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T O P I C R E V I E WKeroseneLOL cheating**** lol Im tipsy :Pthere was a thread about this.. I knowI have a thought...Do think its more common in feminine signs vs masculine.I don't know that many fire or air signs that cheat..Cause if I start to desire other people more than the person I'm with...I'm like ehhhhh It's been super real... have a good life I don't get the logic of cheating.. I think it's because lie to themselves and really into the idea of being committed so they cheat on their partner. lvASTROI believe it take a VERY strong person with enough self-awareness and emotional maturity to go to their partner and say, "Hey, I'm not feeling this anymore," or, "I really need something else that I'm not getting from you."A lot of us are either too scared, or weak, even afraid of hurting the other person when, in reality, the hurt is tenfold in the end--infidelity coupled with deceit and wasted time. :-\I fell into this latter category in my late teens while in college. I wasn't feeling a relationship with my best friend of three years and ended up cheating on him while blacked out. Felt terrible, because I SO never wanted to be that person. I knew it would come back to me, karmically, too.My marriage failed. I couldn't trust my ex-husband because he was repeatedly unfaithful, both physically and emotionally. He couldn't tell me he needed more or something else, but I think it's just who he is.The guy he moved in with, he's cheating on him now, too. It got back to me that he was seeing one of my friend's exes at the same time.Who knows. I think regardless of conditioning, upbringing, natal placements/aspects, it takes the above character traits to make someone mature enough to not cheat... :-\12muddyTo me it's less messy to just end things rather than to cheat. Cheating would just create more troubles n mess with my head. Knowing people who were cheated on really makes me think "Geez I don't ever want to burn s.o this badly". I thank the lord for my moon square uranus and that off-switch. N my saturn dislikes getting myself into messy situations. vintagesoul quote:Originally posted by lvASTRO:I believe it take a VERY strong person with enough self-awareness and emotional maturity to go to their partner and say, "Hey, I'm not feeling this anymore," or, "I really need something else that I'm not getting from you."A lot of us are either too scared, or weak, even afraid of hurting the other person when, in reality, the hurt is tenfold in the end--infidelity coupled with deceit and wasted time. :-\I fell into this latter category in my late teens while in college. I wasn't feeling a relationship with my best friend of three years and ended up cheating on him while blacked out. Felt terrible, because I SO never wanted to be that person. I knew it would come back to me, karmically, too.My marriage failed. I couldn't trust my ex-husband because he was repeatedly unfaithful, both physically and emotionally. He couldn't tell me he needed more or something else, but I think it's just who he is.The guy he moved in with, he's cheating on him now, too. It got back to me that he was seeing one of my friend's exes at the same time.Who knows. I think regardless of conditioning, upbringing, natal placements/aspects, it takes the above character traits to make someone mature enough to not cheat... :-\Can I ask then, how does one become mature enough not to cheat? It's easy to say all the reasons, right? Or do you think the person who engages in relational behaviors outside societal norms actually needs something (of validity) from the various people in their life, have it be, philandering... and suppose that person does want to be honest and upfront with their less favorable sexual habits, at what point do they disclose this? Knowing that there is something more they need and not wanting to lose the relationship or suffer judgment. l think the heavier burden still lies with the "cheater," if that's what it's called. And so when does the responsibility lie on the cheatee, once aware, of their choices?Life's not easy. PixieJane quote:Originally posted by vintagesoul: Can I ask then, how does one become mature enough not to cheat? It's easy to say all the reasons, right? Or do you think the person who engages in relational behaviors outside societal norms actually needs something (of validity) from the various people in their life, have it be, philandering... and suppose that person does want to be honest and upfront with their less favorable sexual habits, at what point do they disclose this? Knowing that there is something more they need and not wanting to lose the relationship or suffer judgment. l think the heavier burden still lies with the "cheater," if that's what it's called. And so when does the responsibility lie on the cheatee, once aware, of their choices?Life's not easy. Honestly, I found that a rambling mess and didn't understand it. Just one of many questions, what do you mean by the "heavier burden" that of responsibility or hardship (implying s/he deserves more sympathy than the "cheatee")?As for when they should "disclose" whatever, that would be at the beginning. 'Course it's only cheating if they break whatever agreement they have (that is, polyamory, open relationships, and such aren't cheating unless they broke an agreement they made in good faith, as long as they play by the rules they agreed to then it's not cheating). And if they say "I'm not going to follow any rules" then the other person has been duly warned (though some are just so sure they can magically change someone, a woman with her love and a man with his penis). OrangeHumans are not naturally monogamous, so whoever can exercise a greater control over their emotions and desires is the non-cheater. Or/ and those who fear. lvASTRO quote:Originally posted by vintagesoul: Can I ask then, how does one become mature enough not to cheat? It's easy to say all the reasons, right? Or do you think the person who engages in relational behaviors outside societal norms actually needs something (of validity) from the various people in their life, have it be, philandering... and suppose that person does want to be honest and upfront with their less favorable sexual habits, at what point do they disclose this? Knowing that there is something more they need and not wanting to lose the relationship or suffer judgment. l think the heavier burden still lies with the "cheater," if that's what it's called. And so when does the responsibility lie on the cheatee, once aware, of their choices?Life's not easy. I apologize if it seems like I'm coming from a place of extreme judgment--I'm in no place. I don't live in a glass house, so I'll cast no stones. I didn't intend to ride into the topic on a high horse.However, I do think that it does depend on the matter of maturity. Emotional, mental--all of the above. If you are in a place where you want to hold on to a relationship while having extra-relational affairs, YOU ARE CHEATING, and it's selfish (a sign of immaturity). No, it's not easy. Unfortunately, monogamy is the societal norm, so you have to expect that if you enter into a relationship, unless it is explicitly stated elsewhere (I.e. Convo with said partner about being 'open,' meeting at a swingers' club, et cetera), you are expected to be as such. Having your cake, eating it, too, and doing no damn baking to keep your cake shop full isn't fair. At all. End it. Is it easy? No. Of course it's the ideal, and that which is idyllic isn't always realistic 100% of the time. The right thing to do is never easy.If you are a person with a real record of leaving behind a trail of broken hearts because of infidelity, STOP entering into monogamous commitments, OR be explicitly up-front at first about your expectations or limited investment into single persons. If the other can't accept that, well hey, you were honest.I'm no paragon example of the perfect mate. I've been weak. I AM weak. I'm imperfect. But I know at the end of the day what is wrong, and what is right. Right isn't easy. Life isn't easy. You're right on that.AscTaurus quote:Originally posted by Kerosene:LOL cheating**** lol Im tipsy :Pthere was a thread about this.. I knowI have a thought...Do think its more common in feminine signs vs masculine.I don't know that many fire or air signs that cheat..Cause if I start to desire other people more than the person I'm with...I'm like ehhhhh It's been super real... have a good life I don't get the logic of cheating.. I think it's because lie to themselves and really into the idea of being committed so they cheat on their partner. Hmmm. In my books there are 2 forms of cheating;1. Where it was spontaneous and likely to be with differing people.2. Where it was deliberate and likely to be with the same person.It is hard, but more likely, to forgive the first instance than the 2nd.I have 5th house cusp in Virgo and so, I don't do much cheating but when I do "fall off the wagon", it is usually because of genuine feelings. So I'm the 2nd instance and its more serious.But honestly, I also let the other party know that it isn't working out(should I become emotionally invested in the other guy).But I also think that it depends on the bond that you shared with the initial partner-as to how you'll break it off or handle the whole thing.I've noticed that with partners that have strong Moon/Venus contacts, it's very difficult not to stay on the fence about it. And if the party has 12th house placements, they may carry on the affair for years.
there was a thread about this.. I knowI have a thought...
Do think its more common in feminine signs vs masculine.
I don't know that many fire or air signs that cheat..
Cause if I start to desire other people more than the person I'm with...
I'm like ehhhhh It's been super real... have a good life
I don't get the logic of cheating.. I think it's because lie to themselves and really into the idea of being committed so they cheat on their partner.
A lot of us are either too scared, or weak, even afraid of hurting the other person when, in reality, the hurt is tenfold in the end--infidelity coupled with deceit and wasted time. :-\
I fell into this latter category in my late teens while in college. I wasn't feeling a relationship with my best friend of three years and ended up cheating on him while blacked out. Felt terrible, because I SO never wanted to be that person. I knew it would come back to me, karmically, too.
My marriage failed. I couldn't trust my ex-husband because he was repeatedly unfaithful, both physically and emotionally. He couldn't tell me he needed more or something else, but I think it's just who he is.
The guy he moved in with, he's cheating on him now, too. It got back to me that he was seeing one of my friend's exes at the same time.
Who knows. I think regardless of conditioning, upbringing, natal placements/aspects, it takes the above character traits to make someone mature enough to not cheat... :-\
I thank the lord for my moon square uranus and that off-switch. N my saturn dislikes getting myself into messy situations.
quote:Originally posted by lvASTRO:I believe it take a VERY strong person with enough self-awareness and emotional maturity to go to their partner and say, "Hey, I'm not feeling this anymore," or, "I really need something else that I'm not getting from you."A lot of us are either too scared, or weak, even afraid of hurting the other person when, in reality, the hurt is tenfold in the end--infidelity coupled with deceit and wasted time. :-\I fell into this latter category in my late teens while in college. I wasn't feeling a relationship with my best friend of three years and ended up cheating on him while blacked out. Felt terrible, because I SO never wanted to be that person. I knew it would come back to me, karmically, too.My marriage failed. I couldn't trust my ex-husband because he was repeatedly unfaithful, both physically and emotionally. He couldn't tell me he needed more or something else, but I think it's just who he is.The guy he moved in with, he's cheating on him now, too. It got back to me that he was seeing one of my friend's exes at the same time.Who knows. I think regardless of conditioning, upbringing, natal placements/aspects, it takes the above character traits to make someone mature enough to not cheat... :-\
Can I ask then, how does one become mature enough not to cheat? It's easy to say all the reasons, right? Or do you think the person who engages in relational behaviors outside societal norms actually needs something (of validity) from the various people in their life, have it be, philandering... and suppose that person does want to be honest and upfront with their less favorable sexual habits, at what point do they disclose this? Knowing that there is something more they need and not wanting to lose the relationship or suffer judgment. l think the heavier burden still lies with the "cheater," if that's what it's called. And so when does the responsibility lie on the cheatee, once aware, of their choices?
Life's not easy.
quote:Originally posted by vintagesoul: Can I ask then, how does one become mature enough not to cheat? It's easy to say all the reasons, right? Or do you think the person who engages in relational behaviors outside societal norms actually needs something (of validity) from the various people in their life, have it be, philandering... and suppose that person does want to be honest and upfront with their less favorable sexual habits, at what point do they disclose this? Knowing that there is something more they need and not wanting to lose the relationship or suffer judgment. l think the heavier burden still lies with the "cheater," if that's what it's called. And so when does the responsibility lie on the cheatee, once aware, of their choices?Life's not easy.
Honestly, I found that a rambling mess and didn't understand it. Just one of many questions, what do you mean by the "heavier burden" that of responsibility or hardship (implying s/he deserves more sympathy than the "cheatee")?
As for when they should "disclose" whatever, that would be at the beginning. 'Course it's only cheating if they break whatever agreement they have (that is, polyamory, open relationships, and such aren't cheating unless they broke an agreement they made in good faith, as long as they play by the rules they agreed to then it's not cheating). And if they say "I'm not going to follow any rules" then the other person has been duly warned (though some are just so sure they can magically change someone, a woman with her love and a man with his penis).
I apologize if it seems like I'm coming from a place of extreme judgment--I'm in no place. I don't live in a glass house, so I'll cast no stones. I didn't intend to ride into the topic on a high horse.
However, I do think that it does depend on the matter of maturity. Emotional, mental--all of the above. If you are in a place where you want to hold on to a relationship while having extra-relational affairs, YOU ARE CHEATING, and it's selfish (a sign of immaturity). No, it's not easy. Unfortunately, monogamy is the societal norm, so you have to expect that if you enter into a relationship, unless it is explicitly stated elsewhere (I.e. Convo with said partner about being 'open,' meeting at a swingers' club, et cetera), you are expected to be as such. Having your cake, eating it, too, and doing no damn baking to keep your cake shop full isn't fair. At all. End it. Is it easy? No. Of course it's the ideal, and that which is idyllic isn't always realistic 100% of the time. The right thing to do is never easy.
If you are a person with a real record of leaving behind a trail of broken hearts because of infidelity, STOP entering into monogamous commitments, OR be explicitly up-front at first about your expectations or limited investment into single persons. If the other can't accept that, well hey, you were honest.
I'm no paragon example of the perfect mate. I've been weak. I AM weak. I'm imperfect. But I know at the end of the day what is wrong, and what is right. Right isn't easy. Life isn't easy. You're right on that.
quote:Originally posted by Kerosene:LOL cheating**** lol Im tipsy :Pthere was a thread about this.. I knowI have a thought...Do think its more common in feminine signs vs masculine.I don't know that many fire or air signs that cheat..Cause if I start to desire other people more than the person I'm with...I'm like ehhhhh It's been super real... have a good life I don't get the logic of cheating.. I think it's because lie to themselves and really into the idea of being committed so they cheat on their partner.
Hmmm. In my books there are 2 forms of cheating;
1. Where it was spontaneous and likely to be with differing people.
2. Where it was deliberate and likely to be with the same person.
It is hard, but more likely, to forgive the first instance than the 2nd.
I have 5th house cusp in Virgo and so, I don't do much cheating but when I do "fall off the wagon", it is usually because of genuine feelings. So I'm the 2nd instance and its more serious.
But honestly, I also let the other party know that it isn't working out(should I become emotionally invested in the other guy).
But I also think that it depends on the bond that you shared with the initial partner-as to how you'll break it off or handle the whole thing.
I've noticed that with partners that have strong Moon/Venus contacts, it's very difficult not to stay on the fence about it. And if the party has 12th house placements, they may carry on the affair for years.
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