Hi Everybody -I didn't want to respond back and dredge up all of those old feelings, but I guess I must really want to - cause here I am.
It took me years and years to get over the guilt of my brother's death. If I had gone to the coin auction, I would have sat in the front passenger's seat, and my brother would have lived (the driver in the car survived).
The other reason for guilt is that I knew not to get into the car. I was dressed up and excited about going out with my brother and his friend. I was home for spring break from my first year of college, and I was looking forward to spending time with my brother. I could not get into the car. I knew not to go on the trip. My brother - Chuck - was hurt and upset that I wasn't joining them, and I felt bad about not going. Unfortunately, just as the car pulled out, I figured out that my brother shouldn't be going, either. I just didn't know in time. Couldn't get the car back.
I have had many intuitive feelings over the years, but nothing like this. I think I knew the exact time my brother died. It was while I was in the shower - I could just feel it - and a connection with him and his suffering. It was awful. I never told my parents any of this until a few years ago. My Mom said that she had known for years that one of her children would die young, but thought it would be me.
Any way, ever since then I have trusted my intuitive feelings more than my knowledge/ facts of situations. While sometimes good comes about because of "feelings", most of the time I am scared to death and shaky when I get a pre-feeling. The little feelings are okay - like knowing to call a friend when she is going through a crisis - before I know about it.
I think that in the 3rd house of siblings and short trips - to have sun and moon conjunct in aries opposing neptune, along with mars and mercury - with saturn in the 8th. Guess that it why I got interested in astrology. It really seems to spell out what happened to me.
This is how I came to cope with it all -
"it is what it is"
KEY