VENUS AND MARS IN AQUARIUS? Ohhhh, boy. On top of that, Venus-Eros, and Mars-Psyche, too. Yep. ALL Aquarius. But mine's a double Sag, with Merc-Ura there, too.Okay. Long and short of it. A LOT of what you said echoed rather deeply with my own experience, which, now, was almost 7 years ago. While the attraction was ALWAYS there, it went unexpressed due to my being in a relationship when we met, and then getting into another one about 6 months after that one. (LONG story; I'm Reader's Digest-ing it, too.)
I dunno if it's a Ven-Mar / Aqua thing, or what, but nobody's been able to reach him like I have, either. He shocked me earlier this year by saying that I know him better than anyone - and that's something he realised as far back as when we first begun corresponding. But we didn't actually have a relationship outside of the Internet until earlier this year, too. Ohh, there's a reason for that. Like a 'You've Got Mail' themed episode of 'The Twilight Zone'. I was 99.9% sure I knew who he was, HE was equally sure I knew, but we'd NEVER TALK ABOUT IT. Or, if we did, it would end badly, with lies and evasion. Oh, I never ACTUALLY asked - but any time I got anywhere near it - dodge, or disconnect.
For. Six. Years.
Like you, I got VERY sick of it. Decided I was being an idiot to feel like I did for someone who obviously didn't feel the same. A conclusion I came to for obvious reasons. So, like you, I moved on. Got over it. 'Healed'.
Well, maybe you have, but I certainly didn't. I was lying to myself. In total, utter denial. And with how deep it had gotten, how clearly intense it was, the fact that he would never admit to being who he was, (mind you, while having also begun an acquaintanceship with him - AS HIMSELF - again, LONG story) I ... had no other choice but to let it go. Except I never REALLY let it go. Just convinced myself I had.
I got serious with my now-husband, I left the state, we (obviously) got married, and I tried to forget everything. Especially the inebriated admission that he loved me at some point after I'd left, which is lost to history. Even though THAT was DAMNED hard to forget. We'd even met - face-to-face - during the time in between - but, of course, I had to pretend it wasn't him, but his friend. So, I think that's what did it. When he lied to me, TO MY FACE, I was so heartbroken and secretly enraged, I MADE myself let it go.
Except, alas, I hadn't, as I've already said. So, this time, I distanced myself even more than I had before, hoping it would all fade. Then, the project on which we'd met came back around, and I decided it was time to develop it into a TV series. But I knew I'd need him for that, so I got clever. I asked HIM, as himself, being that he was 'the closest thing to' my online writing partner. Of course, he didn't question it. But, somehow, he began to incur ALL of my ire that was unexpressed against his alter-ego. And, a month or so of this, (as we didn't talk on the phone, but we did text) and, when I least expected it, last Christmas, he came clean. About EVERYTHING. Told me why, apologised profusely, explained WHY he did it for so long, expressing with equal fervour how he really, really didn't want anything to have to change. In other words, my never speaking to him again.
Of course, I'd considered it. Even with the series in development. But I couldn't. NOT have him in my life? No. It's unthinkable.
So, it's been a hard road, but we're walking it. Since that day, we're never out of contact for longer than a few hours, talk every other day, if not daily, and saw each other for the first time since he'd told the truth a few weeks later.
Operating with total honesty has made this ... the most uplifting relationship I have. He's my muse. We're SO tightly bound to each other. On the same wavelength. Twinsouls.
I'm not sure about, and can't speak to, your experience. I'm not at ALL saying it's the same, just that I get how a Venus-Mars in Aqua man operates. More than anything, they NEED their SPACE, and go for unconventional relationships - always. They also don't seem to bond easily to others. Of course, that depends upon other chart factors, but men with Venus in Aquarius in general tend to be this way. Blowing hot-and-cold. Mixed signals. Stand-offish.
I know, in my personal experience, we got everything sorted through - even if it took several years. And I'M certainly glad I DID try again. That, even if I gave up, I never severed ties. The regret I would have now is ... too much to speak.
I wish you the best of luck in figuring out what you're to do. Venus RX is indeed ALL about that.
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Stargazing in Hollyweird,
-AMP
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Everything you know is wrong.
LACHESIS: a new transgressive drama from Envision Dramatic Artists. 2012.