posted May 04, 2019 12:18 AM
I'm in my 20's I have been attracted to older men...and it's getting even older.I'm having some weird awakening. Overall I've got along nicely with my male teachers/proffessors, and many of them were helpful to me if I struggled. Or appreciated me in class if it was a strong subject for me.
But I've never had strong inappropriate feelings for any of them. Until THIS YEAR.
Like if I acted on these feelings they could make a lifetime movie about me. XD
I remember we both looked over at each other when he was entering his class, and I was standing a bit far off waiting outside. Not that I thought anything of this. I was looking him up and down like "okay that's my professor" and he was scoping out his students for the next 16 weeks.
He would call me over to look at the text books during break. He would make conversation with me a lot. Not that I'm special or the only one. Sometimes I could engage while sometimes I was just sort of "blah" since I would come from after work. Ask me to speak up in class a lot(again not that I'm special or anything)
Great at what he does by the way. Have some things in common with him, great sense of humor, and passionate.
Then later I caught my self basically thinking "rraw" about him. It really made me go "WTF?" I could brush it off and ignore it much easier at the time.
It got harder to ignore. To the point where I was like "why and how is this happening!?" I have a boyfriend and he has a wife!
I tried to justify it like "well maybe if I didn't have to stare at him for 3.5 hours...Do you hear your self? That's sexist. What did he do to me? how did he do this to me?! Are you insane you are accusing him of doing this to you?"
All kinds of weird feelings and urges. Even though I'm not religious anymore, I feel like I'm going to hell for this and need to confess to priest. Imagine me telling all of this to a priest! LOL
The last time we looked at each other, it really gave me chills when we said bye to each other. I almost couldn't look at him, but I could not just walk out with out saying anything, or how much I appreciate him, didn't really want to stay back and talk to him one on one and make things get TOO WEIRD...you know?
I have been wanting to look up his zodiac sign. I told my self not to look it up until the semester is over, so I feel less like a guilty creepy stalker.
I guess this is closure for me?
I haven't told anyone is real life...I might actually take this one to the grave. I haven't had much girl time lately either so maybe not.
The class is over, will miss this person. But honestly I cannot continue this. I do not trust MY SELF alone too long. Though one time I was after class for a bit, we had a meaningful conversation very mentor like to me.
I've been attracted to people, but this is getting in obsessed territory, maybe it's because I'm so fascinated by how wrong it is.
we are 24 years apart
Though I am not acting on this...his wife would kill me I'm sure.
My boyfriend would be like WTF?
It's my professor, I'm not suppose to view them like that.
What kind of helps me move on or calm it down is "what if we do, then what?" Keep boinking til we get sick of each other? live a lie to our SO's. Do that to his family? (no kids but still)
And everything we have worked to earn with our SO's?
Anyways I've had to get this off my chest before I post the synastry. Because all of this is beyond wrong.
I know plenty of available women can have crushes and attractions to people, but where is the line of it going to far, being normal and being wrong, while still being human?
And pretty please don't quote.
Lindaland
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posted May 04, 2019 12:18 AM
posted May 04, 2019 01:03 AM