posted January 10, 2004 09:09 AM              

There have been other problems because of this girl, anytime I confront her she just reminds me of how bad she feels because of her mother. She can only use this as an excuse for so long.

She has been shutting me out more & more. Leaving me out of things "forgetting" to invite to certain days out etc...

So I've come here for help & advice from you. I am trying to see if there is anything I can do. Ive done her chart on astrodienst.
She is virgo sun, cancer moon & scorpio rising. I've noticed a big square I have never seen before, it looks like a box, with an X in the middle, the diagonals crossing.
Her mercury(libra) is square her moon(cancer) that is square her mars(aries) that is square her neptune(capricorn) that is also suare her mercury this completes the big square. And mercury is opposed mars; moon opposed neptune. This is the big X.

posted January 10, 2004 09:52 AM              

You coming here shows you do care. OK... Giving her chart a quick look, this is what I see so far...

THE most important thing here to keep in mind is, most of the negative behavior you see is NOT because of circumstances beyond her control, but rather, it's who she is to begin with! So keep that in mind because you're not going to change her.

Anytime someone ACTS OUT, it's in order to drag people into the drama they've created for themselves. It's because the person either does not take the time to figure out, or does not understand how to ask for the help they need. They feel completely powerless so their drama is a BLATANT manipulation.

You need to begin spotting this behavior from ANYONE from a mile away. You must NEVER play into it, no matter what! If you want to acknowledge their pain or anything like that, you must do so at arm's length and as briefly as possible. This will let them know you not only see their pain, but you also see their attempt to manipulate you. This will discourage this behavior.

I promise you, there is no satisfaction at the end of a dragged out drama session. Emotions can NEVER be satisfied. They are not meant to be. Emotions are the bodies way of letting us know something we need to be aware of. The solution to that thing is something else.

The more someone hides their emotions from themselves, the more it will ultimately control them, maybe even without their being aware of what's really controlling them.

Now, the reason she has issues with her mother is no accident. It is in her chart. To start with, she is ruled by the two most home-oriented signs, Virgo with Cancer Moon. And since I have Cancer Moon too (and Venus in Virgo), I KNOW ALL ABOUT disspointments on the home front. But the Virgo compulsion to analyze it becomes even more intense due to the Moon placement.

Like I said, she is all this naturally. Even the part about how she gets drunk and is not afraid of what she'll say, yet regretting it when she is back to being reserved. It's ALL in her chart.

I doubt you will ever be at peace in having a close deep friendship with her. She cannot even manage it for herself.

And she KNOWS she's dragging you into the deep dark pit of her drama, and you need to sort of ask yourself if you want to be used for purposes which ultimately will have no lasting conclusions.

with love & support,

.gloria

posted January 11, 2004 10:56 AM              

Her pluto is right on her ascendant, & she is scorpio rising, this must really intensify her personality no? and also make her self-destructive maybe....

Are there any indications of the father or siblings? her father is quite a mysterious character in all this.

posted January 11, 2004 12:57 PM              

I would agree with you about her Rising sign...

As for the father, one way is to look at the aspects of Sun & Pluto, which for her is Square. I've not gone as deep as looking into her House placements.

But from what I see so far, there is no need to. This is not to say she's a horrible person, and so forth. Just that I can feel your concern, and from the scenes you described, doesn't sound like she will value your time, values and efforts in the end.

You have to answer that for yourself. You know the song by Kenny Rogers? "Ya gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them..."

And sometimes, as much we think we are capable of helping someone, they are actually better off getting help from somewhere else.

Also, I don't know anything about you or your chart, but make sure you are not working out your ego trip by trying to "fix" someone. We ALL have done this to varying degrees, and really has little to do with the person we are so-called "helping".

.gloria

posted January 12, 2004 02:12 PM              

I totally know you are doing it to help her. I said that in my first post, and that's why I trying to help YOU TOO!! Sweetie, I know all too well where you are with this.

Listen, the part about the ego trip does not take away from all that. All I'm saying is we ALL do this to some extend. I'm sure you've met those type of people who go around telling everyone else what to do to be happy, yet, they are always lacking something in themselves.

We all do this to varying degrees. I'm not saying it IS you, just making you aware of it so you don't get caught up in something like that. It happens a lot when someone has pulled you into their drama, and you try to justify you reasons for being in the middle of it.

Do you understand? But from what you are saying, sounds like you will not have a problem finding a balance between being helpful and watching your own back.

with love & support,

.gloria