Eyes
The story happens as so many do.. in no extraordinary way. Who knows what will happen when we emerge from the cocoon of sleep. Fortified and blissful from the imaginings and mysteries of the unconscious. The eyes that entered the front of her sleeping sight were blue. She didn't ask for a sign, she didn't know what it meant, only that they came, unheeded, into her awareness and she knew they were something meaningful. Like a gift from a higher power, she named them her soulmate's eyes. Blue is pretty common, as eyes go.So was she to look into every pair she encountered, deeply, to see if they possessed the quality? Would she take the meaning further, beyond interactions, and project this new knowledge onto anyone who had blue eyes? She stayed peaceful now that she knew the colour, and left it inside her to sleep, perhaps one day she'd awaken the feeling and the knowledge of those eyes.
So she met a man who comforted her in friendship and lingered on as more. It was profound in ways that were different than the ways that had come before, until her soul shouted at her that this was something special. They shared many synchronicities and beautiful monumental friendship and passion. He met her whimsy with wonder and amazement at the way she was, he filled her with visions of her future, through him and with love. She knew this is where it was leading. It was fast. One day she looked into his eyes, knowing she loved him and he her, feeling a magical bond, and knowing it was beyond anything she'd dreamed.. the precise moment she realized he had those blue eyes had escaped her before then. She remembered the dream, the eyes coming into her consciousness.. as a warning? A portent? Perhaps both. And here he was, with blue eyes. And that sealed it. She charted them both and read about them both separately and together.. comforting her analytical brain with divination to cling to when the unfolding of moments took too long to satiate her.
She convinced herself, and it did not take much convincing, beautiful as it was. She thought, everyone should feel this loved and love this much at least once in their life.
The exact shade of blue in her dream seemed to morph into his, through will. Surely, they weren't as flecked and starbursting as she remembered.. surely, they were more icy and whitish. After all... this is where it's at.
She made those her soulmate eyes as surely as if she'd delivered the image from her imaginary womb, birthed fresh and guided into the light of knowing. The question was answered before it was truly formed. It wasn't a question at all, but a knowing. They were blue.
They were blue.
Eyes were that easily catalogued? As if she were a colour specialist, an expert of hue exploration. Verigated irises, opaque soul guide gardens. It mattered less and less, just a dream after all. They made a life together. They made new life together.
Magic fades, as dreams do. The same eyes that explode with fire and are open for sharing, can weep with frustration. Life happens, and though you think nothing can shatter such a perfect garden of happiness, life conspires to. Through misunderstandings and differences, what was so true seems hard to envision when the rose coloured lenses splinter through use. She needs glasses after all, so who can trust her internal vision when her external is so poor.
So many shades were drawn on the light that used to pool even in the corners. Words were unsaid, because it hurt to be misunderstood time after time. It isn't practical to dream, one must measure life by action, not hope. She was reminded of this so much it started to be her mantra and the whimsy that was her nature had nowhere to escape. It grew hard to put her finger on.... she didn't understand why she was feeling such things.. more specifically not feeling things. She grew dim. The words seemed only to reach the surface, and she didn't know how to breathe up there anymore. She dreamed of mermaids and eyes and magic and beauty and movement (words scrawled over paper, strokes on skin, colours bleeding together in a beautiful dance, crinkled edges and texture that made her weep for creating, like the magic of living.) Not of figures and uninspired, soul crushing work and ways to 'make it'. Not Create It. So she didn't even want to create. Life blood bled too much, like a leech that reminded her of what she wasn't, instead of what she could be. Opening her eyes to this, she could no longer close them. It had to do with her situation, the things it had all lead her to, and sleepwalking through moments, and saying pretty words, never quite touched her enough to add colour to her cheeks again. She couldn't change, they wouldn't allow her to. But now that she was different, she couldn't pretend to fit in the skin she'd shed. She wore it poorly. I can't even say she tried. She tried to find, yes.. but find what?
So when she met another, it was profound. Profound as if he were a bell ringing loudly that only she could hear. She couldn't understand why it was tolling, only be grateful that her ears were awakened to that sound. It reverberated around her soul, giving her comfort and magic. She realized it was one of those moments you know are important, but not the why of it. She was aware, from that moment, of her thoughts being led there, so much more than was reasonable. She wondered, even secretly conspired as to how she could see him again, just to find out why. Such a perfect feeling. Knowing something that seemed not to make sense. Not a crush, not a mentoring, not a friendship, just ... a knowing, and to try to define it belies what it is.A snake eating its tail.. no answers, no ending. When they did speak again, it was to share that it was mutual. Whatever it was, it just was. It was a kinship beyond words. But to acknowledge it with words was so fulfilling. It was like plunging your body into a waterfall and wondering why the pressure had released you instead of ripping you apart and flowing on with the current, broken. It was completed. When they met, and the eyes were expressed, his eyes were blue. Starburst blue. Beyond blue. Flecked with blue.
There are many soulmates in the world. For reasons beyond simple loving. To teach you, to elicit action, to make you aware.
I am aware that my soul is still struck sometimes with wonder, and a feeling of specialness, that I have been fortunate, yet also I have given until I am only a vessel. Unexpressed redemption and longing. Pain infused with circles of brilliant gorgeous light.
I know I can do, can be. I want to prove it to many, but most of all me. It isn't fair that something so full lies unexpressed. But it was filled for reasons that aren't easily categorized. I can't claim love or devotion, I can only claim I am marking my ocean. I am making waves, and making my journey mean something. This is not a sad story though, after all, it isn't ended. It is about people who touch you and eyes which move you to touch. I still mean the thank yous I express. Only I express them silently.
Eyes are the windows of the soul. They are also windows to opportunity. They draw the shutters, sweep back the drapes dramatically, so the colours are reflected with luminosity and possibility just when you need them to be.
You can never see truly through another's vision. Your eyes are your own and what someone else sees can only be speculation. But there come those moments when what you've seen doesn't matter. Truth is in those moments, truth beyond dreams or searching, truth met with vision beyond what you were blind to before they met yours. That truth is worth sacrificing to never lose.