posted April 06, 2015 05:36 AM            

For now, I want to focus on one aspect in particular with this posting.

In Vedic astrology |RULER OF 12TH HOUSE IN THE 1ST HOUSE| The ruler of my 12th house is Jupiter, and Jupiter resides in my 1st house. I'm sure many of you may have heard of Kapiel Raaj, who's a very popular Indian astrologer on YouTube. Via his interpretation of this placement, I felt my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. Allow me to elaborate.

I had a rough childhood. In summer of 2000 I reached a breaking point and ran away from home, with no desire to return. My life changed for the better; I felt free. I felt inclined to attend church with my aunt and eventually joined. Upon joining, my cousin took me up under his wing. I can't explain why but my connection to him was very deep. Though I have many siblings, he proved to be the big brother I never had. I would stare at him in amazement. He was a youth minister. Had an accomplished career. He married a beautiful accomplished woman and they began to have a big family together. I looked forward to attending church largely because of him. I felt extremely proud to dote on him as my family; as my cousin. He had an energy that was very magnetic, and so many people gravitated towards him. To this very day I ponder why I held him in such a high regard. Then in 2007, everything came to an unusual screeching halt. He and his family stopped attending church. People were asking me about him and I had no answer to give. His mother [my aunt] was very short with me on what was going on. She only said "He and his wife are dealing with things, just pray for them". I was supposed to just take that and leave it? That didn't sit well with me. Once he stopped attending, I no longer had zeal to attend church. That fire to grow and learn my religion was fading fast.

In 2008 I had a screaming match with an older brother and the exchange was escalating very fast. I ran out the door to breathe. I immediately said to myself "I have to call Sean" and I started dialing away. I called all numbers I had for him and I remember saying "Cousin I need your wisdom, I need your prayers, things are crazy and I need your grounding"...He never returned those calls...

I had no choice but to accept this harsh reality. My cousin is fading out my life, I don't know why and apparently things were so bad that it was clear he wasn't returning. Another year goes by and then I find out his wife left him and moved across the country with the children. Another gut punch. And naturally, he uprooted to move out there as well to be near the children. He was gone. And because of ONE person, I wrote off continuing my growth with my religion.

Finally, after all of these years (and no I haven't set foot in a church this whole time) I found him on social media. Wrote to him to simply say I love him, and I miss him. He responded with the very same. He didn't feel inclined to explain what his life is like, nor inquire how I was doing. That hurt deep down. I end this on the most shocking note: This past Thursday, someone who's a friend of his across the country sought me out because they haven't been able to find him in months. They were very concerned. I contacted my aunt and this time I gently pressed her to expound on what's going on with him. She informed me he's had a mental breakdown. Serious bouts of depression and has been hospitalized. I'm holding back tears as I type. There are just some people you'd never pin, to fall to pieces...even though you learn as you mature there are secrets behind everyone's closed doors...

Check out this link: Specifically start at 12:12 www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyNJYvXaTo4

I conclude this to confess. I am no longer into the religion I was initially raised on. I'm dissociating with a specific belief. I also NEVER thought I'd get to this point but this is my truth. Thanks for reading.

posted April 06, 2015 02:00 PM            

I just wanted to thank you for this honest and open post. When I am in pain or confused, or I have just experienced something traumatic, I find it very difficult to be open about it. I struggle with it alone because I am paranoid about being seen as weak. I see myself as my only true protector so how can I advertise my weaknesses. Some things I say, some might see as a weakness, but because I am comfortable with it, I am ok to share. I'm going off on a tangent. My main thought when reading this was not how I could relate, but that this is an example of how your pain can help others just by sharing honestly.

I am going through such a trying time, I can't even describe it. I have tried, but I don't think I will be clear about this time in my life for another 4 or 5 years (I hope).

I wanted to ask you something, not directly related to your post (but definitely indirectly related to ideas of changing belief systems and Vedic astrology). I have been using a western chart for my placements, and Vedic interpretations. I just prefer the style of the Vedic astrologers I read and watch. I am also a fan of Kapiel Raaj. He even got some of my precious money from me . Anyway, once I started looking into Vedic astrology, I couldn't help but to go deeper and deeper, until I figured, 'if I respect these interpretations so much, shouldn't I see my Vedic chart'.

I am a
Cancer Sun
Taurus Moon
Cancer Venus
Gemini Mars
Leo Asc, Merc, Jupiter

my Vedic chart gives me
Cancer Sun
Aries Moon
Gemini Venus
Taurus Mars
Cancer Asc, Merc, Jupiter
My prominent Leo expression can be explained by the conjunction of Saturn and Rahu in Leo, which make me one whack-job of a Leo, but also promise...

Since I have been taking Vedic astrologers seriously, this is not a small thing for me. Maybe this is Jupiter in Cancer, or Saturn in Leo, or Mercury conjunct Jupiter in Leo (take your pick) talking, but I feel like I just found out I was adopted. I'm not saying I no longer believe in my Taurus Moon or my Leo Asc. I'm just saying I feel lost...Can you be more lost when you're lost? Yes.

About your cuz; I was where he is/was. After my fall from grace, I kept people at arm's length because I wasn't sure they could love the not-elevated me. There were people who could show that they loved me unconditionally and I could let them in. There were people who showed me that they didn't pity me and long for the old days. They showed me that they weren't planning on standing in my way on my path to acceptance. I could afford to let those people in. I hope you two can be close again. I'm sure he needs some understanding and hope.

posted April 06, 2015 02:41 PM            

You should read Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse. For me, that book is about the varied paths spiritual seeking can take you down.

posted April 06, 2015 02:56 PM            

Cap Sun
Aqua Moon
Aries Mars
Cap Mercury
Taurus Jupiter
Cap Venus
Sag Saturn
Aqua Rahu
Leo Ketu
Sag ASC

I changed my belief system when I was 22, but truthfully around 18 years of age I started to separate myself from Christianity and questioned every single thing I had been taught my entire life. It no longer spiritually fulfilled me.

posted April 06, 2015 03:51 PM            

I discovered Vedic astrology in this year, and I may say that Vedic is more accurate than the western one... I'm a Libra Ascendent with a Scorpio Venus.... that's why I didn't forget about exes toooooooo easily... I was caught thiking about where in my western chart did I have this "toxic" thing, because I have Saggitarius in western one... Now I have discovered...

posted April 07, 2015 01:46 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by BellaFenice:
That is interesting! I don't have 12th ruler in first house, but do you know of any other vedic placements/aspects that would reflect this?

Cap Sun
Aqua Moon
Aries Mars
Cap Mercury
Taurus Jupiter
Cap Venus
Sag Saturn
Aqua Rahu
Leo Ketu
Sag ASC

I changed my belief system when I was 22, but truthfully around 18 years of age I started to separate myself from Christianity and questioned every single thing I had been taught my entire life. It no longer spiritually fulfilled me.

Coincidentally enough venus2tinkerbell, the catalyst for this change started by reading the book Siddhartha my senior year of high school. Love that book!

---

Vedic astrologers talk a lot about aspects that contribute to spirituality. I tend to believe that spirituality fosters the understanding of "Oneness", which allows a person to see truth and conversely, fear and grief everywhere and in everything. This can conflict with following one religion. I would look at your Aqua Moon, your Aqua Rahu/Leo Ketu, and aspects to your Taurus Jupiter. This is a complete beginner talking to you, here...

I read Siddhartha during my Saturn return. I didn't know it was my Saturn return. There was something I knew and understood, but couldn't put into words. I still can't put way too many things into words, but that book answered the questions coming from my heart. I need to pick it up again.