. Despite being a Gemini sun and mercury, she's highly irrational and delusional. She's also an earth void and I always constantly had to watch out for what we needed in the house when I used to live with her. We used to have fights about household stuff. My brother and sister started to rebel a few years after I moved out. And despite me having a Cancer moon and her having Cancer placements, she was never that warm caring mom that she's supposed to be. She has been there for me once when I had no choice but to cry around her. But that's about it. I tend to deal with my feelings on my own because there's a hidden rule in my family that no one should show feelings.

Anyway, here's our synastry. I'm on the inside, she's outside:


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Brenda_S
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Registered: Sep 2018

posted April 04, 2019 08:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Brenda_S     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Saturn-Mars in hard aspect for sure.

Although it's at a bit of a wider orb between you two, it's still there. Her 16' Saturn Cancer to your 21' Mars Libra.

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ScandinavianCrab
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Posts: 215
From: Scandinavia
Registered: Aug 2013

posted April 05, 2019 02:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScandinavianCrab     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I thought Saturn-Moon when i read it. And yeah.

That doesnt make it an excuse to behave like she does though.

And i dont like people with Saturnian 5th houses lol...

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margym0o
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Posts: 1178
From: The Great White North
Registered: Jul 2014

posted April 05, 2019 09:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for margym0o     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
To relate to my own upbringing, I think as we mature and become more self-aware we realize that our parents are humans just like the rest of us. We tend to put them on a pedestal and expect them to move mountains but they are certainly capable of failure. It's not to say that your mother wasn't a good mother, but perhaps it just wasn't something she was the best at. In that, perhaps she thought the "tough love" approach would work when in reality it was having the opposite effect (creating resentment).

It also depends on how she was raised. Do you know what her relationship with her parents was like? My mom, through no fault of her own, had a terrible relationship with her father. Her mother died when she was younger. As a result, she has carried a lifetime of emotional anger and hurt with her and projected that onto my brother and I whether consciously or not. She was a very devoted mother in that she took good care of us, but as far as nurturing our emotional well-being she was downright awful. It doesn't make it right, but again as I've gotten older I've realized perhaps she just didn't understand the negative impact she was having. I started to take it less personally and treat it more like she is someone with an illness and she herself needs care.

Do you have any siblings to compare your relationship to?

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Member
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posted April 05, 2019 10:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Member     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Saturn in the first House synastry

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athenaia
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From: USA
Registered: May 2015

posted April 05, 2019 12:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenaia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Your birth changed her life and transformed her (your Pluto on her North Node). Because of this, she is extremely protective over you and probably helicopter parents you a lot, you are never far from her mind and she's very invested in your life, how it will be, how to make sure you're optimizing all the resources you can, etc (her Mercury on your ASC).

She finds it difficult to express love even though she has a lot of it to give (natal Saturn conjunct Venus). You are the way she funnels all of her intense feelings out there into the world, and it can come off as overwhelming and smothering (your Moon on her Venus/Saturn).

The way you display independence fundementally hurts her and she takes it to the core of her (Your Saturn on her Chiron)

The way she displays any kind of sudden disruption to your life also hurts you (her Uranus on your chiron) and also enrages you (Your Mars on her Uranus)

Your Saturns are square and your Mercuries are square. The way you both handle responsibilities, display autonomy, think, express yourselves, your interests.. all clash in significant ways

Sometimes she even feels as though YOU oppress HER and can suck the joy out of her life (your Saturn widely conjunct her Jupiter)

As you get older and more free of her you guys will probably have a better relationship (your Moons are trine and your Suns are widely sextile). Not to mention all of your angles are inversed - this will always be a significant relationship for the both of you, and you will always be able to get along on some level even though there will be snags along the way

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Solar_Leo_Queen
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From: Planet Earth
Registered: Jan 2014

posted April 05, 2019 02:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solar_Leo_Queen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda_S:
Saturn-Mars in hard aspect for sure.

Although it's at a bit of a wider orb between you two, it's still there. Her 16' Saturn Cancer to your 21' Mars Libra.


I think I can feel that aspect. I usually still consider up to 10 degrees for outer planets. In comparison to my standard for outer planet orbs, that's not too wide. Makes sense she always doesn't let me have fun or be myself since my Mars is in the 5th and her Saturn is in my 1st.

quote:
Originally posted by ScandinavianCrab:
I thought Saturn-Moon when i read it. And yeah.

That doesnt make it an excuse to behave like she does though.

And i dont like people with Saturnian 5th houses lol...


Lol I don't like it either. It feels like they always have a stick up their as**s. But to be fair, they may have always felt this way due to upbringing. From what I know, my mom's dad was really strict and scary. Even I was scared of my grandpa (bless his soul, he passed away two years ago). But he was a very respectable man. That could have made her this way.


quote:
Originally posted by margym0o:

Do you have any siblings to compare your relationship to?


From what I know, my grandpa was very strict but my mom always held him in high regard. She always looked up to him and seemed to have good relationship with him. With my grandma, the only thing I really know is that my mom loves her very much, but had some issues with money. My grandma came from a very poor family and had to work hard so she could send all her 4 younger sisters to school. She was the only one that did not finish high school, yet she is the most successful out of the 5 siblings. She now owns a lot of farm land and a convenience store business. Even though my mom grew up with parents who were able to provide, my grandma was still very cheap with her. She would only buy secondhand clothes for her children, especially my mom. My mom wanted to become an artist, but where I come from, artists are generally regarded as failures or low-income. So I knew my grandma pushed her to go into pharmacy. My mom was very book-smart. Her school made her skip kindergarten and into grade 2 right away. She basically graduated uni at age 19 and got her master's 4 years later. She got pregnant by my dad at 22 and got married because of me. I think she could have been smarter with real life, not just school.

Also, I have 2 younger siblings, a brother and a sister. My brother doesn't have a good relationship with my mom. He always felt neglected by her because he's a boy. On top of that, he feels that my mom is very controlling and doesn't trust him. She's basically demonized him since he was a child and still thinks of him as a failure to this day. Come to think of it, my brother is the only one who really actually does what she wants. She babied him so much, my ex had to teach my brother man skills. My brother thinks of me more as his mother. He always comes to me for everything.

Their synastry:

My sister, on the other hand, I think is her favourite. She's just as rebellious as I am since she looks up to me a lot. My mom was way too overprotective of her. Even when she's the one that did something bad, my mom would still protect her because she's the youngest. She gives her almost everything she wants and even lets my sister yell at her when she throws a fit. My sister is the typical spoiled brat youngest child because of her. I can tell she loves my mom but she seems to harbour a lot of resentment towards her. My sister also thinks my mom is controlling but I also know that sometimes she just says it because she wants to do something that's actually not good for her.

Their synastry:

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Solar_Leo_Queen
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Posts: 3182
From: Planet Earth
Registered: Jan 2014

posted April 05, 2019 02:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solar_Leo_Queen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by athenaia:
Your birth changed her life and transformed her (your Pluto on her North Node). Because of this, she is extremely protective over you and probably helicopter parents you a lot, you are never far from her mind and she's very invested in your life, how it will be, how to make sure you're optimizing all the resources you can, etc (her Mercury on your ASC).

She finds it difficult to express love even though she has a lot of it to give (natal Saturn conjunct Venus). You are the way she funnels all of her intense feelings out there into the world, and it can come off as overwhelming and smothering (your Moon on her Venus/Saturn).

The way you display independence fundementally hurts her and she takes it to the core of her (Your Saturn on her Chiron)

The way she displays any kind of sudden disruption to your life also hurts you (her Uranus on your chiron) and also enrages you (Your Mars on her Uranus)

Your Saturns are square and your Mercuries are square. The way you both handle responsibilities, display autonomy, think, express yourselves, your interests.. all clash in significant ways

Sometimes she even feels as though YOU oppress HER and can suck the joy out of her life (your Saturn widely conjunct her Jupiter)

As you get older and more free of her you guys will probably have a better relationship (your Moons are trine and your Suns are widely sextile). Not to mention all of your angles are inversed - this will always be a significant relationship for the both of you, and you will always be able to get along on some level even though there will be snags along the way


It would make sense I changed her life because she got pregnant early and married early to a man that didn't even love her. I have seen her cry over my useless dad for such a long time I was glad when they finally got divorced.

I do hope things get better later on like you said. I'm very detached from my family, but I would never let my mom live alone or in a nursing home when she's old. I just want her to realize life is not about all the rules she's imposing on herself. I do not intend to hurt my mom in any way. But if I have to cut her off because she's being toxic, I definitey will.

She also tells me I judge her a lot, so I guess that might seem like I'm oppressing her like you said. I don't really see it that way because I feel like she's the one that judges me a lot. The only time I really ever judge her is to get back at her for judging me.

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mirage29
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Registered: May 2012

posted April 05, 2019 02:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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mirage29
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posted April 05, 2019 02:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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