posted August 24, 2019 01:46 PM            

Well I grew up with my sister and brother since I was born but they are technically half brother and sister, we have same mother but different dads, my dad basically raised them and is their father.

Well I like my brother, I enjoy him and find him peaceful to be around but with my sister as much as I have tried to like her I just don't like her, she is a decent sister but there is something really off about my connection with her and I want to try to see if I can get passed it as after all we are sisters and she is a decent sister. I decided to look at our composite and include asteroids:

Karma (3811) and asteroid 292929 (this number indicates heavy karmic load). Plus Nessus and Dejanira.

In composite we have Karma conjunct Saturn and this conjuncts my DC ruler Mercury in Virgo and her AC and Juno! This is part of a KITE! that includes Moon conjunct 292929 exact and CHIRON! with Uranus at the APEX.

I mean Da*n! This confirms big time she and I have some heavy karmic load and why is hard for me to like her and trust her, I feel repelled by her if anything and I feel bad about this, I wish it wasn't the case, like I am not proud of it but it is what it is, I do care for her but not at the level I feel I should and a part of me doesn't care about her at the same time in a sense. We also have Sun conjunct Dejanira! and Southnode conjunct Jupiter at the critical degree of 29! So is all over the composite this karma.

Interesting enough in her natal she has mercury conjunct Nessus square Dejanira which conjuncts my SUN! and her Nessus conjuncts by sign my Dejanira. I don't trust her and its hard to shake that off.

Here is our composite:

I want you guys to search for people that give you this similar feeling I am trying to explain and plug in 292929, Nessus, Dejanira and Karma and share composite and maybe synastry too if you want.

posted August 25, 2019 02:32 PM            

Interestingly enough in their composite they have:

292929 in Libra at 25 (Heavy Karmic Load aseteroid)
Dejanira in Libra at 27 (Victim asteroid)
Karma in libra at 29 (critical degree, double karmic)
They have Southnode conjunct Southnode

Basically Dejanira is at the midpoint of 292929 and Karma.

What I am noticing is that when Dejanira is featured strongly in the composite with someone, been around that person does not make you feel good about yourself or you feel off somehow, you don't feel empowered or like they energize you but you feel like they suck up your energy, you feel drained around them so you don't look forward to hanging out with them! and something about them and what they say around you tends to make you feel bad about yourself even if that is not their intention ect..

Now Nessus strongly featured only (without Dejanira also been strongly featured) I find tends to generate this primal attraction, its a different vibe.

That is it!

In their synastry:

They have Dejanira conjunct Dejanira
She has Dejanira conjunct Karma conjunct his Mercury conjunct Karma
Her Dejanira conjunct Karma is at the midpoint of his Dejanira and his Mercury conjunct Karma.

I have my Pluto conjuncting exact her Dejanira and conjunct his Dejanira by 3 degrees. My ATROPOS squares my Pluto and her Dejanira exact and his Dejanira by 3 degrees. I am part of what facilitated him cutting ties with her, he keep feeling horrible and getting in a horrible mood every time she would show up and want to spend time with him, basically he would have this trauma response when he knew she wanted to see him, snap out of his window of tolerance and anger issues would surface and I would be the safe person he would act this out on which was not fair to me at all and needed to stop. I made him consider that if she makes him feel that bad about himself that it might be healthy to cut ties with her. Once he did our relationship dynamics improved a lot.

posted August 27, 2019 09:45 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
i have 292929 conjunct composite sun and venus with my ex fiancee

after a past life ritual our ex did we both had memories and there has definitely been some major ups and downs in other lives between us as well

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Interesting does that Venus conjunct 292929 conjunct something in your chart or her chart?

posted August 27, 2019 01:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Interesting does that Venus conjunct 292929 conjunct something in your chart or her chart?

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292929 in our composite is 3 degrees from my natal south node and 6 degrees from hers (too far from both for me to count an astetoid personally)

our composite sun is conjunct my south node by 1 degree composite venus is 5 degrees from it

her natal south node is conjunct my ascendant by 1 degree 3 degrees from my venus and her natal north node is conjunct my moon/descendant (1 degree from descendant 2 degrees from moon)

her natal sun conjuncts composite ascendant by 6 degrees, her natal saturn conjuncts it by 1 degree

composite saturn is conjunct composite ascendant (from the 12th) by 3 degrees

her natal venus/pluto conjunction is 2 degrees from our composite pluto (our composite pluto is loosely conjunct composite venus by 9 degrees)

we're still talking btw it's confusing honestly she tells me things she wishes i would have done that wouldve led to us staying together while simultaneously telling me part of her still wishes we could have a future together

she also goes back and forth between wanting to see me and needing distance because missing me "***** with" her head, and all kinds of other back and forth ********

still says she loves me and wants me in her life forever while talking about how she doesnt think she could ever feel as much for anyone as she did for me when we first got together while simultaneously ranting about old things that bothered her

it's a mess

she called me the other day and told me she didnt know why she did it, just did it impulsively the day after she was telling me she needed space and me telling her to do whatever but i was done if she kept up with the back and forth

i have no idea what to make of any of it tbh

she also is still ******** at me about a chick i was with 6 years ago who she only started complaining about post break up and how it made her feel bad etc i told her she shouldve told me then and she just gets upset by that

posted August 27, 2019 01:46 PM            

when saturn went over our progressed composite ascendant the first time direct it was when we decided we needed to get sober and get our **** together to start a family because we felt like that was the only way we were going to be able to grow and stay together

when it went over it again retrograde we broke up because (when saturn first went retrograde we slipped back up with drinking and drugs and that went on for a bit until it hit the progressed ascendant)

not sure what that means for it coming back again direct but it's odd (progressed composite 292929 is exact conjunct our progressed composite pluto which is quintile our progressed ascendant)

posted August 27, 2019 02:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Dumuzi! hahahahahahah Crazy I know. I can relate to her crazy indecisiveness. Thank God for Patient Libra man who love crazy chicks hahahaha

Can you post her chart? Curious...I can share some observations maybe...

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charts

this is her chart, our composite (with 292929), our synastry, and my chart

i don't get why astro.com doesn't always add all the angles in synastry, there's some missing that are there when you actually do the calculations

edit: i'm not even particularly patient right now, i told her i was done and the next day she was calling

posted August 27, 2019 04:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
charts

this is her chart, our composite (with 292929), our synastry, and my chart

i don't get why astro.com doesn't always add all the angles in synastry, there's some missing that are there when you actually do the calculations

edit: i'm not even particularly patient right now, i told her i was done and the next day she was calling

also just adding this in my natal karma is exact conjunct my moon, hers is 6 degrees aries, and in our composite it's at 12 degrees aries (so 2 degrees conjunct our composite moon)

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Fascinating her chart.

Her DC ruler is her SUN in SAG which explains why she is open to open relationships bc sag or the 9H connected to the DC ruler can make you restless in relationships and give you the grass is greener on the other side tendencies. Then add that her DC ruler conjuncts Uranus reinforcing more her openness for an unconventional arrangement.

posted August 27, 2019 04:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
^^ I suspect that as Tr jupiter leaves her SUN and gets further away from Saturn and conjuncts her Uranus she will feel more restless and lean more into staying broken up specially since Jupiter through her 11th maybe will lead to her social life becoming more active etc...

This must not be easy and very painful how she feeling as Tr Jupiter is activating too he chiron since it opposes her sun.

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her social life is currently more active, she's in a rebound (with some guy who's controlling and making her severely depressed on/off who she's not being herself with to try to make things work because she doesn't feel like she can be alone ever), she's networking for her job/future career plans (which is what i'm betting on jupiter in her 11th being, networking for that), she's doing plenty of drugs with plenty of people etc and so on so it's not like she doesn't have a lot going on she does

it's just half of it isn't stuff that's productive to her life goals (she wants a family and kids, more than anything and has since we were in our early 20's but we had to take care of her siblings then drugs etc)

i'm not sure why she's back and forth with me given her situation

but it's not like she doesn't have **** going on, she just got weird over me having a one night stand but she's doing coke and being destructive

she also got weird with me about me being mostly sober lately

edit: interesting that you say that though because all other forms of divination through myself and other people say otherwise about her future decisions

that being said i'll deal with whatever, but yeah her back and forth with me is just annoying

she's pushy about space unless she needs something, and she's doing a lot of destructive **** and in an unsustainable situation

edit: btw she's pretty set in spite of her back and forth when we speak, she's mostly avoiding me because it's "too intense for her" which is odd because i'm not bothered by it and i wish she'd get over it already because

a it was her tantrum that ended things
b if i'm ok with it i feel like she should be all things considered
c she needs to get her ******* stuff if she chooses to stay broken up (i keep bringing it up and she just won't, and it's **** i can't throw away like her sister's paintings and stuff)

also i've told her to leave him and not necessarily even like a "come back to me" kind of thing just a go be yourself if you need to don't **** your life over to try to make things work with someone you're incompatible with just to not be alone

she talks like she's waiting around hoping i eventually do some **** i said i would on my own that'll take time and in the meantime she's scared to be alone and actually get to know herself and clean up etc

for some reason even that gets to her though, i'm not sure why

jupiter transiting her 11th will be pretty brief btw, she also has neptune square sun going on for a while that's really ******* her **** up

i know she needs to find herself and get her head together etc which is why i'm not bothered by things, but she makes even being a friend difficult because she's scared of this guy basically and his reactions while simultaneously being confused about her feelings for me

posted August 27, 2019 05:51 PM            

she said she feels like she lost part of herself having done that in the past, and like that first person really broke her

which is why i told her i wished she had said something then because it would've never happened

she was trying to make me happy

posted August 27, 2019 10:30 PM            

*edit. Oh, I've just read the rest of the thread. The rest doesn't sound like me. I have certain issues, but I've never used drugs, or got involved with a man like that. I've been perpetually single, trying to avoid that, as you remembered before.

posted August 27, 2019 10:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
she also isn't actually ok with the open relationship thing according to her because she wants monogamy and feels like it was a mistake doing that with me and regrets it

she said she feels like she lost part of herself having done that in the past, and like that first person really broke her

which is why i told her i wished she had said something then because it would've never happened

she was trying to make me happy

edit: she thought i would leave if she told me the truth, and it's sad because i never would've

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I'm so sorry. That sucks.

posted August 27, 2019 10:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
Dumuzi, your ex sounds like me.

*edit. Oh, I've just read the rest of the thread. The rest doesn't sound like me. I have certain issues, but I've never used drugs, or got involved with a man like that. I've been perpetually single, trying to avoid that, as you remembered before.

But S said something to me about my not being clear, in the past, and that he knew that women expected men to read their minds, which almost set me off again - we were arguing for a reason, and he knows what he did, but I was trying to let it go, so I didn't remind him. Then about a month later, I did remind him as to how confusing he was. He was a bit like hypatia described your ex: he seemed to want more of a playboy lifestyle, but would back up and want something more stable. He couldn't make up my mind, and I knew what I wanted, so I was just wanting to meet someone else. We had a weird connection, and it messed with my head.

---

her and i were on heroin together years ago among other things, so i can't really pretend i haven't been in those ****** up places with her which is why we had intended to quit back in january

like i said saturn retrograde really destroyed that all though

she still tells me she wants the same **** and is still on/off talking about wanting it with me she just is scared i won't make the changes she wishes i would in spite of her being stupid about the whole thing

she calls me and the conversations go off into this weird territory where she talks about a distant future she wants me to be in

it's being a friend she's having a hard time with, she has a lot of feelings still and told me everything is fresh and messes with her head and she worries about seeing me

she's never taken back the loving me thing, that's been solid says it all the time and i say it back because i do

things just needed to fall apart when they did because things weren't ok right then and at least from here there's something we can salvage (regardless of what it is) because we both still care (rather than it getting to a point where we hated each other)

the problem is sometimes she is desperate to see me and then others she's terrified to because she says it hurts her too much, and i'm hoping she gets over it because it's pointless

and this situation i know she's in it because it's a place to live and it's free drugs and she's caught up in doing the **** we tried to get away from except going hard on it

and i can't judge too much i mean i've admittedly used opiates a handful of times since quitting heroin i hid it but i did

and mostly sober now is because i'm isolating the **** out of myself to stay that way until i feel like i can be around people and not slip up

it's just sad because she'll tell me how upset she is and how much she misses me but she's scared to come back because of how much we've both ****** up together in the past and then drowning herself in a worse situation out of fear while telling me she wishes her and i made different decisions sooner

i'm here when she needs it, but i have a feeling things are going to get really bad for her before she pulls herself out of it because she's really pacifying herself with substances and this guy doesn't care or understand just how bad her issues are

she's hiding the severe depression from this guy, i've dealt with so many of her suicide attempts or her almost getting to that point over the years and she's hiding them but then telling me about it but when i tell her to get help she gets mad and says she's fine because the last hour has been good or something you know?

i don't even know just how much she's actually managing as far as the positive stuff goes because i know she also lies to hide stuff, she's like her sister that way "everything is better" lies and then a week later she'll tell me the truth and it'll be ****** that's what she's been doing

and the whole time she's just always going back to how much she regrets opening our relationship up ever and saying it was ok and how much it hurt and destroyed her, and it was 6 years ago and i think that's a big reason why she is wary of anything

posted August 27, 2019 10:56 PM            

I feel you will never be a better version of yourself if you stay with her, I feel she is holding you back and sucking you back again and again into her negative cycle. Sounds like you have more desire than her to be sober and take this seriously but is hard to do that when you are involved with someone who undermines your efforts around this.

If she did not want an open relationship she should have said this from the start, I cannot believe she has not spoken up about this in 6 years until now? I mean you are in your mid 30s and have been dating her since you were a teen right?

posted August 27, 2019 11:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
As for the open relationship thing, she may regret it and not wanted to do it but SHE DID go along with it for years when most people wouldn't go along with it for a day so that supports the placements in her chart that she would even go along with it.

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we were monogamous for the first 7 years and then after the first time we were again for a while, then went back to it, but she never got over it i don't know why she did that

i told her it was stupid, that she never had to

when we first dated i told her i wanted that but it was a long time before it actually happened and when it did she gave me full permission and just wouldn't say it because she thought i would leave and then she felt stupid after

she just has a lot she needs to deal with

right now she has no desire to be sober, but i figure she might get to the place again where she wants to, she just needs to hit a low point unfortunately for her to get there

she's that kind of person

she got mad at me when i told her she should consider sobering up and looking and what she's doing

i agree she's clinging to not being alone as a crutch especially because this guy isn't at all her type and isn't exactly treating her well she's been really depressed and lonely and talks about him being controlling and having erratic mood swings etc so it's not even a good situation you know

i'm 33 (she will be in december), we started dating in our late teens

she's definitely scared to stand on her own and doesn't know how, and she definitely has a void she can't fill

i've told her about it before, that she's always looking for something to fill a void that she's never going to fill because it's something in her that's missing that she can't get from outside of herself

she gets angry when i say **** like that, i'm the enemy because i tell her she needs help and has issues that she needs to work on (that's one of the reasons she doesn't want to be around me is because i tell her she has problems and needs professional help and she doesn't like that i say it or want to get help, but she'll acknowledge it sometimes then get mad if i agree)

and i was really surprised by her vocalizing issues after the break up too because to me you say that during the relationship you don't hold onto it for years then say it hurt you once things are over

especially because i asked her a million times over if it was ok and gave her every opportunity to say no

i've told her she needs to sober up to be a mom too, but she gets mad and says it won't count unless she's pregnant already, but when she had the miscarriage a couple years ago it was early on but she didn't stop a lot of things we fought about it a lot (i tried to even get sober so she would that time)

with the alone thing i've told her to leave that situation and get herself together without telling it to her like she has to come back here, but i've also offered her a place to be if she wanted to sober up because she was talking about going back to brooklyn and that's like suicide for either of us

neither of us can be there long without binging hard on drugs that's been proven over the years and by binging i mean so much worse than a binge here is

i've had nights in brooklyn where i've used heroin, pain killers, xanax, coke, alcohol, muscle relaxers and weed all in the course of an hour

it's amazing i'm not dead

i definitely don't want that to keep being my life though, it can't be i'm too old for that i didn't die in my 20's so if i keep going with the drugs i'm probably just going to end up a ******* train wreck (which is what her and i spoke about in january and why we tried in the first place) and she gets defensive about that now too

i think there were points where she did hold me back and pull me under, but i don't feel like that would be an issue at this point with where i'm at in my head

i'm just waiting and seeing where she goes at this point and being there for her as a friend

i hope for the best, but i worry you know? that's something i can't stop doing when it comes to her because of the **** she tells me and how well i know her

posted August 27, 2019 11:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
The truth is that she has TWO sides of her. Her venus conjunct pluto in scorpio wants monogamy but her DC ruler Sun in Sag conjuncting Uranus and Saturn likes to keep things interesting and the excitement of change and meeting new people (DC ruler conjunct Uranus) while still having the security of been in a relationship (DC ruler conjunct Saturn). She may not be honest to herself about this internal conflict though, people don't always own different sides of them, the sides they are ashamed of they repress but then it shows up by attracting a partner who is owning that side of themselves they are repressing.

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i can only go based on what she yells at me for and if that's the case it was dumb on her part because i was open to both those sides and that's exactly the sort of thing i would still pursue

i'm perfectly fine with deep commitment but you know fun on the side

the reality is she has a lot to work on and needs to grow up a lot though and she's not in a situation where that's likely to happen, she's essentially just setting herself up to repeat the same exact mistakes her and i made in the past with someone who she doesn't really know

edit: that all being said i'm not even kind of looking for deep commitment right now, i'm in a place where i think it's better for me to be alone to sort my **** out and that one night stand experience was so terrible that i'm good for a little while on that too

the last thing i would want to do is go find someone else and rush into something because it wouldn't be fair to them or me

posted August 28, 2019 12:10 AM            

her mother was actually the reason i first tried them, she gave them to me i was over their house didn't feel good and she handed me her oxys

posted August 28, 2019 12:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I'm so sorry. That sucks.

That's why I try to be direct now. Because I was confused in the past, and S claims that he was, too. I've frozen up when meeting other guys, ending up seeming weird or disinterested, when it was my anxiety acting up.

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it's cool, it is what it is and i didn't know about it til after the break up anyway

there's a lot though anyway, i don't exaggerate when i say she needs professional help and i can't give it to her and she refuses to seek it

she hears voices and feels disconnected from reality, talks about seeing herself outside of her body a lot going through the motions, panic attacks, severe anxiety, mood swings, paranoia (she only told me about the voices and stuff in the past couple of years, couldn't hide the mood swings and **** like that but how disconnected from reality she gets and all that only came up more recently)

she projects things and insists they're true just all kinds of ****

posted August 28, 2019 12:30 AM            

I personally feel there is a difference between relapsing and slipping up or making an isolated mistake. I feel relapsing is falling back into the negative cycle of addiction which leads to going back to a certain lifestyle and old habits and using regularly again. A slip up is making a mistake but it doesn't erase for example if someone has been sober for 6 months, they should keep this in mind and feel proud of that even if they slip up bc remembering that success is what will keep them focus on getting back on track right away. If after you make a mistake you practice self compassion and get back on track with your sobriety, I feel this means you are committed to been sober and this is a slip up instead of getting sucked back into the negative cycle, there is a distinction.