Instantly I got that you HAVE TO focus on yourself, and that you have to stop trying to figure things out. I am getting that its being more a mess than it actually is and its because you keep poking at it. I had the imagery of picking at a scab and it never healing. Its time to let you wound heal and stop picking at it !!!Now, this does not mean forget the man, forget he exsisted and just move on, this is not even possible to forget him nor is it easy.
But I am getting to start finally focusing on yourself and I getting this strong, it feels like when a child is being told and pointed at with a finger but the lesson you need to lear is put your emotions infront of his and any others.
Yes there is a possibility for your dreams to come true BUT only after you let it be and you stop picking at it and only after you give yourself some love.
No its not what you hoped to hear or even asked but its what came to me to tell you