Wow. I need to learn to trust my feelings and good judgement. I need to stop putting up walls and then wonder why nobody knows what the hell is going on with me. I need to trust my heart and follow it, no matter what the outcome because the limbo is so much harder to deal with than definate knowledge either good or bad.Luckily my beautiful pisces-boy did it for me and doing so encouraged me to open up somewhat and I thank him so much for that. I seriously doubt whether I would have done it myself- EVER!
I saw him last night although I'd thought I should probably take some time to sort out my head cos its been all over the place lately. We were sitting watching tv which was nice, we always cuddle up on the couch together. We were talking about all sorts of stuff, nothing heavy just things in general when he kinda changed and got serious.
He flat out asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend when I'm so perfect (perfect??? lol), I told him I liked unavailable men like him and kinda half laughed. He said he was available and I replied yeah but not to me. He looked at me and said you seriously have no idea how much I like you???
Blah blah blah, we talked for a long time. Both of us brought up issues we had with each other and discussed them like rational adults. Not a single arguement, we are in agreement about pretty much everything. Funnily enough most of it was stuff we each thought the other had different opinions on.
I seriously didn't realise just how much he likes me, I'd hoped of course but as an act of self-preservation I told myself I was just seeing what I wanted to. He even said he caught a snake to be heroic for me, lol so daggy (I had kinda wondered why he came and told me face to face). He said he'd done a lot of things to try to show me how much he liked me, but I thought I was just reading way too much into everything.
Apparently not, I should trust myself more.
He didn't think I liked him and doesn't know why I would, he undervalues himself so much. We're very similar in so many ways.
So we are going to start hanging out more and do 'date' type things like dinner, the movies etc. Just really get to know one another and see what happens. We both have a few reservations about whether we could actually work as a couple so we're taking it slow which is so important. At least we both now know we like each other- a lot. I'm not insane or delusional, I shoulda just trusted my heart.
I am so glad he took the initiative and shared himself with me, we have a long way to go but at least we're on the same page.